My sincerest apologies for how long it took to get this written and posted. My only excuses are grad school eating my time and Evernote deleting the damn thing a few times. But let me state this now, I will never stop this story. It needs to get written…just might take some time.

Also, I can be found on Tumblr (soy-nowater-chai), so feel free to message me your demands for new stuff…I need that kick in the butt!


"Bobby we got a big problem."

"Bigger than you three showing up in the middle of the night when I'm researching for Rufus?"

"Yea, actually. Sammy's been drinking demon blood," Dean lays it out, hating himself for needing to drag Bobby into their mess, but he's the only family he can turn to. And this is way out of his league to handle alone.

The old man's face quickly pales. "Fool boy. That can't be good for him." Bobby gets up with a small grunt and comes around the desk, arms crossed. "Well don't just leave him on the rug, get him in a bed. I trust he's not dead?"

Dean's way ahead of him, trying to lift Sam to get him upstairs. Cas crouches down and helps, making the task much easier. "He's just knocked out. Couldn't get him to calm down and he was spouting off all kinds of shit."

"I'm sure he'll be positively sparkling with joy when he wakes up," Bobby grumbles, scanning his book stacks for a couple of tomes on the way back to his chair. "You two take care of him and come back down, I want to know what's goin' on."

It's surprisingly easy to maneuver up the stairs, Dean suspects Cas is using a little more strength than he is so that they don't accidentally drop Sam on his head, and in no time he's been placed on the bed in the spare room. They stand on opposite sides of the bed, watching as Sam's chest rises with each slow intake of air.

"Surprised none of that brought him around."

"I've kept him asleep while we carried him," Cas places a hand on Sam's forehead, "I believe it would be best for us to discuss this with Bobby before beginning to talk to Sam again."

"Yea, suppose so."

Normally Dean would be pissed at Cas for forcing sleep or anything on them, but it's for the best this time. He's not looking forward to the little family intervention. It's almost funny how many of those they've had over the years for each of them in turn.

Looking down at his brother it all suddenly hits Dean again just what they're dealing with. The overhead lights in the room show what the darkness in the street had hidden earlier. Dried blood in smeared lines down Sam's chin, even more speckled on the collar of his undershirt.

"God Sammy, what am I gonna do," Dean whispers as he sinks down onto the edge of the bed, running a hand down his brothers arm. He thinks back to the time he stitched up a knife wound on Sam's forearm, where his hand is right now. Rolling up the sleeve of Sam's flannel there it is, a faded white scar that looks only a little bit lopsided. It's usually so easy to fix things. Suture things up, throw a bottle of aspirin or whiskey over to help the pain, sit and listen to Sam's problems.

But this could be a whole new ballgame.

He feels Cas come up behind him and place a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "You know that this is not your fault Dean," though Cas himself doesn't sound all that sure in his statement.

He lets the weight of Cas' hand ground him back down out of his thoughts. He'll have the angels help, and Bobby's. They can get through this and pull Sam back from whatever dark place he's lost himself in.

"Come on, let's get this emotion fest over with," he gets up to go, letting the hand slip from his shoulder. He wants it back.

They tromp down the stairs back into the study and Dean promptly flings himself onto the couch under the window. Cas awkwardly stands at the other end of the sofa, looking mildly anxious.

"Well, get to it I guess," Bobby solemnly passes a glass of whiskey over to Dean and gives him room to talk when he's ready. Not that he ever will be.

Bobby listens patiently while Dean retells how he found Sam with Ruby. He's too weary to put much emotion into it, keeping feelings locked up for the time being. Surprisingly the old man doesn't react much beyond looking incredibly disappointed. "Figured you'd be more torn up about this. Don't tell me you knew too."

"Excuse me for not sobbing into my hanky. Fact is Sam's been weird for a while, assumed it was on account of you goin' down south, but it's kept up since you came back. And what do you mean 'too'?" Bobby gives Cas a pointed glare.

"Yea, that's something I'd like to know," Dean turns to look Cas in the eye, but the angel won't look at either of them.

"I have sensed the corruption within Sam from the moment I met him. I had incorrectly assumed you knew. When I realized that you were unaware I was unsure whether to discuss it with you."

"So you just kept quiet and let my little brother drink fucking demon blood?" Dean says with clenched teeth, barely keeping anger from his tone.

