Chapter 10: Christmas and the New Year
"Um, Houston, we have a problem." Ron jogged up to Harry, who was walking with Hermione and Sapphire, clutching a letter.
"Oh no, what is it?" The trio chimed simultaneously.
"The Dark Lord Voldemort is attacking Hogwarts." The trio was about to say their respective line, but Ron continued. "Mum won't let Sapphire come for Christmas."
"Why?"
Ron sighed. "Bill is bringing his girl friend, Fleur Delacour, who is bringing her parents and little sister so they can meet us, but Charlie is also coming back, so we can't have friends over. Mum's exception would be Harry, but personally, it's already going to be packed. You know Mum though, she'll just suck it up and act like everything's normal, when she is really stressed about the whole issue."
Hermione gasped. "Ron, you just spoke the most lines in this entire fan fiction!"
Harry, Sapphire, and Ron yelled, "Hermione just broke the Fourth Wall!"
"But that's beside the point. Point is, Gin and I have to go home, and so does the rest of the DA. What are you going to do, Harry?" Ron continued seriously.
Harry's lip curled in a manner reminiscent of Snape. "I'm going to wreak havoc with my favorite ancient friend."
Ron and Hermione exchanged a look. This so wasn't going to end well for the Parselmouths' targets.
December 25th:
Christmas saw Harry and Sapphire happily skipping toward the Great Hall for the feast. They burst into the hall, and screamed, "Happy Christmas!" before bouncing off to join the small round table of professors.
"Well, this is a nice change." Sapphire commented lightly.
The professors seemed nervous for some reason; maybe it was because Sapphire and Harry were the only two students left at Hogwarts or maybe they were waiting for something to explode.
"What?" Harry asked innocently.
"The pair of you has gone five minutes without blowing something up." Snape dead panned.
Harry rolled his eyes. "That was like, one time!"
Snape was referring to an explosion that happened to involve a bludger, swelling solution, Firewhiskey, and a box of ice mice. Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt, but Mrs. Norris was still singed in some places.
About halfway through the Christmas dinner, Lord Voldemort walked into the hall wearing a Santa hat on his bald head.
"Happy Christmas all," The Dark Lord called cheerily.
No one, save Harry and Sapphire, greeted him back.
"Now is that anyway to treat our guest?" Harry asked the table.
A few mumbled "Happy Christmas" to the rather festive Dark Lord.
"Do shut your mouth Severus, or you'll catch flies." Snape instantly shut his mouth, wondering if he was supposed to bow or something.
"No need for such formality here," Voldemort said apathetically, while Severus nodded briefly, showing that he understood. The rest of the table was confused.
Voldemort walked to the table and sat between Harry and McGonagall.
"So how are you doing, Minerva? It has been a long time."
Minerva just looked puzzled.
Voldemort chuckled. "Why Minerva, don't you remember a young, charming lad by the name of Tom Riddle?'
"You mean my ex-boyfriend?" Minerva inquired; Harry choked.
Severus grumbled and paid Remus five galleons.
At the inquisitive glances, Remus said, "We decided to bet on someone shocking Harry."
"Oh my God, you dated him!" Harry gestured wildly at Voldemort.
Minerva gasped. "You're the sweet Tom Riddle I dated at Hogwarts! I dated the Dark Lord…."
Voldemort bowed as best he could while sitting. "The very same,"
"If you don't mind, why are you here?" Dumbledore asked, though his eyes weren't twinkling.
"If you must know I was invited." Voldemort shot a glare at Harry.
Dumbledore saw his gaze and frowned.
"Harry, why did you invite Lord Voldemort to Hogwarts for Christmas?"
"ARE YOU INSANE?" Remus and Severus shouted.
"'Cuz I felt like it. Possibly," Harry said in response to both questions.
Voldemort instantly perked up. "If you're possibly insane, does that mean that you'll join me?"
The silence was deafening until Harry replied. "Probably not, you do have a thing for torturing your followers. Quite frankly, I'm not a masochist."
"But you could torture Muggles with me. We'd be unstoppable!" The Dark Lord whined.
"There are only three Muggles I want to torture; I do that by simply existing."
An awkward silence fell over the table until Voldemort came to an important realization.
"Didn't you know I was coming Severus? You cosigned the letter with Potter."
"No I didn't."
