Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Fullmetal Alchemist, if I did then you can bet that I would run those things into the ground. I have a need to please myself with what I want to write, if I wrote for them then they would be more vulgar, less formal, and the main character would actually get laid; the way both stories are going neither Naruto or Ed are going to get any before they die their untimely deaths… I want you to quote this and blast the creators's asses when it happens.
Chapter 12: Fighting Dirty is Fighting to Win
Team 7 walked into the room brimming with confidence, until they saw the look on every other team's faces. Sasuke remained excited as he stared right back, Sakura felt her confidence just drop to the floor, Naruto's eyes began scanning the room, he saw familiar faces as he scanned around. He saw the team he had met out on the stairs, he also found the team of ninja he had threatened yesterday, upon making eye contact with them he gave an evil grin, this did three things; Kankuro, who had a nasty bruise and swelling around his mouth from Naruto's 5-finger gift, stopped his glare and looked absently around the room, Temari glared slightly and followed suit, Gaara just stared at him. Naruto was broken from his long-distance pissing contest with the red-head by the sounds of squealing.
"Sasuke-kun!"
Naruto turned to see Sakura glaring daggers at Ino as she was glomping onto Sasuke, "Ino-pig get off of Sasuke-kun!" Ino pulled down her eye-lid in response.
Naruto then saw Shikamaru come up, "Troublesome, you guys are in this thing too?"
Naruto walked up, "Shikamaru if it's so 'troublesome' then why did you even bother showing up?"
Shikamaru placed his hands into his pockets, "Because Ino would never have shut up about it if I hadn't." Naruto nodded sagely.
"Well check it out! It's the nine rookies!" Kiba said loudly strolling onto the scene. Naruto gave a two-fingered salute to Kiba and Shino who acknowledged him.
He saw Hinata and smiled before walking up to her, "What are you doing back here Hinata? I see you decided to come after all, I'm glad to see you." She started blushing as another voice stopped his conversation,
"You guys are way too loud, are you trying to draw attention to yourselves?"
All of the rookies looked up to see a boy in glasses with white-hair walking towards them, Kiba turned on him, "What do you know? Who are you anyway?"
The boy adjusted his glasses before speaking, "I'm Kabuto Yakushi, this will be my 8th time taking these exams."
Kiba smirked, "Wow, you must really suck huh?"
Kabuto chuckled, "Maybe the exams are just that hard? But anyway I have collected info on all the villages and genin competing in this exam. Just ask me about anybody competing in this exam and I can give you the low-down on them."
Sasuke walked up, "Let me see Sabaku no Gaara, Jushiro Moyomoto, and Naruto Uzumaki."
Kabuto shuffled through his card, "Aw that's no fun, you already know their names."
As Kabuto went through the cards Naruto raised an eyebrow, "You met Gaara too?"
Sasuke nodded, "Yeah, he showed up at my compound while I was training, he said something about me being interesting and left, I never felt him approach."
Naruto nodded, "Yeah, I beat up his teammate yesterday and he showed up and said he's definitely going to kill me, weird guy."
Kabuto pulled out his cards, "Alright here we go; Sabaku no Gaara, says here he's a genin of Sunagakure, teammates are Sabaku no Temari and Sabaku no Kankuro, no actual skills on record, the guy's a mystery; age: 12, He's been on 15 C-ranked, 3 B-ranked, and whoa, 10 A-ranked missions, says here he never even took any damage."
Naruto raised his brows in intrigue, 'Hmm, well he has a glass jaw then, good to know.'
Kabuto continued, "Next up: Jushiro Moyomoto, genin of Konohagakure, formerly of Capitol City in the Land of Fire; Known relatives, deceased, his teammates are Eiko Tanahashi and Blank Nogami, known ninja skills unrecorded; age: 14, He's had 78 D-ranked missions, 31 C-ranked missions, 0 B-ranked missions, and 3 A-ranked missions; a side note says he is the surrogate brother and guardian of Naruto Uzumaki. Known in some circles as the Armory Alchemist."
Naruto snorted, "People actually call him that stupid name? Hilarious."
Ino butted in, "I didn't know you had a brother Naruto, how long has he lived with you?"
Naruto gave her a disbelieving look, "Are you kidding me? He's lived with me since I was six. He took me to the academy every day. We had to beat up kids that would fuck with us at lunch all the damn time."
Ino defended herself, "I didn't pay attention to that stuff."
Naruto scoffed, "You mean you didn't give a damn."
Ino again tried defending herself, "You never told us you had a brother!"
Naruto turned back to Kabuto, "You never asked."
Kabuto pulled out one more card, "Okay last up: Naruto Uzumaki, a genin of Konohagakure, says he has no known living relatives, his teammates are Sakura Haruno and Sasuke Uchiha, known ninja skills; average taijutsu, high stealth and tactics, high ninjutsu, and almost non-existent genjutsu, age: 11, He's had 31 D-ranked missions, 1 C-ranked mission, 0 B-ranked missions, and 1 A-ranked mission; a side note says he is the surrogate brother of Jushiro Moyomoto, wow it says he holds the bounties for the Demon Brothers of the Mist and Raiga Kurosuki though he shares this with his brother."
Kiba asked, "Who is Raiga Kurosuki?"
Kabuto adjusted his glasses, "Raiga Kurosuki is-… Was one of the 'Seven Swordsmen of the Mist,' He fell off of every village's grid about two months ago in the Land of Waves."