"Your relationship with your brother is just that, yours. I did not feel comfortable damaging it. You are both grown adults, I do not need to police your lives."

Cas finally meets his gaze, looking appropriately apologetic, which cools the fire in Dean. And yea, Dean gets what he means. He would have resented Cas if he'd blown apart him and Sam with this, not really his place to meddle in their lives too much. But fuck it all, the angel is a part of the team now, and teammates tell each other these kind of things.

"I'm not mad at you Cas, I'm just…mad at this whole damn situation. And for future reference, you're a part of this family now, you can tell us whatever you need to."

Bobby cuts in before they can get anymore sappy, "This is all nice and whatnot but does anyone know what we're in for here? You ever even heard about what demon blood'll do to a human, Cas?"

"I have not, though I cannot imagine it is anything pleasant. However, I have not spent much of my time involving myself in human matters, so I may not be the best resource. I will ask around when I am next with my brethren."

"I'll get to digging through some of these," Bobby gestures to the little pile of books he made on the edge of his desk, "Not sure if they'll have anything but might as well look."

For a moment they're silent, just quietly thinking to themselves, before Dean drops the next order of business. "What are we going to do with him when he wakes up? Cause he was not thinking about stopping this when I found him."

Cas sighs from his left and drops onto the arm of the couch, "I believe that is a plan you two will be better at forming."

"Yea but don't go flying off. I have business with you next," Dean gives Cas a long look, willing the angel to stay put.

"Well," Bobby starts, "since we don't know what the hell this stuff is doing to him and he doesn't seem to want to stop, we don't have too many options. I guess we see how talking to him goes, try to change his mind."

"That didn't go so well last time-"

"This time you won't be jumping him in the middle of things. Sam's a reasonable kid, if we're understanding and gentle enough he might come around."

"I guess."

"Plus I've got all kinds of blackmail on him. Didn't raise you boys for nothin' all those years," Bobby smirks. And Dean'll give him that, there's been plenty of times that Bobby's talked them both down from whatever ledge they'd gotten on by throwing the right kind of emotional plea at them. "But we're not gonna know how things will go til he's up. So you two rest or whatever, and hope for the best."

Dean gives a grunt as he stands, feeling the fatigue hit him and making his mood sour further, but there's more to be done. "Alright, your turn angel."

"Take it outside you two. I got researching to do and don't need to listen to your crap while I'm translating."

"Yea yea, we're going," Dean grumbles, grabbing Cas by the sleeve as he heads toward the backdoor.

He drags the angel out into the yard, making a beeline for a little cove made from scrap cars so they can talk in private. As soon as they round the corner he shoves Cas forward by the sleeve then hisses, "Out with it. The fuck else are you keeping from me?"

Cas doesn't answer immediately, instead rearranges his sleeve and looks around sheepishly.

"Cas! I'm not playin' around tonight. It just better not be worse than this shit with Sammy because I cannot take more today."

Cas looks up pensively, "I wouldn't say that it's bad. In my opinion it's a positive. And I believe you would agree."

God, Dean doesn't have time for this secretive crap tonight. He huffs and shifts his weight from foot to foot. "If it's so great how come you haven't told me. And quit stalling Cas."

"I'm not allowed to! I wish I could, but I just can't." Cas says, raising his voice far above usual. It makes Dean take a step back nervously and give the angel all his attention. Cas seems to grimace at his small outburst and starts again more calmly, "I'm not supposed to tell you, Dean. They're orders from above me."

"Well screw 'em Cas, tell me."

"I can't-"

With a frustrated growl Dean rushes forward, throwing Cas back against the nearest car and holding him there with his weight. It's a testament to their messed up friendship that the angel doesn't fight back or kill him right then and there, and Dean will take full advantage of it while he can, putting venom into his words as he half whispers them right next to Cas' face. "Like hell you can't. You are such a hypocrite, you know that? Spend all your time down here with us, never acting like Heaven is important, not even talking about it, and then use it as some bullshit defense when you don't want to tell me something. Now tell me!"

Castiel looks nearly terrified, though of what Dean can't begin to imagine. He could break out of the hold in a heartbeat if he wanted to. His blue eyes are wide and searching Dean for who knows what, but then he seems to come to some sort of decision, a small breath leaving him in a sigh.

