A/N: Hey guys! I'm updating finally! Basically I've been having a lot of trouble with this fic and where to end it, and I wanted to do a few more scenes but I think I'll be pushing things too far SO I'm currently halfway through being done with the final few chapters, and I'll be able to update regularly once a week! To be perfectly honest with you I've felt my enthusiasm for this waning but I wanted to finish it for you guys, so I hope it's not too terrible!
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Regina asked her son, who was excitedly putting the next DVD in to the player.
"Of course it is, we both know you secretly love this movie, and we both know Killian's gonna love it too. It's kinda only fair after the whole Titanic thing, I think you traumatised him" Henry glanced over at the pirate who was surreptitiously taking a swig from his flask.
"Yes, well, I don't want him to get any….ideas"
"Relax mom, it'll be fine, you'll see!" Regina looked at her son doubtfully but still returned to her spot on the couch. Killian looked up apprehensively.
"Don't worry, you'll love this movie" she said to him, "I won't after watching it with you" she muttered to herself. Before Killian could reply, the movie started to play and he saw the words. The words that would cause Regina untold torture for the next 2 hours and 24 minutes.
"Pirates of the Caribbean?" Killian repeated. "Well now, this is more like it" Regina groaned. The ship started to clear the mist. "Now that is a fine ship, bit too…..upstanding for my taste but fine nonetheless!" A girl's singing floated out of the speakers, as she appeared on the ship, Killian started to sing along with her. Regina refused to admit he had a decent singing voice when he wasn't drunk. She turned to hiss at Henry.
"Remember this was your idea" Henry would have laughed but they where barely a minute in and he was re-evaluating his decision to show the pirate a pirate movie. He thought Killian might get a kick out of it but…
"Cursed pirates? Why must others always curse us? We're just making a living like everyone else!" Killian said indignantly.
"No Killian, cursed as in…magic curse…they've been cursed"
"Magic? Isn't that rather improbable for this realm?"
"It's just a movie Killian…." Henry sighed. Regina looked at her son smugly.
"What manner of pirate is this? Women are most assuredly not bad luck, in fact-" he was cut off by Regina's sharp elbow in his ribs, and he looked from her to Henry and decided not to continue his comment.
"He's not the pirate Killian"
"Where's the pirate?"
"You'll see him in a minute" Killian sighed and settled back, tapping his foot as he waited. Regina, having watched the movie a fair few times, realised what line was coming next.
"Swan!" Killian cheered. Regina face palmed. It was going to be a really long two hours, she could tell. She reached for the chocolate, she hadn't thought she'd be driven to it this early but needs must.
"Vile? Dissolute? HOW BLOODY RUDE!" Regina sighed and handed Killian one of her chocolate bars.
"Here, it helps with pretty much anything, sadness, anger…having your career crapped all over by a fictional movie character" Killian missed her sarcasm he was too busy staring at the screen in avid interest. His eyes lit up as the flaming shipwreck came in to view.
"Oh this brings back memories, I can assure you" Regina could see the gleam of reminiscence in his eyes and thought about making a snarky comment, before she remembered that she wasn't really one to talk. Henry smothered a laugh.
"You where totally gonna-"
"WHERE DID THE SHIPS GO?!" Killian let out a rather un-pirate like shriek as the image on the screen changed to show an adult Elizabeth. "BRING THEM BACK!" he shouted at the screen, brandishing his hook.
"Oh for the love of-WILL YOU CALM DOWN?" Regina grabbed Killian by the arm and hauled him back down on to the couch. She rather enjoyed the romance in the movie between Elizabeth and Will, it reminded her of…well….things. Killian sat with his arms folded in a sulk.
"Honestly, you're like hundreds of years old and you're sulking about a movie?" Killian's pout made an appearance again and Regina rolled her eyes. "I'm going to make you a pout jar one day. Every damn time that pout appears on your face, you're gonna have to pay a dollar or whatever"
"We're only 7 minutes in mom, you might want to pace yourself" Henry whispered as Regina devoured another chocolate bar. Regina narrowed her eyes at her son and he backed off, "Actually go ahead…eat all the chocolate you want"
Regina watched the scene playing out on the screen and she knew it was a matter of moments before the pirate went from sulky to unbearable. She shared a look with Henry. Here it comes….
The music changed. And there he was…Captain Jack Sparrow on his…boat. Killian immediately reacted.
" s that the pirate?!"
"Yes" Regina and Henry replied wearily.