All of the rookie 9 minus Team 7 were shocked at this, except Naruto who was slightly pissed, "Kabuto your cards suck, you probably got all of your info on me from right after I graduated and moved on, average taijutsu means that I was adequate at academy taijutsu which is bullshit because I never got to fight because I used to wreck kids with one or two punches so they stopped letting me spar during my second year. I don't use that horrible academy crap."
Chouji resumed eating after a second, "What do you use then Naruto?"
Naruto shook his head and closed his eyes, "I don't think I should actually tell you, I mean this is actually a blessing, none of you know a thing about how I fight except maybe my teammates, but they've only seen me fight for real once against our sensei, and I don't think they were paying attention." Seeing the look on everyone's face he turned to see all of the older genin glaring at him. Naruto jumped on his desk showing his canines, "Alright you dirty bastards, this here is my house! If you all want to keep up that fucking glaring I'm gonna have to take that as a challenge, if so would all of those that are wanting to get their asses curb stomped by Naruto Uzumaki please form an orderly single file line on the stairs and politely bite the top step? I'll be with you momentarily!" As the genin moved from their spots to accept his challenge a blast was heard from the front of the class.
"Alright all of you shut the hell up!" A scarred man in a bandana and trench coat began pouring out massive KI affecting everyone in the room except Naruto and Jushiro because they just didn't care. "I am your first proctor, Ibiki Morino! All of you are now taking the chunin exams! There will be no fighting without my permission from here on out, understood!"
Two distinct voices sounded off deep in the room, "You got it Scarface!" Ibiki whipped his head around the room to see a white-haired red-eyed boy and a blonde-haired blue-eyed boy grinning madly until they made eye contact.
Jushiro grinned widely and cupped his hands to his mouth, "Runt! You're here too? What's up?"
Naruto yelled back, "I told you I'd be in the chunin exams Big Boss, weren't you listening last night!"
Jushiro shrugged, "Not really no, I thought you were just full of shit so I tuned you out!"
Naruto snapped at him, "Fuck you Big Boss! Hey, where's Eiko-chan!"
Jushiro pulled up a waving Eiko who smiled nervously, "Right Here, Why!"
Naruto grinned, "Hey Eiko-chan! Big Boss was telling the truth, he doesn't dig you like that! He actually wants Haku-chan!"
"I'll kill you! You little motherfucker! Let me go Blank he has to die!"
"SHUT UP! All of you come here and get your assigned seats!" Jushiro continued to flip out, "For the safety of the other test takers you better hope you didn't put me next to Naruto, I'm gonna fuck him up when he gets within arm's reach, chunin exams be damned!"
As the rookie 9 went down to grab their numbers Ino got close to Naruto, "That's your brother?"
He nodded, "Why?"
Ino spoke, "Why do you pick with him like that?"
Naruto smiled at her, "Because it's a fucking blast Ino."
The genin had all taken their seats, Naruto couldn't find his team anywhere in the room, as he was handed a sheet of paper he continued to scan. Ibiki cleared his throat loudly to break Naruto from his search, "Alright, now the first exam will consist of a written test."
"FUCK!"
Once again two familiar voices echoed throughout the room. Ibiki ignored them and continued, "You will each have 10 points to start, for each question you miss or leave blank you will lose a point, if you are caught cheating you will lose 2 points every time you are caught and if you are caught three times you and your team will fail, you will also be scored as a team."
"FUCK!"
Ibiki smirked at hearing the brothers once again, "The teams must amass a combined score of at least 6 points to pass, and if a team member fails to answer a single question your team will fail."
"FUCK!" "
You have 3 hours to answer the first 9 questions, at the end of that time the 10th question will be handed out. Begin!"
XxX
'Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What the hell am I gonna do?' Naruto was freaking out in his chair as he looked over the questions, 'I can't answer this bull-shit! What am I a fucking scientific calculator? Give me a question about what the formula is inside a smoke bomb, or name all of the metals that comprise a retail kunai? No… you've got to give me these bullshit theory question, who can answer this crap!' Naruto heard a sneeze that sounded as if it came from Sakura. He began jerking his head around to get a feel for his surroundings when he saw a very familiar face among the proctors, 'Haku-chan?' Haku felt his eyes on her, she looked up and smiled at him, this eased him for a moment as he smiled back until he looked back at his paper and frowned.
Naruto was at the end of his rope by an hour and ten minutes into the test. 'Fuck, I've gotta cheat! I've gotta cheat, it's my only shot.'
He heard a hiss to his side, turning to his right he saw Hinata, as she put her paper out she began whispering, "Naruto-kun… You can look on my paper for the answers… I don't mind."
Naruto's face lit up, 'Holy shit no way, I'm not that lucky! Not only does she have all of the answers she wants me to cheat off of her!'
She shifted in her seat, "I just don't want you to fail and have to go away…" Naruto was about to take her up on her offer until a kunai thudded directly behind him.
"Number 54… FAIL!"
As Naruto saw the boy be forcibly removed from the exam he looked down, "No Hinata it's alright, put your paper up, I don't want you to put yourself in trouble just to help me… I may be as slow as quick-dry cement, but I'm a survivor, I'll pass this somehow… don't you worry." He gave her a confident smile that put her at ease. 'Yeah right, what the fuck, cheating is my only shot, but if I do get an answer I'll just end up losing two points for it… That's it! I just need to get more than two answers in one try! How the hell am I gonna do that?'
