a/n: though many events will correspond to the marvelous j.k. rowling's timeline, some will not correspond to the exact order of events.
on another note, thank you so very much for the review, favorites, and follows. they mean so much to me.
"Hufflepuff's lost to Slytherin by thirty points! That means we're in the lead!" Benjamin informed me exuberantly. It was Sunday, the day before midterm exams and raining, and the five of us girls were gathered around a table trudging through our History of Magic lecture notes. Benjamin, James, and Sirius had just come in, soaking wet with their brooms, and upon seeing me, had come to talk about Quidditch.
"Yeah, we are in the lead" I replied happily, "But we've still got to win our next two matches in stay on top."
"Look, these aren't even notes. I completely fell asleep that day…", Marlene pointed to a couple random squiggles on a blank parchment page. She moaned, "There's nothing for it! I'm going to fail."
When nobody responded, Marlene rested her head on Lily's knee and said dramatically, "Fail, Lily. Your best friend is going to fail, doesn't that mean anything to you?"
"Shut up and read these", Lily said, pushing her perfect notes towards Marlene without glancing up.
"We're going to win this year" Sirius said confidently, ignoring the spectacle of a dying Marlene behind me, "I can feel it. And even if I didn't feel so good about it, we'd win anyways, we'd make it happen- for Alexander. It's his last year."
"Wood is the best Gryffindor Captain ever" James admitted, "It's going to make a difference having him gone next year."
"I hope he has children later" I said wistfully, "They'll make great Quidditch players."
"Right, I'll let him know you're interested, shall I?" James laughed.
"Not like that!", I protested.
"Ray, would you keep it down?" Lily asked me, her head buried in-between the pages of our gigantic Potions textbook.
"Let's make the best of these upcoming games, eh?" Benjamin said in a low voice, grinning.
"Yeah, definitely" I replied quietly, smiling.
"Now that you've established that obvious fact, go away, we're trying to study" Dorcas shushed us.
Sirius rolled his eyes at her, "Studying, who needs that?"
"Not all of us are as fortunate as you with your massive head-space, Black", Dorcas replied.
Before Sirius could protest indignantly, Benjamin had dragged him and James away, but Sirius still had the opportunity to make to a very obscene gesture at Dorcas.
"You keep that up and he might just like you someday", Alice teased, smiling. Dorcas pretended to vomit and said in disgust, "With Black? Never." Marlene looked torn between laughter and jealously. Lily was still studying furiously. I hesitated. Like? As in, a relationship? I shook my head at the thought. There was no way. Every Gryffindor was too close to a sibling to me, just by virtue of being in the same house. Or maybe that was just what I told myself because I knew the alternative was my lonesome self being the constant third wheel. In my group of friends, I was by far the least attractive in any possible way. I shook my head, ignored the sinking feeling in my heart, and focused on History of Magic again.
"Did you hear? Did you hear?" The school was abuzz on a Thursday morning, with an unusual amount of students at breakfast. Usually the students were exhausted and in their dorms, catching every last bit of sleep they could before class.
"Hear what?" I asked the others as I sat down at Gryffindor table.
The girls didn't know, but Frank Longbottom turned to us and informed us, "Davey Gudgeon… He nearly lost an eye to the Whomping Willow. A few students were playing around near the tree last evening, trying to get as close as they could to it without getting hurt…"
"Stupid bloke", Dorcas shook her head, "As if he could outsmart even a stationary tree."
"Wait, so he actually lost his eye?", Marlene asked, grimacing.
"No, almost, don't you listen?", Dorcas responded tartly.
Frank left us soon after, not noticing a blushing Alice, and sat down besides Remus Lupin. I looked at Remus for a brief moment and frowned. He still looked sickly and worried… And that crease between his eyebrows, it never went away. If he had children, I'd bet that they were born with carefully thoughtful frowns. But in all seriousness, Remus never seemed to get any better. He couldn't still have the flu, could he?
He got up and began to leave. His name was on the tip of my tongue but then I remembered how he had wished for me to leave him alone in the hospital. I bit my lip again, forcing myself from calling out to him.
