- Chapter 12-

It was nothing short of spectacular, Elsa's 2K that is. Anna had a hard time believing that it was even real. To take off milliseconds from your erg time was good. To take off one second was even better. Taking off many seconds was the greatest. Yet there she had been, pondering if whether or not Elsa held the Arendelle 2K Lightweight record, while in reality Elsa had absolutely obliterated the university's standing time. Almost 6 seconds faster than the reigning record!

There could be no way that Elsa had just one day happened to pull a time so much faster. She had to have been harboring this for a while now. All of her strength and abilities. It all had been there before: Before the two sat looking at that erg screen. Before Elsa had asked her to cox. Before the winter training. Before they even started rowing together! The secrecy Elsa constantly lived in made it clear that, just as Anna had confided her own 2K in Elsa, Elsa had confided in Anna as well.

"Why did you hide your power from everyone?" As they were leaving the Athletics Center Anna had tried, in the most non-pestering way possible, to ask Elsa why she was hiding away this information. Elsa could have her name, her legacy, engraved in Arendelle Crew for years to come! Who wouldn't want that honor?

Elsa had given Anna a brief side glance. "Why did you?" The casual response had left Anna looking at her sneakers. "You say it's because you are a coxswain and you didn't want to get roped into rowing." Elsa's words were straightforward, but spoken as if addressing Anna's internal being. "But that's not it, is it." The rhetorical question caused Anna to sigh.

She answered regardless. "Because.. I do it for me. Row, I mean. I love it. I love rowing so much. My erg time's just.. icing on the cake I guess." She had felt her cheeks blush at the cheesiness of her statement, typically not revealing just how much the sport meant to her through words. Everyone knew she loved everything about rowing, but she felt her passion paled before the senior's own. She half expected to feel Elsa's critical eyes scan over her, challenging that her proclaimed passion wasn't nearly as powerful as her own. But instead, those eyes had met with Anna's and she could swear she felt a metaphorical gap be bridged. She had only been met with a mutually understanding gaze and given welcoming words.

"That's my answer too."

Anna could understand that part, but she didn't understand why Elsa wasn't more joyous in that moment. Had it been Anna's own time, she'd have been bouncing off the walls in front of Elsa for a good while, at least. Just because a time is a time, you can still hold it dear to yourself; see how far you've come and take a look at what you are capable of.

Anna had wanted to ask so much more last night, oh so much. She had wanted to hear Elsa talk more about her erg times from the past, elaborate upon her fascinating power which was constantly concealed from any discussion. To her dismay, the blonde hadn't seemed willing to touch on the topic any further.

Instead, Elsa had verbally mused the idea of going home and relaxing with some herbal tea after a strenuous and long day.

Anna had agreed. "I'm gonna go snuggle up in bed and go straight to sleep-" She stopped in her tracks in front of her dorm, causing the blonde to stop walking as well. She watched on in confusion as Anna groaned and shut her eyes. Her freckled hand slapped her forehead, crumpling her usually straight bangs. "Shit.. I have to call Hans back," she had mumbled quietly, more so to herself than anything. She had completely forgotten she'd left the boy hanging over 4 hours ago via text. When she dragged her hand down her face, she had looked up at the shadowed silhouette of the senior, the image presented to her making her regret thinking out loud. Her teal eyes were keen to catch the subtle movements on the shadowed face.

Even being backlit by the overhanging fluorescent lamp, Elsa had released her lip just a split second too late, allowing Anna to briefly notice the universal behavior of anxiety that was demonstrated across the human population. Elsa hadn't looked mad, or any of the synonyms of the words, much like Hans usually did upon the mention of Elsa. She just looked.. distant. For a moment. Just a split second was all. It had hurriedly been covered with a polite bid of a good night.

The two had shared the exchange of good byes, but there was a pause. Elsa hadn't just left silently, as per usual. Instead she had lingered for a second longer. The average onlooker wouldn't have noticed but, again, Anna wasn't just any random person to Elsa anymore. The pause was perfectly long enough for Anna to notice. Elsa had stood poised, hands tucked in her typical sporty jacket; the navy one with their Norwegian flag on the arm, with slight fraying around the collar indicative of much worn love. Anna had grown accustomed to this jacket of choice, always enjoying how well the streamline seam stitches hugged the rower's abdomen; how the dark fabric contrasted her almost white tresses yet emphasized those deep blue eyes…

Those same dark, hooded eyes lingered on the tired freckled face.

But when Elsa had taken her leave, it was swift and brisk, much like the cold evening breeze.

It had left Anna standing at the door, gaze following the retreating form of her partner, noticing how the woman's usually poised head had hung slightly lower than normal. The shared energy she had experienced gave way to a feeling of sadness. She'd never described eyes as being 'quiet' before, but that's all she could think of. Those quiet eyes were the last sight she'd had of the mysterious blonde since then.

Currently, Anna's head laid sideways on the library table as she unconsciously flipped the pages of her text book, recapping her previous evening repeatedly like it was a stuck record. It was hindering her ability to absorb anything academic. Her sideways head position prevented her from seeing the book anyway. Her brain was so drained from a long day of practice and class, despite it only being early afternoon by then. But she at least made the attempt to get to the library and read. That should count for something, right? She was just too tired.