"I know how you escaped Hell Dean."

"Oh I remember. Heaven had to 'implement plans' and leave my little brother out of it. See what it drove him to?"

Cas raises his right hand and places it on Dean's upper arm, right over the scar he's borne since leaving Hell. He's staring to get the uncomfortable feeling that he's not going to like what he hears. The way Cas is looking at him is too intense, too familiar, and tinged with too much sadness.

"Sam made his choice Dean, it wasn't for us to intervene. But it was decided that you were to be saved. I know how because I was there. I was the one sent to rescue you from damnation. It was I who rebuilt you, and it is my mark you bear."

Dean's stomach drops. Like he's just breached the hill of a roller coaster and is rapidly falling. He takes his hands off Cas and stumbles back, mind reeling. Of all the reasons he and Sam had come up with for how Heaven saved him, sending in Cas was not one of them. Sure, the idea of Cas having something to do with it made sense, but being that involved…just seemed beyond him.

"I believe it was that connection that drove you to find me all those months ago."

Dean searches his memory for confirmation, and it certainly seems true enough. He'd been drawn to that church with no evidence as to why. He'd felt that presense, that calming effect that soothed the itch under his skin. And it had been Cas the entire time. And those weird dreams, were they just this brand, because that's exactly what it was, messing with his hand and wanting him to go to the one who had claimed him.

Another thought hit him and made the dropping sensation turn to nausea. Was this why he'd been friends with him in the first place? Why he feels comfortable around the angel, was even alright with that kiss? Oh God was that why he'd liked it? Some bizarre angel form of roofies, making him complacent and willing? Why he thinks about Cas all the damn time?

A hard shake brought him out of his thoughts, and he looks up into Cas' worried eyes. He looks like a puppy waiting for a beating. That expression isn't one a vengeful person would make. Castiel has never been anything but kind and friendly, and never tried to get in the way of Dean's life. Even when that happened last month he only seemed concerned that Dean would hate him for it. No, he was relatively safe. Terrified. But safe. He takes stock and realizes how close he is to panicking. He starts taking some deep breaths and stands a little straighter. Cas drops his hand and looks away, giving him space to get himself under control.

"The hell really is this thing," he asks, gesturing to his shoulder, "Don't you dare tell me this is screwing with my head."

"It isn't Dean. It simply signifies our bond to each other."

"Bond? Yea, again, what does that even mean?"

"It is difficult to explain. The physical mark is nothing, just a scar. But the agreement that went with it-"

"Agreement?" Dean sputters a little, mind running in one direction only, "So this is like some kind of demon shit? I made some deal with you so you'd save me and I got this to prove it?"

"No! It's...," Cas starts then looks around, almost searching for the words in the air and looking flustered, "It's something that happened by accident. I did not intend to mark you, however it was an intense fight to get away from Hell's forces, and taking your soul into my Grace was the only way to ensure survival for us both. I apologize if it offends you."

"Offends me?" Total opposite actually, Dean's always been proud of it. "I could care less about another scar marking me up, what I care about is if you are controlling me with it."

"I would never do that Dean."

"Then what the hell?! Tell me what the fuck this is about now or I swear I will find some way to make you!" Dean yells, getting into Cas' space again to try and physically intimidate him a little.

Which was a dumb thing to do.

Blue eyes harden with power, patience limit finally reached, and before Dean can deflect Castiel has another grip on him, grabbing and holding his wrist with immoveable force. Dean watches with fear as Castiel reaches for the front of his button down with his other hand and begins yanking the left side of it off while he lectures, "When I brought you out of Hell you were nothing but a scrap of a soul, barely clinging to coherency and with no physical body remaining." Giving no space for Dean to get away Castiel pulls his arm from the sleeve of his shirt, once again getting a grip on his wrist before shoving the small sleeve of his undershirt up to reveal the handprint that had been hidden there. Dean's never felt more exposed, even though it's only his arm that's out in the night air. "Do you know how time consuming it is to craft a body? To temper down a soul until it resembles its former self? It took time and patience and care to make sure every piece of you was as it should be. I didn't ask to do it. I never ask. My place is with Uriel, leading our garrison when necessary and maintaining our post. You humans with your wars, and lust, and greed, it's infuriating."

