Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling's characters, not mine.
"Lily?" His soft voice assaulted her ears. She flinched; he was the last person she wanted to see. She heard him walk up to her but kept her back turned to him. "Lily, please, listen to me." She closed her eyes. She wanted to stay mad, wanted to ignore him and all her emotions were fighting within her.
"What do you want?" she hissed, still turned away from him.
"Just for you to listen to me." James was in front of her now and he bent his head to look into her eyes. She avoided his gaze. "Please?" How the hell was she supposed to stay mad when he sounded so piteous? She didn't answer. Didn't trust herself to say anything at all. He took a deep breath and she knew he was steeling himself for her furious shouts. When she didn't reply, didn't even acknowledge his pleas, he exhaled noisily and inhaled again. "Look Lily, I know you're angry with me and you have every right to be. I just hope that you'll at least have the heart to hear what I have to say? I- I know what I did tonight was wrong and I know that I shouldn't have- well, you know but please, I need you to listen to me. Please?"
"Dammit, James!" She suddenly burst out, whirling on him. "You took advantage of me! You- you were only being nice to me so you'd- you'd get me in the sack! I trusted you, Potter. I trusted you and you were only trying to gain that trust so you'd get what you've wanted for so long and then after that, you'd just ditch me like everyone else does. I don't need that shit. So if you don't mind, I want you out of my sight. I never want to speak to you again and if you so much as say one word to me, so help me, I'll curse you so fully that your own parents won't recognize you." She watched triumphantly as his face drained of color. It felt good to wipe the sneer off his face, be the one who came out on top for once. But he was trying to apologize for his actions. There was no sneer on his face. He was practically begging you to listen to him. Why couldn't you give him a second chance? A voice reminded her. She shook her head and brushed away the thoughts. "Get out." And to her surprise, he obeyed. But right before the portrait slammed shut behind him, he turned and gave her one last look. His eyes spoke of hurt, regret, resignation, and underneath all that, love. It took her by surprise but next moment, she was sure she had imagined it because he turned away and her view of his back was cut off as the door sealed. She stood staring after him a long while and tried to suppress the guilt that was bubbling like acid in her stomach. No good feeling guilty now. It's too late. He's going to forget about you and move on. You'll be all alone and there won't be anyone to help you. That snide little voice was back and, next thing she knew, a dismayed cry had choked from her throat and she threw herself on the bed and cried herself to sleep.
James hurtled through his portrait. His friends, who were sitting on his bed, looked up from their homework. Without a word, James ran into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. From inside, Sirius and Remus could hear him storming about, cursing. When he came out again, he had changed into a t-shirt and boxers and his face was pale but oddly acquiescent.
"What happened?" Sirius asked immediately. "She hex you?" he scrutinized the bespectacled boy in front of him. "Doesn't look like there's anything wrong with you."
"She accused me of being nice just to get in her knickers. Then she threatened to curse me if I ever spoke to her again."
"Wow." Sirius whistled almost gleefully. James threw him a dirty look and flopped on the bed beside his friends.
"So what should I do now? Persistence never hurts but I don't want to risk making her even angrier with me."
"Let her cool off. I'm sure she'll come around." Remus scratched out a sentence on the parchment in his lap. "She's just upset right now. Once she calms down, maybe she'll give you a chance." James wasn't so sure. She had looked pretty adamant when she thrust her wand in his face. He was so used to them not bickering constantly that he didn't think he could go back to the way things were before.
"We were getting along so well." He groaned, still berating himself. "God, I cannot believe I was so STUPID!"
"Ah, come on. We all make mistakes, mate. It's a part of life." Sirius patted him on the back, fighting the smirk that threatened to arise on his handsome face.
"Not one's could possibly be as stupid as mine." Sirius opened his mouth, no doubt to make a witty remark and Remus, sensing this, punched him on the arm and shook his head. Then James realized that one member of their group was missing. "Hey, where's Wormtail? I haven't been seeing him around lately."
"We really don't know. He gets in after we're all sleeping and leaves before we wake up." Sirius shrugged, not too concerned. He never really liked the hero-worshipping boy in the first place but James had had pity on the little wizard with no special abilities and allowed him to tag along.
"Look, I need to be alone. Could you-?"
"Leaving." Remus collected his books and parchment in a neat pile and dropped it into his bag. Sirius was still trying too hard not to laugh at his miserable friend but a tug on his elbow and pointed look from Remus reminded him of what he should be doing. When they left, James flicked the remnants of a broken quill left behind onto the floor and stretched out on his bed, hands under his head. With a careless wave of his wand, the curtains hid him from view and he was free to stare wretchedly at the red cloth ceiling above his head.
