AN: This chapter goes completely AU from the show. It takes place right after season 1 and before season 2. This is the idea that got me to write the story in the first place, so I really hope you all like where I'm going.
Hunter Hatake and Neko Uchiha: Thanks for the review. I'm so happy you liked the last chapter. I hope you also enjoy this one and let me know what you think.
Guest: I'm glad you liked the last chapter. I hope you'll like this one as well.
Heart of books: Thanks so much! I'm so glad you like my story so much. I know the Fem!Merlin stories can get stale, so I'm thrilled you enjoy mine so much. I hope you like this chapter and will let me know what you think. Thanks again!
Michael: I'm glad you like it! I hope you'll like this chapter too and let me know! Thanks!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Merlin.
Chapter 12: The Fork in the Road
"Emerlyn, what is wrong with you? I've been calling you for ages?" Arthur said in exacerbation, watching as his maidservant jumped at his raised voice. He didn't know how to act around her, to be honest, but he also didn't like being ignored.
"Sorry, sire. I just…I've been distracted lately. My mother hasn't fully recovered yet, and I'm just worried." She lied, giving him a small, strained smile as she finished making up his bed.
Since the night she'd killed Nimueh, she'd been haunted every night in her dreams about what she'd done. About how she'd killed Nimueh out of anger. It was the first time she'd ever killed anyone in anything other than self-defense or to protect others. She'd allowed her hurt and anger to get the best of her, and Nimueh had paid the price.
Not that she wasn't thrilled that Gaius had been brought back to life to keep the balance of life intact, because she was. She knew that she wouldn't be able to make it through her everyday life of saving Arthur's life and trying to remain undetected without her guardian's advice and counsel. But she still hated that's she'd murdered another person; killed a fellow magic user.
"I thought you said she was healing nicely?" Arthur questioned, mind calling back the conversation they'd had after she'd returned from wherever it was she'd gone after they'd said goodbye. He'd never been happier to see anyone as he was when she'd walked through his chamber door, alive and well.
"I, uh, it's gotten worse. Gaius isn't sure if she can recover." Emerlyn thought quickly, wondering why she'd even started this lie to begin with. But he'd caught her off guard and it was the first thing that'd popped into her head.
"I'm sorry." Arthur said, meaning it. He knew he'd be devastated if anything were to happen to his father, so he could understand how pained she must be. He walked over to where she stood next to the bed and stroked a hand over her braid before pulling her into his arms, letting her rest her head against his shoulder.
Emerlyn felt awful for lying to him, again, but knew she couldn't tell him the real reason why she was elsewhere mentally. She sighed against his shoulder, enjoying the way his arms wrapped around her securely even as she tried to come up with something else to say.
"Maybe you should spend some time with her." She looked up at him, noting how tense he was. She'd actually begun to notice how tense he was ever since she'd returned from the Isle of the Blessed. She'd catch him watching her at the strangest times, as if he was waiting for her to do something.
She'd fear that he'd actually heard her revelation, but she knew that he would have exposed her already if that was the case. They might have something going on, but he was still the Prince and was meant to uphold the laws of the land, the main one being exposing magic.
"Hmm, maybe."
She pulled away with a slight smile before turning back to his bed, fluffing up the pillows. Her mind was racing, his suggestion actually sounding very appealing. Not just the spending time with her mother, but getting away from Camelot for a while. Getting space to clear her head.
The two lapsed into silence as Arthur moved back to his desk, where the latest reports from the northern border waited for his perusal. His eyes would lift and land on her slender form every few seconds, unable to help himself from watching her. He was just still so confused! How could she be a witch? How could Emerlyn of all people use magic? None of it made any sense.
"You know Arthur, I think you're right. I should take my mother home, see that she gets well. It'll be good, some space." Her voice finally broke the silence, drawing his attention once more. Emerlyn was standing next to the table, his used dishes piled in front of her.
"You want to leave Camelot?" Arthur asked in alarm, hating that they always seemed to be having these conversations. Why was Emerlyn always leaving?
"Yes, but only for a little while. She's my mother, Arthur, and I should take care of her." Emerlyn said, not really sure why she was pushing the issue. Hunith was almost completely healed already, but she just had the sudden desire to be anywhere but Camelot.