Naruto looked from his peripheral vision to the left, a boy sat there with his head tilted back and eyes closed. When Naruto looked down he saw this guy had stuff on his paper, a lot of stuff, in fact he could swear his paper was complete. Naruto had a flash of brilliance and cunning before weighing his options, 'Okay, doing this will screw this guy over but my only other option is Hinata, enough said… Okay, it's me or him… fuck this guy'
Naruto tapped the boy on his shoulder, the lazy genin looked over at him, "What the hell do you want?"
Naruto grinned brightly before placing his left hand on the boy's shoulder and pulling him into a vicious haymaker that sent the boy flying into a proctor across the room. A still grinning Naruto picked up the unconscious boy's paper, erased his name and put his own on before looking around at all of the shocked faces in the room, "The fuck are ya'll looking at!"
Ibiki recovered from shock before everyone else as he began grilling Naruto, "Number 32, what the hell do you think you're doing?"
Naruto grinned at the scarred man, "Getting my answers, you didn't say we couldn't cheat, you just said you'd take away points if we did, I now have all my points so take away two, I don't care."
Ibiki's lips twitched, "What makes you think I won't fail you?"
Naruto threw his feet on his desk, "Because your test is totally asinine and I beat the system, you set it up so that we have to cheat without getting caught, how the fuck are people without a jutsu or kekkai genkai tailored for such a thing supposed to do that? It's a fucked up system of favoritism for people with the birth-right, guys like me and Big Boss are as stealthy as all get out, but when you tie our hands like this there's not much subtlety we can do to get the job done. If I was gonna get caught cheating ANYWAY! Then I might as well take that motherfucker for everything in one shot, all you can do is deduct the points for cheating once so tally 'em up Scarface I still got eight."
A thud against a desk across the room could be heard as Jushiro shouted, "FUCK! That's brilliant! Why the fuck didn't I think of that!"
Ibiki had to admit, he had his excuse together, "I said that you couldn't fight without my permission…"
Naruto grinned wider, "Oh yeah… well if you call one punch a fight. So… can I fight?"
Ibiki grinned back at the blonde demon carrier, "Fine, I'll allow it, but if anyone else tries it you will be kicked out of the exam!"
An uproar broke out when Kankuro stood up, "Then why the hell can he get away with it?"
Ibiki snapped at them, "Because he did it first, and I don't think the same thing will work twice now that everyone will be on their guard. And he did ask, even if it was after the fact."
With the crowd placated Naruto turned to look at Hinata who was smiling with a blush at him, he nodded and winked at her as she turned her sight to the desk and turned red. Naruto then looked up at Haku who was smiling brightly and shaking her head, Naruto smiled back and shrugged as he kicked back and shut his eyes to wait for the tenth question.
XxX
"WHAT!"
A cry of outrage could be heard from many of the genin taking the first exam, Ibiki just stood motionless waiting for the noise to pass, "You heard me, you can choose to take the tenth question or not; if you decline the question then you and your team are eliminated from the exam, but if you take the question and answer incorrectly you will forever remain genin, unable to take the advancement test."
Kiba stood up, "That's bull! There are tons of people here that have taken the exam before!"
Ibiki chuckled, "Well I guess you are just unlucky that I happened to be the proctor for your first exam then." Seeing that no argument was going to change his mind the genin began weighing their options. Naruto was not one of them, after hearing Ibiki's initial proclamation of the final question he just tilted his head back and waited for him to actually ask it.
Shortly into the silence a few participants lost their nerve and began dropping out as the teams filed out he turned his attention to a Naruto that was resting his eyes, "Number 32, what about you? Are you willing to risk staying at genin for the rest of your career?"
Naruto opened his eyes and looked at Ibiki, "Well yeah, so?"
This threw Ibiki off slightly, "Why are you not even hesitating?"
Naruto stood up and slammed his hands on the desk staring at Ibiki with a blank look, "I'm not really afraid of bullshit ultimatums, I should have died 5 years ago so I see every day that I wake up today as a gift. If you are afraid of failure then you will never succeed, only if you risk failing will you ever be given the opportunity to succeed." Stepping a foot on his desk he continued, "I'm a failure, sometimes half of life's fun is failing… getting up, dusting yourself off, waking up the next day and saying, 'Okay… here I am again, a little smarter, a little hungrier, and really not looking forward to getting my ass kicked like I did yesterday… so I'm just a little bit more dangerous."
Ibiki gave him an appraising look, "And this is how you feel?"
Naruto stared right back, "I don't go back on my word… that's my ninja way. Time to nut up or shut up."
Ibiki looked around for a minute or two, 'Well I guess everyone that was going to leave just got stopped by that little outburst… looks like some decent candidates this time.' "Very well, for those of you that are remaining… You all pass."
4 dozen sweat-drops and face-faults were seen and heard around the room. "The final question was not meant as a test of your knowledge, it was meant as a way to see if you had the drive to carry out missions that could have a life or death ultimatum; a situation that puts you in a life or death scenario."
Temari shouted out, "But what about the first part of the test?"
Ibiki chuckled, "I thought that we went over that when number 32 put on his little show." Naruto turned and bowed to the crowd, "It was meant to see how you gather info, although now I guess I have to re-evaluate the exam because, even if you could have put it differently you were right." Naruto gave Ibiki a two-fingered salute, "Nevertheless, gathering information is an important part of work as an elite ninja." He paused to remove his bandana to show off his scars, burns, and slashes, "Information is vital to a village's success, people are tortured and killed over it every day, of course for you to cheat you needed people who already had the answers."