"Remus…" Instead I watched as Lily called to him. He didn't seem to reject her. In fact, he smiled warmly at her as she approached and the two of them walked out of the Great Hall together.
I don't have it. I don't have that genuine caring aura like Lily does nor do I have any charismatic influence like Jamie nor Dorcas' witty cleverness… I haven't got any defining feature that makes me people in me. And I don't know how to show people I care. Well, if I was to live a normal life and die, I might as well get on with it and stop letting it depress me.
"Meet you guys in class", I said to the others, suddenly losing my appetite, and left the table.
That morning, while on my way to the History of Magic Tower, I remember seeing a rather tall and very slender man standing in front of a Gargoyle, which Dorcas told me led to was the Headmaster's Office. He had dark hair, but other than that feature, it was hard to distinguish him for he looked almost… waxy, blurry, not quite… all… there…
That same night, when I accidently took a wrong turn to the Astronomy tower, I saw him pacing back and forth in front of a portrait of trolls in tutus, muttering to himself. Again, it was hard to focus on his physical appearance.
I quickly backed away before he saw me, but the spot never left my mind.
Corridor on the seventh floor…
I don't know why I should remember it… but that image engraved itself very distinctly in my mind for the man seemed slightly… out of place. Odd.
The match against Ravenclaw was an easy win. Though Athena Cross was an extremely good Chaser, Gryffindor had three extremely good, if not slightly hare-brained, Chasers. Their Seeker, Xenophilius Lovegood, was extremely slow as he kept getting distracted by cloud shapes. Once when I passed him while searching for the Snitch, I heard him muttering to himself that the Resurrection Stone was "nearby", he could "feel it". Wondering how he ever managed to get onto the Quidditch team, I swiped the Snitch from near the Ravenclaw goal post to an overwhelming victory.
Slytherin also steamrollered Ravenclaw and so what it came down to was this: If Gryffindor won, we would win the Quidditch Cup and place ourselves in the lead for the House Cup with Ravenclaw. If we lost to Hufflepuff, Slytherin would win the Quidditch Cup and most likely, the House Cup. In short, there was a lot on the line.
Therefore, on the days leading up to the final match, Slytherins of all ages and magical abilities did essentially anything they could to target the Gryffindor Quidditch team throughout the day, in the hallways, out on the school grounds… some Slytherin girl tried to hex me in the toilet. She missed and I would have considered the result as unfortunate had she not been trying to hex me in the first place.
When some Slytherin Trip-Jinxed me for the fourth time that day, I barely bit back my temper.
As it were, when a passing second-year Slytherin 'accidently' dumped a bowl of soup on my head at dinner, I leapt out and seethed, "Enough!"
The second-year, terrified, jumped away and found refuge behind some older Slytherins.
"Scourgify", Lily pointed her wand at me smartly and the soup disappeared.
"Keep your temper", Dorcas warned, "It's no use retaliating. You'll only get suspended from the team."
"I'm going up", I said grumpily, and swinging my book bag over my shoulder I went up to the common room, seething and starving.
Four hours later, the girls had joined me around the table at the common room, doing Transfiguration homework. I'd just finished my conclusion when my stomach growled loudly.
"Ugh, I'm hungry", I complained, rolling up my essay and leaning back in my chair. My stomach growled again.
"We tried to bring you food but it disappeared before we could grab any", Alice said apologetically.
"No worries, Alice, I think I'll just go down to the kitchens", I said, getting up.
"It's past curfew, so you'd better watch out for Filch", Lily cautioned.
Though it was past curfew, when I got to the kitchens, not only were the house elves there, but so were James, Sirius, Lupin and Peter. They seemed to be waiting on food.
"Blimey, you scared me!" Peter cried out upon seeing me, "I thought you were a Professor…"
I just shook my head to let him know he wasn't in trouble.
"Does Miss want anything?" a house elf asked me.
"Yeah, I skipped dinner so I…"
"Not to worry!", the elf squeaked and rushed off.
The Marauders and I just stood there, some feet apart…
This is quite awkward.
Apparently, Remus thought so too because he came over and began to speak with me, "Hello, Raylynx."
"Hey, Lupin."
