Sanji expected all of his friends to bombard him with questions and concerns about the event so he chose to hide away with subtle excuses and a no lights policy at the house for those sneaky visits. After all, Luffy had just outed him to what felt like the entire world. Of course the boy didn't realize how harmful this was to somebody who was trying to accept who he'd been fighting himself for.
It felt like the path he had been walking on suddenly gave away and he was clinging to the next step with just his fingertips.
There were a lot of "I knew it!" texts that bugged the shit out of him but more was the casual attitude towards the revelation. That he had been expected to be gay this entire time. Which made him feel that his personality and intentions had been marked as is from the start – another expectation that he had to break because his brothers had expected him to be a certain way when they tried breaking him as well.
It felt like his years long battle hadn't been worth the effort. Which disappointed and disheartened him. Why couldn't he allow himself the relief of a good outcome?
But there was some excitement in him that felt foreign and strange because Feelings were definitely involved. This man did not think Sanji was disgusting or "incest trash". The way Law spoke to him made Sanji feel like he wasn't being treated differently or with gloves; Sanji liked the way Law spoke and treated him. Sanji's guilt was starting to eat at him for the way he treated Law so that affected a lot of his decisions when it came to that man. Hasty, impulsive decisions that were mainly indicative of his age.
But he kept thinking that his brothers had forced him to turn to men because of what he'd had to do just to survive. He found himself staring out the window over the sink, hands deep into the sudsy water.
Did everything he thought about have to turn to them?
In the beginning, Law reminded him of his brothers; it was a physical reaction. His size was just right – his attitude fit right in, the violence in their touches, their actions... Sanji indulged in the forbidden to satisfy his cravings until he started to see less of that and more of the actual man – which began to lower his guard. Now that he'd accepted his feelings, how to deal with the actual foundation?
None of this was wrong, he'd told himself. But why couldn't he just believe in it?
"Be happy!" he told himself angrily, continuing to scrub.
Maybe he was setting himself up for failure, Sanji then thought, pausing in mid-scrub. Maybe this was one of those things he was unconsciously punishing himself for – for acknowledging that he was happy with a man and now had to pay for it by thinking this was good by allowing himself to be stomped on by a man who wanted to hurt him.
It was a possibility…he was glutton for punishment.
But the uncertain thought that because this man was older and more experienced than him came back to mind – whispering that maybe he was being played right into Law's hand. All these feelings and things – maybe they were a product of Law's doing to ruin him. How could he trust that they were real when all Sanji knew of men was that they were eager to dominate and destroy?
He clenched handfuls of his hair with a frustrated sound before returning to the dishes. He heard the kids playing outside again – screaming and arguing with each other over some water toys.
Insecurity and anger roiled around inside of him like a fiery tornado before he snatched his cellphone. He needed an answer to clear the jumble toiling around in his brain.
He texted, 'So, do you still like me like me, or just need something to pass the time with?'
Does that sound too girly? Too insecure? Too nervous? he wondered, biting his thumbnail anxiously as he paced. He set his phone down onto the counter, wiping his hands on his apron when he tasted soap.
He then added, 'Can you just call me?'
'I am sitting in a toilet stall, hard at work. Thinking about you.'
Sanji had to snort. Those heavy feelings lifted away like they hadn't been there at all. 'Send me a pic,' he texted deviously.
'I haven't had a chance to look yet, but it feels pretty massive.'
Sanji wore a horrified expression at reading something he'd commonly read from Luffy and the others before texting rapidly, 'You're so fucking disgusting, I don't know why I give you any attention!'
'Idk y either.'
Sanji felt that feeling that always left him giddy and stumped at the same time; for a silly, nonsensical thing, but he imagined that this was what people spoke off when they had feelings for another person.
'Answer my question', he then demanded. Exhaling harshly, Sanji brushed his hair from his face. He thought it so odd how heavy he could be thinking about these things and having them all swept away in a moment from the sound of hearing that man's voice or seeing his text. How could he get so happy just from hearing from him?
'I just want to make sure it's real,' he sent back.
'You come in like a wrecking ball then leave the scene of the crime with a victim mentality,' Law returned.
Sanji thought about his words for a few moments, drumming his fingers against his lips before hastily leaving for his smoking spot outside. Once he had a cigarette going, the sound of the kids' voices rising up from behind the fence, he considered that term. Then he pulled his phone up to text, 'I really can't see any reason why you'd do this to out me as revenge when you've outed yourself in the same swoop.'
'Sometimes I think about the things you say to me,' Law sent back, 'then I start to understand the reasoning behind all those crazy gf memes.'