Random test takers stood and waved, "Number 32, that boy who you knocked out and took his test… he was one too."
Naruto grinned, "Sweet… can I get a bonus for the next part then?" Dead silence filled the room until a very scary thing happened, Ibiki Morino began laughing at the statement made by Naruto. As everyone else looked on in horror Naruto joined in, "Ha ha, damn, well it was worth a shot right?"
As the two continued to laugh A banner came crashing through the window, "Alright you maggots listen up! I am your proctor for the next exam! Anko Mitarashi!"
Every guy in the room almost passed out as a woman with purple-hair and a body to die for came flying through the window in a mesh body-suit with a mini-skirt, she had on a tan trench-coat and a smirk on her face, "Damn it Ibiki you must be slipping there are still 27 teams here."
Ibiki regained his composure, "Damn it Anko, you're early again, and maybe there are just some exceptional recruits this time around."
Anko scoffed, "Yeah whatever, I'll handle them, by the end of the next exam their numbers will be cut in at least half."
Naruto cleared his mind of his manly thoughts, "This is getting ridiculous now! First there was pervert Kakashi, then brick wall Mikhail, then there was 'I like mentally breaking kids' Ibiki. Now there's this lady, isn't there a normal jounin that doesn't suffer from some kind of mental deficiencies around here!" Anko threw a kunai at Naruto who ducked, "That didn't really help me change my mind you know?"
She ignored him, "Alright you brats, follow me to training ground #44 for the second part of the exam!"
As the genin filed out of the building, Naruto walked up to his team, "One. Big. Freakshow…"
XxX
Anko and the massive group of genin arrived at a monstrous gated in forest, "Welcome to training ground #44, better known as the Forest of Death."
As all of the genin looked at the site of their second exam Naruto walked up to Jushiro, "Big Boss, isn't this the forest you threw me into 3 years ago and left me in for three days?"
Jushiro looked at Naruto, "Yeah, guess it is huh?"
Naruto took a swing at him as Jushiro dodged, "You fucking knocked me out and left me in a place called the Forest of Death!"
Ignoring the looks of all of the amassed genin he smirked, "Yeah I guess I did huh? Calm down, you lived didn't you?"
Naruto took another swing at him, "I was fucking 8 years old!"
"Eiko-shield!" Jushiro dodged and hid behind Eiko, "Well at least you know the terrain right, you should be thanking me."
Naruto was broken from his charge by a kunai passing by his face, cutting his cheek, "You know, loud kids like you usually leave their blood all over this forest." Anko hovered behind him holding a kunai and licked his cut,
"Well then I guess it wouldn't be the first time would it? And as you can taste, my blood must be good, so the forest will like it." Naruto dead-panned to her, "Now let go of me before I switch your stomach with your colon."
Naruto's hands were glowing for a transmutation down by Anko's belly. Anko's attention was diverted by an androgenous Kusa ninja from behind. Anko held the kunai in her hand to the ninja's long tongue, "You shouldn't sneak up on me, it's a good way to get yourself killed…"
The ninja spoke, "Sorry, your kunai cut some of my hair and I just got a little over excited, here's your knife."
Naruto was getting uncomfortable, "Will both of you get off of me before I do something that'll get me thrown in prison?" As everyone settled back to their previous positions Naruto gave a dead-pan look once more to Team 7, "Big. Ass. Freakshow…"
Anko began explaining the rules, "You will be given a scroll and sent off into the forest for 5 days."
Chouji barked out in shock, "5 days! What will we do for food?"
Anko sighed, "You were told by your jounin to pack as if you would be going on a mission. If you do run out of supplies there are plenty of edible things in the forest."
Naruto cut in, "I fucking know!" He shot a glare at Jushiro who remained behind Eiko with a sheepish grin.
Anko continued her explanation, "You will be given either a Heaven or Earth Scroll and must obtain one of each before heading towards the tower in the forest."
Sasuke spoke lowly, "So we'll have to fight a team to get their scroll somehow."
Another genin shouted a question, "Are we allowed to kill?"
Anko smirked, "Yes, if it comes to it you are allowed to kill your opponents, I'll have to hand out waivers releasing Konohagakure from responsibility if you brats can't hack it."
Naruto looked at his right arm, 'This could be it…'
Anko continued, "You must arrive at the tower in 5 days with both scrolls and all of your team in one piece to pass, if you are killed your team automatically fails." The waivers began making their way through the genin ranks, "I have one piece of advice for all of you… Don't die!"
Jushiro walked over to Naruto, "Hey Naruto do you still have your communicator on you?"
Naruto reached into his vest pocket and pulled it out, "Yeah Big Boss right here."
Jushiro pulled out his own, "Listen up, there might be some real serious nutjobs in here, if you find yourself in some trouble that you aren't sure you can handle then just contact me and I'll find you."
Naruto nodded, "You too Big Boss, tell Blank and Eiko-chan I said good luck." Jushiro nodded and returned to his team.
Sakura came up to Naruto, "What was that all about?"
He looked into the forest, "Just wishing each other luck."
Anko yelled out, "Team 7, you're at gate 13." As the group made its way to their gate they passed through a hut and were handed their scroll. The team waited in silence for their gate to open; as Naruto looked at his team he saw Sasuke almost fidgeting to get in there, turning his vision to Sakura he frowned as he saw how wound up she was. Before he could speak the gate opened and the trio ran through the woods.
The trio jumped along the branches for an hour before they decided to stop to talk. Sasuke looked at his teammates before speaking, "Naruto, you said you've been in here before?"
