Janet's shift ended, the rest of the day was a blur and she was not sure how she got through it. Eddie walked in to Sully's, just as he said he would. She could see his attitude had not changed but at least there were no visible bruises. Janet let out a sigh of relief. Eddie nodded at Sully, who could feel the chill between the two, wondering what happened. No words passed between them. Janet grabbed her things and said good night to Sully as she walked past Eddie and out the doors to his truck. Eddie walked behind her, tense his fists clenched at his sides. He could see the anger still in her eyes and it fueled the anger in his own. He walked past her quickly, opening the truck door like he always did. Damn it Eddie, do not be nice to me right now. Janet was lost in thought trying to figure out what to say.
"So?" She finally said in a clipped tone, arms crossed against her chest. She wanted to know what happened with Ray but she couldn't bring herself to ask. She thought about calling Ray but that felt like a stab in Eddie's back so she opted to stew about it instead.
"So what?" Eddie asked trying to keep his cool, feeling her out, securing his seatbelt.
"Forget it." Janet turned her body away from his, staring out the window.
"Forgotten." Eddie pushed the gas a little harder wanting to get home as quickly as possible. Eddie pulled into the drive way and Janet took off her seatbelt, Eddie making no attempt to move, both his hand firmly gripped on the wheel.
"You're not coming in?" Janet asked him unable to mask the hurt in her voice, her brow furrowed.
"No, I think I am going to head back to Sully's." The sound of her voice and the look on her face tugged at him, she looked so sad. And he was the cause of it. DAMN IT!
"Good! Fine!" Janet replied mustering up her pride she jumped out of the truck and slammed the door behind her making a dash to her front door, giving that a good slam too.
"Back so soon Eddie?" Sully asked wiping down the bar.
"Yup, give me a draft will you Sul." Eddie sat on his bar stool, shoulders slumped, just as angry at himself as he was at Janet.
"Sure thing Eddie. Trouble in paradise?"
"We had a disagreement that has turned in to a fight. It's fine really it will pass." He took a long gulp from his beer. "Give me shot too while you're at it." Sully raised his eyebrows and shook his head but poured the shot.
"You know Eddie, since you and Janet got together you have not been sitting on the stool as much, and I gotta tell you. That's a good thing. A very very good thing. Go home to your girl, work it out." Eddie looked Sully in the eye and nodded knowing he was right but drank the shot anyway, pounding it down on the bar gesturing for another one.
"I am fine where I am Sully." Eddie sat there knowing he was settling in for a while.
"Well well, Eddie Latekka, haven't seen you in here alone... for a while now." Eddie looked up from his fresh draft to find Ellen Hanes standing next to him. Ellen was one of the few who got Eddie's repeat business. "I heard you got domesticated."
"Hey Ellen, What goes on?" He looked her over, she looked good. Long legs, long reddish brown hair, large real boobs. He gave her a small smile and took another sip from his beer.
"You tell me Eddie...Wanna get out of here?" Ellen rubbed her hand over his shoulder. Eddie looked at his watch, it was just after nine.
"You know what Ellen, I do." A smile spread across her face but it quickly disappeared when Eddie got up from his stool, nodded at Sully and walked out the door leaving her there alone. Sully chuckled watching him walk away.
Janet was in bed, her mind turning. No matter how hard she fought it every time Eddie left she always wondered if he would come back. Her father had just up and left one day, packed his things and was gone and her mother waited years for him to return. Her whole life Janet felt like she was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the end of what ever it was making her happy. She never felt like she could relax into anything. Each hour that passed, her doubts and insecurity grew. Maybe he went to Gelson to hang with the boys, that was the best case scenario. Worst case he really did go to Sully's, was half in the bag and leaving with an Ellen Hanes or Shelly Marietti. She pushed that idea out of her head and picked up the book on her nightstand trying to focus on something else. After a few minutes Janet realized what a massive fail that was and threw the book on the floor with a thud. She heard his keys in the door and a surge of excitement and relief ran through her body. She listened as his foot steps got closer to her door, she anticipated him opening it but it never happened. Crestfallen as she heard his footsteps walk away from her and the TV turn on. Fucking Sports Center! Dejected Janet turned out the light and sunk into her bed.
