Chapter 11

One Hour Earlier

Kim closed the door of the interview room slowly and tuned around. Kay looked terrified, stricken and serious. Her expression looked like someone who had accidentally left a bag full of military secrets on the bus.

Kim took a deep breath and slowly walked back to her, taking careful hold of her arm and turning it a little to see the details of the ink. Her finger slowly traced a little of the line around the split globe, the familiar imagery showing the fusion between two words with hints of faces so familiar caught within it. She slowly rolled up the sleeve of the oversized shirt she was wearing to reveal one of her own designs and positioned her arm beside Kay's. Side by side, the likeness was even more uncanny, except for one or two details and the script across the top which on Kim said, "I survived" while Kay's tattoo bore a different sentiment in a font exceedingly close to the original. "Forever Alive," it said.

"Well," Kim's voice wavered as she spoke, "we seem to have a pretty similar taste in tattoos." She swallowed as she stared into Kay's wide, hesitating eyes, glossing over as tears began to build. "Very similar," she swallowed, "your superior officer has a similar taste too," she hesitated, recalling the day she had given Robin his first tattoo, a design based around her own, long before they were anything more than friends. She took a step back, her sleeve still rolled up and the design still on view as she began, "well now. You're too tall to be me from some sort of... parallel universe," she rubbed her forehead, "and too female to be Robin from a parallel universe." She was pretty sure that Simon would know an episode of Red Dwarf to counter those arguments and was glad that he wasn't there to interfere. Drawing in her breath and gathering her courage she concluded, "so, you would have to be someone who knows us. Knew us" she swallowed, "all of us." She watched a tear fall silently from Kay's eye and roll down her cheek. Kim could barely feel herself together as she studied her face and the evidence before her, "don't you," she whispered, "Molly?"

The instant the word left Kim's lips Kay's whole posture stiffened, as though someone had said a magic word. Wide eyes looked back at Kim, her heart pounding as she whispered;

"How did you know? I-I could have been anyone –"

"I've seen the way you are around Alex," Kim said quietly, "you wouldn't look her in the eye. That's either a sign of trying to hide hate or love." She watched the girl swallow and look down at her feet. "Oh, Molly," she breathed "Kay… what am I even supposed to call you?"

Kay breathed deeply.

"I haven't used my old name in," she swallowed, "the last eight years." She looked back at Kim, "but," she whispered, "I didn't think it could ever feel so good to hear it again."

"You changed your name," Kim knew her comment was a little unnecessary. That had been clear already but she needed to start at the beginning, to discover the path that the girl's life had taken.

"Being Molly Drake was a curse," she whispered, feeling almost ashamed of her decision for a moment, "I carried around with me a legacy of… of being Alex Drake's daughter, the mother who'd been shot, in a coma, suffocated on a barge and assaulted a self-service check-out."

Kim cringed a little, recalling Alex's brief time out of her coma a long time ago.

"Yes," she whispered.

"And Evan," Kim noted that there was a note of anger in the girl's voice as she said his name, "that book… that fucking book." She looked Kim in the eye, "all he wanted was the money. He didn't care. Not about Alex. Not about any of us. He sold thast book and made Mum look like a mad woman. He made you all look like freaks." She cringed as she saw hurt flash across Kim's face. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "he turned the book into some kind of… tragedy. As though you were all linked by fate to suffer tragic deaths." She swallowed. "He made your jump the conclusion of the book."

She saw Kim become increasingly uncomfortable, a look of darkness in her eyes.

"I had to," she whispered, "I needed to get here because people… they were in danger –"

"I know, I know," Kay said quickly and Kim's eyes rose to meet hers again.

"How do you know?" she asked quietly.

Momentarily a look of panic seemed to cross Kay's face. She swallowed and hesitated before she whispered,

"You called me. They established that your message… I was the last person you spoke to."

Kim hesitated,

"I didn't tell you where I was going," she said stiffly and Kay seemed frozen for a moment.

"I met your brother," she whispered eventually. Kim's entire expression changed, cycling rapidly through myriad different emotions as she remembered the day she'd taken the leap of faith. Just hours before, she had found him - quite accidentally - and entrusted to him the truth in a letter.

"Oh my god," she whispered, "the letter… the letter I wrote… you read it?" Kim felt churned up inside. She couldn't even remember what she had said in the letter.

"You had to do it," Kay avoided the question, "I know that. But to Evan it was just another thing to exploit for his own gains." She shuddered as bile rose inside of her. "I disowned him. I refused to speak to him. I… I guess I went off the rails a little bit," she looked down with a distant smile, scuffing her shoe along the ground. "My poor foster mother. She had to put up with a lot from me. Coming home late, with all manner of metal through my face." She noticed that Kim gave a gentle laugh.

"Yeah, I've been there," she whispered.

"I idolised you, Kim," Kay whispered, "for what you did."