Dean can't bring himself to look away. For a moment that feels like an eternity he looks into Cas' eyes and feels small and more afraid than he ever has. Being on the rack was easier.

The frustration slowly seeps from Castiel's features, but the power remains. Continuing to hold Dean fast by the wrist he places his other hand over his mark. Dean half expects to feel some sort of physical response, but there's nothing.

Except, yes, yes there is. Nothing physical, nothing real even. Just a nagging thought in the back of his brain that he lets himself get distracted by.

A bizarre memory, of Cas touching him in the same way, but with such different meaning. One hand on his shoulder, the other on his wrist, standing over Dean where he's laying down. Cas giving him a soft smile and saying something, though he can't remember what. Like all memories it's a fleeting thing, just that vague impression and the feeling of calm and joy.

Cas, the real Cas, starts talking again, getting Dean's attention out of his memories. "I never wanted to be involved with humanity, but that is no longer true. Piecing you together, laying out your veins, placing everything in its proper place, it was eye opening. You, all of you, are so fragile-"

"I'm not break-"

"Yes you are," Cas slides his hand from shoulder to neck, placing a finger right over his carotid, "a simple push and that would be it. And yet, you willingly threw yourself into the fire for your brother. Bore the torture and taunting. You're entire life is spent on the front lines, protecting. You may be fragile, but you are by no means weak."

Dean relaxes slightly as Cas removes his hands from him. As much as Cas' words warm him in some deep part of his mind, he can't help but be embarrassed. He scuffs the dirt with the tip of a boot. A nervous habit picked up from Bobby that John always hated.

"So this," he gestures at his shoulder, "isn't some kind of mind control?"

"No. It's a mark from an angel who shares their grace with a mortal. Which is a very personal thing to do. At first I thought of it as a necessary evil, but now I am proud of what we have shared."

Dean grunts in understanding, still feeling uncomfortable.

"Dean. I tell you this not because I want to upset you, but because we need to talk. You know we do. Sam has filled me in on your well-being recently. I hope that being open with you about our shared past will help make this easier."

If Dean could run inside like a kid running from timeout he would. It's really not fair that they were conspiring behind his back. And ok yea, maybe drinking so much wasn't the best plan to ignore his feelings. He shudders at the thought of the word itself. And there was that one night the girl from the bar gave him something to help ease his mind. He'd chosen not to ask what it was exactly, just opened his mouth and swallowed what she put in.

"I don't want to talk about it Cas. I don't even want to think about it."

"Is that what you've been doing? Trying to run from your own thoughts?"

No shit. "Obviously. I'm just so fucking confused Cas, and I can't deal with this, and hunt, and now apparently keep an eye on Sam. It's just too much."

"And yet you aren't handling it well, Dean." Cas shuffles around a little before moving to sit on the trunk of a nearby car. He looks tired, eyes weary and almost pleading for Dean get on with things. "Maybe I should try a different approach of explaining the problem."

"God, I don't have time for this," Dean whispers to himself as he leans back on a car facing the angel. Cas ignores his comment if he noticed at all.

"You may have skipped this passage in the Bible, but I believe it explains this well. 'How can you say to your brother, 'let me take the speck from your eye', when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You must first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.'"

"Thanks for the Sunday school lesson. Does this have a point?"

Castiel gives a long suffering sigh and places his head in his hands, "It means that you must care for yourself before you can care for others, Dean. If you want to help your brother then you must be sure that you yourself are well. And you are most definitely not. Now please, talk with me, I don't believe you'll find that we are so different in our thoughts. What are you confused about?"

"What am I not confused about?" Dean snaps sarcastically.

"Dean." Cas warns and raises his head to pin Dean with a withering look.

Damn it, might as well do this like removing a bandaid. Go fast and get it over with. "Ok fine. I don't know, it's just, I think about you a lot. More than I do about other friends. And having you around is pretty much the best thing ever. And I want you around all the time. Plus I keep having these weird flashes of...I don't know. It's exactly how I get around a girl I like, and I mean really like, not just a fling, except you're a guy. And I'm not gay."

The last word hangs heavy between them and make Dean feel mildly sick. Personally he has no problem with others who are gay, he just never saw himself as that, and still doesn't. Plus, after a lifetime of being around surly homophobics he's aware of the prejudices that come with the territory. All the mouthing off he'd get from other hunters, if they'd give him the time of day at all.