"But…but wouldn't she have better access to care here?" He asked, brow furrowing as he tried to understand what was really happening.
Now that he knew her secret, he was trying to see an underlying reason for her departure. As he'd been doing to all her past actions since he'd learned; which had revealed an array of possibilities that his ego did not take very well.
"I—I think being back home would do her good. She'd feel more at ease, I think." Emerlyn replied, giving a small smile as she tried to think through her lie.
"How long would you be gone?" Arthur questioned, glaring down at the parchment in his hand. She came to lean against the desk next to him, so her side brushed his.
"Maybe a couple of months. Just to get her well and make sure she's can go back to work. The village will need my help with her unable to work." He sighed, dropping the parchment in favor of pulling her across the desk so she was in front of him. Emerlyn ran her hands through his golden locks.
"If it is what you must do, then there is little I can say." Arthur said finally, glancing up at her. The witch leaned down to press their lips together, trying to pour every ounce of her feelings into it.
"Thank you, Arthur. I promise I'll be back. And I think it'll be good for us." She murmured against his lips before pulling away. He gave her a confused look.
"For us?"
"Yeah, for us. A little time and space might be needed to make sure what we're…feeling is true. I don't want to think that our feelings might be a result of circumstance, what with us being together all the time; so we can both use this time as one for reflection. If…if we still feel like this when I get back, then we'll know that it's real and not just a result of our situation." She said quietly, stroking his cheek before sliding away.
"You think my feelings aren't real?" He asked, hurt. Emerlyn gave a small shrug.
"I don't know, Arthur. And I'm not entirely sure you do either. We admitted we felt something when we thought we'd never see each other again. And every time we circle back to it it's because we're in another life and death situation. I just want to be positive that what I feel for you, and you for me, is true. I couldn't bear to fall for you any harder, only to wake up one day and realize it was all just circumstances."
"You have very little faith in our ability to understand ourselves, Emerlyn." His sullen response made her smile as she gathered his dishes.
"The time apart will be good, Arthur. Once I come back we'll know for sure just how we feel and there won't be any confusion. I'll get a servant assigned to you immediately." She gave a small curtsey before leaving, headed towards the kitchen to dispose of his dishes.
Arthur sighed as he watched her leave, not sure if he should really try to fight her departure or not. He was pretty certain about how he felt about the clumsy girl, but then again, he was always around her.
So maybe space would clear up any lingering doubts he might have. And it would definitely help him to come to terms with her secret and his decision not to tell his father. Yes, time apart might be just what they needed.
/*/
Emerlyn glanced around her room, making sure she'd grabbed everything she was going to take. She'd made sure to pack up all her magic related items, just in case something happened while she was gone. She didn't want the guards to search Gaius's chambers and find her things and blame him of using magic. That would definitely not be a good day for either of them.
Seeing that she had indeed grabbed what she was going to take, Emerlyn made her way from her room and moved over to where her mother was sitting, waiting.
"I still do not like lying to the prince, Emerlyn." Hunith said when her daughter reached her side.
"I know, I don't either. But I feel like I need to get away for a little while, like I have to get away. And I couldn't tell him the truth, so this was the first thing that came to mind. I'm sorry." She shrugged, knowing her mother despised lying unless it was to protect her secret.
"Well we'd best get going if we want to make good time before it gets dark." Hunith said, standing.
She slumped her shoulders and took the long cloth covered staff from Emerlyn, hiding it in the folds of the large cloak she wore. If Emerlyn didn't know she was completely fine, she would have been fooled into thinking Hunith wasn't feeling well.
"Take care, the both of you." Gaius said, giving each woman a hug as they started out.
"We'll be careful, Gaius, I promise. I'll be back a couple of months." Emerlyn reassured, sending the physician a smile. She could see he was going to miss her, even if he didn't say such a thing. She'd miss him too.
The two women made their way towards the courtyard, where Emerlyn spotted Gwen and Morgana standing next to Arthur, all three of them with tight expressions, trying not to show their pain. Besides Gwen, it wasn't appropriate for such high class individuals to actually miss a servant. Emerlyn was just glad to see each of them once more before she left.
