I know people are at least lookinyg at the story, so some freedback would be nice. This begins the angsty part of the story. It was fun to write. Enjoy

Where It All Begins part 12

Lwaxana and Kestra came down to the lobby followed by their security detail of 8. They made quite the sight as they entered the lobby. Deanna tried to appear small so as not to be seen as a part of the spectacle. Kestra spotted her sister sitting on one of the lobby couches. She was use to being part of this type of procession began to feel embarrassed for Deanna. She looked over at her mother who apparently saw nothing out of the ordinary.

"Is it necessary to have all of the security detail accompany us to cocktails and dinner? I don't think Deanna presents a high security risk," Kestra asked her mother telepathically.

"It's not Deanna I'm concerned about," her mother responded.

"Mother you know you cannot communicate telepathically with Deanna around."

"I know," spoke quietly to her daughter. Lwaxana gave a subtle hand gesture to the security detail who fanned out to flank the room making themselves blend in with the scenery.

When her mother and sister reached her, Deanna stood unsure of what type of greeting to offer them.

"It's good to see you Deanna. I'm glad you could join us for cocktails and dinner. Too bad it had to be under these circumstances." Lwaxana glanced over at her eldest daughter.

"Hello Deanna," Kestra said quietly.

"Hello mother. Hello Kestra. I guess we have a lot to talk about. Should we go to the bar?" Deanna questioned apprehensively.

Lwaxana smiled at her daughter. "Yes we do have much to talk about. I have reserved a private room where we can speak without interruption and enjoy our dinner in peace."

A concierge approached Lwaxana and bowed deeply. "Madame Ambassador your private room is ready. There are servers ready to provide whatever you need. Please follow me." He led all three of them to an elaborately decorated room and held out chair for each of them seating Lwaxana first. "Enjoy your evening ladies." He quietly exited the room and two servers entered the room and stood against the wall waiting for orders.

They sat looking at each other awkwardly for several moments. Not being able to handle the silence, Deanna turned to face one of the servers and asked for an ale.

"Make that two," Kestra added.

"Madame would you care for a cocktail," the server asked of the ambassador.

"Why yes. I will have a Tulaberry wine. Please bring a tray of appetizers.

"Yes Madame."

After the server left, the women engaged in frivolous small talk until the server returned with the drinks and food.

Once Deanna had a drink she took a healthy gulp and sat the glass on the table. "So, are we gonna talk about this bullshit or just continue to play nice?" Deanna demanded as she looked at both women sitting across from her.

"Deanna I…I am…" Kestra stuttered as she slid her finger around the lip of her glass. "I am sorry. This is not how I wanted you to find out. Actually I never wanted you to find out that I was having you followed."

"Then why? Why would you want to have me followed? I have stayed out of both of yours lives. I thought that would make you both happy. After all isn't that what you both wanted?" Deanna was trying her best to keep her anger in check. She felt genuine remorse with her sister but sensed that her mother was hiding her emotions from her.

"Mother do you want to tell her or should I?"

Deanna glared at her mother. She knew her mother couldn't be as innocent as her father professed.

"You lied to my father? You told him that you had nothing to do with this. I knew you couldn't stay out of my life even from 5 light years away." Deanna stood as if she was going to leave.

"Deanna don't leave. Please," Kestra pleaded with her sister.

"Why should I stay? I refuse to continue to be some pawn in your crazy chess game."

"You know I hired that woman to follow you. Mother didn't know I hired her. But it was because of her I did it," she tried to explain.

"What are you talking about? You won the magic key to the Betazed kingdom. I was never pure enough." Deanna looked at her mother as she said this. She noticed that her facial expression never changed and she still could not sense her emotions. Her sister's on the other hand broadcast loud and clear, guilt, remorse, and sadness. She turned to look at her sister and softened her expression as she retook her seat. She downed the remainder of her ale and called for the server to bring her another.

Kestra looked down at her hands as she said in barely a whisper, "I didn't ask for it either."

Deanna looked at her sister for a long moment trying to figure out what was going on. "Were you trying to hurt me Kestra?"

Her head shot up to look at her sister. "No. Never. I would never hurt you. Again."

She felt no deception from her sister. "Then why?"

'I'm going tell her of our conversation earlier mother,' she told her mother with her mind.

'Do what you must little one,' her mother replied calmly.

'Stop calling me "little one." I'm not a child.'

'You are my child.'

Deanna could sense that the two women were communicating telepathically by the way they looked at each other. Her head panned between the two of them. Her anger started to rise. "I hope you two were able to get your story straight," she said bitterly.

