(A/N):Sorry for the long wait but here it is Wonderland! If you see any errors please tell me, and for the long wait this chapter is twice as long as normal!
Disclaimer: I do NOT own kingdom hearts! WOW!
"Let the cards read your future!" Marluxia spoke as he shuffled a deck of tarot cards.
"You know I hate theatrics, just get it over with now." Larxene spoke clenching her fists. Marluxia had taken her yellow dress that she stole, and was now holding it hostage.
"Okay! Okay! This card represents you!" Marluxia pulled the top card off the deck, placing it on the table in the gummi ship. "Ah, 'The Empress'. It represents authority, and control, but it's upside down, so it represents being manipulative, and having to be a control-freak."
"Does it really? I betting you made that up." Larxene glared at Marluxia, he ignored her.
"This card is your past." Marluxia pulled another card. "The Death."
"Marluxia, your cards must be retarded or something, cause I'm still alive." Larxene laughed at Marluxia's foolish mistake.
"Er... the death card represents transition... not actual death but movement of some sort... of which you have been doing." Marluxia weaseled his way out of the situation. "Anyway, the next card, your present!"
"Whatever..." Larxene spoke pulling out a Marquis de Sade book.
"The Fool, but it's upside down, so it means a broken promise." Marluxia said.
"Promise..." Larxene spoke, remembering a little something from Atlantica... "Um... we gotta go. Sorry we can't save er... dig you out of the ground! Gotta go now bye!" Rikku yelled as she and the others fairies flew away quickly.
"Don't leave me here in the sand!" Larxene yelled. A rumbling began to shake the beach. "What's going on? I can't quite turn my head to see the beach." She spoke as she flipped backwards to look as the sea... and there it was, a giant tidal wave quickly approaching the shore. "Hell no! Help me somebody! Nobody! I don't care get me out of this damnable sand!" Larxene yelled.
"Weeeeeeeee!" Saix yelled as he surfed at the top of the tidal wave.
"No! I refuse to die like this! Not at the hands of three fairies!" Larxene began to cry in panic. "I swear I'll burn all my Marquis de Sade books if I survive this!" The tidal wave sucked all the water from the shore, as it began to curve over Larxene. "No, no, no, no, no, no!" Larxene yelled as the water crashed upon the shore, submerging, everything, except Saix, in water.
"Promise..." Larxene spoke looking down at her favorite book. "Nothing that I can think of, nope, nothing... damn fairies."
"Hum? I sense something deeper going on here." Marluxia spoke revealing the next card. "Your future... 'The Tower', it represents disaster." A mysterious breeze revealed another card. "Huh? The queen of hearts card? What could that mean?" Marluxia stared at the card.
"It means that you put too much faith into your fortune telling." Larxene tormented Marluxia.
"Silence infidel!" Marluxia yelled.
"Oh! Me next! Me next!" Saix yelled pushing Larxene out of the way.
"Yay at least some one likes my fortunes." Marluxia cheered as he shuffled the deck.
"What about us?" Yuna complained sitting on Saix head.
"Yeah! We want our fortunes too!" Rikku spoke.
"I have a fan club!" Marluxia cheered as he started laying the cards.
"Poor unfortunate souls..." Xigbar spoke playing with a dust bunny.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Roxas yelled in reaction to Xigbar's words. "I'm sorry Ursula! Please don't put me in a key hole again! Wahhhh!" He hugged Axel as tight as he could as he had his nervous breakdown. Axel however ignored him and continued looking at his loot.
"Let's see, one diamond studded tiara, gold jewelry, silver jewelry, crown, scepter, signet ring, and lots and lots of clothes." Axel boasted as he wrote a list of all the items.
"I wonder what wonderland is like." Demyx spoke as he piloted the moogle ship.
"..." Zexion remained silent. "I have heard of it." He finally spoke.
"Yeah? What kind of things have you heard?" Demyx asked.
"Don't drink the water." Zexion spoke in an ominous tone, with a serious look on his face.
"WHY DOES THE TOWER AND QUEEN OF HEARTS KEEP POPPING UP!" Marluxia yelled as he dealt the cards again, with similar results. "Fine! We'll just use a Ouija board!" Marluxia moved the pointer across the board. "Q-U-E-E-N-O-F-H-E-A-R-T-S. GRAHHHHHH!" Marluxia threw the board across the ship. As the board flew across the ship it beamed Demyx across the head knocking him unconscious. The ship began to spin out of control as everyone screamed for their lives... except Zexion who was too cool for that, and Saix who was cheering thinking it was a roller coaster. Naturally not Demyx either, as he was knocked out.