She didn't exactly get that much sleep the night before anyway.

Upon arrival to her empty room, she had dutifully called Hans, pushing aside her much preferred idea of sleep to do so, much like the responsible girlfriend she was. They had talked for a little while, trying to make plans to actually hang out just the two of them. It was harder than Anna thought it would be. She had pulled up her planner, literally attempting to pencil in something. Silently, she noticed that her schedule was pretty filled with all of her previous engagements: three practices a day, tutoring, studying for the quickly approaching Finals Week… She didn't bother to explain that all of her prior engagements were mostly with Elsa either. She didn't feel right saying it to the boy, despite her gnawing ache for honesty. Instead, she had offered vagueness. When making plans had proved too tedious, they had moved to recounting their days.

Hans had a particularly interesting one where he had an embarrassing run in with a professor and some hot coffee. Right after that, he watched as a classmate completely split their pants during a big presentation. Then he even had found a stray pigeon sitting on the stoop beside him with a $20 bill attached to its leg. An exciting, and randomly filled day such as that was a rarity and should be captivating! But although she tried, Anna just felt so disinterested in listening, only offering sounds of encouragement as he spoke. Eventually they had said their usual awkward good night; Hans saying 'I love you' and Anna hesitantly responding 'you too'.

She flipped another page in her textbook with an unnecessary flick of her wrist, causing the paper to tear slightly, the sound echoing in the library.

Talking to Hans was gradually becoming more boring, more like a chore. It was like she didn't have much to say during their phone conversations. Ever. She wasn't sure if it was because she was spending less time with him, or whatnot, busying herself with other aspects of her life. And even so, if talking wasn't boring, then it was awkward. The whole thing just left her feeling sort of sad. They had been close and they still got a long and had fun, but it was the romantic level that just brought her spirits down. Especially every time he told her he loved her. That was what made her feel the worst. She hadn't said it back yet. It had been almost 2 months since he first said it. Still. She just.. couldn't. She had always sought out love and absolutely loved the idea of it, but it didn't feel right with Hans... It was frustrating. She wasn't frustrated with her boyfriend. Just with herself. After that phone call depressed her spirits, all she had wanted was to feel better, in any way possible.

She blindly flipped to another page, this time letting a small smile begin to meld onto her lips at her memory.

In her late night hope to cheer herself up, she had called up Elsa shortly after that frustrating conversation with Hans. She felt so compelled to, despite the late hour. She really hadn't even processed what she had done until the curious voice picked up on the other end. Anna had blinked, realizing it was the first time she'd ever heard Elsa's voice across the digital mode of communication. It was literally the first time they'd ever called each other.

At first, Elsa had been apprehensive, questioning whether everything was alright with the younger girl. This was appropriate since the entire experience was a little odd. That in itself had left Anna already feeling better to hear the genuine concern in her partner's voice. Even after Anna explained her intentions of just wanting to talk, due to her conversation with Hans, she didn't know what to expect. From previous experience, she had figured Elsa would tell her to call someone else at the request; leave the comforting job up to her best friends.

To her surprise, Elsa had agreed, explaining that she didn't know what to say exactly. Once again, Anna had just asked her to talk. It didn't matter about what. So Elsa did just that, be it slow with long pauses between sentences. She explained that she was reading a book in bed. She was on chapter 8. It was an old book, just a leisure read. She didn't really like it, but it was a break from text books. Anna had leaned up against her fluffy pillows, snuggling under her pink polka-dotted blanket and smiled. She had just listened to the generic information. She never thought hearing a 30 minute exposition about reading a book would be so enthralling.

Anna let go of another page, letting it gently flutter back to the textbook. Her hand fell down against the unknown words and diagrams that covered the sheet. Why couldn't Elsa narrate my assigned readings? It would be way more interesting..

"Hi Anna!"

She shot her face up at the exuberant whisper and chair squeaking against the tiled floor next to her. She took in the form of the tiny boy sitting beside her.

"Olaf. What are you doing here?"

The buck toothed boy looked at her peculiarly. "You asked me to join you.. Don't you remember?" His voice grew sad for a moment.

"Oh, that's right." Running a hand through her hair, Anna nodded. She had been desperate for company in the library that day and all her usual top 4 contacts were busy. Olaf and she usually had opposite schedules, but he happily joined her that day after his class got canceled. "Sorry, I just totally forgot about your class change."

He tilted his pale face. "You're tired," he said observantly.

She sighed and gently rubbed her eyes, recalling her morning struggle of putting on enough cover-up to actually have any impact. "Did my dark circles give it away?" The dark eyed boy shook his head.

"Nah. The Post-It note stuck against your cheek." He reached his thin arm out and peeled off the offensive yellow paper.

Anna chuckled at her lack of observance. "Haha. Yes, I am tired." She pulled her book closer, giving the male coxswain room to lay out his stuff.

"Was it your 2K?"

With a nod, Anna agreed. Her late night conversations had impacted her rest, but that painful race had indeed drained her. And then practice that morning had only exacerbated her physical tiredness. "Yeah. But it was worth it." It caused the pale boy to giggle.