Janet woke with a start, a bad dream she grateful she could not remember, all that remained was an uneasy feeling of dread. She looked at her clock it was just after two. She ran her hand over Eddie's side of the bed, its emptiness reminding her they were in a fight. Janet got out of bed, making her way to the door, she pressed her ear to it, wanting to know if the TV was still on. Her stomach burned and she needed some crackers and water. Janet slowly opened her door, cringing as it creaked. Damn it, note to self buy some WD-40. Eddie turned when he heard the door open, he was laying on the sofa, trying to sleep but just couldn't. He sat up when he saw her thru the darkness.
"Janet..." He stood quickly and in a few steps he was standing right in front of her. "I know we are fighting but can we just press pause for right now, tonight. We can go back to it in the morning." Janet just nodded and that's all Eddie needed. His mouth found hers in the dim light at they made their way to her bed. He pulled her night shirt over her head, watching her curls tumble over her bare shoulders in the moonlight. His hands on her breasts, his thumb and forefinger pulling at her hardening nipples.
"Janet, I love you. I just want you make sure you know that."
"I know you do. I love you. I hate fighting with you Eddie."
"So do I." Janet reached up and unbuttoned his shirt, easing it over his broad shoulders, letting it fall to the ground. Eddie reached behind his head and pulled off his wife beater, balling it up, tossing it to join the other discarded clothing. She ran her hands, down his shoulders across his chest and abs. His skin reacting to her touch, tightening. He nudged Janet back to the bed, so she was sitting at the edge. He fell to his knees in front of her and eased her panties around her hips, her lifting up slightly and down her legs. Eddie lifted one of her legs on his shoulder, kissing her knee and then lifted the other. It was clear to Janetwhat was coming next.
"Eddie, I usually don't enjoy it when..." Eddie lifted his finger to her mouth to silence her.
"You are going to enjoy this, now lay back." Janet let out a deep breath and did as she was told.
The moment his mouth made contact with her body Janet was lost. His fingers slid into her, swirling inside of her, his tongue hitting her in just the right place over and over. He often thought about doing this to Janet, going down on her. It was not something he would do often with his one nighters, it always felt too personal. But on the nights when his company was less then good in bed, or he was alone, he would imagine himself in this very position doing this very thing. He could feel her tighten, and he watched as her hands drifted over her breasts, panting out his name as she came. Still on his knees, Eddie loosened and lowered his jeans and boxers, leaning to the drawer to retrieve a condom, rolling it over him. Using what little strength she had left, Janet eased herself further up on the bed, legs open waiting for him.
"Janet, I am telling you right now, I plan on fucking you."
"Good, because I plan on fucking you right back." With that Eddie took Janet's legs by the ankle, putting them together and straight up in the air, he kneeled, in front of her and in one motion, was inside of her, eliciting a tandem moan. Janet's tightened her muscles around him, as he moved in and out of her, picking up speed, his body leveraged against hers. Then in a sudden movement, Eddie pulled out of her, putting her legs down. Janet looked at him, a confused smile on her face. She was beginning to realize how creative Eddie was in bed, and was surprised with herself. She was willing to do what ever he asked of her. Eddie positioned his body, so his back was against the headboard, his legs stretched out in front of him.
"What did you say about fucking me back?"
She motioned for Janet, and she climbed on top of him, easing down over his shaft until she was full. His hands grabbed at her hips, and his mouth found her breasts. Janet started a rhythm, moving her hips up and down in circles, her hands gripping his shoulders,her nails just causing him the right amount of pain. Their bodies, pounding against each other.
"Janet, are you close?" Eddie growled, holding back his orgasm. Janet shook her head no.
"Please Eddie, just hold on." Eddie grabbed her hand off his shoulder, and guided it to her core. "Eddie!" she gasped out slightly embarrassed.
"Come on I want to watch you while we come." Janet rubbed the tips of her fingers against her engorged clit, still sensitive from Eddie's mouth. He didn't know where to look first, her breasts were bouncing inches away from his face, her hand on her most sensitive places. But in the end it was her face that won out. He loved how Janet looked when he came. He grabbed the side of her face pulling her eyes to his.
"Eddie." She said breathlessly, followed by a loud scream as she came around him. Eddie finally let go, a deep, guttural moan that was Janet's name. His voice mixed with Janet's moans as she slowed down her movements and collapsed against him, already on the edge of sleep. Eddie kissed the side of her head , still inside of her scooted down on the bed. Janet eased off of him, feeling the void when he was gone. He removed the condom, throwing it in the trashcan on the side of his bed, glad he made an doctor appointment for Friday. Janet tucked her head in the crook of his neck, his arms wrapped around her and they both drifted off to sleep.