"Oh Em, are you sure you must go?" Gwen asked when she reached them, throwing her arms around her friend as best she could with her back pack on. The witch gave her a tight squeeze.
"My mother needs me, Gwen. But I'll be back before you even realize I'm gone." She smiled brightly, fighting down the denial within herself that cried for her not to leave. Not to abandon her friends and Arthur. But the larger part of her mind was telling her going was the best thing for everyone. Besides, it wasn't like she'd be gone forever.
"We'll miss you around here, Emerlyn. It won't be the same without you." Morgana said with a sad smile, giving the other raven haired beauty a hug. She'd grown very fond of the clumsy servant and knew the city would be less lively without her. Plus, Morgana knew Arthur would not take her leaving lightly. Which meant he'd most likely turn into a sullen child once more.
"I'll miss you all as well." Emerlyn replied.
The two women parted, Emerlyn turning to look at the prince. She tugged at her bottom lip, not really sure how to act. The others glanced around before moving quietly over to where the horses were waiting, wanting to give master and servant some space.
"You've got enough provisions for the journey?" Arthur finally asked, arms crossed over his chest as he glared at the wall behind her. She sighed and nodded, knowing he did not do well with emotional episodes, no matter how much he might care for her. He was Arthur after all.
"Yes, Gaius made sure we had plenty. It shouldn't take us more than two days to reach Ealdor, so we don't need much." She said quietly, feet shuffling as she moved a little closer to him.
"And you mother has enough medication?" He murmured, titling a little to the side so that his shoulder brushed lightly against hers.
"Of course. We're all set." Her throat tightened at the admission, the war still being waged in her stomach. She didn't want to leave him, but knew that it was necessary. All she could hope was that nothing major or magical attacked while she was away.
"Good. Good. I'll, uh, I'll walk you to the road." Her eyes met his before she gave a slight nod and walked over to her horse. She quickly attached her bag to the saddle before grabbing its reins.
"Be careful!" Gwen said, rushing over to give her another hug.
"I will be, promise." She said, waving at Morgana before steering the mount towards the lower town.
The lady and maidservant waved to her and Hunith, both sharing a knowing look when Arthur fell into step next Emerlyn. Oh yeah, the next couple of months were definitely not going to be easy.
When they crossed the gate, Hunith led her horse ahead, knowing Emerlyn and Arthur would want a moment to themselves, away from the prying eyes of everyone. She could see the emotions she'd seen before had deepened and knew a separation was not going to be easy on either of them. She just hoped Emerlyn knew what she was doing.
"You're sure you must go?" Arthur asked quietly as they trailed after Hunith. They'd passed beyond the sight of the guards, so he linked their hands, relishing in the feeling of her skin against his.
"Yes. But it's not forever. Besides, you're always complaining about my work ethic. Maybe you'll find a servant who is actually competent, heh?" She smiled up at him, trying to make light of the heavy mood. He rolled his eyes at her before tugging her into him, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and forcing her to stop.
"If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to send word. I'll send help immediately." Emerlyn wrapped her arms around him, letting the reins slip from her fingers so she could hold him close. Luckily the mount was not a wild horse, so it merely stood there, waiting for its rider to saddle up.
"I'll miss you too." She replied, lips grazing his throat as she rested her head against his shoulder.
Arthur's eyes slid closed as he held her, breathing her scent deeply into his lungs so he wouldn't forget how amazing she always smelled. He knew his father would be appalled at his reaction to her departure, but at that moment, Arthur didn't care what the King would approve of or not. Emerlyn was leaving and he didn't know when he'd see her again.
"Don't get into too much trouble while I'm away, Arthur. I won't be here to save you." She murmured, smiling when it earned the desired scoff.
"Like you're that useful to begin with." He retorted, even while his mind flashed back to her revelation and the fact that she did indeed save his life more than he knew. The witch just grinned up at him before pulling his face down to hers, pouring every ounce of emotion into the kiss.
Unlike other kisses, this one wasn't heated or rushed. It was slow and so heavy with feeling that Arthur thought he'd be swallowed whole by it. It was a kiss of farewell and never spoken sentiment, as neither were certain if they'd ever get another.