"I bet. You PRed big time!" Anna smiled at his happy smile. He took out a book, setting it in front of him, but turning his attention to his freckled friend.

Anna smiled warmly, remembering the surprisingly great coxing from the young boy. "All thanks to your amazing coxing." He chuckled and bashfully smiled, holding his hands together. Olaf was adorable. "How did you learn to be so good?"

He shrugged beneath his baggy white sweatshirt. "Well, I always put an emphasis of encouragement, a dash of confidence and a never ending support for the rowers." Anna listened carefully to his coxswain goal areas. "Every rower has a weakness, somewhere, so I want to be ready to support them." That caught her attention. It was a concept she was familiar with, both watching rowers and experiencing the pain first hand, but she wanted to hear it from another person's perspective.

Teal eyes narrowed slightly as her curiosity was peaked. "How do you mean?"

He looked up at her. "You know. Even the toughest rowers have a weak spot. A dark place. It's hard for them to overcome a lot of the time." His voice softened, honoring the rowers he'd seen struggle through such hardships. "It's our job to help them to fight past that and to succeed."

The image of Elsa's panicked face came back to Anna's mind. Watching the blonde's speed slow down and her power drop, seeing the look of anxiousness cross her face as her muscles tensed with some unseen terror. But Anna had stopped that. She'd brought Elsa back from wherever her mind had dragged her. Her words brought her back. What had Anna said? 'Don't panic'? That sounded sort of right. She was always so foggy after coxing since most of her words were automatic, in the moment, and never to be recalled again.

"Marshall experienced that," Olaf said causing Anna to blink. "He refused to ever let me cox him since I'm his little brother. Then one day he said that he needed my help, that he couldn't do it alone. During his races, he'd get into a dark place where his thoughts told him to give up. I was able to talk him through it, remind him he could do it and that I was there to help him. Now look. He's 1st varsity in AU crew!"

"The mind does crazy things when under stress," Anna added softly, processing Olaf's story as she leaned her cheek in her palm.

"He just needed to know he had someone there for him." Olaf's childlike face glowed. "He said he felt proud rowing for me."

'I'm right here'.

That's it. That's what she had said that finally got Elsa refocused. Was that Elsa's weak spot too? She made herself appear so strong but she hid this feeling. This need for support. The Single sculler never had the option to ask for help, let alone want to require the motivation of a coxswain. Perhaps knowing that, now, she was part of a Double, part of Anna's Double, she had the ability to seek out help. To know that, whatever pain she was going through, she did not have to face it alone. Sometimes, all a person had to do was ask for help. Though, to the proudest of people, it always seemed like the hardest thing to do.

But if that's what it took Anna would never let Elsa face the struggle alone again.

"You're thinking a lot." Anna nodded at Olaf's typical observant nature. "Is it your fight with Hans?"

Anna shot him a look. She didn't understand why her relationship with Hans was of such interest to everyone. In fact, it was beginning to seem that the whole team was more interested in it than her even! And that's probably not a good thing. "We're not fighting.."

"Oh," he said, voice not changing in the slightest. "You just haven't been spending much time together." She let her head slump slightly more into her hand, feeling pathetic about that whole aspect of her dwindling romantic life. Was their relationship really that transparent? "So are you thinking about Elsa, then?"

Anna's cheek slipped out of her palm at the question and she barely caught herself from landing face first into her book. She looked at the boy. She opened her mouth and blinked before stuttering, "N-no."

"You hesitated."

"Ugh, no I didn't." He sent her an unbelieving face. Anna huffed, not even finding an argument worth the time. "Fine, yeah, maybe."

The tiny coxswain spun in his seat, book still sitting untouched in front of him. His black eyes waited expectantly on the redhead. Those oh so curious, innocent eyes. How could anyone not give into them?

Anna whispered, quietly. "I'll tell you what I'm thinking. But keep it a secret." He nodded eagerly. Anna could swear this boy was secretly a child by his mannerisms. "I coxed Elsa's 2K. Like.. the way you coxed Marshall's 2K. It was similar." The boy nodded, smile growing on his face; an adoring excitement in his eyes. "Now you can't tell anyone this, but.." He nodded and mimicked zipping his lips shut. Her eyes looked side to side nervously, but she really wanted to share this piece of information. "She PRed with a 6:56.0."

"What-mmf!" Anna's hand clapped over the shocked boy's agape mouth. She glanced at the librarian who was eyeing the duo suspiciously. She removed her hand gently, again telling him to 'shhh'. Olaf shook his head. "But.. that's impossible."

He was met with an agreeing nod and Anna's chuckle. "But it wasn't! I swear." She lowered her voice again to a whisper. "I ended up looking it up last night while I was on the phone with Hans.. Her erg time is 2 seconds away from breaking the world record in her category: 6:54.7."

Olaf clasped his hands in excitement, smile spilling over his face. "That's amazing! Did you tell-"

"-No!" she spoke immediately and shook her head, trying to ignore the librarian's glower. "No one else is supposed to know. So I need for you to keep it quiet. I just.. really wanted to tell it to someone." Her eyes pleaded with the young boy.