'I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING GF!"
In a huff, Sanji lowered his phone. But his lips thinned around his cigarette as he considered that he was behaving irrationally. He told himself that the fact that Law constantly referred to him as his girlfriend was as much of an insult as much as a compliment. He was claiming Sanji as his companion but definitely lessening his role as a man despite the fact he was a man.
With a resolved expression, he sent back, 'From the start, it's apparent you've talked about me *as your partner and I'm actually fine with that. To note that I am crazy *and a companion suggests that you've been fine with my company ever since then.'
'Will I wake up stabbed or kissed? It's an adrenaline racer.'
Sanji huffed again, finishing off his cigarette and tossing it into the collection of butts nearby. 'I might be crazy, but I'm not your *gf.'
'I think it's because you're crazy that I find it easy to get along with you,' Law then texted. 'You attract what you fear.'
Sanji scowled at the phone, lighting up another cigarette. He pulled it from his lips once he had it going, squinting into the neglected parts of his yard. His tongue found the empty space between his teeth.
I know I'm 'crazy', he thought shrewdly. All this thinking makes me crazy…
His phone rang and he answered without looking.
"Thank you for entertaining me throughout one of my paid shit breaks," Law said over the noisy splashing of a running sink. "Now what are you crying about?"
Sanji shook his head with some annoyance – his mind was in so many different directions. He couldn't deny his insecurity and uncertainty with anything more than just simple acceptance. He said, "I'm just planning for any future potential sabotage you might have in place."
Hands were dried noisily but he heard Law snort as the phone was adjusted. "Who is sabotaging who, here? First off, it's only because you don't know if you're allowed to feel this way and have most likely thought of a thousand reasons why it shouldn't work. Second, you made this decision – third, stop blaming me for everything your mind has come up with."
Lips thinned once more, Sanji absorbed those things. He did have to admit that he was capable of overthinking; he had to admit that he was the one to push the acknowledgement of their feelings; he had to admit that he was thinking imaginary steps ahead. But he couldn't tell himself he was crazy for still thinking about the effect his brothers had on him.
He looked down at his bare feet, toes curling up against the boards of the deck.
"I guess I needed to hear that," he reluctantly admitted.
"You told me yourself that your friends wouldn't see it in a negative point of view."
"I did, but…I mean, is it okay? Is it okay to think that this is this and that is that?"
"There is a clear and distinct separation between the two, Sanji."
Sanji licked his lips with a nervous twitch of his brow. When he hadn't said anything, Law continued with, "The only part you should feel bad about is what a fucking crummy girlfriend you are. I haven't received any flowers from you since we met."
Sanji rolled his eyes to the sky, head hanging back. "You and your ideals of romance…it never occurred to me that men would like fucking flowers…This is my decision and I know I pushed it, but….I think that you have to understand that this will happen often."
"When I was your age, I had the same insecurities. I eventually grew out of them, as I suspect you will with proper guidance. Not my guidance, of course, but someone else's."
"What, do you not think that this is going to be a successful thing?"
"I think I will wake up dead one day victim of a homophobic attack at your hands. That's what I'm thinking."
Sanji frowned again.
"So…what am I supposed to say? I've got nothing encouraging to give, nor do I have the patience to insist. If you don't want to, it's not going to hurt me, but let me tell you this, if you don't lift a finger to help yourself you're going to end up a lot like me, and that means having people telling you constantly that you're allowing yourself to remain a victim…"
Still? Sanji wondered.
"At this point Sanji, why are you still blaming them for what you choose to do? By now it's not a coping mechanism, it's something you do that makes you feel good."
"Ugh," Sanji muttered, narrowing his eyes.
"The only thing that you can blame them for is that hole in your mouth. Take responsibility for your own actions and thoughts, asshole."
Sanji smoked pensively, smoke wafting up into his eyes. He waved his hand about to dispel it. "I, uh….I'm nervous. About a lot of things, and…I just…need to make sure that the path is fine. I don't want it dropping out from underneath me."
"Who the fuck gives out guarantees?"
"So, how is this going to work? Are we going to show up at the ballfield together, happy as can be or do we just…?"
"I thought about that the other night, and I'd prefer the distance we had been maintaining."
"Why?"
"Because it's almost humiliating having to admit that you were my crazy girlfriend – "
"Stop calling me that!"
" – and now people will be looking at you like Oh, this is whom he was talking about…this is the crazy person…then they'll start judging me like I'm a dumb fuck – "
"Ughhh!"
