A/N: Technical difficulties- please re-read this chapter as there have been changes made, I am and was not pleased with my own outcome hence the change. Apologise for forgetting to post last Thursday, I had been on a weekly scheldule until I ran out of chapters. I have 18 so far but now with changes more should present themselves with ease.
Chapter Twelve: The Memory
I had followed her outside into the chilled air of the night, she was humming a tune that relaxed my body subconsciously. She turned to face me once we were a safe distance from the house, a soft smile was gracing her pinkish lips.
"It is time Severus, do me the kindness of sparing Clarisa from seeing my body."
"I can't..." I had spoken what my heart had been repeatedly telling me, "I can't kill you."
She looked puzzled as she stepped closer, the gap between us becoming almost nothing. She placed her hands on the sides of my face and forced me to look at her,
"You must," Her eyes flashed, "You have to or must I give you a reason to kill me?"
"You did back in the house and I couldn't do it then either," I leaned away from her, "I would rather you kill me at this point."
"That," I watched her materialize the same weapon as before, "Can be arranged."
I stood with my wand in my hand as the mask slipped from my left hand and onto the ground, she had taken that as a challenge. I felt the same ripping sensation in my stomach once more but I had stopped the blade with my hands, both of my palms were ripped open, blood now oozing freely from all wounds. I turned my head and spit blood from my mouth before speaking,
"I meant it when I said I would rather you kill me."
I shifted my weight and pulled the blade closer toward me driving it further into my body, a stream of blood now coming from my mouth as I leaned forward. She had released the blade and I dropped to my knees, I finished pushing the blade through my stomach feeling it coming out my back side just as before. If I was going to keep true to my word then I needed to remove the blade so it would not staunch the bleeding.
I ripped the blade from my body and tossed it to her feet and fell onto my side, she was before me within seconds trying to heal me but I pushed her hand away. She fought me until I had no strength left and my vision went black, I could hear her telling me to hold on and I wondered why she cared so much. She should have known that more death eaters would come for her when I failed yet she had found trust in me enough to make me promise to care for Clarisa, I briefly wondered if Lily would have ever done that with me but knew better, she was long gone. She was happily married to that Potter boy and had announced that she was pregnant, those wounds were worse than the ones I had just inflicted upon myself.
Alexander brought me from my memory with a hand upon my shoulder, I had failed to notice that he had gotten up and was watching me for some time.
"You're hiding something but I will not ask, you will tell me when the time is right."
I looked back down, what could; how could I say that his sister was not dead?
I opened my eyes to find myself lying upon a soft bed within the same home I had just been in, she was sitting next to me with a damp rag in her hand. I tried to move but my stomach prohibited me, she noticed and placed a gentle hand upon my bare chest, I noticed I was completely nude execpt for my boxers which were covered by the blankets.
"Rest, you've had a fever for two days now."
"I need to speak with you about something."
"What? That you don't want to kill me and would rather die again?" She rolled her eyes as she took the damp rag and dabbed it across my forehead, "Give it a rest Severus, I know what you are thinking."
"And?" I snapped at her but shyed back when she glared at me.
"I'll agree to it as long as you keep my exsistance a secret from everyone, only when the time is right should you reveal your truest nature."
"Agreed."
I relaxed once more falling back into a finally peaceful fever riddled sleep...
Alexander squeezed my shoulder and I looked up at him, he was looking toward the door causing me to stand up and see what he was looking at. There was nothing there but I could sense her raw energy radiating throughout the castle walls, she was trying to tear down the castles own built in defenses. I thought about her mother and I the vow I had made to her, she needed me now more than ever.
"Don't follow me Alexander." I looked at him before stepping forward then pausing with my hand upon the door handle, "I made a promise and I must keep it."
I was out of the door before he could respond, I put my back against the wood sighing. Clarisa was going to tear me apart and if she is anything like her mother, I wouldn't be able to stop her. I picked myself up from the door as the promise pulsated throughout me as if I was breaking it, I feared that I might have. I had.
I had broken the promise many of years ago when I left her with her bastard uncle who I knew was a raging alcoholic and abusive, but I had put a spell in place that as long as she was there she was safe. Nobody would be able to track her much less harm her, I had set her uncle straight but it did no good. When Clarisa was in school she would come crying to me telling me how her uncle hit her with his fist leaving welts upon her cheeks and other various body parts, I started teaching her how to defend herself without the use of magic. The abuse had gotten so bad that I had to retrieve her during one holiday season and take her straight to the medical wing, he had broken several of her ribs, her wrist and she was bruised pretty horridly. I had found out later that he had also violated her on several occasions, my blood was boiling when she had finally broke down and told me one night after coming into my office terrified.
That night had been the first cut, a cursed mark upon my upper arm.
As the school years went on I continued to recieve cursed cuts as the abuse continued for Clarisa and I knew at that point that she needed to get out of there, only when a gaping wound appeared on my thigh that nearly had me not walking for several days did I pull her from his home. I told her from then on that she was to stay at the castle during holiday breaks and could have my guest room as her own, she was thrilled when I had come to this decision.