The short boy gave his typical Olaf giggle of excitement. "I promise Anna- Oh! Hey Elsa!" Olaf turned and waved as he whispered his typical excited greeting. When the name was recognized properly in Anna's brain, she shot a look toward the older woman. Well speak of the devil why don't ya. The blonde held her leather satchel over her shoulder, book cradled in her arms. It looked like Olaf's call had stopped her from where she was heading. She changed her direction and walked over to the duo at the table.

Elsa cordially nodded to both of the freshmen.

Anna also gave a wave, glad to see the quiet eyes she'd last seen were now replaced with the Elsa's usual cool ones. Simply cool. Not frigid cold anymore. Well, at least toward Anna this was so. Some days she could almost call those same eyes lukewarm, even. It made her smile.

Olaf piped up again now that Elsa stood before them. "We were just talking about you!"

Anna felt her spine bristle, smile tightening, and shot a glare at the boy. He didn't seem to notice.

Navy eyes blinked in surprise and glanced briefly at the redhead who resembled a child with her hand in a cookie jar. "Oh..?"

"All good things. All good things," Olaf said turning the attention away from the redhead. He smiled brightly in assurance. Anna inwardly groaned. Oh Olaf..

"I would hope so," the blonde answered gently, giving the happy boy a warm smile. He giggled sweetly in his Olaf manner. Anna gladly noted that absolutely no one was immune to the young boy's cuteness. Not even the dubbed Ice Queen. "My apologies, but I need to email my paper." Elsa blinked and redirected her eyes more so in Anna's direction. "I will see you later..?" Her hushed voice trailed off with a rising tone of question.

Later? Oh right! It's Friday again. They had recently designated Mondays and Wednesdays as additional tutoring days. Anna was still adjusting to the fact that they met so often now. How could she forget their weekly Fridays? Everything was really blending together nowadays. She quickly nodded and watched as Elsa went back in the direction of the stairwell, heading upstairs to the designated 'Quiet Floor'.

"Elsa's so cool," Olaf said with a smile, bringing Anna's attention back to him. She pursed her lips, curious if the pure little boy had heard any of the Ice Queen rumors. Anna had basically been bombarded with them at the start of their crew experience, though she always did her best to see beyond those rumors; to see the best in everyone. And honestly, she had. She wondered if Olaf was the same.

"You don't think she's.. I don't know, cold or mean?" Her words delicately danced the line of Devil's Advocate, hoping not to sway Olaf's response to one direction or another.

The boy's dark eyes widened at the mere thought. "Oh, no! I bet she's the nicest, gentlest, warmest person ever-ow!" He poked his pen into his hand and laughed looking at the inked dot it left. "Oh look, I've been impaled."

Anna sputtered a laugh with the young boy, only to get a loud shush from the librarian behind the front desk. Both freshmen mouthed apologies, but hardly able to stifle their giggles.

When it came around to their study group time, late in the evening, Anna clicked through various YouTube videos. She enjoyed the chance to actually be required to pull up a video in this week's study session. However, to her dismay, she didn't realize how hard it was going to be to find a Polish song to sing. When she had begun to think about it, she had no idea where to start. And rightfully so. She never listened to any, and Polish genres didn't seem to overlap with the Norwegian genres she was used to. It really shouldn't be this hard!

Elsa hadn't been of much help with the song search. She offered some classical artists and even a nursery rhyme as it was 'more on Anna's level'. Anna didn't appreciate the jab at her foreign language abilities.

She dramatically slumped onto her elbows. "I thought finding a Polish song would be easier.." She exited another video and began to pull up yet another. "They're all boring or long or completely odd.." The opening polka style music made her immediately click on a new video.

"Well, how about you pick something translated from a musical then." Elsa looked up from her laptop, finally offering some useful input. Looked like Anna's complaints must have been getting to her. Aha! Complaining successfully reinforced, Anna thought in delight, channeling her psychology course. Elsa continued. "Maybe from RENT, or Les Mis. Oh, or Wicked!" Her blue eyes lit up in interest and she faced the redhead.

Anna tilted her head, inquisitive to the lighter tone Elsa spoke on the last one.

Elsa seemed to notice the questioning look and scrunched her shoulders. Her voice dropped into what could only sound like slight embarrassment. "What? It's my favorite musical.. And I just love Indina Menzel's singing.." Did Elsa just gush over an actress?

Anna bit her lip to hold back her silly smile at Elsa's soft grumbling. "Well, I've never seen it." The incredulous expression she received made her laugh. "I mean I've heard the songs and know it's about a witch and stuff."

The senior sighed and smiled with an incredibly controlled calmness, adding a bit of mischief to her words. "Well looks like we'll have to watch it some time."

Anna's hands, which had been brought to her lap at the start of their chat, clenched in sudden anticipation. Elsa said 'we'. Not just Anna. She didn't tell Anna to watch it. She said 'we'! The two of them. Elsa actually implied that the two of them could watch a movie, or play, or whatever together. She squeezed her hands as a means to somehow the monitor her excitement. Hopefully her face didn't look as ridiculously excited as she felt.