" – and of course my ex will have something to say that's just going to piss me off – "
"That old guy?" Sanji repeated skeptically, then wore a smug expression. "You can just say you traded him for a newer, younger model…"
He could hear Law thinking about it. "Yeah, I guess so, huh? But I can't let it go to my head because karma has a way of coming back and yes those reports will be submitted as soon as I am finished with the autopsy, stop bothering me about it, the guy is already dead."
He hung up before Sanji could figure out what was being said, but he wore an amused expression as he did so.
There is nothing wrong with this, he told himself solemnly. Then, tentatively, he added, there is nothing wrong with me.
: :
But it wasn't as big of a deal as both of them thought. Everyone had expressed themselves as they had and didn't pay the two self-conscious men that much attention. Despite the obvious acceptance of the matter, neither of them could quite relax into each other's attention where they could be seen. They carried on as usual, which made things easier.
Maybe the others had caught onto the discomfort of the matter and had done their best to give the subject space. After all, both men were touchy and prone to explosive fits so perhaps it was easiest for all of them in the end. The effort was quietly appreciated.
After a particularly late game, most of the parking lot emptying and with Law's mind on Lamie while she worked the last few hours of a night shift at the gas station, he sensed the approach before he smelled the familiar smoke. Irritation leapt through him like fire but burned out just as quickly as he shut the trunk.
"I made sure you put those things away before I came over," Smoker said, still putting respectful distance between them while Law rolled his eyes and looked at him with annoyance.
"Why do you insist on bothering me every chance you get?" Law asked him, tone dripping with his mood. "Are you fucking starved for attention?"
Ignoring that, Smoker asked, "Shifted focus to someone younger than you, huh? Don't worry, it doesn't bother me – "
"Like everything I chose to do has you in mind!"
" – I just think you're in over your head. I know you had a death wish but I didn't know you wanted to risk death like that. I notice a lot of things, but isn't that one a little…crazy?"
Law looked out at the remaining cars in the parking lot, his hands sliding to his shorts pockets. The evening was still hot enough to have him sweating, and he adjusted the fit of his hat over sweat-soaked hair. Sanji had already left with Zoro and Ussop – they said a minimum of two words to each other ("Move." "Fuck off."), and Law had been pissed at Shachi for losing one of his more expensive bats. Nothing had been unusual; though Luffy had looked at them with worry, wondering if they "broke up" because of him because they weren't all over each other like Robin and Franky were. But he supposed Smoker was still observant to see something that was just hanging there.
Smoker studied him for a few pensive moments before saying, "Short fuses don't always merge into one long one, kiddo."
"Don't call me a fucking kid."
"I just think…seeing you with someone that's just like you isn't going to do you any good. It's easy to be influenced – "
"What do you know about things like this?" Law asked him shortly. "What does it matter to you? What I do doesn't matter to you because you mean nothing to me!"
"One day, when you two go your separate ways, do you think you'll remain with that attitude or will you have matured a little? I know I have no weight in your life but I know a mess when I see one," Smoker insisted. "And this one isn't healthy…I feel like I have to interfere."
Law shook his head incredulously, avoiding the look on Smoker's face.
"You think this is some kind of a magic Band-Aid?" Smoker then asked him, leaning against his car with his arms crossed. "Fixing someone that was just like you?"
Law fixed him with a steady look. "You got that off of two seconds of observation?"
"I admit it, I'm a man, kid. I look at men all the time. I watch the ones that are interesting and at my age, I got good at seeing the problems in the ones I was looking at. Those ones, you – you're the ones that wind up in bad places because of poor impulse control. That one can barely restrain himself from showing off his hate and you can barely hold back on hating."
"There's positives in two negatives - obviously, if you want me to brag, we got along quite well for the length of time that we met. A little more successfully than what we had. He knows the shit I come from, I know the shit he comes from, and he's not as afraid as other people were."
Smoker sighed. "And yet neither of you can make the decision to fix yourselves."
"Why is that so important to people that aren't involved between the two of us?"
"Because those standing outside of it can see what you two can't."
Law made a gesturing motion with his hands. "Get out of my fucking business, old man!"
"I'm in it because I told you a while ago I still care. I feel like I can't get out of your fucking business."
"You're only in this because you feel guilt in the fuck up you made."
"I feel guilt," Smoker said with a nod, "because I do feel certain responsibility."
"Because you're a fucking creep, quit stalking me!"
Smoker exhaled with some rough action, pushing away from Law's car. "Look, it's tough for me to admit this. But I feel like if I could stop a crime before it happens then I'd feel better about it."
"What, do you think I'm going to beat him up? Have him stab me? Is that what this is?"
