Act Four, Part Two
There was silence, as if all the night were holding its breath. Then came the squeak of the cabinet door opening along with a brilliant light angling out through the doorway. The light was shortly eclipsed partway by a slight, svelte figure leaning heavily upon a walking stick.
"Lily!"
"Oh, Artemus, you are bleeding, aren't you? I saw on the monitor, and sent… Well, never mind that. Jim, bring him in here." She stepped back and made room for Jim to support Artie inside and over to the parlor chairs. As Jim settled his partner into one of the seats, Lily limped along behind them and leaned over a pair of chairs turned front to front. "Look, darling. Here are Daddy and Uncle Jim!" From the makeshift bassinet she lifted…
"Peaches!" Artie somehow managed to beam even while grimacing. "Oh, baby, are you all right? Give her here, Lily. Let me see." He held up his hands, and while Jim pulled another chair over and propped Artie's injured leg onto it, Lily settled Suzie onto her Daddy's lap.
Artie hugged and kissed his little girl, then made a quick inspection of her that found her to be in perfect health, and with the tracking button still firmly sewed into its place. He snapped his fingers. "Of course! That's why you weren't found, sweetie: you were in the TARDIS! And, Rosalind, are you a sight for sore eyes too! Where ya been?"
"How bad is his leg, Jim?" Lily asked.
"Flesh wound. He needs to keep direct pressure on it to stop the bleeding," and Jim took one of Artie's hands and jammed it over the handkerchief again, "and I need to get the first-aid kit from the sick bay. I'll be right back."
"Oh, but you don't need to do that!" Lily called to Jim's back as he strode for the interior door. "I already sent… Oh!"
Jim whirled, and Artie started half out of his chair. Lily was jerked backwards away from them, a hand clamped on her arm, another hand holding a derringer to her head. "Well!" said an all-too familiar voice, "now that this charming little family reunion is over, may I remind you gentlemen that Miklos' gun here still has one bullet left!" Dr Faustina, still alive and in one piece, pulled Lily toward the open door and called out, "Miklos, come!"
A moment later her giant assistant stepped inside, then stared all around himself in amazement. Faustina too was gazing at the vast console room in which they were standing. "But what is this?" she exclaimed. "A box that materializes out of thin air? And is larger on the inside? Extraordinary!" She whirled towards Artie. "This is another of your inventions?"
"I'm not surprised to see you're still around, doctor," said Jim. "It was pretty obvious that you wouldn't really blow yourself up."
Faustina scowled at him. "I am speaking to Mr Gordon!" she snapped. Turning again to the injured agent, she repeated her question: "You invented this amazing cabinet?"
Artie's jaw worked, his eyes fixed on that gun at Lily's temple. "Something like that."
"But this is excellent! Marvelous! You will show me at once how it works!"
"It's a bit over your head," said Jim, glaring at her.
"You will hush; I am not talking to you. Miklos!" She nodded her head, and the giant stalked towards Jim. "Remove him," the doctor ordered. "Mr Gordon is the inventor; Mr West is merely the muscle."
Artie, immobile on his chair, scoffed softly. "Shows how much she knows," he muttered to himself, then called out, "Careful, Jim! Remember that other time!" for there had been a time once before when Jim had had to fight a giant here in the console room. That altercation had ended with Voltaire crashing right through the glass cylinder enclosing the time rotor, smashing it to pieces, and Artie certainly didn't want a repeat of that!
Jim too had no desire to have such a thing occur again. He darted away from both the interior door and the console, his eyes locked on Miklos as the big minion changed directions to intercept him.
"Quickly, Miklos, get him out of here! Remember how the lab was destroyed when you fought Mr West before. I wish to use this marvelous box, and need it whole, not damaged!"
Miklos nodded and charged at Jim. The much smaller agent stood his ground as the bigger man drove onward — and at the last second slipped to one side. Miklos crashed into a storage cabinet along the wall, shattering its glass door and strewing its contents across the floor.
Jim snatched up an item that had fallen out. "Well, big fellow?" he said, taunting. "You ready to take this outside?"
Miklos snarled and scrambled to his feet, lunging after Jim once more. Again the agent slipped to one side.
But the big man's reach was longer than Jim had anticipated. That black-gloved hand caught at him, seizing the back of Jim's neck in a steely grip.
"Excellent! Deal with him outside," said Faustina with a dismissive wave of her hand.
Miklos grinned and hauled his captive out the door.