Kim stared at her, confused and shaken.

"For… jumping?" she whispered as Kay looked away.

"No," she whispered, "for more than that. Everything you did for mum. You were an inspiration."

"I was a drunk," Kim whispered, "at the end."

"Didn't do so badly on that note myself," Kay said quietly, "I went through two years of gross rebellion. Drinking, parting, dabbling in a few things I shouldn't. It all… got too much for me," she flinched as memories of moments she could never forget came back to her mind, "but my foster mother stood by me and helped me through." She took a deep breath, trying to cool down a little. "When I turned eighteen a trust fund came to maturity," she continued, "there had been a legal battle and… well, Evan had been forced to put a proportion of the book's profits into it for me. The part Alex had written before her death. It was deemed my property as her next of kin."

"Quite bloody right too," Kim said, her blood boiling at every mention of Evan.

"As soon as I got that money I used it to change my life," Kay continued, "I got surgery. Had my mole removed." She pointed to the tiny mark on her face, the scarring almost invisible by now, "that was how people recognised me. I got my nose reshaped as well. It was just enough. No one recognised me any more. I dyed my hair red. I got a few more piercings. And ," her voice hitched, "there was one more change to make."

"The tattoo," Kim whispered, wiping away a tear before it could escape as Kay nodded.

"I knew what I wanted," she whispered, "I found photographs, of you and of Robin. I found a tattooist who was able to reconstruct the design the best he could and then made the adjustments for me. It cost a bomb but it was worth it, totally worth it."

"Forever alive," Kim whispered, saying the words still in plain sight on Kay's arm.

"That's what you are," she whispered, "right?"

Kim closed her eyes and nodded tearfully.

"Yes," she whispered, "we are."

"You too?" Kay asked.

"It's the rank," Kim whispered and Kay gave her a sad smile.

"Good," she whispered, "as it should be."

Kim swallowed, those words rang a bell. She tried to shake that away.

"And, your name…?" she prompted and Kay nodded slowly.

"That was the last change I made," she whispered, "I was eighteen. I could make it legal."

"You'd already been using it?"

"Sort of," Kay looked a little sheepish and a little shy, "I didn't start out as Kay."

"You didn't?"

Kay shook her head with an embarrassed smile.

"I used another name at first," she whispered, "mostly online. No one knew me there."

"What name?" Kim frowned feeling a strange shiver as an embarrassed Kay glanced at her with a tiny smile. "Mine?" Kim blinked. Her stomach flipped as Kay nodded with a smile. "Shit," Kim smiled back despite herself. That was one of the most flattering things she'd ever heard, and coupled with the fact that she had taken Alex's name when she had changed her identity it felt like bringing things full-circle.

"Like I said," Kay whispered, "I idolised you. I wanted to be like you. That strong." She swallowed, "Maybe I had a bit of a crush on you. I don't know. It was the first name that came to mind."

Kim nodded slowly.

"So," she frowned, "how did you get to Kay?"

The girl laughed gently.

"It's funny, but Hunt," she began, "was all sarcastic about my name. 'Like the letter K', he asked me. I told him my friends couldn't cope with a three letter word so it was just one letter. It wasn't as sarcastic as I made out. People used to just type a K when they were messaging me quickly. And I liked it. I used to sign stuff with a K. When I started university and I said my name was 'K' people thought I meant the name. Before I knew it, that's how everyone knew me. Making it legal was the natural progression. And," she whispered, "no one could link me with mum any more." She looked down. "Her death was quite the shadow to live in."

Kim looked down too.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "It must have been so hard."

"I was lost without her," Kay whispered, "I know that might sound strange. She'd been comatose for years. But being gone... completely… that was different. I tried to follow in her footsteps. I took psychology, but… it wasn't for me." Kay sighed and pushed her hair out of her face. "But another part of her life… that was for me. I was drawn to it. A part of all of you. And I tried not to because I didn't want to be questioned about it. I didn't want anyone to think my reasons for joining up were anything other than… wanting to help. Wanting to protect people."

"You joined the police," Kim said with a soft smile and Kay nodded.

"As soon as I stopped fighting it and went for it I knew what I wanted to do," she told her, "Robin and the dogs… I remember the stories he used to tell me about raids… the bond officers had with their dogs… I'd never had a dog. Mum wouldn't let me. It always sounded like a stronger bond than I'd ever had with another human being. I knew places were limited but I applied for the training programme and I got in. I loved the team. They were so friendly, supportive. Only my chief inspector knew about mum. And about all of you. She understood why I wanted to keep my past private and made sure that was never an issue."

"So by the time you came here," Kim whispered, "you really were a different person."

Kay looked down. She nodded slowly.

"It's not like it never crossed my mind," she whispered, "it was always there… the possibility that one day I might come here. But it's not why I joined up and - before you ask - I didn't do anything to get here."