Are you feeling all right? I really hope you're feeling better. But I kept my mouth shut. He did seem to be a little better, but then, he always seemed happier and calmer when he was with Sirius, James, and Peter.
"Um… how're you holding up against the Slytherins? Have they been bothering you a lot?" he asked, clearly trying to start a conversation.
"It's been all right. Some girl tried to hex me in the bathroom the other day", I said, trying to get him to smile.
Instead, he looked startled, "That bad?"
"Even us guys know when to draw the line", Sirius said, walking over, "Course, when you're a male, the mess of hexing someone as they-"
"Sirius", Remus said with a half-amused, half-pained look.
"Right, sorry", Sirius replied, grinning, then turned to me, "Hope you hexed her a good one right back."
"No", I said, sounding rather timid, even to my own ears, "I've been trying to keep out of trouble."
Sirius laughed at me as though I were completely pathetic, "Listen, Kingsley. There are plenty of ways to retaliate without getting caught."
Yeah, and while you and your brilliant mind can do it, I can't. Nor would I have the courage to. I don't like hexing people.
"I prefer not to risk it", I said shortly.
Sirius shrugged and replied, "Suit yourself" before turning away from me.
Although it was stupid, my heart sank. I knew that if there could be anything done to ensure that Sirius Black respected you less, it was to be practical, boring, and safe. All three of which I was.
"Let's go, mate" James said suddenly, coming towards us with an armful of freshly-out-of-the-oven pastries.
Sirius looked at me rather condescendingly before turning and beginning to leave.
"Here" Lupin said kindly, taking a pastry from James and offering it to me.
And as they left through the kitchen door, Peter waved good-bye.
But almost as soon as they'd left, there was a loud shout just outside.
"Protego!"
"Miss, your-"
"Wait!", I said to the house-elf and dashed outside.
The pastries were scattered on the floor and all four boys had their wands drawn.
Further down the corridor, half obscured in darkness, were five boys were sneers on their faces.
I recognized them- Slytherins. Two seventh years- Jugson and Nott, and then, lurking behind them uncomfortably were Slytherins our year: Regulus Black, Alecto Carrow, and Severus Snape.
"Petrificus Totalus!" Regulus shouted and a jet of blue blasted into the corridor, but Sirius easily deflected it, laughing loudly as he shouting back, "You'll have to do better than that to beat me, little brother!"
My initial instinct to seeing this duel was to run back into the kitchen and hide but when Nott barked out sharply, "Crucio!", I froze.
The four boys had scattered, with Sirius shoving Peter out towards the wall. James had dove in the opposite direction, out of harm's way, but Remus tripped slightly.
And then I saw it, clear as day, the spell was heading straight for Remus Lupin. Unimaginable horror and dread filled me.
If it had been any of the other boys, I wouldn't have felt a rush of courage overwhelm me… They, they could all fend for themselves. Even Peter, with his cunningness, would have found a way, but not Remus. Not gentle, kind, unsuspecting Remus…
"No!"
I sprinted forward…
It was as if everything was in slow motion… and yet- yet there was no time to whip out my wand, only time to shove Remus out of the way, only-
Pain. Unendurable pain. My entire body was being absolutely pierced by sharp, flesh-piercing, burning white-hot knives. They were raking my stomach, my legs, my back, every inch of me, dragging down my flesh and scalding into my veins.
And there was this frightfully loud, piercing scream coming from somewhere… somewhere…
It's me, the tiny part of my brain not occupied with pain realized, I'm screaming.
It took ages until the pain stopped and I gasped in relief, shuddering and shaking on the floor, though I had no memory of falling. Spasms ran through my body, rebelling against the suddenly tightening of the muscles in every part of my body.
"-said to wait to use Unforgivables, Nott, you idiot! If we get caught before initiation-"
"Shut up and go, go!"
"You bastards! Come back!" I heard someone snarl loudly and footsteps running away could be heard.
I felt someone crouch down next to me.
"Raylynx? Raylynx, can you hear me?"
Still breathing hard, I blearily looked up through my tears and sweat to see Lupin next to me, worry etched back into his face.
