Monica Reyes sat driving in a haze of tears until finally she pulled into a park somewhere on the way to her Doctor's appointment. She wasn't due for another hour and just needed time to think about everything, to take everything which had just happened in. So now he'd realised he wanted her in his life? That he missed her? Didn't he have any idea how the words he said to her that morning had felt? She had understood why. She'd never be the kind of person who wouldn't accept what he wanted and who wouldn't go along with it when he thought what he was doing was best, but now here she was pregnant and scared and she didn't even know for sure what he wanted in regards to her in his life.
"Your daddy has to be one of the most confusing men ever kiddo." She said quietly wiping her eyes and undoing her seat belt, deciding to go outside for some fresh air.
Locking the doors she took a deep breath and lifted her eyes up to the cloudless, sunny sky. The sound of children laughing echoed around her as they played happily with their parents under the tall trees, Monica feeling an intense sadness at the sound.
Deciding to take a walk in the beautiful surroundings, a gentle breeze making the leaves sway slightly and making a soft rustling noise, Monica took off her jumper and tied it loosely around her waist. It was such a serene place to do some thinking, the swish of the leaves in the wind a comforting noise that calmed her.
Tenderly she put a hand on her stomach as she walked, thoughts of her child and partner swimming in her head. She had only discovered she was pregnant yesterday, and today she would find out for sure, but already all she could think of was the welfare of her little boy, and what kind of life she would be bringing him into if she had him. She loved her child more than anything now she knew he was there, but still John's words all those months ago had broke her heart and still thinking about them was so hard.
She knew that he loved her, he was just so afraid to admit it to her and himself, and those words that he had said earlier on today had been a huge step for him. She couldn't help but feel proud of him for that, and so happy that finally he seemed ready to take the next step with her and that he missed her and wanted her in his life no matter how dark he thought that life was. Still though it had been a shock to hear those words coming out of his mouth, especially knowing she was now carrying a child that was part of him. How would he react if she told him now? He wanted her back in his life, though she was unsure whether he just meant as a good friends and confidante or anything more, but would he still want her if he knew she was having their baby?
Or would he feel he had to be with her because of it. She knew that if she was going to go through with this pregnancy she would have to tell him, and she knew that he would be an incredible father to their little boy, but she didn't want him to feel trapped into anything, and she sure as hell didn't want him to feel that just because he loved their child meant he had to love her, or pretend that he did.
Sighing she rubbed her stomach, letting the suns warmth breathe new life into her. She carried on walking, taking in the scenery around her when she heard sobbing. Frowning she followed the sound until she found herself in a clearing of the trees where she found a little girl who looked to be around five sitting on the grass crying.
"Hey sweetie you okay?" Monica asked walking over to the little girl who looked up at her with her small tear stained face.
"It's okay I won't hurt you. I'm Monica; I work with the FBI, which is kinda like the police. You know who the police are?" Monica asked her softly kneeling down in front of her.
The child studied Monica intensely then wiped her eyes, sensing that she was safe in the hands of the gentle looking woman.
The child nodded.
"I lost my mommy." The little girl then told her softly sobbing again.
Monica moved next to the little girl and sat down, mirroring the position she was sitting in, pulling her knees up to her chest.
"What's your name honey?" Monica asked her gently.
"Molly."
"That's a pretty name." She told the child smiling. "Hey you wanna see my badge?" She then asked smiling.
The little girl nodded.
Monica pulled her ID out of her pocket and showed it to the child. "See this says I'm Monica Reyes."
"Hi." The little girl replied in her sweet little voice.
"Hi." Monica replied smiling. "Molly, you remember where you lost your mom?" Monica asked.
The little girl started to cry again.
"Shh, it's okay Molly. I'm gonna help you find your mom okay?" Monica told her stroking her long blond hair, which fell in curls over her shoulders.
The little girl nodded, her blue eyes wet with tears.
"Mommy was with Ryan. We were playing catch and the ball came in here but I couldn't find it...then I got lost and now I can't find my mom."
"Who's Ryan?" Monica asked the little girl.
"My little brother. He's this old." Molly told Monica lifting up three fingers to show his age.
Monica smiled.
"Well Molly what do you say we go for a walk and see if we can find your mommy and Ryan okay? I bet she's so worried about you."
Molly nodded.
Monica reached out her hand to the little girl, who once again studied her face before clasping her hand with her tiny fingers. The pair then got up and Monica led the little girl out of the trees, the pair of them chatting as they talked.
Monica looked down at the child as they walked. She was so small and so innocent skipping along at Monica's side, happy that someone had found her. She had looked so frightened sitting there that maternal instincts Monica wasn't even sure she had kicked in and all she wanted was for the little girl to be safe and sound and back with her mother. She pictured herself in a few years, her own child holding her hand the same as Molly was doing now, talking in his sweet little baby talk, happy to be at his mommy's side.
She pictured John walking there with them, his arm around her waist lovingly as their child ran of ahead of them in the park, John then chasing after him and tickling him until they both fell down onto the floor laughing, the little boy climbing on his daddy's chest. She pushed the image away. It was too hard to think about things like that. While her heart was telling her to have this child her head kept creating reasons why she shouldn't and as time went on and more and more reasons were created her head seemed to be winning against the will of her heart. Looking down at Molly, she imagined the form of her unborn baby growing inside her, the one which had been there with three months without her even having an inkling he was inside her womb. How could she not know he was there? What kind of mother did it make her if she couldn't even sense her own child's presence even though obvious signs had pointed to her pregnancy? She silently chided herself. This wasn't doing her or the bay any good. Right now her attention had to be focused on Molly and getting her safely back to her mom.