"Hello?" Yuna spoke trying to wake up Demyx.
"What are you and who are you doing?" Demyx asked stupidly. Yuna's face turned bright red at the question, and promptly the fairy kicked Demyx in the face.
"Ouch! What was that for!" Demyx stood up pinching his bleeding nose. He looked around, it was a strange twisted room, and different pieces of furniture were stuck to the walls and ceiling. Strangely enough, or normally, he was still in his org robe. "Hey where is everyone else?"
"Oh, they kinda went 'running' off." Yuna spoke. "Except her!" Yuna pointed to a figure sitting in the corner, dressed like a nurse.
"Larxene? Larxene is that you." Demyx asked as he approached the nurse.
"I'm afraid we've lost the patient doctor." Larxene spoke, still turned away from Demyx.
"Larxene what are you talking about?"
"The patient doctor." She spoke throwing a broken doll over her shoulder. She slowly turned to face Demyx, she was wearing cherry red lipstick, and round glasses.
"Is something wrong?" Yuna asked as she and the other fairies landed on Demyx's head.
"Oh Doctor! You're bleeding! We have to treat that stat!" Larxene yelled as she pulled out a giant syringe.
"Um... what are you going to do with that?" Demyx asked nervously.
"WE HAVE TO OPERATE!" Larxene yelled pointing the needle at Demyx. "Clench your teeth and take your medication!"
"Well.. Okay!" Demyx calmly spoke, paused for a second, turned in the opposite direction, than ran from that needle as fast as his legs could carry him.
"Doctor comeback! It'll get infected!" Larxene chased after Demyx.
"No, no, a piece of tissue paper will make it all better!"
"Doctor we both know a needle full of morphine will make the bleeding go down!"
"I think you got the quote wrong." Demyx yelled as he reached the end of the hallway, and ran though a door.
"Here's my special treatment!" Larxene yelled as Demyx slammed the door in her face.
"No needles!" Demyx panted as he sat against the door.
"Doctor! Doctor, the door is stuck! Open the door before the wound gets infected!"
"I said it'll be fine!" Demyx spoke, he looked around the room, sitting in the middle of the floor was a table and a chair; Demyx quickly grabbed the chair and wedged it in front of the door.
"I'll have to make an incision..." Larxene spoke from behind the door, she suddenly became silent.
"That was close." Yuna spoke as she, Rikku, and Paine sat on the table in the middle of the room.
"I wonder where the others are?" Demyx asked he looked around the small room. He looked down to see a tiny door. "A... door?". Suddenly the door knob snorted, and Demyx jumped back.
"Leave me alone! I'm sleeping." The door spoke as it went back to sleep.
Demyx stared at the snoring door in disbelief. "I'm crazy, definitely crazy, I'm still knocked out, back in the hallway, with a serious concussion." Demyx spoke as Yuna, and the others stared at him. "But crazy people don't know their crazy, and sleeping people don't know their asleep... this must be real."
"I wonder if they know that this world causes delusions and mass hysteria?" Yuna spoke.
"No definitely not." Paine calmly spoke.
"I think Demy-chan over there is developing hypochondria..." Rikku spoke.
"Not surprising, Miss Sadist lady developed multiple personality disorder." Paine spoke.
"I wonder what happened to the others?" Yuna asked.
"I know exactly what happened, they all went crazy, and are raving lunatics running around in la-la land." Paine stated bluntly.
"You mean wonderland he-he!" Rikku cheered.
"Am I coming down with something? Yes that must be it, I must be sick or something."
"There he goes..." Yuna spoke.
"Yunie! Look what I found!" Rikku spoke as she pointed at a blue bottle sitting on the stove on the right side of the room.
"Is that what I think it is?" Yuna flew over to the bottle. "Help me lift it!"
The three fairies lifted the bottle off the stove, floating it up in the air.
"Over Demy-chan." Rikku spoke as they lifted the bottle over Demyx's head.
"Drop it!" Rikku yelled as they let the bottle fall. The bottle smashed on Demyx's head, knocking him out, as it's cap popped open, the bottle fell into his mouth...
"Huh?" Demyx woke as he stared up at the ceiling. "My head... really hurts." He looked around at the room, it... was very large. Demyx stared at the large furniture for a minute, then it finally hit him.
"I'M TINY!" Suddenly a noise came from behind the now giant door, as a huge needle came shooting through it.