Suddenly, the door to the Hufflepuff dorm slowly opened and a few Hufflepuffs cautiously proceeded out the door, wands drawn and ready.
Upon seeing me, Zayne yelled and pushing past the other Hufflepuffs, raced over to me, "Ray! Ray, are you okay?!"
I couldn't get words past my mangled throat, raw from screaming.
"What the bloody hell happened?" Zayne said angrily, advancing onto James, Sirius, and Peter. Peter ducked behind Sirius, but James held his hands up and said, "It wasn't us, mate, I swear. It wasn't."
"Come on, let's get you to the hospital wing" Lupin said to me gently. I shook my head and my voice came out trembling, "P-please d-don't touch me."
He hesitated at my reaction, but he argued softly, "Please, we have to get you to the hospital wing."
He very cautiously scooped me up. I whimpered and flinched when I was touched, afraid of more pain. At the hospital door, I insisted Lupin put me down, afraid of giving Poppy a heart-attack when she saw me unable to walk on my own. My legs trembled and I grabbed Remus' shoulder rather brutally at one point, but I made it into the hospital wing on my own two feet.
Nevertheless, Poppy's nostrils flared when she saw me.
"Again, girl?", she seethed, livid, "And do you know what time of the night it is?"
"What happened?" she asked me tersely, forcing me to sit on the bed.
I started to tell her when James cut in loudly, "We played a prank on her, but she freaked out and fell down a flight of stairs."
Poppy tutted and pressed her wand on my wrist for a moment. "You're a little clammy, but you're all right. I'll be back with a Potion." She disappeared into her Office.
Immediately, Zayne turned to James and said accusingly, "Why are you covering up for the Slytherins, if it really was them who did this to her?"
"I didn't want to give them the luxury of the easy way out", James replied scathingly, not bothering to look at Zayne.
"Are you stupid? That's exactly what you did- give them the easy way out. They won't be held accountable for their actions because of you", Zayne said loudly.
"You have no idea what you're talking about", James said, starting to get very annoyed, "so will you shut up a bit?"
Zayne made a motion as though to punch James in the face but Sirius stood up immediately, towering over all of us, as we were sitting down.
"Take it easy, mate", Sirius growled, his moody eyes piercing.
Poppy bustled out of her office and handed me a glowing blue Potion. I drank it, feeling the cold liquid cascade down my throat. It seemed to flow through my veins immediately, freezing my blood. Then, when it began to thaw and disappear, it erased any traces of weariness and soreness in my body.
"Better?" Poppy asked me.
"Perfect. Thanks, Poppy" I told her.
She nodded and replied sternly, "You're free to go, but be careful and try not to fall down any more staircases. You're in here enough from Quidditch as it is."
We all left the hospital wing then but I stopped in the corridor and turned to James.
"Why didn't you tell her the truth?" I asked, trying to restrain my anger. It was my right to tell others what had happened. In some ways, it was my responsibility to report what had happened, to ensure the safety of my friends. What if some deranged Slytherin decided to use an Unforgivable Curse on some as pure and innocent as Alice someday? Besides, who was James Potter to butt in and lie like that?
But James looked straight at me, unabashed and responded, "Because it wouldn't have made a bit of difference."
"What?" I asked, not believing my eyes, "You think reporting to someone as powerful as Dumbledore won't make a difference?"
Sirius sighed impatiently and said arrogantly, "That's the problem with you naïve people, you think everything can be solved by reporting it to authorities. Hasn't it ever occurred to you that maybe, even in the top ranks- no, especially in the top ranks, people are just as corruptible?"
"The law clearly states that the use of an Unforgivable lands you in Azkaban", I argued back, "There's no room for corruptibility in a law that straightforward."
"Merlin, look at you", Sirius sneered at me meanly, "believing that law is justice. How simple-minded. But I'll tell you exactly what happens when you don't fight your own battles- you report him, his parents threaten a few of the jury members, pay off a couple others, and he's home free the very next day."
"And no", Sirius added harshly, "I'm not being cynical, I'm telling you what I've seen, growing up in a house full of maniacal pureblood elitists."
