Thanks: David, also to all reviewers before and since my hiatus for giving me inspiration and motivation. I appreciate your continued support for this story that I love.
Gossamer Remembrance
By, Heather B. Kytes
Chapter Summary: Buffy's hand reached out, trembling, to touch the surface of the water. She closed her eyes and caressed the liquid with the tips of her fingers, trying to feel something, anything, of the magic that had brought her out of her own world and into the crazy world of the Souma phantoms.
Chapter 12:
Harbors of Memory
Buffy didn't even hear Kyou nor did she see him as she looked directly at him standing near the doorway. Her mind had clouded over, and she was existing in a place past the walls of the room, sensing that something important was just beyond her reach.
Tohru.
The sheets Buffy had been clutching slipped from her grasp and spilled into a crushed puddle on the floor that she quickly stepped past. "Shut up," she said as Kyou started to yell, insane ramblings that hit her ears and made the walls shake with the force of his tone. She was already walking, ignoring the boy's agitated state until he made a move to stop her progress towards the door. She shoved at him, knocking him back with such force that he hit the opposing wall with a loud thunk. Curses started to spew from his mouth immediately after the rough impact which rendered him an immobile lump on the floor.
Buffy could feel Hatori stirring to action behind her, most likely to prevent her from exiting the room because he still thought she was sick. She hurried, her steps frenzied and uneven as she raced across the cobblestone ground in her bare feet. Every couple of steps, her soles would get stabbed particularly sharply by a stray rock out of place with the others, but she ignored the pain and kept going.
She fell beside the still pool of water, staring down at her reflection.
Tired, bleary eyes gazed back upon themselves even as she tried to look past them, into the other dimension where Tohru was trapped within the grasp of insane, sadistic men that could pretend to be her friends and end up killing her without so much as a split hair. The girl was so helpless.
Alone.
"This is empty," Buffy whispered, the words floating up to Hatori's ears where he stood over the girl, casting his own image in the pool behind hers.
"What?" Hatori asked quietly, the water catching the space behind his scattered hair and revealing his disfigurement to Buffy's unseeing eyes.
Buffy's hand reached out, trembling, to touch the surface of the water. She closed her eyes and caressed the liquid with the tips of her fingers, trying to feel something, anything, of the magic that had brought her out of her own world and into the crazy world of the Souma phantoms.
Nothing.
"No," Buffy murmured when everything continued to feel real. She wanted to dissolve, if not falling back into her own familiar life then going back to where Tohru was so that she could protect the girl from those who could hurt her so easily. Not for Kyou, Hatori or the rest of her family, but for the girl herself.
Because she's so sweet and nice. Because she's the only one who could talk to me about my mother and make me feel better, not worse. Because I want to.
The fact that the sun was shining brightly upon the pool and casting blinding reflections of its rays into Hatori's gaze was not enough to deter him from looking into the watery depths, trying perhaps to see what Buffy had come to it for. On the surface, it was little more than a puddle of water, but maybe it was deeper than it at first seemed. Her hand was skimming the surface, stirring the liquid into little ripples that distorted and merged their reflections into nonsensical, blurry pictures, entwining and sharing their estrangement from the real world. Odd how he felt so close to her in the moment she was far away, lost in her own private realm behind the sanctuary of her closed eyes.
"What the hell was that all about?" Kyou's angry voice shouted from yards away as the boy hastily joined the two near the pool of water. "What kind of a lunatic are you to run off like that?"
Buffy's mouth twisted into a grim line. "I don't think I can go back there," she said softly, opening her eyes to gaze dully at the disturbed pool. She lifted her dripping hand and placed it against the fabric of her skirt, staring down as the thin material darkened from the water. She turned her head slowly and looked up to meet Hatori's steady stare. "Do you think that means that she's gone, or... am I?"
"Is this some kind of a fucking joke, because it's not funny!" Kyou exclaimed, shoving Hatori aside and grabbing Buffy by the shoulders. He lifted her up from her kneeling position on the ground, holding her at arms length as he shook her. She was too lost in the labyrinth of her thoughts and confusion to do little else but allow him to shake her so hard that her head lolled back and forth with the force of his effort. Her eyes were gazing into his sepia pools of recrimination and loathing, but she didn't see him at first, instead fading back to the moment she had locked eyes with other Kyou and realized that he was going to let an innocent woman die.