"I'm sorry Deanna. That was rude. I don't want to hurt you anymore." Tears began to glisten in her eyes and her voice became shaky. "I have been living with the pain of the last time I hurt you. You were such a joy to me when we were children."

"You decided you couldn't be bothered with a half blood. I was a hindrance to you. Weren't those your words?"

"No those were mother's words. I wanted to play games but mother kept telling me I didn't have time for games. I had to prepare for my place in Betazed society as it was my birthright. I didn't understand why you were different and that's when mother explained about you," Kestra said weeping. She looked at her mother and couldn't keep the anger and hurt from her facial expression and her thoughts.

Deanna winced visibly at the power of her sister's emotions. She noticed that her mother had only a minute response to her daughter's statement. She didn't know what to feel herself. Her sister missed her? How could that be, she seemed so happy to be a part of mother's world. She walked away from her so easily.

Looking at Kestra, Deanna closed her eyes and said, "You want me to believe that you missed me after all these years." She opened her eyes blinking several times to hide back the tears. "You left me! If you missed me so bad, why did you choose now to try to make contact with me?"

"I guess I finally got brave enough to face what I've done. No, what she made me do," Kestra spat pointing at her mother. She turned and looked at Deanna and gently placed her hand on top of her sister's. "I don't know if I deserve another chance to be your sister or if you even want me to be your sister. But I want to try to be the sister I should have been, if you will let me."

Not knowing what to think or feel, Deanna just stared at her sister. Could she really begin a relationship with her sister after all that time that had passed between them. Did she really want to? She thought she had said goodbye to a relationship with her sister a long time ago. What about her mother? She would never stand for someone coming between her plans for Kestra to take her place in Betazed society.

There were so many thoughts and emotions swimming in her mind that she was becoming dizzy. She placed her hands to on either side of her head as she lowered it in her lap. After a few minutes she lifted her head to look at her sister again. "How do you suppose we start over? You don't know anything about me. Oh wait, I guess you do know all about me. I don't know anything about you except that you are a full blood Betazoid and more important to our mother than I ever was!" Deanna began to get angry again not caring if she hurt her sister or mother.

Crying openly, Kestra said, "Deanna please stop. I know I don't deserve anything from you but I only wanted to know about you, to know that you were happy. Are you happy?"

"I taught myself to be happy."

"I'm sorry," Kestra said in a very hushed tone.

"What about you mother? You have been extremely quiet throughout all of this. I bet you are trying to figure out a way to put everything back it nice orderly boxes like it was before."

Lwaxana sat even taller than she was sitting before. She carefully looked from Kestra to Deanna and took a deep breath and trained her sight on her youngest daughter. "My dear, your sister is able to make her own decisions. I know that both of you may never understand the choices I have made. I may never be able to explain to make you understand."

"Why don't you give it a shot? I dying to hear why you were happy to pawn me off on my father and evict me from Betazed," Deanna responded as she stared at her mother.

"It was nothing like that. Your father felt it was best that you lived with him on Earth after we were divorced. You would be able to grow up with your cousins. You have always been welcome to come to Betazed. I have never tried to stop you."

"Oh yeah, I was free to come to Betazed. You hid me away with the servants! I knew more about Mr. Homm than I did you and he didn't even talk." Deanna stood up and walked to door calling for a servant to bring her another drink. A servant was at the door with drinks in hand for all three women in less than a minute. She grabbed her drink off his tray before he came through the door. Seeing the expression on her face he quickly deposited the drinks on the table and left the room. "Why did you marry my father anyway? You knew he was human and any child you two would have be a hybrid. Or was I a mistake?" Deanna said as she retook her seat running her finger through the condensation on the glass.

"Deanna you were not a mistake. I loved your father. I loved you." Lwaxana was speaking softly. She brought her drink to her lips but before she took a sip she added almost as an afterthought, "I still love your father even after all these years and I never stopped loving you."

"You have a funny way of showing it." Deanna took a long sip of her drink not wanting to look at her mother or sister. "You want to make nice like Kestra or are you happy with our established separation."

"Deanna it doesn't matter what mother wants. We can begin…" Kestra began before being interrupted by Deanna.

"No it does matter what mother wants Kestra. She still has the power to control both our lives and what we want be damned. I'm just lucky she doesn't give a damn about me or she probably would have forced me to marry some Betazed male who is the son or cousin of someone she is trying to gain a boon with. How many men has she set you up with Kestra?" Deanna laughed with an aggressive tone.