"So then tell me Dean. Were you really okay with me kissing you? Or did you just say that to try and make me feel less awkward?"

He quickly looks up and takes in the sadness mixed in with the exhaustion in Cas' eyes. It pains him more than his own internal crisis, and he knows what he needs to do to erase both of their doubts and start them on a better course to dealing with this. He has to show his feelings. God help them both for the train wreck that usually is.

He lurches forward, getting into Castiel's space. The angel seems surprised and wary, waiting for a signal of what to do or how to react.

For lack of a better way to explain himself he kisses him. His usual bravado and confidence gone, it's awkward, he didn't get the angle right, and Cas takes a moment to react and lean into it.

But oh, that spark. That overwhelming calmness that settles over him, tunnel visioning his mind til the soft lips under his own are the only thing he thinks of. Few things get his attention this way, so it's gotta mean something more than he'll admit to even himself. Only a few seconds in and he's already in over his head.

He pulls back for a breath, using the moment to break this off and make sure he didn't cross a line.

No, Cas is definitely on board. The exhaustion gone from his face and his eyes glued to Dean's face, scrutinizing him. Probably waiting for an explanation.

"If I hadn't liked it I wouldn't have done it again."

"That's true," Cas says rather breathlessly, "Can we do that again?"

And without hesitation he complies, pulling Cas back in with a hand to the back of his neck and melting into it. For once not needing drink or something stronger to quiet his mind and enjoy.

They kiss for a few minutes, slowly getting used to the way each other moves. Dean finds it endearing the way Cas hitches his breath as though he's surprised every time Dean takes charge. And it really should feel different, kissing a guy, but it's surprisingly normal. Maybe a little rougher around the edges thanks to both of their stubble, but it's a good kind of scrape. It adds an extra bit of wrongness, and he loves it.

His heart feeling relieved and full of warmth he pulls back, a firm hand on Cas' chest when he tries to reach out for more. "We can't stay out here all night man, and we still gotta finish this conversation. Where do we stand?"

"Yes, you're right," the angel sounds disappointed, but he squares his shoulders and lets Dean lead once more.

"Ok so, just that we're clear, we aren't dating. This isn't…I mean it's nice and I like it and you know," he glances away, lost for words, but Cas turns his face back with a gentle hand.

"I understand Dean. There's no need for us to label anything. I have feelings for you, and you have feelings for me. That is enough for now. We can see where those take us."

Dean couldn't have said it better himself if he'd tried. And thank whatever gods were watching over him that the angel was on the same page. "Heh, that's good, cause I don't know what the hell I'm even doing with this."

Cas quirks up his lips in the closest thing to a smile Dean's ever seen in real life. Not a toothy grin like in his dreams. He feels himself grinning back.

Before this entire ordeal becomes too much of a chick flick he clears his throat and steps back. Cas seems to get that the moment has passed, and relaxes into his usual stiffness. "Now we're good, let's go in and get some sleep before Sam's up. Going to need a fuck ton of patience for his attitude."

"That is true. I will remain out here and keep watch for Ruby. It would be unsurprising if she tried to steal him away."

"Good thinking. Alright, guess I'll see you in the morning," Dean runs the back of his neck and kicks at the ground. It feels like he's 14 again and leaving a girl at her front door, all kinds of awkward.

Cas reads him right for the hundredth time and gracefully moves forward to peck a small kiss to his cheek that makes him blush all shades of red in the dark. "Get some rest Dean."

He huffs a small laugh at how monumentally dumb they both are. But is glad one of them made a move to end this before it got even more awkward.

Walking back up to the house he feels bolstered. Whatever happens with Sam, he's got Cas on his side, and that's gotta count for something, having an angel agreeing and all. He makes sure to steer his mind clear of anxiety inducing thoughts, namely anything along the lines of how this thing (he refuses to think relationship) could possibly pan out with Cas. There's just too many things down that road that freak him out to think of. But things are good now. This is enough, it's less complicated. Though he still wants a glass of whiskey to calm his nerves.

Back in the living room with Bobby he flops onto the couch. The older man will give him the quiet he needs to just forget for a bit. It's been a long ass night, and he could do with some sleep.