The TA, so typically accustomed to maintaining an entirely silent aura, seemed a bit unnerved by the silence following her statement. Or maybe she was put off by whatever Anna's expression had so glamorously morphed into. With a quick clearing of her throat, she looked down at her laptop keyboard. "So anyway, keep thinking about your song."

The copper haired teen nodded, releasing her hands from their vice-like grip only after she had successfully contained all exuberance that had built within her. She brought her elbows up to the table and put her chin in her palms. "Hmm.. musical.. Oh! Lion King?" Anna contributed brightly. The thought triggered another. "Oh, wait! I could pick from any Disney movie! They're always translated to different languages."

"Of course you would say that," Elsa said dryly, not surprised by the answer. Anna figured she was just miffed she'd rejected the idea of translating her witch musical.

The redhead cocked a brow and smirked. "What? Disney's the best!" The TA at her side rolled her eyes, shaking her head and looking unimpressed. Anna scoffed, an appalled expression appearing as she read Elsa's face. So it was more than just a miffed feeling because Anna rejected Wicked... Elsa didn't like Disney. "Oh my God, how can you not like it? Disney is my life!"

Elsa tilted her head to look at the younger girl. "You don't need Disney to be alive."

That is totally arguable, Anna thought sarcastically. "So does this mean you don't like any Disney movies or songs?"

"No."

"Not one?" There was a miniscule pause from the blonde and Ana jumped at it instantly. "Aha! You hesitated." She blurted out Olaf's phrase from earlier, loving the directness of it and hoping to elicit some form of surprise from Elsa.

"Wh-what? I did not!" Bingo.

Anna smirked. "There is one. Which?"

Elsa groaned. "Fine. One. But I won't give you the satisfaction of knowing."

"Pffft. Please," Anna commented crossing her arms and leaning back in her swivel seat. "Don't act all high and mighty just because you happen to like one song. Everyone likes Disney. Oh! How about I sing your favorite song for the presentation?" Her eyes lit up with excitement.

"You do know I assist with grading. It won't help your grade," she disclaimed matter-of-factly.

Anna rolled her eyes. "Like I need assistance to pull off an A with my singing skills." She smiled broadly with a tinge of cockiness in her voice.

"Alright." She raised her head and gave Anna a keen look. "How will you do it if you don't know which it is?"

…Point. "I'll guess then."

"Anna, there are over 1000 songs produced in Disney movies, leaving you with a slim probability of getting it right."

The aqua eyes went round, enhancing the glimmer of light that sparkled over her teal irises. She stared innocently up toward the Senior. "And what's the probability of you just telling me and saving me the painful search process?" she asked sweetly.

Elsa smirked, finally giving in to the light mood Anna was stirring up. "Even slimmer. Now come on. I'm here to tutor and you're here to work."

Tutor. Right. Just as they were starting to have fun, Elsa had to bring her back to reality. Anna puffed her cheeks slightly in a pout, not caring if Elsa noticed it or not. Not like Anna was the type to enjoy studying anyway. Only studying with her tutor made it bearable. Her eyes looked at a long passage in her text book that she was going to have to read. She narrowed her eyes before sliding the book onto Elsa's keyboard. She tossed two saucer sized eyes up at the blonde. She won't tell me her favorite song, but I wonder if I can convince her to read to me again..

Elsa cocked a brow, not acknowledging the face next to her for a moment. "Maximus sits on my keyboard when he wants attention.."

Did she just compare me to a stupid quail? Anna figured she would be insulted if Elsa didn't actually turn her attention toward the younger girl.

After a successful win on her part, convincing Elsa to read the passage as if it were a children's story, Anna found the rest of her readings and worksheets more tolerable. The second half of their session found the two girls looking over that week's study material. "Nie, nie. That's wrong. You'd say Jestes not Jest." Elsa shook her head while pointing at a line on Anna's study worksheet. The redhead groaned.

"Ugh I always get this one wrong.. every freakin' time.." Her tired and worn down eraser went to work once more as she adjusted for her conjugation error. She had improved so much since the start of the semester, but the ownership conjugation of verbs still eluded her. If only she had paid attention in that damn third lecture..

The blonde shook her head again, this time with a gentler expression. "It takes time. And as for your last quiz-"

"-The one you conveniently forgot to tell me about?"

"- you got an 83/100," Elsa continued, ignoring Anna's sarcastic interruption. "That is a great improvement." The redhead glanced up at the blonde with a small smile, dropping her offended aura the moment Elsa attached a compliment at the end of her explanation.

"Dzienkuje!"

She absolutely loved hearing compliments. Come on, who didn't? Yet hearing it from the rower at her side was unlike when anyone else said it. Unlike Hans who peppered her with compliments daily, Elsa's were rare and few. Despite loving compliments, Anna had to acknowledge that endearments you received for hard work were the best of all. It made them seem more sincere; that Anna had worked to impress the blonde, as well as impress herself. And the compliments were never seated in her physical appearance. They were always regarding her school work or athletic improvements. They were directed to her as a person. Like Elsa was seeing something special in her.