"Doctor! Doctor! You're needed in surgery!" The voice of Larxene yelled from outside the door. Demyx panicked as he looked around the room for a route of escape. It was hard to see, but there was a hole in the wall behind a bed. Demyx ran for the hole as fast as he could as Larxene turned the door into pin cushion.
"Doctor? Doctor? Where are you?" Larxene spoke as she broke down the door. "AHHHHH! He must have lost so much blood he disappeared!" Larxene yelled, having lost another patient.
"So this is where you all were?" Demyx asked as he sat in a covered cage with, Zexion, Axel, Roxas, and Xigbar.
"Yes." Zexion calmly spoke.
"And you all have mental diseases?"
"Yes... Xigbar went mute, Axel, and Roxas are developing phobias..." Zexion answered.
"And you?"
"I don't know what disease I have yet." Zexion answered.
"Where's Saix, and the others then?"
"..." Zexion said nothing.
"Let the trial begin!" A loud woman's voice yelled as the curtain covering the cage fell off, revealing a hedge maze, and several podiums that looked like judge and jury stands.
"Welcome to the court of hearts!" A tiny white rabbit spoke. "Presenting her majesty! The queen of hearts!" Several trumpets sounded as a very obese woman took her seat at the judge's podium.
"And her visiting royal highness! Marie Antoinette!"
"Let them eat cake!" The voice of Saix was heard as he came into view, he was dressed as a french queen. His hair was two feet high, his face covered in makeup, and he was wearing the most ungodly fluffy blue dressed covered in ribbons.
"Saix... has multiple personality disorder, and thinks he's Marie Antoinette." Zexion spoke pinching his nose.
"These people stand accused of being associated with the agent of evil, the King of Spades!" The Queen of Hearts spoke.
"What! were on trial!" Demyx yelled as he jumped up causing the cage to shake.
"AHHHHHH! It's an earthquake!" Roxas, and Axel spoke in unison. "We're going to die!" They cried.
"..." Xigbar remained silent, though he seemed to be mouthing several profane words with his mouth.
"Silence you!" The Queen of Hearts demanded. "Now in the name of fairness, you can give me one reason not to lop off all your heads, but be careful, you only get one, single, chance."
"Demyx!" Zexion cheerfully spoke. Demyx jumped up like a bomb had went off behind him.
"Zexy what's wrong?" Demyx asked as the other nobodies stared.
"I just figured out my mental disease!" Zexion smiled. "I'm bipolar!"
"..." Demyx stared blankly at the 'happy' Zexion.
"I'll get us out of here! Just follow my lead." Zexion spoke. As he turned toward the Queen of Hearts. "With all due respect, she did it!" Zexion pointed to Queen Saix. Who was in a shocked state at the accusation. As were the other nobodies at the fact that this tactic came from ZEXION'S mind. But they all played along, and began to point at Saix as well.
"Well..." The Queen of Hearts paused. "...Okay! Off with her head!" She yelled. The card soldiers quickly captured Saix, and prepared the guillotine. They slowly carted Saix on a ox wagon to the blade.
"I am the queen of France! All I wanted was for you to eat cake!" Said yelled as they put his head into the guillotine. In the distance the sound of trumpets could be heard approaching.
"Stop everything!" The Queen of Hearts spoke. "He approaches! The King of Spades! Prepare for battle!" She yelled as spade suit cards poured into the hedge maze, the hearts began to fight them as the Queen retreated.
"I set you free my loyal followers!" Saix spoke as he escaped from the guillotine and set the other nobodies free.
"Free! Free!" Zexion cheered jumping up and down with Demyx.
"Doom, doom, doom." Axel and Roxas cried.
"..." Xigbar still was mouthing profanity.
"There he is! The King of Spades!" The Queen of Hearts yelled from her secret hiding place. As the King of Spades came into view, his identity was revealed... it was Luxord.
"Luxord-kun!" Saix yelled as he ran to Luxord, and jumped on him.
Luxord stared confused for a minute. He looked over to the others. "Coffee high?" He asked, everyone nodded.
"Use the secret weapon!" The Queen of Hearts yelled. "THE FAN OF DOOM!"
"Ha-ha this is my chance!" A voice yelled as a woman in a pink dress with a heart tattooed on her chest flew out of nowhere. "I am the great fairy Le Blanc!" She yelled as she pulled out a giant fan.
"Oh... Bloody... Hell." Luxord spoke, then ran for his life. "All of you!" He pointed to the spades. "Sacrifice yourselves as I run away!"
