HEALING
JACOB
"Where are they?" Emmett asked anxiously.
"I'm not sure. I told them that they had to stay inside the RV but when I left it was pretty tense in there and now it's trashed," I said, looking around the campground worriedly.
"They went that way," Jasper said, pointing into the trees.
I walked to the edge of the trees and yelled. "Bella?" But there was no answer.
"I'll go get them," Alice said. Before I could say anything, she disappeared.
A shiver went down my spine. I felt more comfortable around the Cullens than I had in the past, but when they did "bloodsucker things" like that, my werewolf instincts kicked in.
I inhaled deeply and turned toward Jasper. "So, what now?"
"We need to change plans. Alice has had a vision that Charlie's looking for us. He's seen a notice on the TV looking for anyone with information about Edward and he's contacted the authorities. Alice's vision showed that investigators from the Centers for Disease Control will be arriving in Forks within a day and that we'll be caught if we stay here. So we're going to have to take more drastic measures to hide until we get things sorted out. We can't leave the area because road blocks are being set up to intercept flu sufferers, so I think our best option is the park. With the right camping gear, we can stay there for an extended period of time, especially with this warm weather. No one would think to look for us that deep in the wilderness."
"I know of a small lake deep in the forest that would be a good place to set up camp. It'll be hard to get there with Edward and Bella, though," I said, thoughtfully.
"We're going to have to ditch the RV. I've gotten us two range rovers but that'll only get us part of the way. Edward's barely holding it together. So, I doubt that he could handle one of us carrying him at super speed through the woods," Emmett said, with a frown.
"I have an idea. I don't like it, but I think it's the only option. Do we have any more of that sedative that Carlisle left?" Jasper said, turning to look at me.
EDWARD
"Edward, are you listening to me?" she said in exasperation.
I looked up at my mother with what I knew was a blank look on my face.
She shook her head.
"Edward, your father and I just want you to find a direction. You need to start thinking about your future. You have a wonderful life ahead of you without becoming a soldier. With your marks in school, you can do whatever you want. You could become a doctor or go to work with your father. You could even make me a grandmother," she said with a crooked smile.
I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration.
"Okay, fine. Let's get this over with," I growled.
Mother happily patted my shoulder. "I knew that you'd see it my way," she said with a soft laugh.
I scowled at her but hunched my shoulders and walked into the dining room preparing myself to be assailed by the predatory eyes of the latest dinner guests.
My mother called me a "great catch" and I felt that way. Like a fish trapped in a bowl.
"Oh Edward, there you are. We were wondering whether you were ever going to arrive," my father said jovially, but I heard the undertone of disapproval which made me hunch my shoulders even more. He could be an imposing figure when he wanted to be.
These dinners were little more than "parade the eligible young ladies of the neighborhood in front of Edward" parties.
They were humiliating.
I knew that my parents were only doing it because they wanted to distract me from the war. I heard them talking one night when they thought that I was asleep about their worry that they would wake up one morning to find that I had enlisted. They knew that I dreamed of being a soldier, living a life of excitement.
But I would never just enlist. I wouldn't do that to them.
"Sorry I'm late," I said with a smile and walked over to shake hands with our guests. I didn't really look at the "eligible young lady" until we were seated, strategically placed next to each other.
She was pretty with pale blond hair and bright blue eyes. She smiled shyly at me and said, "Hello, my name is Hannah." I reached for her hand automatically and kissed the back of it. "Mine's Edward. It's a pleasure to meet you, Hannah," I said politely looking into her eyes.
Her blue eyes widened when mine met hers and she inhaled deeply. Then, she batted her eyelashes and smiled coquettishly at me.
I internally shuddered and reached up and pinched the bridge of my nose in a gesture of frustration that I couldn't control. This was the main problem with the women I met. They were so superficial. Every word, every look, was done to entice a potential husband.