Naruto shivered and nodded, "Yes, Big Boss tossed me in here one night 3 years ago… asshole."
Sakura noticed his shiver, "Naruto what's in here, I thought you didn't fear any mortal thing?"
Naruto looked at her, "I didn't back then, I only started living that after I got out of here and fought the stuff I found in here… so retarded."
Sasuke tapped him, "What exactly is in here anyway?"
Naruto scrunched his face in deep thought, "Giant bugs ranging from big-ass spiders and monster centipedes to huge leeches."
Sakura felt her skin crawl, "The flora isn't much better, I ate tons of poison shit on my first day in here, I was sick all day and still starving, the next day I had to go out to look for a big-ass centipede to kill just to eat, those things are hard to bring down!"
Sakura's stomach turned at the thought of eating a bug, "Naruto that's gross. How could you do that?"
He shrugged, "Because it was that or starve for who knows how long, but there are other animals too. Yeah there are little squirrels and rabbits, but my attention was mostly on the wolves and tigers and bears and big-ass snakes."
Sasuke was not pleased, "So in addition to the teams of genin on our tails we have to fight the whole damn forest too?"
Naruto nodded, "And if you're looking to use me as a guide I can't help you there, I was scared out of my gourd the entire time I was here, I didn't pay attention to anything."
Sasuke groaned, "Well I guess we should just keep moving, eventually we'll come across a team to fight, agreed?" Sakura nodded, Naruto couldn't think of anything useful so he agreed.
As the team kept moving nature called for Naruto, Um guys, I have to go to the bathroom."
Sasuke sighed, "Hurry up…"
Naruto turned and began messing with his button, Sakura punched him in the back of the head, "Naruto you baka, go over there!"
Naruto walked through some shrubs rubbing his head, "Fine, Kami woman, all over the back of my head…" Naruto walked through and began unzipping his pants, "You guys are bunch of fucking freaks, seriously who messes with a guy taking a piss?"
Three Amegakure ninja with breathing masks came from the trees, "You're all alone I wouldn't sound so brash if I were you. We don't even need our jutsu to beat you."
Naruto continued taking a leak, "Maybe, but then again, maybe not, you see you idiots don't realize one thing."
Naruto began shaking himself out as an Ame genin spoke, "And what exactly is that?"
Naruto zipped himself up, "I'm never alone…"
As Naruto said that a horde of kage bunshin jumped from the foliage in the trees and plowed the Ame genin into the ground headfirst. As his clones dispelled he turned around with a smile only to frown, "You've got to be kidding me, I shook myself off for like 20 seconds and I still got piss in my pants?" He sighed as he searched the boys and took their weapons and money, "Consider this compensation for my pee dribbled boxers." As he continued searching he smiled as he found an Earth Scroll.
Naruto came stumbling back through the bushes, "Damn this place is wildery."
Sasuke walked up to him, "What took so long dobe?"
Naruto pulled out the Earth Scroll, "I got jumped while I was taking a piss."
Sakura looked at the scroll, "Well that was easy."
Naruto pocketed the scroll, "Let's get out of here, I forgot how much this place sucks. Maybe if we show up early they have food, I haven't eaten all day."
Sasuke smirked, "Well if you're hungry you can always catch a centipede."
Naruto dead-panned, "Centipede doesn't taste that bad." The team leapt off and resumed running through the trees.
They rushed to the ground three hours after they obtained their Earth Scroll, "Damn where is this place, underground?"
Sakura put her hand to her chin, "It's probably at the center of the forest, did you see a tower in here Naruto?"
He sighed, "No Sakura-chan I didn't, I wouldn't be surprised if I was running in circles when I was here."
Sasuke stood up, "Alright let's go." As the rest stood to leave Naruto's ambush sense went off.
"Get down!" As his teammates ducked Naruto clapped and touched the ground to form a wall just as a powerful gust of wind hit the elevated earth.
"My, my, that was very impressive…" Naruto forced the rock back into the ground as he saw the Kusa ninja from earlier walking up. "Hmm… That's strange."
Naruto got into his muay thai stance, "What's strange?"
The ninja smirked, "You don't seem to be trembling in fear like your friends."
Naruto turned to see Sasuke and Sakura on the ground wide-eyed. "What did you do to them?"
The ninja laughed, "This!" At that Naruto saw visions of the ninja brutally killing him, he almost felt his own death rattle.
Naruto was left breathless for a second before regaining his composure, "Wow, I can see why they're out of it."
The ninja grinned wider, "Interesting indeed! How was it that it didn't affect you?"
Naruto smirked, "After almost dying for real, nothing short of the real thing will suffice. A sudden death feeling won't hurt me, and after my brother got through with me I can take any mental torture, you crazy asshole."
"Well come then, the Uchiha won't be going anywhere and if you want to save your friends then you have to destroy me."
Naruto's smirk deepened as he reached into his vest and sent out the distress signal, "You say that like I wouldn't kill you."
XxX
Team Jushiro were sitting and resting following obtaining their scroll, Jushiro was tossing the scroll in his hands, "Man those guys were total pussies!"
Blank nodded, "I'm kind of upset, we didn't get to fight, I haven't had a good scrap in a while."
Eiko was searching the woods for anything hostile, "Shouldn't we get going? The longer we stay out here the more chance of getting injured we have."
Jushiro wrapped an arm around her shoulder, "Eiko… We won't get hurt, remember the only reason we didn't all get promoted last time was because we all got screwed over, these kids can't touch us."