With pride in her chest, she diligently began her work again.

Sending the younger girl a hidden smile, the blonde left Anna to continue her work, turning her attention back to highlighting a text line in her Language Acquisition book.

After managing to concentrate on a full page worth of writing for almost 20 minutes straight, Anna lazily turned her eyes out the window. The late-November evening was already completely cast in darkness. She glanced at her watch. It was not even 7pm yet and the shadows had engulfed the city in a blanket of black. As much as Anna loved the cooler seasons, she could do without the early rise of night. It made the nightly walks home from the library a pain too, every step just a lonely journey to the next overhanging light pole that lit the way down the empty sidewalks.

"Why the sigh?" Anna blinked, only then realizing that a breath had escaped through her lips. She looked at Elsa whose eyes were still engrossed in her textbook. If the voice wasn't so distinct, Anna would have thought she'd imagined it.

Anna looked back at her study sheet. "It's just lame walking back home so late from the campus. After tutoring I just like to curl up in bed and watch Netflix."

"Ever the scholar," Elsa said lightly. Anna shrugged at the understandable joke, knowing full well her lazy attitude toward school was incomparable to the older woman. She knew that Elsa went home and continued to work, sometimes even opting to stay in the study room past their tutor reservation. Remembering how Elsa occasionally sent her texts after midnight indicated the woman was awake even beyond the library's hours. If anyone was ever a scholar, it was the dedicated rower next to her.

The redhead finished up her study paper, already aware that Elsa would be staying late to grade the class's homework from yesterday, let alone finish her own school work. She quietly pulled on her winter coat and packed up her backpack while Elsa opened up her laptop to begin working on a Thesis.. or something. Anna still only had a vague idea of what the Senior actually did for school work. She secretly dreaded the looming workload attached to Senior year.

Anna headed toward the door. "Alright, I'll see you at 8am," she said, always enjoying the fact they could sleep in on Saturday mornings. Her hand was on the doorknob when Elsa's voice stopped her.

"Anna.. um.. I was wondering.." Anna watched Elsa's mouth freeze, lips moving to purse together. "..Never mind." She tucked her head back down to the laptop screen. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Oh, like Hell Anna was going to let that kind of conversation starter be left unexamined. "No no no, what were you going to say?" she asked, body turning back around to face the seated girl.

The older woman had a thoughtful look, as if she were debating whether or not her question was worth asking. She chewed on her lip for a moment before collecting herself. Then, she lifted a poised head and rephrased her question, formality concealing any signs of her previous nervousness. "Would you like our usual Friday study session to be at my apartment next week?"

Anna's jaw unhinged at the suggestion. Although it was left unstated, she could practically hear Elsa's additional suggestion that they hang out afterwards. She wasn't positive if this was due to Elsa considering Anna's previous complaints about walking home late after the study session, or if maybe Elsa was still upset about declining Anna's offer to get dinner earlier that week. Oh well. It didn't matter. Not able to squeeze her hands this time, Anna fought down a squeal of excitement and was sure that she sucked her face into an unflattering Jabba the Hutt impersonation.

"Uh yes!" She didn't bother hiding her excitement in her voice. At Anna's animation, Elsa's aura seemed to relax as well and she nodded. Her previously nervous exterior melted into a happy expression, as if Anna's positive answer actually meant that much to her. Just knowing that Elsa was the least bit happy made Anna feel even that much more excited.

Anna smiled eagerly, already way too excited for their next Friday study session. She headed out of the library with a pep in her step all of the walk back to her dormitory. The pep evolved into a skip and pretty soon she must have resembled Dorothy, skipping down the yellow brick road. Grin plastered across her face, she let a few excited squeals escape. Elsa initiated something personal between them. Elsa took a risk for something personal between them. Elsa took a risk for her!

Next Friday night couldn't come fast enough!

...

"Hey good lookin'!" Hans called trotting up to his girlfriend after they finished their Thursday morning workout. She briefly smiled at the freckled boy, but kept her brisk pace toward the dining hall. Nothing against him, but... She. Was. Starving. "What are you doing tomorrow night?" Hans asked with a tired smile, exhibiting the defeat of their challenging sprint workout.

A large smile made its way to her face. It had been such an anticipatory week, so the mere mention of her Friday night plans tomorrow made a rush of excitement come back. Anna answered brightly, "Oh, I have a study session with Elsa tomorrow night."

Hans looked at her in surprise. "Wait. Again?"

The small girl nodded. "You see Finals start after next week and you know I need all the practice I can get with Polish."

Hans scoffed, tone harboring jealousy. "I haven't seen you in forever! You are always doing study sessions with her. I barely even get to talk on the phone with you." He stopped behind her and lowered his tone dejectedly. "Do you even want to see me anymore?"

Anna slowed her pace and stopped. She looked guilty for a moment before collecting herself enough to turn around to face the man. Yes, maybe she had started to enjoy her time with Elsa a little more than with Hans.. Okay. Even more than just a little more. But, as she looked into those dismayed hazel eyes, she didn't have the heart to confess that. Not now. Not when she herself still couldn't explain what was happening within her head.