Voldemort sighed and pulled out a letter and read:
"Dearest Dark Lord Voldemort AKA Tom Marvolo Riddle,
We have decided to invite you for both Christmas and the New Year. However, we also know that you will try to take advantage of the situation. Therefore, you must swear in Parseltongue that you will not bring another person (i.e. Girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, lover, best friend, pawn, torturer, Death Eater, anyone with a dark mark, Muggle, or Animagus) with you when you come for Christmas and the New Year.
Next you shall promise not to injure, abuse, aggrieve, batter, blemish, blight, break, contort, cripple, cut up, damage, deface, deform, disable, disfigure, distort, distress, do in, draw blood, foul, foul up, grieve, hack up, impair, maim, maltreat, mangle, mar, mutilate, pain, prejudice, ruin, shake up, spoil, sting, tarnish, torment, torture, total, undermine, vitiate, wax, weaken, wound, wrong anyone in Hogwarts Castle, Hogwarts grounds, or the village of Hogsmeade itself (including the Shrieking Shack).
You shall promise not to do any of those things with any of the following: axe, flail, knife, dirk, machete, mace, Morning Star, Nunchaku, Sword (including but not limited to; katana, broadsword, claymore, long sword, saber, short sword, scimitar, or cutlass) javelin, spear, trident, battering ram, catapult, Siege Tower, Greek fire, cannon, glaive, halberd, lance, pike, any form or combination of bow and arrows, any form of gun (ancient, medieval, or current nor any that is manual, semiautomatic, automatic, or machine), other assassination weapons (i.e. poisons, throwing stars), or harmful household liquids or objects (Bleach, toilet cleaner, frying pans, etc.). Any and all other forms of wandless or wand/staff magic is banned as well.
We will be informed the moment you read this letter and when you decide to take your vow.
Lots of love,
HP & SS"
P.S. You must also wear a Santa hat and bring presents on Christmas.
Voldemort finished the letter and the rest of the table gaped at Harry.
"What? You can't say that we weren't thorough. I even used a thesaurus."
"But then, who's SS if it isn't Severus?" Voldemort asked, puzzled.
"That would be me. Sapphire Slytherin at your service,"
Voldemort's jaw dropped. "Slytherin, as in Salazar Slytherin?"
"Of course! I take it you don't believe me." Sapphire added in response to the Dark Lord's disbelief.
{How do you think we knew that you can't lie if you speak Parseltongue?}
{Voldie, do us a favor and shut your mouth before you catch flies} Harry smirked.
{You really are Slytherin's heir….} Voldemort trailed off looking thoughtful.
{Daughter, actually}
"Would you stop it with the snake speak? It is exceptionally annoying to those of us that can't understand you." Severus complained.
{Whatever Batman} Harry and Sapphire snickered at the Dark Lord's remark.
{Gotta love being able to insult people without their knowledge} Harry giggled and the other two nodded and laughed.
"Okay, we're done with snake speak for the moment." Harry replied dryly.
"Good. Now I can make my clichéd attempt on your life."
Voldemort pulled out a key and enlarged it so it was the size of a small sword.
"Now, I shall pique you to death with my giant key!"
"Damn Harry, we forgot one!"
"You're going to bludgeon me to death with a giant key." Both teen Parselmouths spoke simultaneously and with the exact same amount of astonishment.
"Well, it's like the only thing you didn't ban from my use as a murder weapon."
Voldemort sighed, shrunk his key, and pulled out a couple presents.
"Well, here's your present, twerp. This was supposed to go to Severus, but I guess I should give it to you."
Voldemort thrust a large square, green package at Harry, and a red cylindrical one at Sapphire.
"By the way Potter, I like the decorations." Voldemort pointed to the other two students (Gryffindor and Slytherin first years) that were left at Hogwarts and were currently being used as tree toppers.
Seeing the teachers horrified looks, Harry assured them, "they've only been Confunded and Stunned for a couple of hours."
"We plan on Obliviating them later too." Sapphire added.
"Oh and Voldie," here several teachers gasped, "You have to watch us open your presents."
Voldemort huffed and sat back down.
"Ready?"
"One,"
"Two,"
"Three,"
"RIP!" The pair ripped off the paper and threw it at whoever was closest (Snape and McGonagall respectively).
Harry's box contained several small fire salamanders and Sapphire's contained a bottle of Extra-Strength Firewhiskey. The Devil Duo looked at each other's present and smirked; an evil plot was just created. Voldemort, being the only insane/psychopathic one figured out instantly what the duo was going to do. He paled even further (which was quite a feat).