Pulling away, Arthur reached into a pocket and pulled out a medium sized money pouch. Emerlyn gave him a confused look when he pressed it into her hand.
"Arthur, I've already been paid for this week." She said, brow furrowing when he refused to let her hand it back.
"This is for emergencies. Just in case."
"Arthur—"
"No, take it. I remember what it's like in your village, remember. I don't want you to suffer because your mother has fallen ill." He insisted. Emerlyn felt her guilt surge through her, almost crimpling her. She'd never expected Arthur to be so…nice about this.
"Really—"
"I won't take it back, so unless you want someone else to find it on the ground, you'd better put it somewhere safe." Arthur said, arms crossing over his chest so she couldn't shove it back into his hand. The witch bit her lip and finally gave a nod, not knowing what to say.
"Emerlyn." Hunith called out, hating she had to break up their moment. But they really needed to get going if they wanted to make a decent distance before nightfall. Emerlyn glanced back at her mother and gave a nod before turning back to the prince.
"I-I'll be seeing you, then." She said.
Arthur felt his chest tighten as he pulled her into another embrace, not wanting to let her go, no matter how much he himself might need time away. Time to think and come to terms with her secret. With the fact that he was keeping a witch hidden from his father; from the King.
The couple finally broke apart and Arthur helped her up into the saddle, waiting until she was settled before releasing her leg. The two shared another long look before she gave a sad smile and nudged the horse with her heels.
She caught up with her mother, glancing back a couple of times as they continued down the road, watching as Arthur continued to get smaller until they crested the hill and she could see him no longer.
"Are you sure about this, Emerlyn? You don't have to come home. I know your life is here now." Hunith said, spotting the tears her daughter was trying to fight down.
"It's fine. I need to get away. It'll be good. It will." Emerlyn muttered, sounding like she was trying to reassure herself more than Hunith.
The older woman just let it be, knowing her daughter was too stubborn to be swayed. And maybe she was right, maybe the two needed some space to figure things out. She just hoped that Emerlyn was able to find happiness, rather that was with Arthur Pendragon or not.
/*/
The two finally made camp when it became too dark to continue on, moving into the trees so that they were not sitting ducks for bandits or thieves. They quickly set up camp, Emerlyn pulling out the Sidhe staff to have at the ready in case they were attacked, as she could shoot lighting at them and also club them with it.
Hunith pulled out some of the fruit and bread Gaius had given them, watching as the young woman flittered around the area, restless. It was obvious her mind was elsewhere, and it didn't take much contemplation on her part to figure out what had her daughter's attention. She wondered if Arthur would ever be far from her thoughts while they were separated.
"Come eat something, Emerlyn. You need to keep up your strength." The witch turned at her mother's voice. She sighed before moving over to the overturned log, sitting next to Hunith and taking the offered apple.
"So we should arrive in Ealdor by midafternoon tomorrow." Hunith said to fill the air as Emerlyn just sat there.
"Yeah." She said in agreement, making her mother roll her eyes.
"Emerlyn, really. It was your decision to leave, and as you've refused to go back this entire day, you need to come to peace with that choice. You must desist this brooding melancholy." Hunith said in exasperation.
The raven haired girl looked up at her mother in astonishment, not having expected that. But she should have, since Hunith did not put up with nonsense for long.
"You're right. I'm sorry. I just…it hurts more than I expected to be away from Camelot. It's the first time we've been separated for real. Every other time, one of us thought we were going to die or something of that nature. It's just…painful." She finally got out, shoulders slumped. Hunith sighed and wrapped an arm around her, squeezing her tightly for a moment.
"I know, darling. But you've chosen this path, and now you must walk it. I'm certain your friends are all going to miss you, and you them."
Emerlyn laid her head on her mother's shoulder, letting herself be held for a little while. It was nice to let go and not have to worry about being discovered every second of the day, even if her heart clenched in pain at the thought of Arthur.
"What shall you do in Ealdor?" Hunith asked after a few minutes, both their gazes locked on the fire.
"I dunno. I actually have been thinking about papa and maybe seeing if he's returned."