"No! It's not that, I-" She what? What could she say right now that wouldn't come off rude? What could she say at all? "Well, I'm really doing it for her. She needs the money and all," she opted on saying, stifling her guilt. "For every study session she does, she gets paid extra. I'm just being a supportive friend." The words tasted disgusting as they passed her lips. She was lying. Turning the blame around onto Elsa's shoulders, just to save face around Hans. This didn't feel right at all.

Hans just looked at her in disbelief. "Just doing it to help 'a friend'? Why do you care so much? She doesn't need financial help. You know she comes from the wealthiest family in Scandinavia. No way she needs the money. I don't know what she told you but-"

"-I know that Hans. I know," Anna interrupted his increasingly heated rant, raising her hands up and gently bringing them down, hoping to coax down his agitated aura. She tried to pick her words carefully, not feeling comfortable revealing Elsa's family arrangement. The older woman was basically withheld anything financially outside of tuition as her parents' means to keep her priorities focused. "She wants to make an honest living herself. It's.. noble."

Hans eyed her carefully, not fully understanding why Anna was acting so defensively of the Senior rower. The Ice Queen. Then his hazel eyes dropped, harboring that dismay once more. Anna's subconscious began berating her for being so inconsiderate of Hans recently. She knew full well she'd been ignoring the man. His texts had been a bit more prying, wanting to know about what she was up to. Mostly she was kept busy with training.. and studying.. all of which consisted of her time with Elsa. And it wasn't like she was truly enjoying their dull conversations anyway. Did Hans really see nothing awkward, or wrong with their relationship?

Dammit. It was not time to be thinking this. It wasn't right of her to ignore him, she concluded. He was part of her life too. At least in that moment in time.

Maybe she really was making Elsa too much of her life…

Through her internal deliberation, she watched the Junior reach into his coat pocket.

Hans pulled out 2 tickets. Anna's mouth dropped. Upon sight alone, she recognized the emblem at the top. They were to the Arendelle Orchestra. The most famous orchestra performance in Scandinavia. Those tickets never sold below $300 even for the cheapest seat in the house! She had been dying to go to this performance her entire life. She didn't have any recollection of ever telling Hans this fact either. Her eyes widened and looked between the pieces of waxy paper and the tall rower in disbelief.

"They're for tomorrow night," he said, still looking disheartened, eyes trained to the objects in hand. "My brother gave them to me last minute. I was hoping you'd go with me."

The gears of her brain screeched their internal excitement to a halt. Anna hesitated, heart strings now pulling at Hans' defeated yet hopeful tone, while simultaneously pulling her toward the memory of Elsa's happy expression last week. She loved her tutoring time with Elsa. It felt like each session helped the two women's friendship blossom more and more. She had been so successful with it too. She really didn't want to miss this grand opportunity to really cross into this new level of.. something.

But Hans' words were true. These tickets were amazing and a onetime thing she'd dreamed of. And she had been neglecting Hans, her boyfriend, for Elsa, her maybe friend. She had an obligation, no, responsibility to be a good girlfriend. Relationships were supposed to be built on togetherness. Communication. Support.

They are also supposed to be built on trust.. Anna inwardly kicked her subconscious. All of the logistics were adding up before her eyes. She couldn't argue the concrete facts all for some abstract conceptualization that maybe she'd become real friends with her Doubles partner.

Anna opened her mouth and forced out her words, trying her hardest to keep a casual expression. "Yeah, you're right. One missed study session won't hurt."

Hans' eyes lit up in excitement and a form of relief. He scooped the redhead into his arms and they shared a kiss. But all Anna could visualize in her mind was a disappointed expression falling over Elsa's features.

That pained her more than she wanted to admit.

It was almost the midnight hour. Most rowers that were expected to awake within 6 hours were well away in dreamland. Unfortunately, Anna was not one of them. After her great weight training with Elsa that night, where a few laughs and smiles were shared, she had to remember her date with Hans. That image of Elsa's saddened face came back to her mind and replaced the happy one she'd been enjoying.

It was this saddened image that governed her confliction of whether to take the coward's way out. Her relic sat on her nightstand as Anna purposefully tried to ignore it. Her gaze was on her laptop, trying to focus on creating a really important new i-tunes playlist. 'Crew Workout list #7'. Nah, it was only busy work.

She had been dreading having to text Elsa ever since her and Hans' conversation that morning. She didn't want to cancel on their hangout. She really really didn't. She also knew she should do it in person, or even have done it earlier in the day. Definitely before midnight. How many times had she seen Elsa that day? Enough. Even a phone call was a better option now! At least that's a polite means to address bad news. But text was just easier to let someone down. God Anna, you're thinking like this is a break up or something. Stop worrying. She sucked in a breath, talking herself into reassurance.

Technically, by changing plans on the phone it makes it seem less serious. Not that she thought their hanging out would be a joke. And she really needed to stop thinking about it being a 'hang out'. It was a study session. Only a study session. Never once did Elsa explicitly mention they'd hang out. It was totally a manifested idea formed in Anna's brain. It's probably just like working from home in Elsa's perspective for all Anna knew. Nah. Elsa wouldn't be sad at all.