A ringing silence followed his words but finally Zayne remarked, "Fight your own battles? So, what, in the end, this comes down to pride?"
James' eyes flashed in anger and he retorted, tight-lipped, "I hardly think a Hufflepuff could lecture me on pride."
Zayne's fingers itched towards his wand and all four Gryffindor boys mirrored his move.
"Stop it", I said impatiently, "I've had enough fighting for one night." The memory of the Cruciatis Curse ripping me apart replayed in my mind and I shut my eyes. It was all I could do to keep myself from trembling again.
"Raylynx is right", Remus said calmly, "let's go."
He turned on his heel and left, Peter and James following him haughtily, without a second glance. Sirius threw a dark look over his shoulder at Zayne before he too, turned to follow the others.
"You all right?" Zayne asked me, noticing how pale I was.
"Yeah, fine", I said as I forced the memory from my mind. But then as that imaginary pain left my mind, a physical pain of hunger ran through my unhappy stomach.
"I'm sorry I fought with them", Zayne said, shaking his head, "But they're so arrogant. What, they think that they have to take it upon themselves to hand out justice because the law fails? They're just fourth-years, what can they do?"
Embarrassingly, my stomach chose this moment to growl loudly.
Zayne smiled laughingly at me, all traces of annoyance leaving his face, and he beckoned to me, "C'mon, let's get you some food." But instead of heading for the kitchens, he headed back to the Hufflepuff common room, drumming out a tune on the barrels. The door opened and he disappeared inside it.
I hesitated before following him into Hufflepuff territory. It was extremely cozy, with a low, gold ceiling and yellow and black streamers crisscrossing the ceiling and great tapestries hung across the walls. Instead of one large open space (like Gryffindor's common room), there were several small rooms joined together by door-less frames. And what was more, there seemed to be an unlabeled theme assigned to each room.
The first room we entered into had a merry fire crackling in the fireplace and an assortment of comfortable chairs and plush pillows in front of it. This room entered into two other rooms. One seemed to be a study room and inside a few students were still scribbling tiredly. It was rather clean, except for a few broken quills and crumpled pieces of parchment lying around. The second room was the one we went into and it was incredibly festive. In one corner was a great big pile of donated games for all Hufflepuff students to play at their leisure- Gobstones, Wizard's Chess, Exploding Snap, Quidditch Run, Wizard's Chance, Battle of the Beasts… And besides the pile of games was a large table filled with all kinds of pastries, fruits, and drinks. There was even a steaming pile of bacon.
"Wha-? Who does this? House elves?" I asked, my mouth watering.
"Nah", Zayne replied, "We do. I mean, the students. We're not forced to get food or anything, but we Hufflepuffs take it as an unspoken agreement to replenish food for our friends."
"But you're right next to the kitchens", I pointed out, in-between bites of a steaming dish of macaroni and cheese.
"Yeah, we are, but that's not the point is it? It's just nice to support each other and have that feeling of camaraderie, you know? Besides, it's somewhat of a tradition. Merlin, Ray, slow down."
I clamped onto a toasty warm bread roll and reveled in its saltiness and filling texture. Then, strawberries.
"You're not hungry at all?" I asked Zayne. It seemed to be impossible that anyone could be full right now, when I was so hungry.
"No", Zayne replied, amused as I was noticeably torn between choosing the barbeque ribs or the salmon, "I don't usually eat at one in the morning."
"It's one in the morning?" I said in disbelief, "Right now?" I hadn't realized the time- Lily, Alice, Dorcas, and Marlene were probably worried sick about me. I hoped the Gryffindor boys would tell them the same lie they told to Poppy, I didn't want my friends sneaking around in the dead of the night trying to find me.
"I've got to go", I stood up, though it hurt my heart to leave the food, "My friends are probably worried."
"I can walk you back", Zayne offered, standing up with me though he looked exhausted.
"No", I responded firmly, "Zayne, you've done enough for me already. You need to sleep. I'll be fine."
"No, Ray, let me-" Zayne began but I shook my head and stated again, "No, mate, I'll be fine on my own."
Zayne sighed but gave in, saying, "All right, He studied me and finally said, "All right, come on, I'll find you a partner to walk with."