"Hmm. I think the village will survive a few more days without me. Your father would be delighted to see you." She smiled, also longing to see Balinor. It'd been several months since she'd last seen him and she missed him; especially now that Emerlyn no longer lived with her. It would be very nice to see her love again.
"Good. I hate that you two can't be together. Why don't you live with him, now that I'm gone?" Emerlyn questioned, lifting her head to arch a brow at her mother.
"You know he's constantly coming and going, trading and such. Plus, I want you to be able to reach me if you ever need to get in contact with me."
"But it's not fair to you; to be separated from him." Her voice broke over the sentence, her own pain lancing her heart.
"It's alright, Emerlyn. We still see each other frequently when he's around. We can't afford to let Uther become aware of his existence, you know that." Emerlyn gave a slight nod, bringing the apple up to munch on.
"You've never told me why Uther wants him dead." Hunith tensed next to her, alerting the girl that she was once more about to be refused a straight answer.
"It's complicated, Emerlyn. And dangerous. It's better for everyone if no one knows about him." Hunith said before standing to feed the horses. Emerlyn just sighed, knowing she'd get no more out of her mother. Woman could be ridiculously stubborn sometimes.
/*/
The two reached the cave her father lived in the next evening, reassured of his presence by the flickering light coming from its depths. Tying off their horses in reach of food and water, they grabbed their belongings and carefully made their way over the dangerous rocks until they reached the mouth of the cave.
"Balinor!" Hunith called out, staying slightly behind Emerlyn in case it wasn't who they expected. There was the sound of movement before the light came towards them, slowly revealing the scruffy face of Balinor.
"Hunith! Emerlyn! What're you doing here?" He questioned with a smile, setting the torch down so he could wrap each of them in an arm. Emerlyn clutched him to her, her eyes once more filling, overcome with all her pent up emotions.
"We thought we'd come for a visit." Hunith said, leaning up to give him a light kiss before backing away, letting him wrap his other arm around Emerlyn. Hunith grabbed their dropped bags and moved further into the cave, letting them have their moment.
"Papa, I've missed you." Emerlyn said against his chest, face buried against his tunic has she tried not to cry. She'd turned into such a girl!
"And I you, my gem." Balinor replied, holding her close. He felt her body begin to shake and the tell-tell wetness on his shirt, revealing that she was indeed crying.
"What's the matter, petal?" Emerlyn shook her head, throat closing over the lump that'd suddenly formed.
Her father continued to hold her, running a hand up and down her back with the other settled over her braided hair. It took several minutes before Emerlyn was able to will herself to step away, brushing at her face to rid herself of the damn tears.
"Sorry. It's been a long day." She tried to ease the mood, but her father just arched a brow, clearly not believing everything was alright.
"Emerlyn, you know you can tell me what's wrong." He said as they started into the cave, where Hunith had already gotten situated.
"It's nothing, papa. I promise." She gave a smile and went to her designated cot, wanting to just forget the last couple of days for a while. Her parents watched as she slid under the covers, sharing a concerned look when she turned her back on them.
Balinor turned a questioning look at Hunith, who put a finger to her lips and motioned to Emerlyn, signaling they'd talk when she was indeed asleep. They were lucky they'd been using such signals for so long, or else he'd have no idea what she meant.
/*/
Emerlyn glanced around the stone circle, wondering where Nimueh had gone. She'd just been about to blast her when she'd suddenly disappeared, leaving the young witch alone next to the altar.
Turning at the sudden sense of another presence, Emerlyn came face-to-face with a beautiful, ethereal woman. She was clothed in a stark white gown that exposed her stomach and arms which were covered in spiraling tattoos, much to Emerlyn's shock. Her face was so breathtaking it was almost painful to look at.
"Hello, Emrys. I've been waiting for you." And of course her voice would match her looks, washing over the witch like a cool spring.
"Uh, hello. How—how do you know me?" Emerlyn asked, edging away from the woman.
"I know everything there is to know about you, Emrys. My name is Rhiannon and I'm here to help you fulfill your destiny."
"Look, I don't know who you are, or how you know me. But I know my destiny and I've got plenty of help. So you can just leave me be." The witch replied, glancing around in search of escape. But the courtyard had filled with a mist so that the only thing she could see clearly was the strange woman in front of her.