"Bloody hell, I can see why he has his own moving picture, fine-" he stared at the screen. "Where's his ship? What kind of pirate doesn't have a ship?" Killian huffed. He actually huffed. Regina started muttering to herself.
"Relax Killian, he's totally awesome, you're gonna love him!" That's what I'm afraid of. Regina thought to herself, viciously biting off another chunk of chocolate.
Killian stared avidly at the screen giving it his undivided attention, occasionally making a remark or two about memories, and old experiences. He had been wary of the pirate character at first, but Killian became more and more enamoured as the pirate displayed his cunning and general…piratey-ness. Regina found herself once again contemplating, as she did every viewing of this movie, the fact that if she ever where to lower herself to a dalliance with a pirate…it would be Jack Sparrow. She may have sighed once or twice at his actions, just as much as Will Turner's much to Henry's disgust. Johnny Depp was just….Regina licked her lips and shivered. She saw Henry looking at her. "What? Cold chill" she said casually.
"Shhhhh Regina, the Captain is speaking" Killian flapped his hand at her. Regina raised her eyebrow but Killian wasn't even looking at her.
"Good form" Killian breathed as Jack dived in to save Elizabeth.
"Why is everyone so surprised he's a pirate? He LOOKS like a freaking pirate" Regina grumbled at the screen.
"He's magnificent" Killian said, and Regina turned to look at him, her face screaming 'really?'. Henry meanwhile had continued filming. David was so going to owe him for this. On screen Jack was making his escape. Killian was half out of his seat, eyes fixed on the screen, cheering the fictional pirate on and exclaiming his genius. From that moment on, Captain Jack Sparrow was Killian's hero and Regina wondered if it was too early too start drinking.
Killian had spent the entirety of the movie cheering the other pirate on, firmly on his side no matter the occasion. He snarled insults at Barbossa for his treatment of Jack. He jumped on the coffee table once or twice during heated battles and fights, brandishing his hook and shouting advice. He wailed along with Jack when his rum was burning. "But why would you burn rum? Such a waste". He watched in awe as ships where stolen, and other ships did battle, admiring them and commenting on their pros and cons as potential pirate ships. He critiqued sword skill and strategy. Killian positively loved the Black Pearl, "It could do with a bit of a clean though don't you think?" Regina had just made a noncommittal noise. While Gibbs explained to Will that a bullet had started to look real friendly to dear old Jack, Regina's thoughts turned to how friendly that bottle of wine was looking, over on the sideboard. Killian critiqued, he praised, he repeated lines with solemnity that had Regina wondering if he'd picked up a couple of new mottos and catchphrases. Killian's eyes had grown big at the cave of treasure and he'd practically salivated. He'd even choked up a little bit at the end, as Jack murmured "drink up me hearties yo ho" and sailed off in to the sunset. Regina had chosen not to notice the pirates odd sniffling hadn't the heart to tell him it was all fake. Henry had made the mistake at one point, of asking Killian how accurate the piratical aspects where. Regina had contemplated throwing a fireball at Killian to make the torment end. And it did….eventually. Regina had never been more relieved to see the ending credits of the movie. Killian stared at the screen morosely.
"That's it?"
"Well, actually there's-" Regina slapped her hand over Henry's mouth and whispered in his ear, "Tell him about the other movies and you'll never read another comic again" Henry tried and failed to repress a laugh.
"Weak threat mom, I know you read them too" it was Regina's turn to huff. But Henry didn't finish his comments and they moved on to the next movie, with Killian completely unaware that his hero had three more movies to his name. Regina figured she'd tell him one day, but she couldn't handle another two hours of Killian's man crush on Captain Jack and he'd move on quickly enough once the next movie played. Or so she'd thought. The lack of additional movies didn't stop Killian from constantly harping on about Jack Sparrow. Jack this, Jack that, Jack would do this, Jack would do that, and so on until Regina seriously contemplated punching the pirate in the face.
They spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch in the living room watching movies and eating as much junk as they could manage. Much as the pirate irritated her with the constant crowing of his new hero, she found herself laughing a lot thanks to he and Henry. Killian had requested to watch Back To The Future, wanting to know the meaning behind a comment Emma had made. "Oh so that's what a Marty McFly is" he'd exclaimed, pointing at said character on the screen while Regina and Henry exchanged confused looks. The pirate had found the concept of the movie amusingly hard to get his head around. He understood time travel, he'd experienced it after all, and he understood the consequences. But he couldn't quite grasp the idea of a car that travels through time. "But there's no spell…no magic, it shouldn't be possible" he repeated. Regina just shook her head.