…
As he allowed Miklos to frog-march him out of the TARDIS, Jim casually tucked into a pocket the item he'd picked up from the spilled contents of the cabinet. But once the big minion slammed the door shut behind them, Jim reached up over his shoulder, grabbed the bigger man by arm and glove, and sent him flying up and over Jim's head to land heavily on the cobblestones. While Miklos lay gasping, Jim realized that he was holding something in his hand again.
Jim examined it. A glove, big and black, and…
And familiar. Somehow in the act of throwing his opponent, Jim had also yanked the glove off Miklos' left hand.
He tossed the thing down, and instantly Miklos scrambled to reclaim it. Quickly the big man pulled the glove back on, but not so quickly that Jim didn't get a good look first. A glint of metal caught Jim's eye, from what was undeniably a shiny metal hand!
That explained a lot, thought Jim. "Did Dr Faustina do that?" he asked the minion. "You lost your hand, so she gave you a new one?"
Miklos nodded as he clambered back to his feet. He curled his left hand into a fist, smiling exultantly.
Jim had no trouble guessing what that gesture was intended to convey. "And you say your special hand is very strong, right?"
Miklos grinned, then charged at Jim again.
…
At the last possible second, just as the TARDIS door had slammed shut behind Jim and Miklos, Artie had seen his partner's eye convulse shut in a wink.
Artie shook his head and mumbled, "Hope he knows what he's doing!" But he had no time to indulge in any further worry about his partner, for Dr Faustina was demanding, "Does that door lock?"
Neither Artie nor Lily replied.
Faustina shook her captive by the arm. "I asked a question, and I expect an answer! Do not let foolish bravery earn you a bullet, Mrs Gordon. Does that door lock?"
Artie's eyebrows quirked. "In fact, it does," he replied.
Faustina's attention turned to him. "Then go lock it."
"I would," he responded, "but as you can see, I'm somewhat indisposed at the moment."
"Then you lock it!" the mad doctor said to Lily. "And no tricks." She released her captive and trained the derringer instead on Artie and the baby. "Quickly now!"
"Ah…" Lily frowned toward Artie, who smiled back reassuringly. His lips moved silently; she strove to read them, but could make out only the final two syllables: Ace Gray.
Ace Gray? Who was that, Lily wondered as she obediently crossed the room to lock the outside door.
"Now," said Faustina, "give me the key." She held out the hand that wasn't holding the gun.
"But…" said Lily, only to be interrupted by her husband.
"No, no, no," said Artie. "You don't want her key." He produced something from his pocket and held it up. "Hers is merely an auxiliary key. You want the master key." And as Faustina eyed him with suspicion, he dangled the key invitingly and added, "Mine does things that hers doesn't."
An avaricious gleam came up in Faustina's eye. "Very well then, I'll have that key." She took a step closer, then paused and cocked an eyebrow at him. "Mr Gordon, I do believe you are trying to lure me close enough for you to wrest my gun from me!"
"Me?" He blinked innocently at her. "I can't even get up!"
"You'll understand if I don't trust you," Faustina replied. "Mrs Gordon, you go and fetch… But no. I don't want you over there with him either. Ah…"
"Oh, here!" said Artie, and he tossed the key to the floor at Faustina's feet.
Swiftly she bent and scooped up the key, glanced at it briefly, then added it to the key ring at her waist. "Now," she said, "you will explain to me how this machine of yours works. How did it appear out of thin air? How is it larger on the inside? What is the function of this table here?" Faustina crossed to it and glanced down at the multitude of dials and switches strewn over its surface. One of the labels caught her eye, and she started in surprise. "Destination time?" she exclaimed. Eager conjecture sent her voice soaring an octave higher than usual. "Time! Extraordinary! Then this machine has the capacity to travel in time? But of course! That explains everything! It transcends dimensions! This is why the interior is larger than the exterior, and why it can disappear from one location to appear again at another without the tedious business of passing through the intervening space! Mr Gordon, I congratulate you! The wonder of the ages, and you have inven…" At this point she looked up again and scowled. "Where is Mrs Gordon?" she demanded. "And for that matter, where is the baby?"
Artie gazed back at her in mild surprise. "Mrs Gordon? The baby?" He looked around and shrugged his shoulders. "I've no idea what you're talking about."
"Do not play games with me, Mr Gordon!" snapped Faustina. "They were right here, and now they are not!"
Artie's brows knit. "Here? But there's no one here except you and me. Don't you remember? You sent everyone outside: Jim and Miklos, and Lily and Peaches as well." He waved a hand at the outer door, and Faustina automatically turned to look at it.
Immediately Lily with baby Suzie in her arms rose from her hiding spot under the edge of the console on the opposite side from the mad doctor and darted for the interior door.