"Don't be alarmed, Emrys. I mean you no harm, truly. But your path has already been changed and you will not fulfill your destiny on the course you're presently on."
"How would you know?"
"I told you, I know many things. Come back to the place where everything changed. All will make sense in time." She said before beginning to vanish.
"Wait, what?" But she was gone, leaving Emerlyn once more alone.
Frowning, she twirled around, but there was no one there. She glared at the empty space, hating riddles. Why couldn't anyone just speak straight with her?
/*/
Emerlyn slowly came awake, the fog clearing from her mind. She sat up, shocked to see light coming in from the mouth of the cave. She'd apparently slept a lot longer then she'd expected.
"Good morning, sweetheart." Hunith said when Emerlyn managed to move out of her cot and came to sit at the table. It was one of the things Balinor had acquired over the years, wanting to have a more hospitable environment for when his girls came to visit.
"Uhg, my head is killing me. How long did I sleep?" She asked, rubbing at her throbbing temples.
"The night and most of the morning. It's already early afternoon." Balinor supplied as he sat a bowl of soup down in front of her.
"Wow." She muttered, shocked she'd slept so long. She guessed her body had just needed to recharge from the toll of the last couple of weeks, as she'd been going nonstop.
"Your head will stop hurting after you eat." Hunith said, pointing to the spoon. Emerlyn gave a smile, silently enjoying the way her parents seemed to revert back to their 'parental' roles.
Hunith and Balinor sat drinking their tea, watching their only daughter begin eating, both relieved to see color back in her cheeks. They'd had a long discussion the night before, where Hunith had revealed what had caused Emerlyn's breakdown.
Balinor had come to the realization that his little petal was growing into an independent, strong woman. He was sad to let her go, but knew that she had to; that she had great importance in the world and he could not hold her back. Even if that meant he had to lose her to Arthur, son of his enemy.
"So how long do you plan to stay, Emerlyn? I don't imagine village life is going to keep you entertained after living in Camelot." Balinor said, bringing her back to reality.
"Um…I dunno. I—I have this feeling…well I had a dream really…uh—" Emerlyn cut herself off, knowing she sounded crazy.
"A dream about what?" Hunith asked lightly. Emerlyn sighed and sat her spoon down, looking at both her parents.
"I had a dream telling me to go back to the Isle of the Blessed and—"
"You've been to the Isle of the Blessed?" Balinor asked in alarm, eyes wide in shock. Hunith glanced between them, not knowing the importance or dangers that the island posed.
"Yeah, I had to, to save Arthur. And some things happened there, things I can't move past. In my dream, I was told to return there, and I can't decide if I should. I mean, it could be trap, right?" The two adults shared a look.
"Did the dream feel threatening?" Balinor asked, taking the reins since Hunith didn't really know anything about magic. And even though they refused to speak of the exact reasons, they all knew that Balinor had magic or had used to practice it before the purge.
"No, but it could still be a trap."
"It could, but maybe you're meant to return to the island. If whatever happened there is haunting you, as you say, then going back there might be what you need to do to come to terms with it." He continued. Emerlyn leaned back in her chair, thinking about his words.
"Maybe you're right. I mean, I've faced countless beasts, so it shouldn't be that dangerous. Right?" She voiced, making her mother's eyes widen.
"Beasts?" At the high pitch of her voice, Emerlyn gave a small cringe.
"It's fine, mother. See, I'm still alive and well. Nothing to fear." She hurried to reassure, not wanting to worry her mother. She'd never actually revealed all the adventures she'd been on in the last year and didn't want to start now.
"I think you should go, Emerlyn. You need to face your fears and return to Camelot, where you're meant to be." Balinor said, also not wanting to give Hunith time to begin worrying. Not that she hadn't been since the day Emerlyn had left, as was her job as a mother.
"I guess. I'll…I'll head out in a day or two." Emerlyn finally agreed, the pressure in her mind easing a little.
"Good, now who wants to go hunting?" Balinor asked with a grin, making the two women roll their eyes. Some things never changed.
AN: Okay, so what do you think? Please review and let me know! Thanks!