"If I can stop a crime of passion before it becomes a crime, then yes. You still mean a lot to me."
"You're pathetic. Stop bothering me."
"I'm not going to," Smoker admitted. "You didn't have someone telling you that something is wrong and you weren't taught a conscience. Someone has to."
"So, what, you're suddenly my fucking dad, now?"
"Maybe a father figure."
"Incestual father figure you fucking pervert."
"I know none of this is coming out right," Smoker said slowly, "but I hope to be a good influence. Penguin helps cover up a crime, Shachi will help bury a body with none of you thinking that doing so is wrong in the first place."
Law rolled his eyes, shaking his head impatiently. Smoker looked at him crossly, then said, "This is tough to me, too, kid. But I can't just stand back and ignore it, be blind to it. I can't. I think right now you're just in it because it's new, it's different yet familiar to you – you both want to be fuck ups, well, someone has to be there to tell you otherwise. Those young guys he's with are the type to celebrate Love is Love! while ignoring the obvious and your friends are about covering up and walking ahead. That's how it is. No one can see it the way I can."
Law sighed noisily, fiddling with his keys. "You done?"
"Are you seriously listening to me? Or are you just pretending so I can drop the conversation? I feel like someone has to say these things logically."
"I think you're only saying it because you're a fucking creep. Nothing of what you say to me means nothing to me because you mean nothing to me!"
"I mean something to you if you have to tell me that. I know I hurt you with what I did, but taking it out on others – "
"Man, fuck you!"
" – isn't going to help you. Or him," Smoker added. "If you're trying to save him like I saved you – "
Law laughed noisily. "You are shit if you think you saved me! You fucking bastard, you old piece of shit! You're part of the reason why I hate people! You chose to stick your hands into something that you knew you couldn't fix and still cry about what effort you did for yourself when you walked away! Fuck you!"
"…I'm sorry you feel that."
Law looked at him, considering the emptying parking lot. He was pretty sure he could smash this man's face into one of the concrete barriers nearby with the way incredulous rage built up in his hands to do so. Sensing it, Smoker lowered his arms and stepped back just to move if he had to. He wore a smirk that twisted Law's face with some reaction – Smoker took another step back.
"Your temper wasn't this bad," Smoker had to point out. "How often are things solved with violence? How's that working for you?"
"It's like you want to be mangled, old man. You keep fucking tempting me into doing it."
"If something makes you feel this much rage, maybe you should consider the things I've told you," Smoker said with a nod. "That kid is younger than you, and there's a bit of crazy to him that's…uncommon. If you can't keep your cool around someone that will only toss fuel onto that fire…I hope my warning doesn't hit you right at the wrong time when you decide to lose it. What will your sister do after that? You'll be abandoning her just like your parents did."
Law's teeth ground against each other, his chest tight. He felt his face fill with warmth, fingers curling tightly into fists. But Smoker remained standing there, smoking casually as he watched Law's reaction. Law's phone began to vibrate at that moment, and it broke through that anger – the thought that it might be Lamie crossed his angry momentum.
He managed to regain his composure, pulling his phone out to make sure it wasn't his little sister. Seeing that it was only Penguin asking him if he'd found the bat yet had him shoving his phone back into his pocket and then punching Smoker in the chest when the man let his guard down.
"Don't you ever bring up my little sister like she matters to you," Law spit at him as Smoker caught his footing. "Stay the fuck out of my business! You have nothing more to say to me! The next time you try and talk to me, I'll just kick the shit out of you."
When his way cleared, he then marched to the driver's side and climbed in. He couldn't quite angle the car the way he needed to attempt to hit the man as he stumbled behind a light pole just in case. But his tires left marks behind him as he sped off. His fingers tightened on the steering wheel as he drove, anger swirling around him like a hot force of wind. He hit the steering wheel a few times, almost rear ending another car that was slowing for a yellow light. He laid on his horn, swerved around the car and flew through the red lights.
Driving angrily, it took him flying down the freeway to realize Smoker was right. So he laid off the gas, set it onto cruise control and struggled to get his temper back. It was frustrating how that man was able to press his buttons, causing him to second guess himself. Causing him to think that he was just this fucking kid who couldn't control himself. He knew if he came home like this, Lamie would be upset – he tried to be conscious of his actions and anger, and while it wasn't as explosive as before, she was still sensitive about any of his negative actions and emotions.
He rolled the window down, sweating profusely because he hadn't turned on the AC. He removed his hat and tossed it aside before touching the dash to activate a phone call.