Eiko smiled and bounded over to Blank, "Maybe this time we won't have to fight in the finals huh?"
Blank closed his eyes, "Yeah, that sucked, no one else had to fight their teammate in the opening round."
Blank looked over to Jushiro, "But we can't really complain though, Jushiro won the whole thing and he still didn't get promoted."
Jushiro smiled sadly, "It's okay, I know I'm good; the old man even said that I got screwed over when he took me to his office after the tournament. I'll just stomp ass even harder this time!"
Eiko smiled at him, "I want to see you fight Naruto for real, maybe you'll face off in the finals."
Jushiro chuckled, "No, you don't want to see that. You think you've seen us fight full-scale but we've never fought for real, not even against Raiga, we've never fought a fight we thought we could lose so we haven't ever fought for real."
The grin left his face as he felt his communicator vibrate, "Hey you guys, I still want to explore a bit, why don't you head somewhere close to the tower and I'll find you when I'm done."
Eiko and Blank looked at each other, "Okay Jushiro-kun, don't take too long."
As his teammates jumped off towards the tower Jushiro turned his tracker on, "Damn it brat you'd better still be in one piece!"
XxX
"Damn it Sasuke snap out of it! You're fine!" Naruto was busy trying to snap his team out of the Kusa-nin's genjutsu while dodging a giant snake. "Where in the hell did this fucking thing come from?" Naruto dodged another snap of the serpent's jaws. Luring the snake to a tree he dodged it, forcing it to crash into the tree trunk, after his dodge he sprung back in and cracked the snake in the side of the head with a punch.
The serpent hissed in anger as it raged at Naruto once again, "My snake seems to be enjoying the chase you are giving it Naruto-kun."
Naruto took to running up a tree, snake hot on his heels, "Shut up! Don't call me Naruto-kun I'm gonna kill you here!" Thinking he was high enough he leapt directly back and waited for the snake to pass, as it did he grabbed it by its top jaw and fell back down to the ground; rolling through the fall, Naruto placed the snake in a position to break his fall and allowed it to crash head-first to the ground. The snake hissed and writhed for a moment before ceasing to move.
Naruto walked over to Sasuke and Sakura and slapped them across their faces, "Get your shit together! I need your help!" S
asuke's eyes regained their color first, "Dobe what did you hit us for?"
Sakura held her cheek as Naruto explained, "This asshole is out for blood, get up and help me fight! It's this freak or us, no fear, remember, no fear!"
Naruto turned to see the ninja walk back into view, "Ah Naruto-kun well done, not only did you defeat my pet, you also got your team back into fighting condition, too bad it won't matter in the end."
Naruto turned back to Sasuke, "Hey Sasuke, this dirtbag is calling you out, if you have anything you'd like to show the class now is the time."
Sasuke looked down and spoke, "Let's show the power of Team 7!"
As he looked back up he saw Sasuke's red eyes, "I never thought I'd be so happy Kakashi's been blowing me off lately to train you. You finally have your Sharingan!"
Sasuke smirked, "If this guy/girl wants a fight let's not disappoint eh Naruto?"
Naruto smirked, "I like the sound of that."
The two boys ran at the ninja in a straight line, as they got close Sasuke cut to the right to allow Naruto to fly forward with a flying roundhouse kick. As the ninja ducked Sasuke threw a sweep that tripped the ninja up. Naruto tried to land in a double stomp but the ninja dodged, Sasuke once again ran forward and began engaging the ninja in a taijutsu duel. Sasuke found the ninja's movements to be jerky and almost unpredictable, he was certain that without the Sharingan's predictability capabilities he would be overwhelmed by now. As he heard a clap he knowingly dodged as Naruto forced a jagged mass of ground up to attack. The ninja pulled a Kawarimi before contact, "Damn it!" Naruto and Sasuke came back together back to back.
"Where is Sakura?" Sasuke asked as Naruto jerked his head to show her, back to a tree, kunai out, scanning the forest just as the boys were. "Should we call her over here?"
Naruto shook his head, "I think we should move towards her, if she comes to us she could get attacked, at least if it's us we know we can fight." Sasuke nodded as they ran towards the girl. "Sakura-chan are you okay."
She smiled and nodded as the boys stopped in front of her, "Yes I'm fine, and thanks for snapping me out of that genjutsu Naruto. Where is that snake freak?"
The boys scanned the entire forest, "Why the hell does everything I do have to be so complicated? I can't get a normal C-ranked mission, I have to end up saving a country. I can't take a regular exam and fight some regular genin, I have to fight a freak of nature that calls big ass snakes, how fun."
"I think so too kids…" The strange ninja again came in sight, this time from the ground, "I find you two to be quite skilled, however Naruto-kun, I'm here for Sasuke-kun, you can move aside."
Naruto shifted in his stance, "What do you want with my teme of a teammate?"
The ninja licked the edge of the kunai they were holding, "His Uchiha blood is perfect for what I want, but if you aren't willing to step aside willingly…" In a massive puff of smoke the ninja appeared atop another giant snake, "I guess my pet will have a feast on children tonight."
Sasuke looked at the snake and at his team, "Sakura, stay with Naruto, he'll keep you safe, this guy wants Uchiha blood, we'll see how much he can take."
Sakura looked concerned, "But Sasuke-kun, Naruto can help you fight him, just go and take him into the fight!"