Snape, having a knack for guessing the Dark Lord's reactions, paled as well when he reached the same conclusion the Dark Lord had.
Harry muttered something to Sapphire who giggled and gave him an evil grin in return. These grins didn't bode well for the rest of the table, all of whom were slowly catching on.
"Well, I best be off." Voldemort rose from the table and started to walk to the doors. "I'll see you at the New Year."
"Thanks, Voldemort! We can't wait to see you again!" The possibly insane duo grabbed their presents and skipped out of the hall after Obliviating the two first years.
McGonagall turned to Snape. "You didn't tell him about the Ice Mice Incident, did you?"
Snape chuckled darkly. "Of course I didn't, and I most certainly regret it now."
Both professors looked at each other and started to bang their heads against the wall.
December 31st:
New Year's Eve was turning into a day of dreaded waiting for the staff at Hogwarts. No salamander guts had been found anywhere outside of Snape's storage rooms and no explosions had commenced either.
Dumbledore had finished setting up the large, crystal ball that was going to be dropped to bring in the New Year, Sapphire and Harry walked in, wearing a New Year tiara and top hat respectively.
"Ooh, that's really pretty," Sapphire gasped.
"You forgot the countdown timer though." Harry added.
"Indeed I did, my dear boy." With a flick of the Elder Wand, a large, fiery set of numbers were drawn seemingly in midair.
"Much better," Harry nodded in approval.
The first years that were decorations on Christmas, weren't present, as they were simply transfigured garden gnomes. The rest of the professors entered and some were eating the hors d'oeuvres that were on the buffet table. Others simply mingled, and were anxiously awaiting the arrival of the Dark Lord.
The Dark Lord wandered in at half-past ten, and meandered his way over to Sapphire and Harry.
"Happy New Year," The Dark Lord was also wearing a New Year's hat, which matched Harry's.
"Happy New Year,"
"Did Snape, by any chance, tell you about the Ice Mice Incident?" Harry asked nervously.
Voldemort looked perplexed. "No. Why?"
Harry let out a sigh of relief. "Then you'll be one of the few that'll be surprised tonight."
"Okay…." Voldemort walked quickly over to Snape.
"Severus, what's the Ice Mice Incident?" Snape paled dramatically.
"Potter mentioned that, didn't he?" At Voldemort's nod, he paled further.
"Then all I'm telling you is that it involved a bludger, swelling solution, Firewhiskey, and a box of ice mice."
Voldemort's eyes were as round as saucers. "Oh,"
The count down had reached 11:55 and all the occupants of the castle were gathered in front of the crystal ball that was slowly rising.
"Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One!" The hall's occupants were shouting the last ten seconds.
"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" The crystal ball dropped and shattered, showering the hall with bright sparkles and lights.
At the New Year, Harry quickly pressed his lips to Sapphire's.
"Happy New Year, Sapphire."
At her puzzled expression, Harry quickly explained. "You always kiss someone close to you on the New Year. This is the first time I've actually gotten to do it, though."
"Okay then, Happy New Year Harry." Sapphire brushed her lips against Harry's briefly, before pulling away, blushing.
The rest of the Hall stared at them in disbelief.
"Honestly, have any of you heard that you are supposed to kiss someone close to you on New Years?"
The collective look of "oh" appeared on their faces.
"Now, for the grand finale!" Sapphire shouted.
Harry removed the spell that kept the crate of fire salamanders hidden. He opened the crate and poured Sapphire's Firewhiskey into the crate, before promptly running away. The hall watched in morbid fascination as the crate set itself on fire and exploded, sending burning shrapnel around the hall.
The salamanders were changing colors quickly, like little flaming fireworks. The professors and Voldemort turned as one to face the teens.
"So that's what happens when you give fire salamanders Firewhiskey." Harry said in awe as he and Sapphire raced out of the room, the professors hot on their tails.
"I rather like the new Harry Potter." Voldemort said to the flaming room as he walked out of the castle and Apparated to Somewhere Evil.
A/N: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
-Yes, I know this chapter is late, but at least now it makes sense. Trust me when I say that this chapter didn't even make sense to me, and I was the one writing it.
-As for Sapphire, should I pair her with Harry or not? Please let me know what you think.
CHALLENGE: Tell me (in a review or PM) what you really think happened with the Ice Mice Incident. The person/people who are the closest will get the 'Ice Mice Incident' one shot dedicated to them. You have until February 14th so please submit your ideas.
Thanks!
~A. Rosalie