"Killian, it's a movie, it doesn't matter if it's possible…none of it's real!" she said, exasperated after saying the same thing yet again. Henry leaned over to whisper to her.
"What if he asks to watch Star Wars? You know….Princess Leia and everything?" Regina paused and allowed her brain to run through the possible outcomes. She didn't like any of them.
"We say we don't have it. I don't think he's ready yet" Regina said sagely, and Henry nodded. Killian fell asleep part way through the movie and had to be woken up for the next one, which was just as well. Confusion had definitely been starting to outweigh his fascination and Regina was rather fond of Back To The Future, Killian's brain shutting down with the overload of information allowed her to enjoy the movie in peace with Henry. It was a well needed break before they moved on to the next movie.
Peter Pan. Regina had had to laugh at Killian's reaction to the movie. His outrage and embarrassment as his depiction had been a sight to behold, especially considering his initial excitement to watch himself. He'd been quite insufferable with his arrogance and bragging…right up until he'd understood that Pan was a good guy and he looked…well….like that. He'd been angry and indignant, "I look nothing like that! What have they done to my handsome face…I'm….I'm…..WHAT IS ON MY HEAD?!"
"That would be a perm" Regina drawled.
"A perm? THAT'S A PERM?! I…I…people think that I look like….that!?" Killian practically wailed. Regina had patted him consolingly on the shoulder.
"Believe me, I feel your pain" she hadn't been impressed with her animated self either. Killian had quickly overcome that stage and been just plain embarrassed. He found it inconceivable that this realm would portray Pan as the hero and he as the villain.
"I know I was a villain, but I'm not anymore and besides every dealing I've had with Pan I've been virtually a saint compared to that nasty little boy. This is Pan's doing. Only he would have this ridiculous version of events…have me looking like…like….THAT" he'd raged as he paced in front of the screen, Regina and Henry watching him with sympathy. Regina was fairly certain Killian was more bothered about his appearance in the movie than about Pan being the good guy. Henry turned to his mother.
"What do we do? Do we tell him about the other versions-"
"What other versions? There are other versions?" Killian had either been closer and more focused than Henry had thought, or Henry hadn't whispered as quietly as he'd thought. He looked to his mom for help, she just took a large bite of chocolate.
"Well, there's a couple versions, this is the animated one there's a live action one and then there's one with Robin Williams in that one really stands out because you're so camp in that one and-" Henry stopped himself.
"And what?" Killian said dangerously. Regina swallowed her chocolate.
"And Hook and Smee are totally in to each other in that one. Well, the actors who played them at least said that they played them off that way" Regina said nonchalantly before sitting back to watch the fireworks. Killian had gone bone white.
"Look….like….that….every….version…Smee…..romantically involved…..with Smee…" Killian shuddered violently. Regina couldn't hold back her laughter.
"Oh we should totally watch that one next, I can't wait to see your reaction"
"No we bloody well aren't watching that next" Killian growled. "Smee is a good….sailor, but I harbour no…..feelings towards him. Not my type" Killian tried to finish with his usual charm and flair. It failed miserably as he'd gone from bone white to bright red. Regina was fairly sure he'd nearly stuttered once or twice.
"Prefer your lovers blonde and female?"
"Actually I'm not opposed to the odd dalliance with an attractive man but….Smee…." Killian shuddered again while Regina merely raised an eyebrow and muttered 'wow, who knew?'. She had been about to say something when her brain came up with a cunning plan. One that involved Killian's new revelation and messing with David. Regina shook her head. The pirate was her friend now. She had to play nicely.
"Fine, then what's next Henry?" Regina turned to her son who was once again filming proceedings. She raised her eyebrow at Henry, "I hope David makes that worth your while" was all she said and Henry grinned.
"I was actually thinking we could grab some food, kinda like an early dinner?" he asked, bringing an end to his filming. Regina glanced at Killian.
"Good idea lad! I need better sustenance than….this" he sneered at the junk food.
"Hey, you where happy to eat it five minutes ago" Regina scolded.
"So….Granny's?" Henry asked, before his mother and Killian could start to bicker. Regina was apprehensive. Last time she'd been in there….so had Robin and his family. She didn't want another run in but she was hungry for some proper food and she didn't want to deny Henry his request after he'd taken such good care of her all day. Given her so much fun. So much to laugh about. She steeled herself.
"Sure!" She managed to smile.
"Great! I'm gonna get ready!' Henry beamed and then ran upstairs. Regina sagged.