Naruto gritted his teeth, "Sakura-chan when Sasuke leaves to take this jerk on that snake is going to lunge at us, we trust you in a fight… against a human, against a giant snake I think only one of us could bring it down, we're not leaving you alone over this guy, we can kill the snake and then join Sasuke."
She nodded reluctantly and gulped, "Please be careful Sasuke-kun."
Sasuke nodded, Naruto clapped his shoulder, "Don't worry about ours or his/her scroll, this is a deathmatch, no surrender will suffice."
"Got it."
As Sasuke leapt to one side Naruto picked up Sakura and began dodging the snake, "Sorry Sakura-chan, but I'm way faster than you and I'm not gonna risk you getting bitten just so it won't get me." Sakura blushed slightly as Naruto dodged one more time and set her down on a branch. He cracked his neck as he looked at the snake coil around the tree, hissing at them, "Sakura-chan, take all of your explosive tags and wrap them around your kunai, we're gonna need some firepower." She nodded and did as she was told. Naruto started shaking his shoulders out, "Only throw them at its head and only if you have a good opening, don't worry if I'm in the way, I'll be fine."
When her task was complete she spoke, "I'm ready Naruto, I have 10 shots."
Naruto sighed and looked back, "This is gonna suck Sakura-chan… please don't miss, I'm counting on you." With that he jumped from the branch and delivered a hard double-stomp to the snake's head bouncing off to the ground, looking back he realized he now had the snake's full and undivided attention, sighing as he contemplated and rejected unwrapping his hand he cursed out loud, "I'm too old for this shit!"
In truth Sasuke might have been thinking the same thing if he had a chance to be cynical, however the weird Kusa-nin was wearing Sasuke's ass out. Sasuke had to admit, hiding the fact he had activated his Sharingan was a great idea, the use in the first exam without anyone's knowledge was invaluable, however now, said Sharingan was the reason this person was here putting boot to ass so to speak. "Come on Sasuke-kun, the last Uchiha must have more to him to this."
As that statement was finished he kicked Sasuke 15 meters into a tree. As he made contact he coughed up blood, 'Damn it, I'm getting my ass kicked. What the hell do I do now?'
The ninja ran towards Sasuke as he jumped to dodge another kick, going through a familiar set of hand signs, "Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu(Fire Release: Great Fireball Jutsu)!" shooting a large fireball at the ninja he looked to see any trace showing had made contact, there was none. As he landed he saw a figure running at him from the flames and the onslaught was back on.
Naruto and Sakura were having better luck… well Sakura was, in between the pink-haired girl launching salvos Naruto was whipped around the battlefield like a rag-doll by the huge snake, 'I guess the first snake gave a little warning to his buddies before I killed him.' As the snake coiled itself around Naruto he heard a dull thud as the snake hissed in pain, a sizzling sound warned Naruto to cover his head as an explosion sent pieces of snake everywhere. Naruto looked up to see Sakura smiling down, "Damn Sakura-chan I said don't worry if I'm in the way but I didn't necessarily want snake brain on myself either."
She pulled her eye-lid and shrugged, "It worked didn't it? Now come on, let's go help Sasuke-kun!"
As he followed her he had to think, 'Is it me or is she actually learning how to fight a little bit?'
Sasuke was almost out of steam, he had been getting thrashed since launching his fireball, nothing had gone his way for the entire fight and he was on his last legs. He had one move left but no time to set it up, 'What would Naruto do?' His answer came quickly, 'He'd just fucking go for it.' Sasuke leapt far enough away to whip out his weaponry, three kunai in his mouth and two fuuma shuriken in his hands,
"Oh? What on Earth could you possibly be thinking of doing with those Sasuke-kun?" He smirked as he threw them at his adversary, the enemy moved like a snake through his barrage, "That's it Sasuke-kun? Too bad."
Sasuke's smirk became a grin as the ninja realized that the weapons had been connected to wires that constricted and pulled him into a boulder as Sasuke held the strings in his mouth, "It's over you freak… Katon: Ryuka no Jutsu (Fire Release: Dragon Flame Jutsu)!" As the strings engulfed in flames the ninja screamed in anguish as the fire traveled along the rope, burning the ninja alive.
Sasuke sat down against the tree, "Kami that thing just wouldn't drop… That was my last shot, if that couldn't work I'd be done."
Sighing he shut his eyes, "Well that's good to know Sasuke-kun," Sasuke's eyes opened in shock, "I must say I'm impressed…"
Sasuke tried standing but couldn't make it to his feet, "You… no way… that should have killed you!"
The ninja chuckled as they walked into view, Sasuke saw their face had been partially melted off revealing pale white skin underneath, as he reached up to pull the rest off he spoke, "I now know that I made the right choice in selecting you for my 'gift,' I do hope you enjoy it." As he finished his neck stretched out and he bit down on Sasuke's neck. Sasuke couldn't even yell out in pain as the man retracted his neck.
"Sasuke-kun you will seek out for power, soon."
As he spoke a spear of wood almost drilled him as he had to jump back to dodge, "Hey Snake-teme… He won't have to seek you out… If it comes to that I'll let him keep your ashes after I'm through with you."
The man laughed as he looked up at Naruto who had thrown the spear, "Boy do you not have any idea who I am?"
Naruto transmutated another spear from the tree he was in, "Nope, don't care, 'cause you're dead." As he threw the second spear the man ran up the tree rapidly, before he made it too far Naruto caused an alchemic reaction in the tree, forcing it out to stab him.