"That's enough Deanna! I know you are angry at me but that is no reason to be crude." Deanna glared at her mother for a moment and then concentrated on her drink. For the first time that afternoon Lwaxana showed signs of anger. "I may not have been the best mother but I loved my daughters. I would never force a choice like who you love on either of you. Deanna I accepted who you were a long time ago. I may have thoughts about who would be a good choice of mates for Kestra but I have never interfered."

"Is that true mother? You won't interfere in my love life no matter who I choose." Kestra was starting to feel more confident and thought since everyone was starting to clean out their respective closets she would join in too. Her mother nodded her head yes. "That's good because I have been seeing someone for the past year and we have been talking about getting married. I was afraid you would never approve especially when you found out who it was."

Lwaxana looked at her daughter with concern.

Seeing the look on her mother's face a grin began to tug at Kestra's lips. "Mother just to alleviate your concern, it is not a woman. His name is Pel Merris and he's Bajoran. He's the ambassador from Bajor assigned to Betazed."

Deanna perked up hearing Kestra's disclosure. She looked over at her mother and she seemed to be turning several shades of red as she drained the last of her drink. Deanna got up and walked to the door to request more drinks. She made sure to ask for something strong knowing that her mother would really need it. There was a part of her that felt sorry for her mother but only a small part. Both her daughters either not being who she wanted them to be or making choices that didn't fit her mold must have been a serious blow to her ego. Seeing the look on her face took the indignation from her mood and desire to want to attack her. For the first time she saw her as a person who felt pain. It made her want to know who this woman was.

Deanna poured her mother and sister a drink from the bottle that was brought in by the server. After handing each of them their drinks she poured one for herself.

Laughing the young woman said, "Damn aren't we a screwed up family."

Kestra found herself caught up in her sister's laughter and began laughing herself. She finally was able to see the irony in the situation.

Lwaxana found herself staring again at her daughters whose laughter was growing more out of control. She thought to herself how she had let things get so out of control. All her life she had dedicated herself to making sure her family retained their rightful place in Betazed society. She had kept to the old traditions hoping that it would solidify her oldest daughter's place. But watching her daughters now, she thought 'what was the point?' They both seemed so happy. She hadn't seen them that happy since they were little girls. Lwaxana felt her heart seize with emotional pain as tears slowly began to flow down her cheeks for the heart ache she caused her children.

Deanna was the first to notice her mother. She placed her hand on Kestra's arm signaling her to pay attention to their mother. Both woman sobered immediately realizing that the stoic older woman was crying.

Kestra went to her side taking her hand. "Mother what's the matter? What's wrong?" Deanna just sat there on the opposite side as her sister with her arms folded across her chest.

Lwaxana was openly crying now from sadness of how her children felt about her and embarrassment over her lost of control.

"Do you believe that I love you? Both of you." She looked at both her daughters with tear soaked eyes. "I have never wanted to hurt either of you. I never expect you to understand what I have done. Either way, you both will feel hurt by what I have done."

"Why don't you stop telling us what we won't understand and just tell us and let us find out for ourselves," Deanna spat out in frustration. Anger over her mother's continuous need to speak in cryptic messages was starting to wear thin on her.

Kestra retook her seat across from their mother. Deanna refilled their glasses from the bottle sitting on the table. She figured they were all going to need them. Deanna made a conscious effort to slow down in her consumption of alcohol because it was causing her to have less control over her emotions. She also noticed that her sister was starting to sip her drink as well.

Once everyone appeared to be settled Lwaxana took a deep sigh before launching into her tale. She knew she couldn't continue to hide behind the lie she convinced herself was true all these years. "Neither of you never knew your grandmother. That was done on purpose. I didn't want her to do to you what she did to me. But in the end I did the same thing. When I was a small child my mother began to groom me to take her place in the Betazed High Council. I was taught how to perform at all formal society functions and learn all points of law and traditions like being taught a Betazoid children's nursery tale. It was my responsibility to carry on our family tradition and continue to maintain my mother's position in the High Council.

"Kestra, your father was the son of the Prime Minister of Betazed. My mother held the position of first chair on the council which is the fourth seat behind the Prime Minister. I was betrothed to marry his son. Even though it was an arranged marriage, we grew to care deeply for each other. Dextron was a good and honorable man. We both took our roles very seriously since that was all we ever knew. Although deep down, we both wanted to be something different than our positions in life dictated. Before I was betrothed to Dextron I tried to court others but my mother was very skilled at chasing away any would be suitors. For your father, being the son of the Prime Minister, his life was not his own so we were wed in a formal state ceremony. After you were born, I thought things would finally become normal for us. Dextron had no desire to take his father's place and was able to tell his father so. He agreed to take a lower seat on the council so he could be available to his family."