"Luxord-kun! Don't leave me! Xiggy-para-para won't talk to me!" Saix yelled as he followed.
"...!...!" Xigbar was still mouthing obscenities.
"Follow them now!" Zexion (in angry mode) yelled, dragging Demyx along by his sleeve.
The group was now in a strange, dark forest. They stopped by a lake that looked painted on the ground.
"That was close." Demyx panted as the others rested. "Huh Zexy?" Demyx looked over to the said nobody. Zexion was slumped over with his head cradled in his arms.
"I want to be alone." Zexion spoke. "This world sucks, I hate everything, I hate everyone." He was now in depressed mode.
"Good thing I'm a nobody huh?" Demyx joked.
"Just leave me alone to rot." Zexion responded.
"The forest is filled with fairies today." A strange voice spoke, a mouth and eyes appearing in the air. "Among other oddities in a world of oddities." The mouth spoke as it's owner, a cat, appeared.
"Begone evil dust bunny!" Saix, now dressed in a maid's uniform yelled, as he hit the cat with a feather duster causing it to disappear.
"You did wrong! You did wrong! You blew up the Cheshire cat!" The voice of Marluxia spoke as he came into view, he was wearing a ballerina tutu with butterfly wings.
"..." Xigbar mouthed something.
"What did he say?" Demyx asked Axel, and Roxas who were currently crying.
"Evil cats, and butterflies! Save us wah!" They cried.
"He said, 'Marluxia, what the hell are you wearing?'." Zexion spoke in his usual calm voice.
"Zexy? You're back to normal?" Demyx asked, Zexion remained silent.
"Silly goose!" Marluxia squealed. "There's no such thing as normal! Come meet the Queen of the Fairies!" Marluxia yelled as he went yelling though the forest screaming. "I'm the Sugarplum Fairy!"
"Where are they?" Le Blanc panted as she stumbled out of the tall grass near the group. "I'm the great Le blanc! How can I be reduced to this kind of work?" She turned to her left, noticing the group of nobodies staring at her. "There you are I'll kill you! NO LOVE LOST!" She yelled as she sent a giant wind storm at the group.
"...!...!...!...!" Xigbar tried to yelled several different things but failed. Axel, and Roxas ran away for their lives, as Saix tried to use his feather duster to keep the wind back... yeah right...
The wind caught them in a tornado, spinning the group of nobodies in the air. Demyx grabbed a large flower to keep him from begin sucked up.
"Ouch that hurts! What do you want?" The flower asked.
"Um... not to be flying around in the air." Demyx answered.
"Oh then you need to gain more weight!" The flower spoke as it's petals began to unfold...
"Hahahahahahahah! I have finally won! NO ONE can defeat the great Le Blanc!" She boasted as the ground began to rumble. A giant shadow appeared within Le Blanc's no love lost tornado, it grew bigger, and bigger destroying the tornado, the figure was wearing a organization cloak as it grew upward though the branches of the trees, only to the waist down of the form could be seen.
"Oh my holy, holy, holy god..." Le Blanc gasped as she stared up at the form, with the other nobodies, except for Roxas and Axel who were crying about 'fans of doom', and 'giant water boys'. "Run Away!" Le Blanc screamed as she fled.
"Is that Demy-chan? He's really, really big!" Saix spoke. The giant figure began to move. It bent down, and the head of Demyx came into view.
"Um..." The giant Demyx spoke. "I gained a little extra... uh... weight?" He spoke in a booming voice, his words sounded like a bad excuse.
"YOU THINK?" Saix, Zexion, and Luxord yelled, but not Axel and Roxas as they were to afraid to, and naturally not Xigbar as he couldn't talk.
Demyx sat sheepishly on the ground, his head still in the tree branches as the others stood in front of him talking.
"So how are we going to fix this?" Luxord asked the others.
"Yes, yes, he's to big to ride on his own ship! Or fit through any doors..." Saix cheered, now dressed as a cheerleader with pom-poms. Xigbar did sign language, but was ignored.
"Well I'm sure were we'll figure out something!" Happy Zexion spoke, staring up at the embarrassed looking giant. Normally when Demyx was embarrassed, he'd run away and hide. But the way he was now, the chances of him finding ANY hiding place was zero. (Xigbar did more sign language, and was still ignored)
"He would be useful for taking down the Queen Of Hearts..." Luxord spoke as he plotted.
As the group discussed on how to deal with the gigantic Demyx, Axel, and Roxas looked at a very large red flower.
"Axel! Don't get too close or it'll eat you!" Roxas panicked as Axel sniffed it.