"I didn't even think it," Kim held up her hands.

"I don't think I'm going to be here for long," Kay said quietly, "I can hear them. Out there. The voices."

Kim nodded slowly. She knew that wasn't always an indication of how long she was going to be there but there wasn't time to go into the complexities of the matter.

"Kay," she whispered, "I still don't understand why you've kept your identity a secret here." She watched the girl look away. "Your mother… she loves you with all of her heart, and she missed you every single day. She should know, Mol-Kay, this is your one chance –"

"I don't want her to know," Kay said quickly.

"But –"

"She mustn't know who I am," Kay insisted.

Kim swallowed.

"Why?" she whispered.

"Because," Kay swallowed, "if she looked me in the eye and said my name I'm not sure I would ever be able to leave." She wiped her eyes as tears started falling, "And I have people back home who need me. I can't stay here, Kim. As much as it hurts… she can't know."

Kim nodded, trying and failing to stop the tears from falling.

"I think I understand," she whispered, wiping her eye on her shirt, "but there's still something I don't understand."

"Just one thing?" Kay asked tearfully with a tiny smile and Kim gave a choking laugh.

"Alright, one thing above the others that I just don't get," she said, "why now? I mean, why nineteen ninety eight? What does that year mean to you?"

Kay blinked away a tear. She thought silently for a moment before she said,

"I don't think… nineteen ninety eight means anything to me. I was very young, but I don't think anything happened."

"Then why now?" Kim shook her head, "I mean, we all went back to certain years to help us solve our personal issues… questions from the past."

Kay swallowed and stayed at the floor.

"That, it has," she whispered.

"Pardon?"

Kay looked at her.

"My mum," she whispered, "losing her is the most painful thing I've ever gone through. What good would it have done me to see her being shot or the day she died? I could have gone back to two thousand and eight or two thousand and twelve but it wouldn't have solved anything. My question wasn't what happened when she died," she took a deep breath, "it's what happened to her afterwards."

"What do you mean?" Kim whispered.

"It's about," Kay began, her voice shaking, "whether she was happy," she dabbed at her eye, "and she as. She is." A sad smile flickered across her face, "The Hunt guy isn't exactly who I'd have picked for a stepfather but," she shook her head, "he loves her, and he looks after her. The way she looked after me." It was hard for Kay to admit to how happy Alex was in a world without her, but she couldn't deny it. "She's loved and cared for. She has you. All her friends. She loves her job and everything that goes with it. I've never seen her this happy. And," she continued, "I know it's not because she's not with me. It's in spite of it. I just needed to know," she wiped her eyes, "that she made the right decision."

Kim nodded slowly, her eyes spilling over again.

"Yes," she whispered, "she did."

"And you," Kay looked at Kim and her expression seemed to grow more anxious, "tell me you're happy, Kim?"

"Yes, Yes, I am," Kim frowned a little, "of course I am."

"And you're with Robin and you're happy together, right?" Kay urged and Kim nodded again.

"Of course, you've seen us," she wondered why Kay seemed more emotional about Kim's place in the world than her own mother's. "Kay? Is there anything you want to tell me?"

Kay looked stricken at first, unsure what to say.

"Just," she whispered, licking her lips. She took a deep breath and seemed to calm down a little, "just be happy," she whispered, "every day. Make the most of it."

"I will. I do," Kim reassured her, nodding with a tearful smile.

Kay nodded and wiped her eyes again.

"You and Robin," he whispered, "do you have any children yet?"

Kim looked down, her heart heavy.

"No," she whispered, "not yet."

"Oh," Kay seemed quiet. She touched Kim's hand gently. "It'll happen," she whispered, "just hang in there."

Kim felt a little awkward.

"OK," she whispered.

Kay glanced at the clock.

"Shit," she whispered, "we've been in here for so long…"

"You're right, we'd better move out," Kim told her, "before anyone comes to find us and questions the sobfest."

"We could always blame Hunt's driving," Kay suggested and Kim gave a genuine laugh. She looked her in the eye as she grabbed her work jacket and pulled it on to cover her tattoo.

"I've missed you, Molly," Kim whispered, "Kay. Sorry."

"Don't be," the girl gave a sad smile, "it's kind of nice to hear it. From you." She paused, her lip trembling, and flung her arms around Kim quite suddenly. Kim was shocked but glad of the hug and squeezed her back. "Stay safe, Kim," Kay whispered.

"You too," Kim whispered, "you too."

As their hug ended and they exchanged a silent smile both knew they would never forget a moment of their conversation. Molly… Kay… had found the answers her heart needed to hear, and Kim had felt a touch of the past. But both lived in different worlds now, worlds where they were happy.

For Kay, that world as about to call a little more loudly. A goodbye was inevitable and was something she had never underestimated the power of, not for a moment.