Chapter 11- In the Horizon
"Neil you are going to get sick."
The storm clouds had finally rolled into the London ruins. Survivors of what was now called "The Reapergeddon" were scrambling about to get inside their makeshift tents in order to protect them from the ice cold touch of Mother Nature. The rain and snow had always mystified him since he was a child, probably because Mindoir barely did much of both. Sure he came across planets like Noveria and the planet that the Leviathans were hiding on, but now he was in a damaged hospital building with a less than adequate air conditioning system which made it unbearably cold. The amount of humidity that the rain was producing was not helping either. It was really his fault for being so cold, however. Neil insisted that he could just wear a loose plain white shirt and begin his interrogation of Mister De Luca.
"Tali, I'll be fine I swear. De Luca's tent is less than a block away from here."
But she didn't want any of it.
"No, you will not be fine. I don't care how many near-death situations you've lived through. You are not invincible and you will catch a cold in this weather. Even a child would know that. And don't you dare bring up your immune system with me."
It was slightly unnerving to notice how Tali have become more and more assertive to him. Though, he knew that it was because she cared about his physical and emotional health with a burning passion. He felt his heart race just thinking about it. The notion that there was someone that loves him more than practically anything else in the galaxy was possibly his biggest victory yet, and it was something he intends to cherish for the rest of his life. So with that in mind, he couldn't help but let out a sigh and smile back at her.
"Alright Tali, you win. I'll put on the jacket just for you."
"Please Neil, do it for yourself for once." This struck a chord within himself. Not just because of Tali's pleading voice that always seems to melt his heart, but it was her words. There is an internal war that waged inside his head, whether he was truly self-less like everyone proclaims he is, or the last big decisions he chose made him one of the most selfish individuals that roamed through space. He was so focused on trying to justify his choices that he neglected his own well-being, and that forced the ones who loved him to be his caregivers. Perhaps that is a selfish act of itself.
Neil was jolted back into the present when Tali gripped onto his shoulder with one of her hands. He peered into Tali's faceplate to see her eyes becoming narrow and tense.
"I've been with you long enough to guess what you're thinking, and it's not true. I don't care how many times I have to remind you how much of an amazing person you are, as long I am able to get whatever part of your mind to stop judging you harshly."
She let go of her grip to grab a black makeshift hoodie that was on the hospital bed, and hastily put it on Neil. After she was done, she lunged at him with her arms wrapping tightly around his waist. Neil cradled her hooded head with one hand and stroked her cloth with the other.
"Neil…please."
He slowly pressed his lips on top of her hood. "I'll be fine; you can take a break from worrying about me." He said reassuringly.
"I will never stop worrying about you."
His arms pulled her close into a tight hug and held a brief moment of silence.
"Tali, I will be fine." He whispered sternly into her vox before patting her shoulder sympathetically.
Tali didn't say anything as he spun around and went outside. She simply watched him walk farther away from him until he was gone from her view. Her body was completely frozen, and she didn't even realize that she was standing deathly still in front the hospital entrance for several minutes.
It was now pouring harder than it was before. Puddles of water mixed in with dirt, rubble, and ash were formed throughout the encampment. Just outside of the hospital grounds there was a street that was completely flooded with several inches of water. While he roamed the camp he realized there was almost no one outside, which made sense given the current circumstance. Though, as he looked around he saw someone trying to get his attention. The man looked suspiciously like Joker wearing a grey hoody, watching the rainstorm grimly. Neil immediately sunk his head down to look at the ground, the unforgiving emotions of guilt and shame drenched his essense as much as the rain drenched his body
"Commander?"
His gaze was locked upon the man, and sure enough it was Joker staring back at him with a mixture of sorrow and relief.
"The one and only, heh." His attempt at making light of the situation failed, as they usually did. Seeing Joker in a state of grief was something completely new to him, and it felt horrible to know that he was the one that put him in this position. Neil needed to tell Joker what happened, the guilt that was building inside him felt like it was at its maximum capacity and he needed to release it somehow.
"It's good to see you up and about again, commander."
"There is no need for the formalities anymore Joker. Just call me Neil, please. And it's good to see you again too."
"Sure thing." The moment of silence that soon followed was rather unnerving and awkward.
"So um, this is like the hundredth super massive explosion you were able to walk away from right?"
Neil let out a genuine chuckle. It was nice to see Joker still keeping his groove in spite of everything that happened to him.
"Yeah it is. I can probably beat a galactic record at this rate."
"Just a galactic record? I'd be surprised if you didn't beat like seven of them in the past five years Comman-Neil. "
Shepard simply nodded, though his expression soon soured at those thoughts lingering in the back of his head.
"Joker, I…I have something that I need to get off my chest. It's been bothering me ever since I recovered a week ago."