"Oh Roxas It's not gonna eat me, it has no mouth!" Axel told him.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE NO MOUTH? I CAN TALK JUST FINE!" The flower yelled, causing Axel, and Roxas to jump back.
"Ahhh it talked!" Roxas said as he grasped his 'heart'.
"Of course I can talk, hello? You're in freaking WONDERLAND! Now what do you want?" The flower asked.
"Um... to help our friend over there." Roxas pointed to the giant Demyx.
"What? He looks fine to me." The flower spoke back.
"He's bigger than a freaking whale!" Axel yelled.
"Fine! Fine! I'll help!" The flower caved. "Just go to the queen of the fairies, ans she'll help you okay?" As the flower finished speaking, all the other flowers in the forest opened up and began to speak.
"Yes, the queen of the fairies will help you!" Random flowers spoke. "Yes, yes the queen is all powerful!" Others said.
Axel, and Roxas told the others what the flowers had told them as they began to head though the forest, naturally, Demyx had to crawl through the forest in order to make sure he didn't step on anyone, but as he crawled his hands and knees left deep impressions on the ground, he crushed a few flowers, which were now screaming in agony. Other wise nothing hurt... poor flowers. They eventually made it to a strange clearing, with an abstract house at the center with a large table set with teacups. The group gathered around the table. Suddenly out of the teapot sitting on the center of the table a man, and a rabbit popped out, and began singing.
"Happy un-birthday to you! Happy un-birthday to you... hey what's your name?" The little man asked to Saix, now dressed as a can-can girl.
"I'm Saix!" He spoke as he hopped on the table, and danced the can-can with the little man. Zexion rushed forward in a fit of rage and grabbed the little man.
"Who are you, and where's the Fairy Queen?" Zexion asked as he gave the man the evil eye.
"Um I'm the Mad Hatter, and she's right in there!" He spoke as he pointed to his house.
"I'm the great fairy queen!"A voice spoke as the door opened as a normal sized Yuna, dressed in a flowery dress spoke as normal sized Rikku and Paine, and still dressed like a ballerina Marluxia appeared behind her. She looked at Zexion strangling the mad hatter. "Oh it's only you... What do you want? Do you have a problem?" She asked. All of the nobodies pointed at the enlarged Demyx. "HOLY- THAT"S A BIG PROBLEM!" She yelled as she panicked. "I think I can fix it!" Three strange purple ovals appeared, and spun around Yuna. "This should cure all status effects!"
Fairy dust poured over the nobodies, Demyx shrank back to normal, Xigbar began to speak, Axel, and Roxas stopped crying, Marluxia realized what he was wearing, but didn't care, Luxord stopped trying to take over Wonderland, Zexion stopped trying to kill people, and Saix... yes Saix... his coffee high broke.
"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!" Saix yelled, everything instantly stopped. "YOU FOOLS! YOU CAN'T FEEL! YOU SHOULD BE DOING YOUR MISSIONS! NOT PARTYING!" He looks down to see his can-can dress. "AND WHAT THE HELL AM I WEARING DAMN IT!" He turned berserk, and approached the other like a rabid dog.
"Yo Saix calm down, they were just trying to have fun!" Xigbar defended the others.
"SCREW YOU! YOU INCOMPETENT NUMBER TWO! I SHOULD BE NUMBER TWO! NOT FREAKING SEVEN! XEMNAS VALUES ME MORE THAN ANY OF YOU FOOLISH 'wah I have feelings' WEAKLINGS!" Saix growled as he foamed at the mouth.
"I'll save you!" Le Blanc yelled as she flew out of nowhere, and slapped Saix on the face with her fan. "Bad puppy! No treat for you!" Le Blanc yelled.
"ROAR!" Saix screamed biting the fan out of Le Blanc's hand.
"Uh..." Le Blanc stared at her chewed up fan. "WAHHHHHHH!" She cried, and hid behind Demyx.
"I'll save you!" Another voice cheered. It was Nurse Larxene. She stood in front of Saix with her giant syringe, as he continued to growl. "Circle, circle, dot, dot, now you'll get a rabies shot!" Larxene yelled as she injected something into Saix, instantly knocking him out.
"Who knew Miss Sadist Lady would actually SAVE us..." Yuna spoke.
"Yeah..." Rikku, and Paine agreed.
(A/N): Did you like it? Please Review! (If you didn't know, Yuna is dressed in her floral fallal, also Demyx's sickness was hypochondria, but it went away...)