Janet's alarm went off, startling them both, they had only gotten a few hours sleep and hadn't moved an inch from the position they started on. Eddie looked down at Janet a smile on his face as he ran his hand down the length of her naked body.
"Are we back to fighting now?" Janet asked raising one eyebrow only half kidding.
"No Janet, we are done fighting. I didn't go to see Ray." Janet sat up in the bed, resting her hand on Eddie's bare thigh.
"You didn't?"
"No, you were right this is about you and me."
"Eddie thank you, really. I wish you would have told me this last night but..."
"I wanted to but I was still so angry. I still am, I hate that Ray is even a cause of a fight between us. I get that you and Ray have some kind of history, and you won't tell me about it. You actually don't tell me anything about your past. So there is this information about you that Ray knows, and maybe Hannah knows and my dad knew but you won't tell me. And it drives me crazy, because you pretty much know everything there is to know about me Janet. All the girls, all the fights all of it. And it makes me feel like you don't trust me."
"Eddie I trust you, you have no idea how much. The fact that I am sitting here naked, not making any attempt to cover myself. The fact that I have just let you do things to me that frankly, I was never comfortable with and never allowed anyone else to do or watch me do."
"Yeah?" Just the recent memory of Janet touching herself made him hard. Janet pretended not to notice.
"Yeah." She said matching the inflection in his voice. "So if that's not a testament to how much I trust you then I don't know what is.
"Then why Janet?"
"Eddie, it's not that I don't want you to know, it's just... I don't want to tell you."
"Well that clears that up."
"I just have so much on my plate with my present and my future, the past needs to stay where it is."
"So you just expect me to put everything I know about Ray aside and trust him because you do?"
"No, you have good reason to feel the way you do about Ray. But... ok, you remember the night Ribby died?" Eddie nodded, knowing from Ray what happened but not the details "Well Ray was suppose to be in the car with him, but I insisted on taking him home. After that Ray felt a debt of sorts to me and from that we became friends, really good friends."
"Wait, did you have sex with Ray? Is that what you are trying to tell me?"
"First of all, who I have or not had sex with before you and I got together is none of your business, but for the purpose of this conversation and because I don't want you to have another reason to dislike him, no Ray and I have never had sex. We are friends, only friends. Over the years we have gone through a lot together."
"Such as?" He couldn't possibly imagine what Ray and Janet could have in common.
"Christine and the divorce, the twins. I was there for him. When Jimmy and I broke up. After your dad died. Ray was there for me."
"Ray was there for you..."
"Janet, are you ok?" Ray asked as they drove thru the empty streets of Knights Ridge. Janet sat there calmly looking out the window. Ray had known Janet long enough to know, she was not a crier or a sobber. She would tear up, a few tears might escape but that was all. A quiet Janet is an upset one.
"No Ray, I am not. I feel like this has all been a bad dream, a horrible awful dream. Eddie is so angry and not dealing. And I just feel so empty. We got in this huge fight and it didn't go the way I hoped it would"
"He didn't hurt you did he?" Ray knew that Eddie wasn't that guy but he needed to be sure.
"Just my feelings, Ray. Just my feelings. It's fine. I was trying to get him angry."
"Why? Janet I have seen Latekka angry."
"Better to yell and scream at me, then you or Matt, where things can get out of control..."
"Janet it's not your job to make this ok for him. His dad died, it sucks but not your job."
"I love him Ray, so yeah. It's not my job but I love him."
"Of course you love the one guy who will never be capable of loving you back. You deserve better Janet, I heard Jimmy asked you out. Finally. He is what you deserve. Eddie and I are cut from the same cloth trust me you deserve better."
"Ray you are a good guy that does bad things. But deep down in here" she rested her hand over his heart. "You are a good guy. Here you are in the middle of the night picking me up. Not everyone would do that." Ray didn't respond, they drove the rest of the way in silence until they pulled into her driveway.
"Give me your keys and I will pick up your car."
"Ray, it's fine I will get it tomorrow."
"No I will drive half way, walk, pick it up and bring it back here tonight. Keys Janet." He put his hand out in front of her. She fished through her bag and handed over her car key.
"Thanks Ray." She knew there was no use in arguing.
"What are you doing tomorrow? You wanna go out on the boat for the day, get some space?" They had spent many a day on his boat in the middle of nowhere, not talking just sitting there pretending to fish, drinking beers.