"You're all fucking assholes! You know that!?"

Screaming jolts Dean out of whatever bit of sleep he managed to get. Light's coming in the windows so it's at least morning. And there's a towering little brother standing over him. He rolls his eyes and gives a deep sigh. "Here we go."

Bobby's joined the fray now, arguing with Sam to try and get him to calm down while Dean fully orients himself. His cell says 9:39, so he at least got four hours. If he's lucky Bobby already has coffee going.

A movement by the doorway to the kitchen catches his eye. Cas is leaning against the door frame, watching the proceedings with crossed arms and zero emotion. But when he sees Dean watching he gives a very small smile and nod as greeting.

"How long's he been up?" Dean grumbles in the angel's direction as he goes to check the coffee situation. There's half a pot, and it's still lukewarm, perfect.

"Only ten minutes. He made quite a bit of noise upstairs, I'm surprised it didn't wake you sooner."

"Yea well, I needed my beauty sleep." He chugs down one mug then goes to pour another when he feels Cas come up beside him. "And just so I'm clear, Sammy and Bobby do not need to know about…us."

"I will be careful to not mention it to Bobby, but Sam is already aware."

Dean sputters in his coffee and most likely turns a few shades pinker. Just what he needs to add to this situation, Sam throwing shit in his face right back. He gives Cas a questioning look from the corner of his eye, but the angel is carefully watching Sam yell at Bobby.

"He's been aware since that night in Arizona, and is not eager to be involved. He actually pressed me to discuss things with you further, though more for your health's sake and less because he wants things to progress."

"That's gonna come back to bite me one day, I just know it."

"I don't believe-"

"Dean! Get in here!" Bobby yells from the other room, apparently at the end of his rope dealing with Sam alone. Sam's still yelling, but Dean learned long ago how to block him out til he's ready to deal with him.

"Let's get this show on the road," he says quietly to Cas before begrudgingly going into the fray. "Alright, back up and start this whole thing over. Sammy, you know we made the right call here."

"Right call? Dean, you can't just knock people out and kidnap them, let alone do it to your own brother! And what kind of claim do you have to telling me not to do this? I'm helping people, Dean, if you'd just-"

"Woah, one thing at a time here. It is early and you are not leading this conversation."

"Are you-"

"Boy. Sit your ass down and listen to me and your brother," Bobby snaps at him. A life time of conditioning kicks in and Sam sheepishly obliges, settling on the couch and looking up at them defiantly. "Ok let's start off simple. Your brother made the right call. You are making a hell of a dumb decision, and need to listen to some sense."

Sam gives a huff, but looks away from them, relenting his position.

Dean sets his empty mug down on the desk and comes to stand next to Bobby. "Good. Now that's settled, mind telling us when this started?"

"Like you really care, Dean, you just want to-"

"Timeline, Sam. Give it to us like a history lesson. Now."

Another huff and quick glare up at his brother then Sam gets on with his story. "You know how I have these weird powers, right? And I know you said not to go down that path Dean, but I was scared. You were gone, I was alone, and Ruby said it would be a good way to help others the way I want to. I guess it started about a month after you were gone. And I see her a few times a week. She just follows us and we meet up."

"Ok, and what exactly does this stuff do to you?"

"It makes me strong. I can expel a demon without harming the body of the person who's possessed. I mean yea, sometimes they were already dead or injured past what I could handle but, Dean, I was doing some good! People were walking away, alive!"

Bobby steps forward into Sam's face, looking every bit the concerned father he's always been to them. "You think we'd be acting this way if you were doing something good?"

"You just don't understand!"

"We understand just fine Sammy, and we still think this is the dumbest thing you've ever done. For a smart kid you sure didn't think this through. What'd she convince you with?" Dean asks calmly, trying to maintain some composure to keep Sam relaxed and open.

And Sam starts crying. Not full on sobs, but there's tears falling and his face is turning a ruddy red. He refuses to meet their eyes, instead focusing on the edge of his sleeve and picking at it.

"Sammy. What did she do?"

It takes Sam a few moments to collect himself enough to answer quietly, "She didn't...she...didn't want to."

Whatever composure Dean had been trying to maintain is gone. In half a second he's on his brother, shaking him by the shoulders, "What?! You fucking did what?!"