"What do you mean 'partner'?" I asked, confused.
We snuck out into the corridor and Zayne whisper-yelled, "Friar?"
The Fat Friar, the ghost of Hufflepuff, was a jolly old ghost who, as his name suggested, packed some extra baggage in his belly. But instead of the Fat Friar, a tall and pale lady of stern demeanor that on some accounts added, and on other accounts detracted, from her great beauty, came floating up to us.
She spoke to us in a sharp but monotonous voice, "The Fat Friar is currently otherwise occupied. Persuading Filch to give Peeves a second chance, I think. What is your need?"
"Gray Lady", Zayne greeted her with more formality, "I have a favor to request. Could you escort my friend to the Gryffindor common room? Make sure she's safe?"
The Gray Lady paused, deliberating if this was a worthwhile way to spend her eternal time, before she nodded.
Zayne turned to me, "Be careful. This is not the time for you to get hurt. You have a Quidditch match soon."
"You bet on me to catch the Snitch, didn't you?" I laughed.
"'Course not", Zayne said, rolling his eyes, "I do have house loyalty, you idiot. I'm betting you lose."
"Right. Thanks. Night."
I made my way down the corridor then, feeling very awkward with the Gray Lady besides me.
"You don't really have to do this, you know", I said, but she did not reply.
It was a very long, quiet trek to the Gryffindor common room.
"Well", I said, avoiding looking at her, "thank you, Gray Lady." I turned away.
"That boy", she suddenly spoke, stopping me, "treasure him, even just as your friend."
"I will…but why do you say that, Lady?", I replied, slightly confused about where this was going.
"His attention to you was raw, considerate… As it should be. Beware the overly sympathetic, beware those who seem to understand. For they-", she stopped herself, and looking greatly pained, she murmured "Good night" before floating away.
I stood there at the door, very perplexed at what had just occurred, before shrugging and waking up an indignant Fat Lady and entering the dorm.
There were still a few Gryffindors studying in different corners of the room, but I immediately recognized Remus Lupin and James Potter, both falling asleep in chairs in front of the fireplace.
Remus' head slipped and he jerked awake. His eyes opened blearily and landed on me. Upon recognizing me, he leapt to his feet and shook James' shoulder. James stirred before he yawned and semi-consciously mussed up his hair. He cracked open an eyeball underneath his glasses and upon seeing me, said sleepily, "Oh, are you back? All right then, I'm going to sleep." And he made his way tiredly up to the boy's dorm.
"Raylynx, are you all right?" Remus asked, coming towards me. His expression was open and earnest, his eyes pleading.
"Where are the girls?" I asked him, ignoring his question. I was still having mixed feelings about these four boys and the fact that they'd lied about how I'd been hurt without even consulting me.
"Asleep, I think. They meant to visit you at the hospital wing first thing in the morning", Remus replied.
He hesitated and then admitted, "We told them you… tripped."
"Right", I said testily, half-relieved and half-angry that they had lied. I tried to keep my face neutral as I stepped around him but Remus carefully stepped in front of me.
"You… you're not angry with us?" he asked a little guiltily.
"No", I replied automatically. Then I paused.
That answer had started as a total lie and ended as absolute truth. Because it was then that I realized why I was so upset about this. See, Jamie would have tackled Remus down so that the spell missed both of them. Sola would have whipped out her wand and cast a powerful Shield Charm to protect them both. Lily or Dorcas would have aimed a spell so that it hit the Cruciatis Curse in midair and caused it to rebound. It was only because I, pathetic and untalented and slow, had allowed myself to stupidly get hit by the Curse. That's why I felt so foolish about all of this- because I proved to myself that I didn't have the capability to protect someone else. I was weak. I was never ever going to be strong. And getting hit by the Curse was punishment, reminding me of my place, reminding me not to try to play the hero.
"Raylynx?"
"I'm not angry", I repeated heavily, my eyes downcast "I'm just tired. Good night, Lupin."
I stepped past him and into the girls' dormitory where they were all sleeping soundly. I got into bed and exhaustion took over, but my dreams were troubled and I woke up disoriented and restless.