Joker's current state of mood soon soured as well. He could only guess what he is going to bring up.
"Shoot away."
Neil knew that there was no turning back. He was going to tell Joker what happened at the crucible for better or worse.
"Joker." His voice was so full of guilt and shame that it became obvious.
Joker wrapped his arms and frowned at him.
"Neil, just tell me."
He took in a deep breath and exhaled, and looked at Joker straight in the eyes.
"Joker, I am so sorry about EDI. I promised you that I would take care of her. Not only did I break that promise, but I think what I did on the citadel caused EDI and the entire Geth race to be wiped out. No….I'm not only sorry, that is a massive understatement. I feel so absolutely horrible about what I did, that I can't sleep anymore."
"What happened?" Joker cut him off.
Neil told Joker that he was hit by Harbringer's beam, and described everything that happened afterwards from meeting Anderson and their confrontation of The Illusive Man, and how he was indoctrinated to shoot Anderson and made TIM commit suicide.
"After I passed out briefly from the blood loss, I was lifted up to another part of the Citadel. And then things got really surreal and bizarre. I….met the catalyst. It was an advanced AI, and it told me about why the reapers exist. About his solution to the chaos between organics and synthetics."
This made Joker raise an eyebrow at him.
"I'm not going to lie, this sounds like something that was directly ripped off of a B-rated suspense and thriller vid. So a synthetic decided to stop the chaos between synthetics and organics by creating more chaos between synthetics and organics?"
"Those were my exact thoughts. Though once it told me that it turned against its original creators in order to preserve organic life, that's when I knew that it's a rogue AI that has encountered a paradox. It told me that it's solution will not work anymore, and that I had to pick a new solution. It gave me three choices. Have the crucible Destroy the Reapers, and possibly wipe out all synthetic life. It told me that I would possibly die from the blast due to my synthetic implants from Cerberus. Sacrifice myself and upload my consciousness to the reaper network in order to Control them. Or I jump in the crucible beam to melt myself in order to achieve Synthesis, a process which combines organic and synthetic life."
Joker still had his arms wrapped in front of him, and was frowning at Shepard.
"I'm guessing you choose Destroy then?"
Neil bit his lips and nodded.
"The catalyst was the leader of the Reapers. I thought it was full of shit and it was pitching a last desperate attempt to prevent me from stopping them. That's what we've been trying to do for the last five years Joker, find a way to destroy them. If I picked anything else the reapers would still be around. There would be no peace. But apparently the only thing it truly lied about was me dying."
Joker still held the same pose as before, but began to nod in acknowledgement.
"So you had to sacrifice synthetic life in order for the rest of us to live."
He slowly slumped down on a wooden bench that somehow stayed intact throughout the entire reaper occupation. One hand stroked his drenched and stubby beard while he stared at the ground.
"I loved her." Was all he was able to say in that moment.
Neil's mouth was agape, trying to form words. But all he could do is hang his head in shame.
"The reapers had to be destroyed though."
Neil glanced back at Joker who was still staring at the nearest puddle dejectedly.
"Control is doing exactly what Cerberus wanted, and we spent so much effort to bring those bastards down. The last one you mentioned, Synthesize or whatever? That probably wouldn't solve anything. Not to mention, that the reapers would still be around. But that means that EDI and the Geth would also still be around."
Joker let out a deep sigh and nodded.
"I don't even know what to think Shepard."
"Neither do I, Joker. It all happened so fast, and it seemed like I was inside one of my own nightmares. I wasn't sure whether it was all real until I woke up in the hospital."
He slumped down on the rickety wooden bench next to Joker, and stared off into the ruined skylights of London.
"Listen….Joker. Words cannot describe on how horrible I feel about the decision I was forced to make."
"Quit feeling horrible then. You did what you had to do. I'm not mad at you, or think that you've killed my girlfriend and the geth. No, I'm just mad that any of this had to happen in the first place. I just…wish there was another way."
"Don't we all?" Neil replied gravely.
He was glad that Joker didn't hold any grudges against him. Or at least, it didn't seem like it. That was enough to give a sigh of relief. Though the fact that he was directly responsible for all those deaths, whether it was the right choice or not, was still not something to feel proud about.
"I heard about Cerberus being up an about, and how they are after you. I thought we took them out at Cronos. Amazing how many people can simply walk away from giant explosions these days huh?"
Neil shook his head. "I'm really tired of it all. I just wish I can just put away my guns and live normally. Just seems like trouble always has its ways to find me."
"Well uh, I'm not so sure about the living normally part. You know, with being a galactic hero that stopped the Reapergeddon. But hey, if you plan on launching any missions that involves impossible odds, giant robots, terrorist groups, super-massive conspiracies and giant cuttlefish overlords; you know where to find me."