"Ugh, what do you want? You're so obsessed with me," Sanji mumbled around a cigarette, the screams and laughter of his friends in the background.
"Anger management classes," Law stated between gritted teeth. "If you want to keep doing this, both of us need to do it."
"…what?"
"I'll do that with you. If you can find it in all your fucking free time, find a class that will fit both of our schedules, and we're doing it."
Sanji sputtered, obviously rattled, the sounds in the background quickly dispersing as he moved to another location that made it easier for him to hear. "What the fuck? What's this about?"
"I'm serious, Sanji. I will break up with you if you don't."
Law could hear Sanji's stunned silence, the blonde's head probably swirling with confusion as he processed Law's angry words.
"Did you end up confronted by that old fart –?"
"I'm not saying it again."
Sanji was still stunned, and he sputtered words that weren't rightly strung together.
"Uh…okay," Sanji then said slowly. Luffy screamed for his return in the background, causing him to shuffle his phone from one ear to the other. "Uh…yeah. I'll…look into it."
Law hung up right after that. His jaw clenched, he vowed to prove Smoker wrong. After thinking of all the ways he could hide the body after he was done with it.
: :
By next week, both of them were attending a group class with other tired, angry individuals that wore their ire visibly on their faces. Sanji still looked a little rattled; Law was surprised that he actually went through with the request. He was still steamed, admittedly, not talking about the reasoning behind it. The pleasant faced therapist managing the group disregarded the attention by introducing herself and asking the others to share little information about themselves to get acquainted with each other. They shared bitter tasting coffee and made small talk about the things that set them off. Neither of them revealed their relationship to each other, but provided 'safe' individual information that allowed them to be angry personalities.
At the end of it, Sanji looked at Law with incredulous action while Law glared at an older man that stared at them both. Possibly offended by Sanji's pink shorts and flowery print shirt that was buttoned up to the throat like he was some prim virgin.
"Are we going to talk about this?" Sanji asked him impatiently.
"Apparently, we're going to kill each other," Law told him. "So let's not prove these shitty fucks right."
Sanji's lips thinned – either to hide an amused smile or to take the statement seriously. He tried to sip at his coffee but he couldn't quite relax his face to do so.
"This is all part of helping ourselves," Law continued. "This is the effort. This is not letting them win."
"Who is them?" Sanji asked carefully.
"It doesn't matter who they are specifically, but I've thought about it. I almost killed you that one time – "
"Is autoerotic asphyxiation part of an anger problem?" Sanji mumbled thoughtfully as they made their way down the hall towards the parking garage.
" – and I'm quite sure, I'm positive that neither of us are capable of restraint because both of us say and do shit freely that makes other people cringe," Law continued. "If we do this bullshit together, maybe something good will come out of it and people can stop talking like this."
"I thought we were going to ignore what other people thought of us…"
"I hate being told what to do and how to do it, and by the time you get to be my age, you'll be the same exact fucking way. Let's just nip it in the bud right here, right now and - "
"I mean, this is a good idea but it's not the best place to express ourselves," Sanji interrupted, gesturing with his coffee while he itched for a cigarette. "We know the roots of our anger. These things can't be helped without extensive psychotherapy! Is that a next step? Because I don't agree to that…"
"I don't think so," Law then said, frowning. He shut the door behind him, making sure that it shut firmly in the face of the man he'd had an issue with. It slammed open with the man's exit, Sanji looking back cautiously to judge the reaction. "I think we should learn how to control it. Like…I don't know…whatever this old hag has in mind to settle tempers before they explode, what's wrong with trying it?"
Sanji shrugged, having no real idea why the pressing issue, but he was willing to tolerate the man's effort. After all, he'd never considered the action but for Law to suddenly think it was important – well, wasn't it important that he show some sort of support?
"I guess," Sanji said, watching as the man flipped them off as he stalked off in the opposite direction. He wasn't paying attention as to why the show of passive aggression but he'd leave that to Law's hands. He fought the amused expression from showing on his face by ducking his head as he patted his pockets for his cigarettes. "But I can't guarantee anything."
Law looked at him, using his height to keep Sanji's focus on him. He held the wrist that held Sanji's cigarettes, the blonde looking up at him impatiently. "Do you want to be the product of yourself, or the product of someone else's doing? I want to make changes before I don't have the chance to. And the reason I'm pulling you into this is because you're a lot like me."
"So, what, are you really doing this to save yourself or save me? Because I don't need you to do that shit. I told you that."
"I'm doing this because I'm not a good influence," Law said carefully, "but I hope that you pick it up from somewhere."