A buzz came from her night stand. Surprised, Anna looked at the lit up top of her screen before the light blinked off. She waited, staring at it, daring it to speak again. It didn't. Who is texting me so late?

She sighed. Keeping the flip phone at a distance wasn't going to solve her problems. She finally scooted her chair back and walked over to the electronic. Immediately, she flipped it open and her gut tightened at the name. And if the Sender's name wasn't enough, the message made her woefully regret every single one of her previous thoughts:

'Hello Anna. I was curious if you would like for me to pick up a movie for tomorrow night in case we finish your study material early.'

Anna's shoulders slumped forward, brows worried. How could she have even thought Elsa wouldn't consider this a hang out? Elsa never, ever initiated anything remotely close to hanging out, and now, the one time she does..? Of course Elsa had meant it like this! And of course Anna would be responsible for ruining all of it. Because that's how Life was to her. Cruel.

She wished she could just do both things. Go to the Orchestra and her study group, but the time conflict ruined that possibility. She rubbed her hand against her head, absolutely not wanting to do what she was about to do. It almost hurt as her fingers pressed down on the keypad.

'I'm so so sooooo sorry, but I can't do tomorrow. I realized I have my last quiz in Nutrition next week and have totally not been studying so I need to concentrate on that :('

Anna stared at the sent message, guilt surging through her.

She had just lied. For the 2nd time that very day. She just out right lied.. this time to Elsa. She couldn't even be honest to why she was breaking their plans? Why? Why was this such a big deal? She sighed.

She knew why. She couldn't stand Elsa knowing she broke off their time for the guy Elsa hated, and who equally hated her. For reasons she still hadn't figured out. Whatever it was, Anna just wished their childishness would go away so she could have an open an honest relationship with both of them.. Did she really just put the blame back on them? Oh my God, stop it Anna! She rolled onto her side, emitting a pained moan.

She stared at her dark phone, curling up on her mattress beside it. She stared at it for several minutes. Every time her digital clock blinked away on her night stand, the worry grew in her gut. That visual of Elsa's hurt face came back to her. Oh why was she such a coward? Why did this have to bother her so much?

A buzz, and glowing light in front of her, stirred her from the thoughts. She knew it was Elsa's response. No one else was going to text her so late. She prepared herself for what the content may contain. Perhaps Elsa would suggest they still study together, just for fun. Anna could study for psych, or whatever class she had just thrown into her last text (she didn't even remember her lie), while Elsa does her own work. How would she deal with that? She'd have to give another lie..

She sucked in a breath and read it.

'Do not worry. I wish you luck with your studies.'

As poised and grammatically correct as always. Elsa did not pry, nor did she fuss. She just accepted Anna's refusal as it was and understood the importance of academics. God. Elsa was so understanding when it came to academic problems. If only Anna's problem was truly with academics.

She read the text over numerous times, each time reading in a different tone.

Angry.

Sarcastic.

Hurt.

Indifferent.

Happy.

None of those made her feel better. That surprised her most of all.

If Elsa was angry, sarcastic, hurt or indifferent, of course Anna would feel awful. That would be so mean of her to cause Elsa any negative feelings! Especially since she was being a jerk, openly lying to the woman who had been opening up to her.

Yet, a part of her, an even more selfish part that she'd never felt manifest itself in this way before, arose.

Happy.

If Elsa was happy, Anna would have also been upset.

Why did part of her want Elsa to be sad? Why did she almost hope Elsa was.. jealous? She hated when Hans started feeling jealous of her time with Elsa. It actually angered her.. Like, he had absolutely no right to care about the time she spent with Elsa..

But with Elsa...

She wanted Elsa to care.

She wanted Elsa to hate the thought of her being with Hans.

She wanted Elsa to want to be with her.

Oh my god..

The thought struck Anna. Hard. She suddenly felt sick to her stomach, head starting to spin. She wanted Elsa to be jealous because she wanted Elsa to want…

Me.

Never had she felt or thought like that before. It was awful, mean, selfish. She knew her feelings for Hans had dwindled; been so for a long time now. She'd never been afraid to assert herself in such situations before. Something was different. Had she started using Hans as a ploy? A means to save face while trying to stir jealousy in Elsa? She shook her head, only intensifying the dizzying onslaught. Nausea grew within her. But.. she never had those intentions before. Ever. Never had she meant harm to either of them. To harm anyone! These strange new feelings that had erupted and turned her entire perception of life around.. Were they blinding her? They were manipulating her very being into something controlling.. Could she have really gotten to that point and not even noticed? She felt terrible. She was such a horrible person.

She rolled onto her side, hands going to her head and clutching her hair. God, what has happened to me?

-End Chapter 12-

A.N. Jeeze,conflicted and emotional Anna is hard to write, but it must be done. Such drama. Much stress. Damn Hans.

But, next chapter is a pretty significant one. Lucky 13 apparently (wasn't planned but works out). I hope my PM responses aren't painfully vague when persons ask about the plot. I can only allude to the path it will take, not give away :) Same goes for my undergrad crew team. Forever a mystery.

Thanks for your continued support and of course, happy reading!