Sam tries to say things in response but he's still stuttering and nearly sobbing. A hand on Dean's shoulder pulls him back, but his mind keeps running, he briefly glances to check that it's Cas who grabbed him. How the hell could Sam just force anyone, demon or not, to just give up something like that? He didn't raise him that way. He tried to show him how to be at least marginally respectful.

He glances over at Bobby, who's stumbled back a bit in shock, hoping that the older man will take the lead from him again. Be the father in the situation that Dean can't be. He raised Sam, but Bobby has authority he never had.

"Explain yourself," Bobby says without emotion, even though it's plain to see that he's holding himself in check.

"I didn't do anything like you're thinking, it's just, she wanted to back out and stop. She said I was getting too dependent on it, and wanted out. I didn't hurt her or anything!" Sam says between small sobs.

Dean feels his blood stop to boil, but curses everything in existence. Shrugging off Cas' hand he slowly walks over to Sam and sits down gingerly. Sam pulls away from his direction, making pitiful sounds as he stifles sobs. It breaks Dean's heart to hear or look at, and instinctively he puts a reassuring hand around Sam's shoulders.

"Look Sam, you know we just want to help. You gotta know that."

"I do, but-"

"No 'but's, this isn't something you thought through right. We're just trying to make you think it through now before things get too out of hand."

He lets Sam get his tears out and exchanges looks with Cas and Bobby. They've both relaxed back, Cas going to lean on the doorway again and Bobby half-sitting on the edge of his desk. Bobby just gives him a small nod, letting him know that he has a plan of action. Once again he's glad for his help in this, they need to drive home the point.

"You remember when you stole my car?" Bobby asks of Sam.

That sure brings back memories. Dean had been about 13, Sam was 9, and they'd been on a long grind with John for months, moving nearly every week from place to place. Bobby had finally convinced him to bring them to his house for the summer vacation, and at first they'd been over eager for the time to be settled for once. But a few weeks in John had shown back up, wildly drunk, and wanted to take them back on the road with him. Dean had sat in the living room and listened to his dad and Bobby fight, staying out of the way but present. Sam on the other hand had gotten scared and more than a little angry, and when he tried to join the fight both men had ordered him upstairs.

However, Sam had snuck a set of keys with him, and once the fighting died down he snuck out and tried to drive off. Thankfully John had passed out by then, but Bobby caught him before he got out of the lot. Dean only heard about it the next day and hadn't asked too many questions.

Sam lets out a shaky laugh before answering, becoming more collected by the second, "Yea. You gave me twelve swats with a belt."

"Neither of our proudest moments son, but you remember why I did it?"

Sam shrinks down a little where he sits, looking every bit the chastised little boy he'd been all those years ago. "You said it was because even though my reasons were good the actions weren't going to help anyone."

"Exactly. You think that could be said for anything else?"

Dean draws his arm back as Sam takes a deep breath, seeming much more in control of himself. "Yea, I see what you mean. It's not like I've been using it much anymore with Dean back, and Cas to help."

"Good. You better stay clean boy, or I might actually go get a belt," Bobby says jokingly, though Dean suspects he's actually half-serious.

"I'll keep that in mind," Sam says quietly, finally lifting his head to give everyone an embarrassed glance. "I'm sorry."

Both Bobby and Dean give silent nods, accepting Sam's apology without giving him a free pass.

"No apology is going to make this better, but that's good. Now that's enough of spilling our feelings all over Bobby's carpet. I'm getting a beer, you two want one?" Dean gets up and heads to the kitchen. Cas catches his eyes on the way out and gives him a nearly imperveicable nod. Good to know the angel thinks things went well.

He grabs three beers from the fridge before looking over his shoulder as Cas with a quicker eyebrow. The angel nods again, looking in need of a drink. He grabs a fourth and shuts the door with a sigh.

The pass the next half hour awkwardly. Sam's sniffling finally quiets down, but he's still left sullen and clearly ashamed. Mostly it's just a lot of silence while they sip at their beers and ask a few questions to clarify. Deans only real curiosity is how Sam could sneak around so much without him ever noticing. Which was apparently easier than he'd imagined it'd be, since now he's thinking back Sam was spending a lot of time outside their motels with girls he apparently ditched for Ruby once Dean left. Just what Dean needs, a reason to watch his little brother 24/7 like dad used to when they were kids.