Deanna looked over at her sister and saw that her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. She felt how difficult this was for her to hear although her face remained composed. This must have been from years of training at her mother's side. Her mother was telling the story of her life as though she was talking to the back wall. Eye contact with her daughters appeared difficult for her as it would have caused her to falter and revert back to the closed off stateswoman she apparently was bred to be. Deanna knew this was difficult for her mother to talk about but she was still struggling with letting go of the years of hurt she felt she suffered by her mother's actions.

Lwaxana closed her eyes for a moment and opened them as she stared directly at Kestra for a long moment before continuing. "Those were happy days for us. You were such a happy child and your father adored you. When he died I felt like my world was taken from me. My buffer between my mother was gone. I tried to cut myself off from the world but knew I could not do that to you little one. My mother kept telling me that I needed to throw myself into my birthright. That's how I came to be Ambassador to Earth and met Ian. He was so young and handsome. He was everything that my mother would not approve of. We fell in love and were married on Earth. The Federation had an Embassy on Betazed and he was assigned a post there. We were able to start a home there together. I hoped that because I returned to Betazed a married woman, my mother would have little influence over my life. I was wrong. She began right away. It only got worse once Deanna was born. Ian so tried to be a father to you Kestra but my mother kept telling both of us that Kestra was destined to take her father's place in the high council. I heard it so often that I started to believe it to be true.

"The biggest arguments that Ian and I had were concerning the place you two would have in the high council. I was such a coward." The older began to cry once more. She knew if she didn't finish her story she never would.

"Mother you always said that Deanna couldn't be part of the high council because of being half human. You lied to both of us?" Kestra exclaimed in disbelief. Deanna just sat there and fumed listening to her sister and mother.

Lwaxana looked at Deanna and attempted to reach out for her hand as Deanna pulled it back. "I did it to protect you Deanna. You had a chance to be free of all the obligations that I was subject to. I tried to save Kestra but because her father was a member of the royal court…"

"You were protecting me! You practically threw me away. You barely had anything to do with me. That a funny way of protecting someone," Deanna screamed at her mother.

"You had your father!" Lwaxana yelled back. She looked intently at Deanna as she continued in a softer tone. "I had to push you away. I would rather have you hate me than subject you to a life of servitude."

"So what about me mother? It was okay for me to live a life of servitude. What made me so special?" Kestra said with fury.

Placing her head in her hands, Lwaxana silently wept causing her whole body to shake. Both young woman just stared at their mother trying to comprehend what she had told them.

Lwaxana was able to gain her composure after a few minutes. She took several long ragged deep breaths before she began to speak again. "If I could have kept both of you from that life I would have. Kestra you have to understand I had to contend with your father's family and they wanted you to take your father's place."

"Why didn't you just leave with Deanna and Ian when they left for Earth?" Kestra asked trying to understand.

The older woman looked at the pattern in the table cloth. She appeared to have aged 20 years in the past few hours as she shed silent tears. "They threatened to take you away from me if I protested. Staying on Betazed, I could keep you with me and protect you the best I could. Deanna had her father who I knew would protect her. If she couldn't be with me she still had her father. Your father died and he was the only one that would have fought along with me to allow you to choose your own life direction."

"Did my father know all this before you divorced him?" Deanna asked quietly.

At hearing her youngest question, her tears started anew. "I loved Ian. I still love him. I think he still…" A sad smile appeared across her face at the mention of her ex-husband. "I had to push him away in order to protect you, Deanna. They wouldn't let me leave with him, you and Kestra. I could have left with Ian if I left Kestra with her grandparents. Ian would have never have left me if he knew what was going on, so I had to make a choice to protect you all."

"Who did you choose?" Kestra asked.

She looked into the faces of her daughters hoping they would understand her reply. How do you help a child understand that you sent her away to protect her while the other stayed close to you in order to protect her as well? She kept Kestra close to her so she could control what influences both her grandmothers tried to make on her. She had her take a position in her office in order to give the appearance that she was being groomed for her role. What others did not know is that she sent her on diplomatic missions in order to give her experiences of something other than life in the High Council. Letting Ian take Deanna to Earth was the only way she could protect her baby. She hated having to separate her two girls and depriving Kestra of a man who wanted to be her father but it was the only thing she could do.

"I chose both of you." The simple statement rang loudly in the silence of the room. Both women looked at each other trying to comprehend what their mother could mean by her comment. Lwaxana rose out of her seat and headed toward the door. "Please excuse me, I need to attend to a personal matter. I shall return. I promise." She felt a need to let them know she was done running.