"Actually, I was thinking about going to Providence for a few days, see my grandparents and hang out with some old friends."
"You want some company?" He asked almost sheepishly, looking for a reason to get out of the Ridge himself.
"Seriously?" Ray nodded "Ok, I will see you tomorrow at ten."
"Good, we will take my truck."
"Eddie I watched a man that I loved, considered a father die in front of me, and I couldn't save him. It was like my mom all over again... you and I were not even speaking, it was months, nearly a year before you and I could talk. And it was a shit storm for that even to happen. When you couldn't be Ray, he was there for me. Look he is doing a good thing. I am sorry if that bruises your ego in some way but I had a life and friends before you Eddie." Eddie cringed hearing Janet talk about his father last minutes, it distracted him from everything else he was saying and all he could see in his head was Janet leaning over his father in the parking lot.
"After my dad died, I wanted you around but I just couldn't look at you."
"I know, because I couldn't save him." Janet whispered not able to look him in the eye, pulling the sheet around her feeling a sudden chill.
"No Janet! No! Because you were the only one who could save ME and I didn't want to be saved. I wanted to be angry, and drink and fuck and fight and I couldn't do that with you around. Looking at me with disappointment in those blue eyes. But those months without you were the darkest of my life. Hands down. You make me want to be better and back then I just wanted to be worse. I never blamed you Janet. How could you even think that?" The words were on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to tell him everything, about her mom, her tattoo, about everything really but she couldn't the words would not leave her lips.
"Eddie, I really don't want to talk about this today."
"Janet, come on? Would you accept that answer from me if there was something I didn't want to talk about?" Janet though for a moment, knowing she wouldn't. She would push him because she knew he needed it.
"No Eddie I wouldn't, but I am not you and you are not me. I am telling you I can't. Please don't make me." Her voice was strained and it matched the pained expression on her face. Eddie looked at her intently, trying to figure her out. He cradled Janet's cheek in his hand, rubbing his thumb over her bottom lip.
"Ok Janet. Ok. Not today but soon. OK?" Janet nodded.
"Ok. Soon."
"Hey baby." Jimmy called out as he made his way through Sully's on a busy Friday night. Janet smiled at him, happy he was there. It had been an awful day, Homecoming weekend brought out the worst in people, she had already broken up two fights. She also was on edge, wondering if Eddie was going to show up. Since their fight the night of the funeral she had not seen or heard from him, he hadn't come to Sully's. In fact she hadn't seen him anywhere, Murph's, the hardware store, the market, it was like he vanished into the ether. Jimmy made his way to the side of the bar and wrapped his arms around her waist.
"Hey baby." Janet said right before he kissed her.
"Rough day?"
"The worst, better now though." They had just been dating a few weeks, still in that everything is perfect stage. Jimmy had taken Janet by surprise, he was sweet, attentive, easy to be around, good in bed. She really felt like she lucked out and she tried to ignore the nagging hum of love she felt for Eddie that was always in the background.
Eddie walked in to Sully's for the first time in almost two months, he couldn't stand to be in the parking lot thinking about the place his father basically took his last breath, and where Janet tried to save him. He saw her instantly, wrapped in Jimmy arms in the middle of a kiss. Eddie's stomach twisted in a knot, thinking of what he said to her that night on his back porch.
He missed Janet but seeing her made it all the more powerful and painful. He watched them together for a moment, she looked happy. She deserved to be happy. His thoughts were broken at the sound of his name been squealed in the distance.
Janet heard his name through the crowd and turned to find him. He looked like shit, the smile quickly fell from her face. Jimmy noticed and followed her eye line to Eddie. He knew she and Eddie were in some kind of a fight. He had asked if they were ever together and Janet insisted they were only friends, but the look of sadness on her face concerned him.
"Janet, are you ok?" Pulling her in tighter, back to him.
"What, uh. Yeah Jimmy. He just looks so... awful."
"Yeah, from what I heard he has been hanging at this place in the Flats. You know Eddie, drinks, girls, fights." He kissed her neck, right below her ear, a place she usually loved but it didn't even register with her.
"Yeah, I know Eddie. Baby I gotta get back to work. You want a beer?"
"No thanks, Gary and the guys have a pitcher, I am going to sit. Come by later ok."