Faustina whirled. "Stop!" she cried, leveling the derringer at the running woman. "Stop or I shall shoot!"
"Go, Lily, go!" Artie hollered, overriding her.
Lily grabbed the door to wrench it open.
Faustina's finger squeezed the trigger.
And at that second, the whole TARDIS shook.
…
Miklos bounced off the outside of the TARDIS and came up slinging his head.
"It's a different proposition, isn't it?" called Jim. "Fighting when you don't have a whole lab full of equipment to throw at me?"
Miklos snarled and charged again, only to have Mr West dodge him once more. So far, with the exception of grabbing West by the neck just before the two of them left that strange cabinet, Miklos hadn't been able to lay so much as a finger on the federal agent. West was right: a confined space with plenty of impromptu weapons to fling at the smaller man was much more to Miklos' advantage. Here in the open street, the only items around were the cabinet and the carriage, and Miklos certainly couldn't throw the cabinet at Mr West!
The carriage though…
Miklos lumbered toward the conveyance, clambered into the driver's seat, and slapped the reins over the horse's haunches, urging the draft horse to overtake James West and mow him down!
…
The TARDIS shook from an impact on the outside, and both women lost their footing.
"Lily!" cried Artemus. He scrambled to escape from his chair despite his injured leg.
Faustina too was scrambling, trying to scoop up the derringer once more. She frowned at it once she had it in hand again. Surely she had just fired it? Yet there had been no sound of the shot. Yes, and here was the second bullet, still in its chamber. How…?
"We're all right!" Lily called back to her husband. Once again she grabbed the handle of the interior door. Once again Faustina aimed her gun to fire it. And this time…
"Oh, we say!" came a voice. "We've had a devil of a time finding that room, Mrs Gordon — what was it you called it? the sick bay? — but we've brought the first-aid kit as you requested, and… Great Scott! You!"
…
Jim saw the touch of madness in the eyes of the onrushing horse as Miklos whipped the poor animal into a frenzy. And Miklos saw the determination in West's eyes as the carriage raced closer. The big minion was sure that his opponent would do as he had done before: stand fast in place until the very last second, then dart to one side. Miklos braced himself to haul the reins either right or left to stay on West's trail.
And so it came as a complete surprise when West took off running — towards the carriage. He seized the horse's harness and vaulted himself onto the animal's back, then grabbed the reins and hauled back on them, bringing horse and carriage to a halt.
For a mere moment Miklos gaped in awe over his opponent's feat of superb athleticism. Then rage overcame him again and the big minion launched himself at the slighter man who had stopped the carriage, wrapping his arms around Jim as he knocked him from the horse to land with a crash on the cobblestones of the street.
…
A stranger stood in the doorway that led to the interior of the TARDIS, and few people Artie had ever met in his entire life fit the word stranger better. He was an older man, bedecked in a resplendent blue uniform of a style Artie had never seen before, with gold epaulettes at his shoulders and a peacock feather sprouting jauntily from his beaver hat. He was also flanked by a pair of mutts of haphazard ancestry, both of which were growling, their hackles bristling, as they and the man they attended stared with disgust at Dr Faustina.
The mad doctor had not yet taken notice of the trio; she was scrutinizing the derringer in her hand, scowling at it as she muttered, "Why won't you work?"
"Excuse me, our dear," said the apparition in the interior doorway. He gave a bow as he stepped aside to allow Mrs Gordon with the baby to hurry from the main room. And once Lily had drawn the door to behind them — but leaving it slightly ajar, Artie had no doubt, so she could eavesdrop on the goings-on still — the man in the outlandish outfit stepped forward, picked up the walking stick Lily had dropped in her haste to hide with the baby, and once again addressed the madwoman in red. With a loud harumph, he barked out, "Dr Faustina!"
Now at last she noticed him and whirled. "You!" she exclaimed.
"Yes, we! Norton the first, Emperor of these United States and Protector of Mexico. A man you have mocked, madame, and executed in effigy! You are worthy of a horsewhipping for your actions, which sentence we would gladly carry out in person, were it not that we have never raised a hand in anger against a woman in our life, and are not about to start now. You, sir!" He turned toward the man seated in the parlor area. "We should like to deputize you that you might visit our Imperial justice upon her person in our stead." He held forth the walking stick to Artie.
Artemus gave a charming smile and inclined his head politely. "Your Imperial Majesty, let me assure you that it would give me great pleasure to see your sentence carried out, as well as the punishment she has earned by dint of several murders she has orchestrated, but as you see," and he gestured to his leg wound, which had soaked through the handkerchief he'd been holding in place, "I'm not exactly in shape to mete out a horsewhipping just now."