At minute 35 Dean's had enough, his questions answered and an anxiety he doesn't appreciate settling in the back of his mind.

"I'm gonna go out for a walk," Dean says wearily, running his hands through his hair and moving towards the back door. He can hear steps behind him from the direction of where Cas had been. And most days he'd be alright with a little company, but there's just been too much lately for his taste. "Alone. Just…give me an hour."

"Of course Dean," Cas' rumble follows him out the door and into the late morning sunshine, the swinging screen door cutting everyone off finally and giving him room to breathe.

It's a pity they have to deal with so much crap on a day like this. Usually he'd want to drag Sam out for some beers and lounging in the sun, or give the Impala a good scrub down. Maybe he'll get Cas to help him do that later, would be nothing if not entertaining to watch an angel try and soap up a car.

He kicks an errant piece of metal as he wanders off into the junk yard, was a ball joint by the looks of it, and takes a good deep lungful of fresh air. It does wonders to help clear his mind, letting negative thoughts settle down.

An hour rolls by quickly, his mind focusing on things far removed from any thoughts of the present. Instead he spends some time laid back on the hood of an old junker making a detailed list of repairs to the Impala. Runs through which tools he'll need for which job. Once that's settled he meanders through the yard til he gets to an old shed at the back and pokes around in there for a bit.

He hears dirt crunching from outside, and to his immense relief doesn't immediately go reaching for the gun tucked into the back of his jeans.

"Dean?"

It's Sam, and really Dean should feel annoyed. By all means should be angry and sick and tired of listening to his little brother at this point. But he doesn't. They've been through too much in their lives for this to be the last straw that drags them apart.

"Yea 'm in here," he drawls back, chucking a rusted wrench back down on a table.

Sam slinks in, head ducked down a bit and shoulders hunched. Looks like a kid who just got caught eating cookies before dinner. "Whatcha doing out here?"

"Getting things planned for some repairs to Baby. She's got a slow window and should probably clean out the dust from the desert."

"Good good," Sam muses, kicking at a tire that's leaned against a work table. "Actually, about the desert. I hate asking but, did Cas...?"

"Yea we talked. What of it?"

"No, nothing just...I don't really want to know details, you just needed to talk."

"You going to be a dick about it now?" Dean glowers over, hoping Sam'll look up from the ground so he can get the full effect of 'don't fuck with me'.

He does look up, but with a face of his own, "You going to be a dick to me about demon blood?"

"Well I hadn't planned on letting you forget it, but no, I'm not going to lord it over you."

"Ok, that seems fair. Just don't expect me to be okay with you and Cas or be a shoulder to cry on."

Dean huffs a little at the idea of him running to Sammy for boy troubles. Which is a cringeworthy thought. He hops up onto the table to get at the same eye level, "I think I can deal with things just fine without having a-"

"Dean you've been drinking too much trying to 'deal' with this and you know it. You can have your sexual identity crisis or whatever, but don't drag me into the discussion. My only concern is you living long enough to figure yourself out and then keep going. But that won't be long with as hard as you've been on your liver, so that stops now."

He has a point and Dean isn't going to contest it. Cas made the situation quite clear already. "Ok, any other demands princess?"

"No just...be careful. I don't know, and don't really want or need to know, but don't do anything too stupid."

"I'll be fine," Dean whines as he gets off the table and moves towards the door and away from this awkwardness.

"So is it a deal? We both stay sober of our vices?" Sam calls out behind him.

Dean turns to give Sam an incredulous look, "There's no way in hell I'm not drinking, but..." He pauses to chew on his lip and glance around, "I'll cut back. If things stop with Ruby."

"Deal."

"Fantastic."

They stand awkwardly shifting on their feet, not sure how to proceed. It's the worst part of fights. Once they're over and everyone's been pacified, that weird energy that remains just sinks into your gut, not letting things drop. But like anyone who's been raised in close quarters, they recover fast.

"Wanna help me fix that window?"

Sam lets out a little huff of a laugh. "Yea I'd love to man."

"Then come on, need to get started before it gets too late."


I'm glad I took my time with this one. Had some big developments that needed proper dealing with. Let me know what you think!