"You don't have to do this if you don't want to love, he'll understand" Killian said reassuringly from his spot on the sofa.
"No. I have to do this, I can't hide forever, much as I want to" she mumbled the last part.
"That's the spirit!" Regina glared at him. Oh I'll show you spirit pirate.
Henry came downstairs a few minutes later to find his Mom and Killian standing amidst a scene of total destruction. Chips where everywhere, crushed and scattered. Chocolate had been smeared here and there, broken pieces lying in the wreckage…and he was fairly certain that was ice cream dripping down a wall. There where no scorch marks. Regina spotted Henry and quickly used her magic to put everything back, and as Henry looked at them the pair both looked shamefacedly at the ground.
"Well…if you ever wondered who'd win in a fight between the Evil Queen and Captain Hook….." Regina started.
"The answer is myself" Killian smirked. Regina scowled.
"No it was not, I was clearly the winner here" before the pair could break in to a full blown argument Henry interrupted them.
"You could have waited for me" Henry said sulkily.
"We where hoping you'd say that" Regina said, grinning evilly. Killian smirked. It was at that point that Henry realised the pair where each holding something behind their backs. Henry started to back up the stairs but he didn't get far before they where on him and food was once again flying everywhere. The entire house was their battleground. No food stuff went unused. Mom and Killian may be reformed villains, but throw them in a food fight and anything goes. Henry laughed as his mother used her magic to reveal a lurking Killian and then promptly sent a volley of ice cream at him all without getting her hands dirty. Killian at one point decided to use a mattress to slide down the stairs, one handedly firing missiles with a surprising amount of speed and balance.
An hour or so later, the three lay on the living room floor panting and finally exhausted. Regina waved her hands and once again, everything went back to how it was before, along with their clothing so they where no longer covered in various food stuffs.
"Well love, I think it's safe to head to the diner. I believe you've taken out any murderous tendencies on myself and your decor"
"You're just bitter because Henry teamed up with me and it was two against one"
"One and a half against one, the lad doesn't fully count!"
"Sure pirate, whatever makes you feel better about getting your ass handed to you by a kid" Regina and Henry slapped high fives and Killian smiled at the joy on his friends face. He hoped it would remain there for the rest of the evening, it would be nice if Regina had one good day, but Storybrooke was a small town and considering the Outlaw's inability to stay away from Regina, Killian suspected that Regina would have to face him in the diner.
"Remember love, it's unbecoming for a Queen to throw food at a former paramour" Killian whispered in her ear. Regina snorted a laugh at the mental image and Killian had to smile at the reaction.
"Somehow, I don't think Granny would appreciate people throwing food in her diner"
"I think Granny would love to lodge a crossbow bolt in to a certain Outlaw" Killian replied. Regina arched an eyebrow.
"Interesting. I think Granny could do it as well"
"Needless to say, you won't be short of allies should he make an appearance"
"Yeah mom, he's right! Besides, we can always leave, I won't mind" Regina ruffled his hair and smiled.
"We'll do no such thing. I'm sure I can handle it with the two of you by my side" Killian smirked at her.
"Did you just-"
"Do not ruin the moment pirate" Regina said primly. Killian inclined his head, before looking her up and down. She'd been wearing comfy clothes all day, jeans and a shirt.
"Armour, your majesty?" Killian said gesturing to her outfit. Regina thought about it…the likelihood of having to see Robin was high and Regina wanted to look…..look like she wasn't still falling apart. Wasn't broken inside. She wanted to look good, for herself as much as the tiny part of her that wanted to rub it in his face. She also wanted to wear something that would help her..capture the personality traits she'd need to get through a run in without breaking down. She waved her hand and was soon clothed in leather pants, with the same pair of tall, heeled boots from earlier and a dark purple peplum top that showed off her curves. She looked to Killian and Henry for approval, and received nods from both.
"Let's go" she said, throwing her shoulders back and heading for the door. She opened it, prepared to leave but Killian grabbed her arm, allowing Henry to exit the house first.
"What is it?" Killian held out his trusty flask.
"Bit of dutch courage to get you through the evening?" Regina grabbed the flask and took a swig gratefully. Killian followed suit then offered Regina his arm. She hesitated but then took it and the pair walked arm in arm from the house, ready to do battle...and eat. Can't forget about the food.
"You have more rum hidden on you somewhere right? Just in case?"
"What do you take me for?!" Killian feigned being indignant as he drew her attention to a smallish bottle of rum hidden in an inside pocket of his coat. Regina patted his arm.
"Good pirate"