This Kyou's eyes were nothing like his.
"You explain to me why you were in my dreams spouting all that crap about Tohru and alternate dimensions or I swear I'll rip your fucking head off right now," Kyou spat angrily, shoving Buffy away as harshly as she had done to him earlier, watching as she crumpled like a paper doll on the hard, cracked earth. She looked at him with wide green eyes, light coming into their depths like she had just come out of a thick fog and was seeing him clearly for the first time.
"Get ready for this crazy idea: because that's the truth!" she shot back at him, scrambling to her feet and keeping distance between herself and the smoldering boy. "This pool right here is what Tohru fell into when she traveled to the other world with me. I don't know how it happened, or why it isn't working anymore, but that's it. That's all I can tell you about how she vanished. If you want more than that from me, I guess you'll have to 'rip my head off' because I can't tell you what I don't know."
"My God, Hatori, do you hear this shit?" Kyou said with a laugh of incredulity, focusing on Buffy with a hostile glower. "This bitch thinks she can come here, invade my dreams, fill our heads with lies, and she expects us to lap it up. You know what sounds more plausible to me? You did something with Tohru, and now you're trying to cover your tracks."
"We have a new winner for Idiot of the Decade, Kyou Souma, ladies and gentlemen!" After several facetious claps, Buffy fixed Kyou with an angry look. "Get this, I'm the Slayer! Since you don't know what that means, I'll fill you in. I save people. I kill the things that want them dead so they can live."
Besides the anger, Buffy could feel a growing ache inside of her at Kyou's heated accusations, despite her efforts of trying to remind herself that he didn't know her well enough to say anything about her, negative or positive. And what did his opinion matter, anyway? Just because Tohru had talked about how sweet he actually was, how the small gestures he made meant so much because he was afraid to make the big ones-- Just because Tohru had filled her in on so much about him didn't mean Buffy knew him at all.
Or wanted to.
Kyou opened his mouth to continue screaming, but Buffy beat him to the punch. "Don't you even think about shouting more accusations at me about hurting Tohru. Why don't you stop and think how stupid it is to even insinuate such things? Why on Earth would I whisk Tohru off to kill her and then come back to you instead of running off to escape and never be caught? I'm not--!"
"Then where is she?" Kyou screamed in such a mournful, pained cry that it made Buffy freeze in her anger and look at him without prejudice for the first time upon meeting him. His was the face of a madman, absolutely desperate and at the end of the line. If she couldn't give him what he wanted, needed, he was just going to jump and get it over with.
"I told you," Buffy said softly, moving her gaze towards the ground. "She fell into another dimension. She doesn't know the way out, and I don't know the way back in." She walked hesitantly forward, approaching Kyou cautiously like he was a cornered animal. "But I know someone who might be able to find out."
Kyou's shoulders fell as he slumped forward, hair falling into his face and covering his eyes. "Who?" he asked in a voice devoid of hope.
"My Watcher, Giles. He's got tons of books on supernatural things. He's bound to have some information on these dimensional gateways. Maybe there's a--a key, a spell, or something else we can use to unlock one and get Tohru out. I know she wants to be back here with you guys where she's safe."
"Safe? What are you talking about? Why is she in danger there?" Kyou lifted his head and looked down at Buffy, fire blazing in his eyes that had nothing to do with rage. No, his mood had shifted into full-blown panic.
Buffy was in no mood to placate the boy. She spoke frankly. "It's a dangerous world over there. Demons running amok and such. She's taken refuge in the Souma estate with those other Soumas, but I'm not so sure they're good guys. Let's just say that the sooner I get back, the better."
"So... so get to a fucking phone-- call that Watcher guy!" Kyou exclaimed. "He can start looking for the information for us."
"Yeah, sounds like a great plan." Buffy turned to Hatori, who was standing as tall and silent as a stone gargoyle, watching the scene before him with detached calm. Her mind flashed back, thinking about the scar running across his eye. How deep did it run? It looked superficial, but the way he hid that entire part of his face behind a wall of hair spoke otherwise. It didn't look bad enough to warrant total obstruction. "Well?" she asked.
Hatori peered at her with a spark of curiosity on his face. "You want to use the phone in my office?"