"Ah," said Norton, peering at the injury. "So you aren't, so you aren't. Oh! But you must be the chap Mrs Gordon sent us to find this first-aid kit for! Mr Gordon, isn't it?" He handed over the lidded wooden box.
Faustina glowered at the two men who were occupied with their oh-so cordial conversation as to who was to horsewhip her. Her! As if she were not still in possession of a gun! Well, if they had forgotten she was armed, they would remember now! She aimed the derringer at the insane Emperor Norton and demanded, "Unless you wish to die, Norton you old fool, you will raise your hands at once!"
The old man drew himself up and brandished his walking stick. "You dare, madame, to address your Emperor in that fashion?" he bellowed.
To kill such a man, Faustina reasoned to herself, would be no great loss to humanity — no doubt it would cause a perceptible increase in the average intelligence of the population! Her finger tightened on the trigger.
And at that moment the outside door burst open, admitting a single figure.
…
Jim had rolled as he and Miklos plunged from the carriage horse, endeavoring to see to it that his opponent bore the brunt of the impact with the hard cobblestone street. The groan that emanated from the bigger man after they landed told Jim he'd succeeded. Panting heavily, Jim came to his knees and rested for a moment, catching his breath.
Bad mistake. Miklos' eyes flew open, and that gloved metal hand sprang up and clouted Jim across the chin. He tumbled sideways, touched his chin and saw blood on his fingers, and with cold fury in his eyes launched into the bigger man, sending both crashing to the cobblestones again.
The battle raged all over the street round about the TARDIS, each man giving as good as he got, pounding each other, hammering each other, not holding anything back. And at the end, one figure lay on the pavement gasping and immobile while the other rose up and stumbled toward the TARDIS door.
…
All the occupants of the console room, both biped and quadruped, whirled to face the outside door as it burst open and a single figure staggered inside.
"James!" Artie called in delight. "Turn around, because it's good to see you're back!"
Faustina stared in consternation. "It is impossible! That door was locked!"
Jim, still breathing hard, leaned back against the door, closing it behind him. He then held up a small, familiar item. "It certainly was locked, but I have a key."
Faustina fired a glare at Artemus. "He has a… and you knew that!"
"Of course I knew," Artie chuckled. "Who do you think gave it to him in the first place?"
Her eyes darkened with fury. "That is enough! I have spent too much time already putting up with your insolence. Now, one of you is going to die; I need only decide which one." She pointed the gun in turn at each of the men in the room with her, ignoring the growls of the dogs when she aimed it at the Emperor.
"You," she said to the old man. "You are merely a fool, and while it would give me great pleasure to bestow upon the world the inestimable service of removing you from the land of the living, I have but one bullet, and I don't intend to waste it on you. But you!"
She shifted her attention toward the two agents, aiming now at one, now at the other. "I have dreamed of and labored toward this day for a very long time now," she said, "only to have the pair of you ruin my plans time and again. There is nothing I want more than to see the two of you die, especially by my hands. But again, I have only the one bullet, and therefore I must choose!" She aimed at Jim, who was still leaning against the door. "You're very decorative, and it's a pity to destroy such a work of art. But you are eminently tenacious — like the bulldog, you never let go! — and it would be foolish of me to permit you to remain alive.
"On the other hand," and now she turned toward Artemus, sitting on his chair with the first-aid kit open beside him, "I can think of few ways to wound you more deeply, Mr West, than to kill your partner, particularly right in front of your eyes." She tipped her head, regarding the injured man speculatively. "And yet much the same may be said of you, Mr Gordon, is it not so? For you as well do not give up a pursuit once you have embarked upon it, and you as well would be wounded to the heart to see Mr West die before your eyes." She shifted her aim back towards Jim. "There is also the fact that I still need Mr Gordon to explain the workings of this machine in which we stand, so that I may make use of it to maximum effect." She smiled, her eyes lighting up. "Why, I could return to New Orleans, to that very night of my humiliation, and ensure that your interference would come to nothing!"
"Not going to happen," said Artie, nonchalantly tending to the wound on his leg. "You might as well shoot me now, because I'll never teach you to fly this old girl!"
"Ah. I was afraid you'd say that," Faustina sighed. A moment later she brightened up again. "But that doesn't matter. I am a genius, so I shall figure it out for myself!" And even as Jim realized what she was about to do and took off running towards her, pulling something from his pocket, Dr Faustina aimed the derringer at Mr Gordon and pulled the trigger.