"My mommy's having another baby." Molly told Monica humming a tune as they walked.
"Wow. You excited?" Monica asked the child looking down at her sweet smile.
"Uh huh, she's having a little girl." Molly told Monica excitedly. "She's called Rose."
"That's a pretty name too." Monica told Molly quietly.
"If you put a hand on mommy's tummy you can feel her kick." Molly told Monica who smiled sadly, wondering what it would feel like to feel her own baby kick and whether she'd have the courage to see this through. She imagined it was the most incredible experience in the world.
"Do you have any babies?" Molly then asked.
Monica smiled at the child's directness.
"You know how your mommy has one inside her?" Monica asked.
Molly nodded.
"I do too."
"Can you feel your Rose?" Molly then asked.
"I think I'm having a little boy like Ryan and no not yet." Monica replied swinging Molly's arm as they walked, smiling at her curiosity.
"Where's your Ryan's daddy?" Molly then asked sweetly.
"He's at home." Monica told her after thinking for a moment. "He hurt his head."
"My mommy loves my daddy this much." Molly told her putting her arms out as wide as she could. "Do you love your Ryan's daddy?"
Monica looked at Molly's little face. "Yeah Molly I do."
"This much?" Molly asked opening her arms.
"Yeah this much." Monica said mirroring her and then smiling as the little girl giggled.
"Mommy!" The little girl shouted as they came out of the trees, Molly mother frantically looking for her, her little boy clinging on to her arm tightly.
"Molly honey?" The heavily pregnant woman shouted looking at Monica and her little girl and then running over.
"Go to your mom Molly." Monica told the little girl pointing at Molly's worried mother and smiling as the little girl ran over to her and up into her mother's arms, snuggling her neck against her mother's as the woman walked over.
"Oh god, I was so worried. Where was she?" She asked Monica holding on to Molly tightly.
"She was in the woods. She got lost looking for a ball." Monica explained.
"Molly honey, I was so worried. Don't do that again okay?" She told the little girl kissing her on the forehead. "Thank you so much." She told Monica.
"It's fine. You have a lovely little girl." Monica replied, a hand on her stomach.
"Thank you. You always have to keep an eye on them you know? Can't let them out of your sight for a minute or anything could happen. Especially when they're this age." She told Monica hugging her daughter tightly.
Monica nodded wondering how she'd be able to spend enough time with her son doing her job to be able to keep an eye on him and give him all the love he deserved. She never knew what she was facing when she went to work, she had been hurt doing the job already and there was no way she could bear the thought of leaving her little boy without a parent because of her being part of something so uncertain.
"Are you okay?" Molly's mother asked Monica snapping her out of her thoughts.
"Monica's having a baby." Molly told her mother, putting her small thumb in her mouth and sighing tiredly.
"Congratulations. This your first?" The woman asked.
Monica nodded.
"Sorry if I scared you about having to keep an eye on them, I mean you do, but they are so worth everything. I couldn't imagine being without my babies." She told Monica looking at her children. "Even if they do get adventurous and run off..." the woman said to her daughter who nuzzled her head against her mother's neck.
Monica looked at all the children playing around her, one little boy about five was learning to ride his bike and fell off crying, his father running over and picking him up then swinging him in the air and making him smile. A set of twins was jumping rope with their older sister.
They all looked so happy, and watching them she found herself feeling wistful and angry at the choice she had to make. In all reality she would love to have this child, but so many things about having it now kept being brought to the front of her mind.
Her job wasn't safe for a pregnant woman, or for a parent with a young child. All the trials Scully had faced with William and threats to his life were proof of that. Then there was her relationship with John. She had no idea where that was going. She knew she loved him, she knew he loved her, but things were always so much more complicated than that with them. Was he finally able to let go of his past and look to his future? One that he could spend with her and their child if she decided to go through with this? Or did he just want her around as before? Where there was a constant promise of something more blossoming, but something that was never acted upon through fear. An equation where a child didn't really fit.
Then there was her worry about John thinking she might have done it to trap him into something, or that she was trying to replace Luke. She would never do either. She had too much respect for him and his feelings to ever even consider doing that, but still she worried he'd feel that way, and still she worried she could never be a good enough mother who would be able to give her child all the love he deserved.
Looking at all those happy families she could feel sadness welling up inside her.
"Well I have to get going. I have a doctor's appointment. You be good for your mom okay Molly?" Monica told the little girl who nodded.
The woman smiled. "Thank you Monica for bringing my little girl back to me safe and sound, and congratulations. I hope everything's fine for you at the Doctor's."
"Thanks." Monica replied sincerely. "Bye Molly." She told the little girl who gave her a small wave before Monica made her way back to the SUV.
Climbing in and sitting down she looked out of the window once more at Molly and her family who were now happily playing and she smiled. Then sighing quietly she drove to the Doctor's where she would prepare herself to make a choice that would change the rest of her life.