"Yeah, if that's okay," Buffy said with a bit of trepidation. Hatori made quite the imposing figure just standing there, his thoughts and feelings so well hidden who even knew if he had any at all? "I mean, this is all part of the plan to get Tohru back home and hopefully me as well."
The stoic doctor appeared to understand, moving his head forward to give his consent. "I'll set up the call for you using our long distance service. Follow me." Stones crushed against each other as Hatori made his way back up the disheveled path to his office building. "Kyou, you should go back home before Akito finds out that you're here."
"What? Are you kidding me? Why on Earth would I leave you alone with her? The last time that happened, you apparently drugged her up so she'd sleep for the next thousand years! How are we going to get Tohru back with our link to her out of commission?" Kyou exclaimed, directing his frustration towards the doctor's back.
As Kyou ranted, Buffy hurried to catch up to Hatori, quickening her pace to match his long strides. When Kyou saw that Buffy didn't share his reservations about trusting the doctor, he began to follow them, scrambling over the gravely path with little care to the way the pointy rocks wreaked havoc on his sock-clad feet. "Wait up, dammit!"
Hatori let out a short sigh, opening the door to his office and quickly letting Buffy pass him inside, blocking the doorway with his large frame when Kyou made to follow. "The best thing you can do for Tohru is to let Buffy straighten things out. You'll get punished severely if Akito catches you here, and then what use will you be to her?" His eyes held quiet pity. "I'll call you after Buffy has contacted her friends and tell you everything that's happening. I promise."
Kyou appeared to debate furiously within himself for several moments, waging internal war with conflicting emotions. He ducked his head finally, admitting defeat. "Okay, whatever," he muttered. "If I don't hear from you by tonight, I'm coming back, Akito and his fucking threats be damned. Okay?"
"Of course," Hatori said, casting a final glance at the orange-haired boy before closing the door and making his way to the telephone, lifting the receiver and pressing a sequence of buttons. "Just punch in the number you want to call, and it should connect you in a few seconds. If you need anything else, I'll be out here." Buffy took the phone from the doctor and watched as he exited the small office, closing the door to give her privacy.
Buffy sighed, falling to the floor and looking at the gently lit buttons on the cordless receiver, forgetting Giles' number momentarily as she struggled to place herself back into reality. Slowly it came back to her, and she punched the numbers, waiting anxiously as the ringing sounded in her ears.
And it continued.
Eight, nine, ten. Giles' machine should have gotten it by now
Hatori placed his book aside and joined her in the office, picking up the phone. Before he could dial, Buffy cleared her throat, remembering something she had meant to ask him much earlier. "Could you find me some different clothes? Preferably ones that cover all of the naughty bits?" she asked, feeling sheepish at having to make the reasonable request.
"Of course," Hatori replied, glancing at her before returning his gaze to the telephone, pressing the same noisy buttons as before. "Here," he said as he handed her the phone, retreating out the door with brisk strides. "I'll be back soon with some clothing."
"Thanks." He must think I'm a flake, Buffy figured, dialing Xander's number. He was more likely to be in than Willow, who could very well be at class instead of in the dorm room. Buffy hadn't even bothered to try and calculate the time difference and was relying on the hope that her friends were awake and available at the moment.
Buffy's heart skipped several beats when the distorted click sounded in her ear, letting her know that someone had picked up. "Hello?" Xander's cheerful voice sounded in her ear, wiping her soul clean of its worries and fears for one blessed moment and allowing her to revel in its familiarity. After countless days of being trapped in a world with strangers, she finally had something close to hold onto and remind her that she was not alone.
She found her voice and poured her relief into it. "Xander? Oh, thank God. You have no idea what it's like to hear you again."
"Rebecca? You sound weird," Xander replied, a muted cough following his words. "Yeesh, this cough is still clinging to my lungs like so much Saran Wrap."
"No, it's Buffy. Maybe the connection is bad, I'm in Japan. Who's Rebecca?" Buffy demanded, her brows coming low over her eyes as a feeling of puzzlement came into her, planting the tiniest dent in her blanket of reprieve.
"Better question, who's Buffy? Look, I think you've got the wrong number. Could you be looking for Alexander White on Crestwood Avenue? I could find you the number in the phone book," Xander said helpfully, blissfully unaware of the effect his words were having on the girl at the other end of the connection.