"You know I will." She kissed him again, breaking apart with the smile returned to her face. Janet returned to the bar and got right back to work. She had feeling deep in her belly, just Eddie being in the same place at the same time was making her nervous. She watched him as he made his way through the crowd. Getting stopped every few steps. Girls hanging on him, guys patting him on the back. She could tell when he got condolences by the pained expression on his face and the nod of his head. She was disappointed but grateful when he didn't come to the bar instead joining his buddies at the table a few feet away from her. She was not ready to talk to him, she wasn't mad or even hurt anymore she was just over it all.
"Janet you in LaLa Land or something come on." Sully scolded "I got food in the window." Janet jumped to, pushing all thoughts of Eddie to the back of her mind, getting back to the grind.
Eddie filled his glass from the pitcher, half listening to his friends banter about how good it was to have him back in Sully's. It didn't feel good, it felt strange, it was always his place but now it felt tainted somehow. He watched Janet run laps around the bar, trays of food or drinks in hand. She would stop at Jimmy every so often, sharing a joke or a kiss, and she avoided his table like the plague.
"So Buddy, you and Janet still aren't talking?"
"Uh, no O, we are not." Eddie answered annoyed, wishing he would have skipped the whole damn thing.
"I don't get it, you had a fight. Big whoop. You guys fight all the time. I don't think in all the years we have done her yard without you two getting into it about something." Ikey flashed him a toothless lopsided grin.
"This is not a fight about which mulch to use Ikey, whatever it's really none of YOUR business."
"You know Eddie, Phil told me something. And I have held on to it for a few weeks now, not sure if I should tell you. But I think maybe I should."
"Well then spit it out O, Jesus."
"That night you and Janet fought, she started with you on purpose."
"SHE WHAT!?" Eddie interrupted
"Calm down, She thought that if you got angry at her, got it all out of your system that you wouldn't take it out on anyone else. You know what I am saying?" Eddie was silent trying to absorb what Owen was telling him.
"Eddie, Phil said that she said and I quote "Eddie won't deal with the sadness until he gets over the anger. She was afraid that your anger would get you thrown in jail or worse so she stared a fight with you, in the hopes of getting you out of the angry place and into the sad one so you could you know, heal." Eddie was stunned. "But you are still so damned angry..."
"Owen, are you sure about this?"
"Positive."
"Eddie, Janet is right." Owen added "If you don't deal with your anger you will never deal with anything. You have pushed us all away, even Phil and you live with him. I heard you are hanging out at TJ's Pub in the Flats, starting fights." Owen pointed to Eddie's scabbed knuckles.
"O, what I do is none of your concern."
"Yeah it is Eddie and you know it is. Honestly I can't even believe you showed up tonight. How many times did I call you this week. You didn't return a single one."
"And you are losing business left and right. I have been trying but I can't do all the accounts by myself." Ikey chimed in.
"I get it Eddie, I do but you can't check out. There is so much going on that you can't miss out on. For example... My Allison is having a baby!" Owen announced proudly.
"Owen, really that is great news!"
"Thanks Ikey." Eddie looked at Owen, a huge smile on his face. He patted him on his shoulder.
"Congrats Man, you are going to make one hell of a dad."
"Hey Janet." She saw him making his way to the bar but still was startled by the sound of his voice.
"Hey Eddie. Uh, can I get you something?"
"Yeah you got forgiveness back there?" Janet smiled at him and put her hands on her hips.
"As a matter of fact we do." Eddie exhaled, grateful.
"I will have a pint of that please."
"Just a pint?"
"Listen Janet, I have always been able to be upfront with you so…I miss you but I can't be friends with you right now." Janet heart dropped to her stomach., she rested her hands on the bar to steady herself, Eddie covered one of hers with his own. His touch almost brought a tear to her eye. "But I do want your forgiveness. I am sorry for what I said... It was out of line you were just trying to..."
"Eddie it's forgotten, really. And I get it, no worries. You don't have to feel like you can't come here because of me or whatever. We don't have to be friends right now." She forced a smile to appear on her face, hoping Eddie wouldn't see through it. Of course Eddie couldn't be friends with her, she was there when Rick died. She was a constant reminder.
"So we are cool then?"
"Yeah we are." Eddie shoved his hands in his pockets and turned back to his table, but he quickly turned back to her. "I am happy for you, Jimmy and you, that's good. He looks like he makes you happy."
"Yeah, he does." But I will never love him the way I love you, was her passing thought as she turned to the window to pick up an order.