I exited the staircase allowing the gargoyle to return to its perch, I walked forward and down the silent hallway. It was eerie to hear nothing especially when I knew there was a manic crazed woman lurking about, I had no idea if she had gotten within the walls or was waiting for me out side of them. Either way I was going to face her now, it was time to reveal my truest nature just as her mother had instructed, my life depended on her acceptance of the truth.
My stride had purpose as I made it quickly down several flights of stairs and to the entrance hall, students were still gathered and I had learned that classes had been cancelled for the day as all teachers were rebuilding the barriers around the school despite Clarisa still being within them. I sighed as I placed both hands upon the long oak front doors, I was silently asking the castle to let me and no one else through. The door under my left hand raddled open just enough for me to slip though and since I was unusually thin, it wasn't a very big opening.
The day was cloudly as I walked from the front steps, the wind had picked up to a strong gust. I looked around at the grounds and found what I was looking for, Clarisa. She stood beside the tree so familiar to me, I had gone temperarily numb as I strolled over to where she stood. She glanced at me as she was leaned against the tree with her shoulder, we stood in silence for several minutes before she sighed and spoke.
"What happened to us Severus?" She asked as she looked up into the sky.
I walked over to the same tree she was leaning upon and leaned against the backside with my back facing her, I crossed my arms over my chest and bent my knee at an angle with my foot also resting upon the tree. I looked down trying to keep myself from looking at her, she was still so beautiful after so many years.
"Do you remember Severus?" Clarisa lifted from the tree to turn and face me, "Do you remember it?"
"Clarify yourself," I sideways glanced at her through my hair, "You are making no sense."
She inched closer to me taking a hand and tucking my hair behind my ear, I should have slapped her away but my body refused. Her touch lingered on my skin causing the rest of my body to shiver, I had forgotten how inticing her touch had been.
"Severus," I turned my head in her direction making full eye contact, "That night. The night you killed my parents."
I straightened up off of the tree, her face had twisted with sorrow just as Alexander's had. My brows furrowed together as I studied her appearance, her wand was nowhere to be seen and I wondered why she had even come to the school if not to kill me.
"I remember..." I looked straight into her eyes; her mother's eyes, "When did you?"
Clarisa turned from me and looked at the Black lake, every fiber of my being wanted to reach out, to touch her, to hold her. This wasn't me. Clarisa was alway able to bring out a side of me that had long since been lost to my childhood, a side that was naive and compasionately stupid. Her hand was flexing as if she was restraining herself from grabbing her wand, when she had spoke, it was not of pain or vengence.
"Why Severus?"
I stayed silent as I looked away from her, I could feel the eyes of every student in the school upon us. I had not intended on meeting her here on school grounds but then again, I hadn't intended on meeting her at all. I took a quick glance at her but my eyes did not shift away, a gentle breeze swept through brushing her hair and making it flow slightly within it. Her pale milky white skin shown with a glow from the light of the sun, every feature on her screamed Larissa.
"You look exactly like her..." I trailed off never actually meaning for her to hear it.
Clarisa sprang to life before I could react, she had me by the throat and pinned up against the tree, her teeth showing. An ominous energy surrounded her, the very same as Alexander. I bared my teeth as a withdrew my wand and casted a wordless stinging hex on her hand, she withdrew cursing and rubbing her hand.
"What did you just say?" Her voice was sweet venom as she glared at me no longer supporting her red hand.
"I said, " I stepped toward her knowing I had the advantage in this twisted game she was playing, "You look exactly like her."
"Like who?! Like my mother!" She slapped me, "The same woman you killed in cold blood!"
Clarisa raised her hand to slap me again but I stopped her by embracing her, my mind screamed at the stupid move but my body had ignored it. She was frozen, her hand still in the air. The look on her face was of pure shock and a hint of disgust,
"Wha-"
"I'm sorry." I whispered into her ear, "I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry about Larissa, I'm sorry for leaving you in a fate worse than death. I'm sorry..."
"Sev-No, you can't do this!" Clarisa pushed me away as the air around her crackled with magic, "You can't just expect me to forgive you just because you say I'm sorry."
She tried for another slap on my already throbbing cheek but I silently blasted her backwards,
"Did you honestly think you would be able to lay your hand on me again," I stalked toward her as she started to get up off of the ground, "You may think you know me but you have no idea what I have had to live with for twenty years, your parents were an accident, a way for me to seal the mark."
"I would have never targeted them by my own choice," My wand poked her throat, "I would and will never harm you on the oath I made to your mother. She entrusted me with your care, it was because of me that you are alive."
"YOU!" Clarisa started backing me up toward the tree once again and only stopped when my back it the tree trunk, "You think this is about you? You're funny, you know that."
"Oh really, do enlighten me of this new found fact you seem to have acquired."
Her wand appeared out of no where and I ducked and rolled away from her as she blasted a hole in the tree right where my chest had been, I silently shot a spell at her but it was unable to hit it's target as she vanished. She reappeared behind me and sliced my back open with my own spell, I growled as I whirled around.
"Is this what you really want?"
"Yes."