He gave joker a genuine smile and patted his shoulder as he stood up.
"Don't need to ask me twice."
"Hey, Shepard!" He glanced back at Joker and noticed a faint smile.
"Would you stop getting yourself hospitalized every day? I'm supposed to be the crippled one here."
Neil simply gave him a nod of acknowledgment and made his way to De Luca's medical tent.
The room was dimly lit which caused his eyes to take a moment to readjust to the current atmosphere. He heard the old man's heavy breathing in his medical rebreather along with the ambience the rainstorm was creating. Age hasn't been kind to this man, he noticed heavy wrinkles upon his facial structure, and he periodically began hacking every so often. It was obvious that De Luca was nearing the end of his life, whether it was from his age or all the physical and mental wounds he suffered throughout his pitiful life. There was a part of Neil that told him to have a little sympathy, but he traced his memories back to that horrifying scene which this man has placed him. This man was going to force him to brutally murder Garrus Vakarian in order to save himself from a life threatening situation. If he wasn't so shackled by whatever was left of his moral compass, he would feel compelled to beat this old, helpless, sick and dying man to a bloody pulp. Though that wasn't what he was here for, and he wouldn't dare stoop down to that level now.
"What the hell do you want?" Mister De Luca's words were mixed with his sickness, but they were also mixed with so much venom and bile that it almost made Neil cringe. However, he was still able to keep his passive composure.
"Mister De Luca. I know that you don't really like me."
"That is an understatement, kiddo." He spat back at him.
"…and I don't really like you that much either. So I'm going to try to keep this as brief as possible, but that will be completely up to you."
De Luca was about to spew more bile at Shepard, but he caved in.
"I guess I don't really have much of a choice, do I?"
Neil shook his head and brought a chair up beside his hospital bed.
"I know that you were in contact with a Cerberus agent named Caleb Ronan."
De Luca rolled his eyes and groaned obnoxiously.
"Archangel Garrus, The "Great" Commander Shepard, Cerberus/Terrorist agent Caleb Ronan. You ungrateful spics are all the same to me."
"No, we are not. Now, I want you to tell me where and how you met him. This man that you met is very dangerous and he wants to hurt a lot of people."
"And you and the rest of your god damned intergalactic, xenophile normandy dream team don't?"
"I don't have time for your bullshit old man. The longer you don't tell me what I need to know, the longer I am going to sit here and piss you off. So I'm going to ask again-"
"Okay, okay, okay. Just shut the hell up and I'll tell you. You done rambling? Good."
The irony of that statement was almost enough to make Neil laugh. Almost.
De Luca gave out a painful hack as he cleared his voice.
"If you are after this…Caleb Ronan character, then you have your hands full." He noticed that De Luca's tone became less than hostile, which was enough to relieve some tension that was building up.
"To say that you are chasing a ghost is an understatement. That…so called Shadow Broker? This guy can makes the Shadow Broker look like some poor middle aged prick working at the Alliance Intelligence Services. Caleb on the other hand truly knows how to disappear, and reappear anywhere he damn well pleases. On top of that, he somehow has eyes everywhere. He's like the fucking big brother that everyone on Earth was accusing the Alliance of doing. He knows when you're sleeping, when you're drinking, when you're smoking, when you're fucking and so on and so forth. You get the damn picture."
De Luca gave out another painful hack and continued.
"I wouldn't be surprised if he is listening in on our little friendly chat in the first place. That means that I probably won't have much time to live in this galaxy, but I don't have any more fucks to give about that at this point. I don't like you, and I can't forgive you for what you and your friend did to my son. But, if you are chasing that Cerberus creeper spic in order to put a bullet in his head then you have the right idea. Unfortunately for you, I have no damned clue when it comes to his current whereabouts. Only that he was in constant contact with me, reminding me that he was watching my every damned move. Like I said, he does whatever the hell he wants. Caleb is truly the closest thing to a living ghost, and it's fucking scary. I'd keep a shotgun under your bed if I were you."
Neil shook his head and stood up, ready to walk out of the tent.
"Did I say I was done? Sit your ass back down, you stupid fuck."
"You have anything else to add rather than just more rambling?"
"Yeah, I do. I have some advice. Caleb already has some creepy obsession with you. Don't bother looking for him, because he'll simply find you first with your pants down. So don't be stupid and always keep some sort of protection on you wherever you go."
Almost on cue, his omni-tool was pinged with a video message from Major Coats.
"Commander Shepard. I would like to inform you that we have back traced several Cerberus signals, and eyewitnesses confirmed that they saw a man that matched Caleb Ronan's physical descriptions enter the ruins of Palace Westminster. If you would like to aide us in our search, we'd be grateful. Coats out."
De Luca looked at Neil and gave him a grin.
"Speak of the devil."