"You're doing this because you continue to allow some old shit to – "
"It's not about him." Law released him, looking off into the distance. The busy center had a nearly empty parking garage, but everyone seemed to be approaching the place from the adjoining streets. All of them with problems that weren't visible to the public. After a few moments, he admitted, "I haven't been there for Lamie as much as I should have. And now that I have a chance to be something other than a fuck-up, I should take that chance, right?"
Sanji softened his expression. His tongue found the newly installed crown that made him miss the hole between his teeth. Years of smoking, coffee drinking and wine appreciation had made him realize that he should pay more attention to his teeth – he was a little self-conscious about how much that single tooth stood out against the rest.
"If it's for her," he agreed.
Uncomfortably relieved by the younger man's support, Law felt his shoulders loosen. He wasn't comfortable with the sensation of knowing that his feelings for the other man were that easy and so goddamn strong. He wanted the distance of his earlier feelings but this relationship he had with Sanji now felt like he was freefalling. He knew he was going to hit hard upon final impact but he couldn't find a way to stop the action.
Would he wind up like Smoker one day? Clinging to Sanji with warnings and threats once they were separated to 'be a better person'?
The thought made his guts twist.
He said, "Besides, no other stupid asshole is doing this like us, so wouldn't it make it easier if it were just us?"
"I just think," Sanji said slowly, lighting up, "that the fact you are conscious of other people's perceptions of you means that you are tired of living the way you are. From an outside perspective, isn't that a positive thing? No one wants to be stuck in a fucking rut for the rest of their lives."
"This is about you, too."
"This is me supporting you because you want to change. This is nothing about me, Law. I'm here because you want me to be here. I…will support you. But this wasn't about me from the fucking start, so don't lump me in with you."
"Don't you want to change?"
"I…haven't I already?" Sanji asked him tentatively.
Law had to consider it. He ended up nodding slowly because Sanji seemed to be growing in a way that was considerably different from the angry man he was when they first met. He realized that Sanji said 'supporting you', which meant that this man's distance from him had changed as his own did. There were things Sanji did that made Law feel this way but every time Law acknowledged it he felt that unsettling giddy feeling he often felt – incredulous that someone could do this for him despite being the person he was.
He was not a monster that he was expected to be if someone liked him enough to support him.
He exhaled low, wearing a relieved expression. Reaching out to pat Sanji's shoulder, he said, "You aren't as crazy as people think you are. If only they knew this part of you."
Amused, Sanji saluted him, both of them smiling at each other with unexpected softness. Law then nodded at his car. "Let's go kick some puppies and rob some baby mamas to even this out."
"Kittens, this time. Change it up a bit. Give me a ride?"
"How'd you even get here?"
"Company secret."
Law walked into his office the next morning to see that an assortment bouquet of summer flowers were delivered to his desk. His coworkers ribbed him for being a male receiving flowers, which turned into homophobic ribbing; he was used to it, shrugging it off without much aggression in the matter because that was expected. It turned out to be a mistake because his allergies kicked in minutes after sitting down and they were tossed into the dumpster out back.
"What a dope!" Sanji laughed at him over the phone, hearing him sniffle. "How could you not know you were allergic all this damn time?"
Law rubbed his eyes with his palms. "I didn't give them a second look, asshole! I don't stop and smell them whenever I see them – who actually does that shit?"
"I told Lamie I would pick her up at school, today," Sanji then added while Law scowled, blowing his nose fiercely into a wad of tissues. "We're going grocery shopping. You come right home, no dallying on prostitute row."
"You know this week is my pay week and I always support the hard working ladies," Law muttered, throwing the wad into the trash can. "And stop inviting yourself to our place – for fuck's sake, I need space from you."
After Sanji hung up with a chuckle, Law snogged back snot so hard that he ended up choking and coughing, his coworkers wincing from their desks nearby.
: :
Lamie liked Sanji – she liked that he was a helpful person towards his friends, stepped in whenever a female felt uncomfortable and liked that his presence caused her brother to lighten up a bit.
But she also felt threatened.
The relationship she now had with her brother still felt new. They could sit for hours in the same room and barely say anything, but she was often surprised by the little things she had not known about him. He ate sandwiches because he was convinced he had a gluten allergy and hoped he would one day suffer a life threatening attack (Lamie was quite sure he was being dramatic), but would not eat bread individually. He ate with his left hand but his right was the one he used to sign credit card slips with. He could not drive a stick shift. He liked horror movies but detested slasher porn. He chewed his vitamins instead of swallowing them. He liked his coffee with cream instead of black. He liked sports but couldn't participate in most of them; only settling for the adult softball league because Penguin and Shachi were doing it.