Flashback
"Leave him alone," Lily repeated. She was looking at James with every sign of great dislike. "What's he done to you?"
"Well," said James, appearing to deliberate the point, "it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean…" (1) Everyone watching the little spectacle had laughed. Everyone but Moony, who had turned a blind eye to the whole scene and Lily hadn't either. She had only looked at him in disgust.
"You think you're funny," she said coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone." (1) She had put special emphasis on the word. But he hadn't done what she asked- no, demanded more like. He had to keep going, hadn't he?
"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can—I'm surprised your brookstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK." She had spat and stalked away, her hair almost standing on end.
End flashback
He groaned and shook his head. The mere memory of it brought a dull red flush of shame. He had had to keep talking, hadn't he? He just had to get her to notice him, hadn't he? Always loud and rambunctious just to provoke a reaction from her. He was always trying to get her to pay attention to him and was so concerned over the fact that he completely forgot, or never even knew, that it was his antics that caused her to hate him with such a passion.
"I really was an arrogant little berk, wasn't I?" he muttered darkly to himself.
"Yes, dearie. I would say you were." A tired, wheezy voice spoke. James shot up and flung the curtains open, looking around the darkening room for the source. It turned out to be his mirror. Embarrassed, he allowed his body to go limp again.
"How would you know?" he grumbled, more to himself than the bewitched mirror.
"Well, the previous Head Boy was constantly in here, complaining to himself and anything that would listen about a Mr. James Potter." The mirror adopted a whine, now sounding like a very spoiled little child. "Potter's been at it again! Hexing the first years after the Welcoming Feast. Bewitching the armor to lunge at unsuspecting passers-by on Halloween, all while wearing horrid furry werewolf masks complete with fangs and claws." It dropped the whine. "And when I heard that the great Mr. Potter himself would be the next Head Boy, well! I said to Dumbledore, I said, 'Have you gone mad?' and he only chuckled."
"What else did he say?" James asked sarcastically. His talking companion was only to happy to answer the rhetorical question.
"He was also constantly belly-aching that you made it a point to let everyone in the whole school know just how good a Quidditch player you are. Messing up your hair and the like." James cringed. "Well, you may have gone overboard on some of your practical jokes, and okay, you know you are the greatest Quidditch player at this school and make it your business to remind every living thing that you are and sure you must have annoyed the hell out of that girl- what was her name?- anyways, you must have bothered that poor girl to the point of no return and you might have constantly hexed your inferiors, which was just about everyone, and you may have been a womanizing letch," here it paused, "um, dear? What was I saying again?"
"You were listing all my faults." He said, teeth clenched so tightly his words were slightly muffled. He would have liked nothing better than to chuck his schoolbooks at it but thought twice. It would be sure to scream at the top of its lungs, alerting every teacher in the school who would then punish him for trying to break 'school property.' He certainly didn't need something else for Lily to throw back in his face.
"Well, you may have been all those things and a lot more from what I've gathered but you know, you're not all that bad. Not from what I've seen so far. You're a good friend and those are hard to come by nowadays."
"Thanks, I suppose." He stuttered, making a mental note to tell Dumbledore that the mirror in his room was either mental or very wise. Both. It hit the mark. Every last thing it said was true and you know it, Potter. You are far, FAR from being the perfect person that you have always considered yourself to be. 'Fess up. You need to change or at least make it more obvious that you have already if you want to impress Lily. She won't be backing down so easy with this one. The little voice in his head was always so quick to point out what he wanted to ignore. Did it have to be so blunt? It could at least soften the sharp edges. James shrugged. Reality always hurt and he'd been living with an exaggerated picture for so long that it stung even more. In any case, he would be doing a lot to convince her that he was not as arrogant as he was before. He had to beat it, subtly of course, into her mind that he had humbled himself. He knew it was going to be difficult; she was sure to be even colder towards him now but he was determined to succeed.
A/N: Well? I have several ideas of where this will go and I like all of them. The problem is, they're all so different that I'm not sure if I can incorporate all those ideas into one or if I have to end up picking just one… I'll try writing out several versions of the chapter and see which the best is but it could take me awhile! And I've worked out a schedule to balance that stupid summer homework out so I get it done but I'm also going to have more free time to work on this! Yay!
(1): excerpts from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling.