Buffy felt her mind slipping into a gray place, full of the uncertainty and incredulity she had let fade away the instant she had first heard his greeting seconds ago. "No, Xander, you're the one I--Xander Harris, Alexander Lavelle Harris, that's you, isn't it?"
"Okay. Creepy," Xander said, taking a thoughtful pause after his final proclamation. "Look, I don't know who you are or how you knew my full, embarrassing name or what you want from me, but I don't know anyone named Buffy, and you sound like a stranger to me. I'm going to hang up the phone because this is a pretty scary wrong number, and if you call back, I'm going to call the police and hide in my basement under the covers. If you want my subsequent loss of male dignity on your head, then go ahead and call again. But please don't, for my manhood's sake."
Buffy let the sound of dead air linger next to her ear for awhile as she pondered the unexpected twists and turns of her short conversation with Xander. He didn't know me. The words were there inside her mind, but somehow she failed to understand the deeper meaning, the final conclusion that had to be made. Simple, she thought, I'll try Willow instead. She placed the receiver on the desk top and walked slowly to the door, a quick look inside the room showing her that Hatori had not yet returned with the promised clothing.
She leaned against the thin door frame, closing her eyes and letting her shoulders droop forward. Xander didn't know me at all. How is that possible? It was the same Xander, I know it was. This has to be my world. I can't keep going in these endless circles, can I?
Her thoughts were interrupted by Hatori's return. His face darkened at her posture as he moved forward to hand her the folded clothes. "What's wrong? Has something happened?"
"No. Xander just... wasn't home either," Buffy said quickly, wishing that she had better prepared herself for the lie. She took the clothing from Hatori, quickly shaking out the baggy green cargo pants and pulling them up over her bare legs. She cinched the large waist shut with the drawstring, tying a secure double knot as Hatori dialed the numbers to set up her long distance call. He was suspicious, probably, but he completed the procedure without probing further. Soon, she was alone again in the room, pulling the tight dress off and replacing it with the loose white t-shirt that had come along with the pants. Hidden between the folded pants and shirt was a pair of white socks tied together. She struggled to untie the knot while cradling the phone between her neck and shoulder.
The change into comfortable clothes relaxed Buffy, and she leaned back against the desk, taking the phone into her hands again after pulling the socks onto her feet, waiting for the prompt to enter Willow's number. When it came, she dialed the number to the dorm room she and Willow shared, waiting eagerly to hear her friend's distinctive voice.
"Hello?"
"Willow?" It didn't sound like Willow.
"Um, yes. Who is this?"
"Buffy. Buffy Summers."
"I'm sorry, I don't know any Buffy Summers."
No.
Buffy persisted, struggling to validate her existence in the eyes of her friend, herself. "Yes, yes you do. We went to Sunnydale High School together and share that room at Sunnydale U. Have you and Xander totally lost it? It's me, Buffy."
"But I don't know any--well, maybe..."
A pause, the moment where fate's threads stretched taut, shivering with unreleased tension.
"No. I'm sorry, I don't you, or any Buffys. I don't know what else to say."
Hope left.
Buffy laid the receiver carefully in the cradle, handling it gently as her hands shook. She stared at them, wondering who they belonged to and where her fabled strength had gone.
"You don't belong here."
When Buffy turned around slowly to see the source of the voice, the hateful words that nonetheless rang more true than anything else she had been told since she'd fallen into Wonderland, she saw Akito leaning heavily against the back wall, having entered without her notice. He was eerily similar to the Akito from the other dimension, though there was an important difference that her cloudy mind was refusing to acknowledge. She was left staring at him wordlessly.
"You don't belong anywhere."
Like a rock thrown at a mirror, a thousand reflections of the gravity of her situation, the words pierced her protective veil and displayed the horror of her new world, the void where her life should have been.
The answer came to her. It had vanished.
She reached behind blindly and gripped the edge of Hatori's desk, holding herself up. Unable to speak, but there was nothing to say.
Akito nodded, appearing to understand her perfectly without the bridge of communication. "We can talk here, or we can go to my quarters and do it there. Either way, I am going to tell you things that you don't want to hear--or believe. Are you ready to start understanding why this is happening to you?"
She found her voice, though it was no longer the voice of Buffy Summers. She might have made some witty remark before giving assent to the request, making light of the dire sitation.
Now, acceptance.
"Yes."