As the man flipped off the tree Naruto began hearing Sasuke scream in pain, he looked down to see Sakura kneeling over him with tears in her eyes, "Naruto, he's in agony, Sasuke-kun… Something's killing him!"
Naruto glared at the man, "Who are you? What the hell did you do to Sasuke!"
The man cackled, "I am Orochimaru, and as for what I did to Sasuke-kun, you could just say I marked him."
Naruto had squeezed the spear in his hand until it broke in his grip, rage began filling his mind as he thought of the man actually killing Sasuke. "You are a dead man…"
Orochimaru smirked as he saw an aura form around Naruto, "Ah, the Yondaime's legacy. You seem to be revealing yourself to be more and more interesting by the moment Naruto-kun."
A maniacal grin appeared on Naruto's face, "Let me show you just how 'interesting' I am…" As his nails grew to claws and his canines grew Naruto felt close to the way he did in the Land of Waves, only this time he wasn't fighting for control, 'Thank you Kyuubi.'
Naruto leapt from his branch intent on tearing the Orochimaru limb from limb, Naruto hadn't registered that he hadn't tried to dodge. As Naruto collided with his foe he noticed his body melt away into mud. As he looked around he could no longer sense a foreign presence, "COME BACK AND FIGHT YOU GODDAMN COWARD!" As he screamed to the sky he thought he heard a faint cackle.
As he turned to Sakura he sensed a familiar presence, Jushiro landed right by her and Sasuke and overlooked the scene. "What in the world went on here?"
Naruto kneeled down to Sakura, "How is he?"
She turned puffy eyes to the two brothers, "He passed out, he has a strange mark on his neck, it's glowing and throbbing."
As the boys looked Jushiro began questioning, "You guys, what went on here?"
Naruto shook his head, "We can go over that later Big Boss, we have to get to the tower before our situation goes even more to hell than it already has, we have our scrolls already what about you?" J
ushiro nodded, "Yeah, we beat some Konoha team full of weirdoes; one guy had white hair like me and glasses, one guy stretched, and the other tried to suck our chakra, they were wimps though, Blank and Eiko are waiting for me, let's roll."
Naruto put a hand on Sakura's shoulder before he grabbed Sasuke and the group began following Jushiro to the tower.
XxX Omake XxX
3 years ago
"Big Boss…"
"What runt?"
Naruto pulled on his big brother's sleeve as he begged him, "Can I skip school today?"
Jushiro had just grabbed his headband as he stopped and stared at Naruto who had pleading eyes, "Why in the name of sweet Kami would I let you do that?"
Naruto dropped to his knees, "Please Big Boss? I really don't want to go!"
Jushiro tied his headband on, "No can do little guy, I just let you skip 2 days in a row, if I keep letting you do this crap then Iruka will hunt my ass down and throw me in detention."
Naruto gave him a disbelieving look, "Big Boss that's bull, you graduated, you don't go to the academy anymore."
Jushiro gave him a scared look, "I know right? It's fucked up isn't it?"
Naruto grabbed on to Jushiro's legs, "PLEASE BIG BOSS! SCHOOL IS SO BORING!"
Jushiro grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and gave him a dirty look, "Why are you so dead-set on not going to school? You in trouble or something?"
Naruto tried to free himself, "No, we never do ANYTHING! We spend all damn day inside, my lunches suck, Iruka drones on and on for hours on 'the proper technique to lay an explosive tag,' we only ever go outside once a week or month to throw shuriken or spar, and I haven't sparred with anyone in like a year."
Jushiro gave him a smirk, "So you're just bored huh?" Naruto nodded, Jushiro dropped him to the floor, "Okay then, just go to school today and I'll do something about that tomorrow." He dragged Naruto out the door and took him to school.
XxX
Naruto woke up colder than he usually did, he still had his comforter, but he felt like his bed was rough and stiff. He heard birds chirping as he usually did upon awakening but they sounded clearer and echoed more. As he opened his eyes he was not greeted by his mortal enemy the sun, he saw trees, lots and lots of trees. "Where in the blue hell am I?" As he stood to look at his surroundings he looked down and got vertigo, "HOLY SHIT!" Naruto looked down to find himself on the largest branch of the biggest tree he had ever seen. "WHERE THE FUCK AM I!"
As he ceased his shouting he felt a note stuck to his chest, "What the fuck?"
Dear brat,
If you're reading this then I am certain that you are fully aware of your new surroundings, roomy huh? Well you know how you were bitching about the academy boring you to tears, I decided to fix that problem for you. Welcome to training ground #44, it has a less formal name… but it escapes me at the moment, enjoy. I'll be back to get you in a few days so don't worry, this place has water sources, shelter, and sources of food, you just have to look!
Oh! And don't you worry about being counted absent for school, I told Iruka that I'd be taking you on an informal training session, so you won't be around for a few days, you're welcome! I'll see you soon, hopefully in one piece.
"Hey Big Boss! What the fuck am I supposed to eat?" As he said this he looked down to see a spider twice his size pounce from one branch to another and land on a centipede of the same size. Naruto watched in horror as the spider's fangs pierced the centipede as he dragged it away.
"BIG FUCKING BOSS!"
New chapter complete, I have a paper to write now so I may either slack on my updates or procrastinate on my paper, you can guess which if you'd like. I'm tired, it's late, and I am too out of it to try and be witty. My brain needs to recharge its awesome-ness before I stroke out and die, leaving this story incomplete before it gets kicking into high gear, that'd be a damn shame huh?
Kenchi out, Defeat the World!