These things she learned only because he expressed them to his friends and from her own observance, not because he told her.
She felt like she had been denied getting to know her estranged older brother better because he took up a relationship with a man that was slowly eating into the time she could have had with Law, and she had no way of expressing this.
Of course, Lamie reasoned, it was her own fault because she couldn't speak up.
The pair weren't out with their relationship – they weren't doing all the traditional things couples did. But she imagined that they must talk a lot because Sanji himself was a chatterbox with his friends, and as emotional as a man his age could be. Judging from the way she'd overhead Law talking to him, Law expressed more to him than he would with her.
Wasn't there something wrong with a man that chose another man over blood?
Lamie told herself that this shouldn't be a problem – she shouldn't make it a problem. But she felt the resentment building up inside of her because Sanji was so nice to her while taking away her older brother's attention from her. She couldn't talk these things out because she hadn't any friends of her own and she was so closed up that she couldn't trust anyone to hear her out.
Every time she drummed up the confidence to at least tell Law she wanted his company, it fell away because she thought she was being selfish. From her understanding, this thing he had with Sanji was something new to his own friends. They weren't holding back on their disapproval. She wished she had the same sort of confidence to speak with, but they were estranged for so long – how could she? She was still, essentially, a stranger.
Sanji picked her up from her afternoon classes – she agreed because how was she supposed to reject it? – and drove her to the nearby grocery store. He was his usual flighty, flirty self – sometimes she felt he was condescending because surely a man that tried too hard for women's approval wasn't really into women at all – and her irritation burned underneath the surface.
As she walked with him through the grocery store, her body language involuntarily closed up. Didn't he realize that his manner of visual representation was hideous? She thought overtly, looking with disdain at his jean shorts, droopy tank top that dipped too low and Crocs with socks. How could her brother want a man that thought this manner of dress was appropriate? He looked like something that emerged from a queer show, and she hated thinking that but he was so in denial - !
"What is this dinner for, exactly?" she heard herself ask, Sanji looking up in mid-blather over the differences between kosher salt and regular table salt.
"Oh, uh…I didn't have a chance to return home, today, so if I made dinner at your apartment, it'd be easier," he said, smiling at her. "Are you sure this menu is okay…? Is there something else you'd…?"
"This isn't something that my brother wanted?" she asked. "Because he…doesn't care for…whether or not we have a meal. I mean, before Penguin started paying you, we were doing fine eating out."
"It's such an unhealthy diet, Lamie honey," he replied, focusing on the options before them. They were in the spice aisle, and he was debating over one container over another, and Lamie wasn't sure what it was he was uncertain about. "Besides, it's no problem for me. I'm sure that – "
"I know, but…honestly, sometimes I think he doesn't care too much about what you make," Lamie murmured. "I think that you try too hard to make him approve of your culinary abilities and…sometimes the meals you bring are intimidating…"
Sanji looked at her with concern. She wasn't sure if it were genuine or condescending because she was fully aware that she sounded insulting. She couldn't meet his eyes. "Oh. I'm sorry. I wasn't aware of this. I hadn't heard – "
"You won't let him say anything," she said, a little too vehemently. "You…sometimes, you're so forceful that you don't give anyone a chance to say anything about what you make. Like…sometimes, people want to have a choice to eat or…what they want to eat."
"Well, of course I listen to what he says, but sometimes it's just a violent exhalation of air," he said lightly. "Sometimes he wants to say things that are…an expression of – "
"And you talk of him like you know him better than I," Lamie interrupted, reaching out to hold onto the cart as others pass him by. "Like you know him better than himself. It's not just a violent exhalation of air he's releasing, he's saying something to express himself. You're not giving him the chance."
Sanji studied her expression and body language, understanding that Lamie was confronting him with an uncomfortable subject. He could hear her discomfort but also her strength in sticking up for her older brother. He gave a soft chuckle. "He expresses himself just fine. Trust me, Lamie, he's not a timid person that refuses to speak up. But sometimes he doesn't want to show everyone what he's truly thinking or feeling – "
"And he only does that around you?" Lamie swallowed hard, brushing her hair behind her ears. "You're only the secret gay boyfriend that everyone knows about, but it's not something that gives you the right to speak up for him or know him better than anyone else."
"I don't," Sanji insisted. "I only knows what he tells me. And I guess it's not a secret anymore, is it? Not after what that idiot did."
"I'm his sister," Lamie said tightly, "and I know nothing about him. Not that much, actually. And you continually insert yourself into the situation when you lack the company of your friends. How could you ignore him in public then decide to take up his time when it's indecent? Sometimes he's gone for hours then returns when he has to go to work and…he doesn't sleep very well."
Sanji studied her expression for a few moments, then looked uncomfortably at those lingering in the aisle.
"I'm sorry," he then said. "I wasn't aware that I was…interfering. I just thought – "
"I know my brother is happy," Lamie amended hastily, twiddling her thumbs, "but I just think that you're…very clingy. He barely gets home and suddenly he's talking to you or taking off and…then you ignore him. Like you both aren't gay and pretending you're not - !"
"That kind of thing isn't quite accepted in public," Sanji said, indicating for her to lower her voice as a couple looked over. He noticed the disdainful look on their faces, their obvious onceovers as they scanned him. But Lamie looked bound and determined to speak her mind.
"I barely know my brother," she insisted, "and you're…always in the way. We haven't spoken properly in years and suddenly I'm competing for his attention."
Sanji looked uncomfortable, visibly struggling to stay upbeat and losing that with an uncharacteristic expression of uneasiness. He clutched the cart with both hands, white knuckling the bar before releasing it.
"I'm sorry, Lamie," was all he said, apologetically shrugging. "You're right. I…wasn't thinking of your comfort."
"I'm not trying to start any shit," Lamie then interrupted quickly, "but I just think that…the last time we truly spoke was when we were kids. He said you know his background, right? Before dad sent him off, he was always there for me. We'd have actual conversations. We had a few since I arrived here, but I still don't know him. He's a much different person now than he was then. I can't get to know him when he's constantly taking off to entertain you."
Sanji's jaw worked one side to the other. He glanced around them while Lamie looked down at the items that were already in their cart, feeling timid for having spoken her mind. He said, "Okay. Well, let's work out a deal. I have him every Thursday from six to nine pm, and an occasional Saturday night. Once a month. Thursdays…are important to both of us. Our phone calls will be limited to half an hour before nine – where there will be plenty of time for him to get some rest. And as for the public thing…well, he and I agreed that it's best the way it is."
Lamie considered it, stepping out of the way of one woman who leaned over their cart to snatch up a bottle and leave.
Sanji added, "And I won't tell him of this conversation."
"I feel like that was an unnecessary comment, because it sounds like a back handed threat."
"I feel that it's necessary because your brother is a man that doesn't like to have limits set on him. And if it comes to be that it was the result of the conversation between you and me, it would put us both into an uncomfortable place with him. It would make him feel like he has to choose, and neither of us wants that. Do we?"
Lamie's throat tightened, but she looked at him with a frown. She did think that Law would be angry at her for saying such negative things, but the pressure had been building inside of her for some time. Releasing it now seemed to ease some of it.
"I didn't mean to sound like I was whining," she said slowly, "but I hadn't meant for this to happen. Now that I feel…safe…considering certain circumstances, I feel that reconnecting with my only living family member is…important for us both."
"…I understand. Look…how about if I save this dinner for another time, and just take you home with…fast food?"
"If he were expecting this dinner, then maybe from tomorrow on we – you can abide by the limits that you set."
Sanji nodded to agree, but the air felt awkward between them, now. Lamie felt like she made a mistake, but it was important that she express something. Maybe she would find the courage to speak to Law about this between them, later. Sort things out, and not carry the weight of this conversation in a negative manner. But at the same time, the resentment she felt towards Sanji for threatening Law with suicide made her feel brave – at least she wasn't that type of person, right? And any type of person that threatened that was dramatic and unbalanced.
"I'm sorry," he then said apologetically, pushing the cart away from the spices with a clumsy sort of expression, "I just…never considered that I was taking your time from him with my…I should be more considerate in the future."
"Please do," she murmured, unsure of herself at that moment. She then glanced at him, wondering if she should bring up the fact that she'd overhead that fateful conversation between them. But she thinned her lips and decided that she'd said enough.
Naghi-Tan: He is the crazy 'girlfriend', but at least he isn't in denial, now lol He is now the representation of all those crazy gf memes you see floating around the internet XD
Greeny: Ahhhh, I hope this chapter somewhat satisfies. The path is very rocky and full of obstacles D:
Hallconen: It sure is! They are pretty angry, but they're doing their best to work it out! It's definitely with attitude – always with conflict, but I imagine these two being the type that will talk until they're blue in the face before agreeing to bump uglies XD I will have to do a bad doodle one day just to show off how I describe Larry here in this fic – it's important! Luffy is Luffy – doesn't understand the consequences of his actions because he can always count on others to fix it for him XD XD