My mother wasn't like that. She was quick-witted and strong willed. Sometimes, I felt she was even more stubborn than my father. She was not shy about voicing her opinion and never used her beauty to get what she wanted. It was almost as if she were unaware of how extraordinarily beautiful she really was. As eyes would follow her, which they always did, she never seemed to notice.
Arthur couldn't understand my lack of interest in women. Every time we went out he was flirting and cavorting with every young woman who showed the slightest interest.
"If I had your looks and charm, Edward, I would use it to the best of my ability. The women practically melt when you're around. Live a little. Any one of these girls would bed you without blinking twice."
I cringed at the way he treated women. I wasn't interested in marrying, but I also didn't want to treat women like mere objects.
I suddenly felt all eyes in the room on Hannah and me. I tried to ignore them, but I felt my shoulders hunch again. I tried to focus my attention back on Hannah, but my heart wasn't in it. I had never met a woman who piqued my interest. But for my parents' sake, I tried to break through the act. As always, though, I only received superficial answers that were an attempt to tell me what I wanted to hear.
I sighed in defeat and let my mind wander back to joining the army.
"Edward?"
"Edward? Come back!"
At the sound of Bella's voice, I moved more quickly. I had to get away from her.
We'd been engaged to be married. It seemed unimaginable. However, I couldn't deny that it was my mother's ring hanging around her neck.
The picture was another matter altogether. It was clear from the photograph that Bella and I had been a couple and we were friends with the "others." But why did I look like them? My eyes shone golden, just like Dr. Cullen's.
Did he turn me into a demon?
I just wanted everything to go away, so I continued to run.
When Bella found me by the river, she took my hand. Her touch sent a current of electricity shooting through me taking the exhaustion and confusion away. With the peace, however, I lost my grip on reality a little more, so I tried to retreat but she wouldn't let me.
When Bella told me about us, I tried to ignore her words and the pleasure of her touch, but I couldn`t.
I started to panic because conflicting impulses were pulling on me. I both wanted to escape, but also accept the comfort that Bella was willing to give me.
Then when she had begun humming a song that I knew I had written, I couldn't deny it any longer. It was the same song that came to mind in the hospital when I needed to calm myself. Therefore, with her arms wrapped around me and the notes of my music surrounding me, I let go and allowed her arms and voice to lull me.
Is she right? Do I have amnesia? Could my mind have possibly made up my past and this is my reality?
I didn't want to think that, because it would mean that my family, my friends, could all be a part of my fractured mind. I just felt so tired. And there was a part of me that wanted to trust Bella.
So, I ran.
I didn't head in any particular direction. I just needed to get away from her. However, after a while I looked around and found myself in the middle of a very dense forest.
Where am I going?
Having driven through this part of the country, I knew that it was almost entirely forest. I had no idea where I was or where I was going.
Then, from out of nowhere one of the "others" stood in front of me.
I started to back away from her, every instinct telling me that even though she might look small and fragile, she was dangerous.
I turned to run, but her musical voice halted me in my tracks.
"Edward… I know that you don't trust us. But will you just listen for a minute?"
I didn't turn towards her, but I didn't move either.
"Our family hasn't been the same since you disappeared," her musical voice said softly. "Once we exhausted our search for you we packed up the house in Forks and moved to Alaska. I took all of your belongings with us because I held out hope that you weren't really dead and that the day would come when you would just reappear. We even took your piano with us. When we lived in Forks, we used to spend hours listening to your music. Now, it just sits in the middle of our living room, a constant reminder that you're gone..."
The sadness in her voice surprised me, but I hardened myself.
"You told me once that you started playing piano because of your mother. She used to tell you that you were her 'work in progress.' She gave you piano lessons and called you her 'little Mozart." She even convinced you to take dancing lessons with her. You told me that she promised not to tell anyone, but then she made you show her friends who came for tea how the two of you could dance," she said, softly.
I stopped walking and turned back towards her.
How could she know this?
"How do you know those things? I never told anyone about them."
She smiled, wistfully.
"You may not believe it, but you and I used to be very close."
"I don't understand. How can you know these things when I don't remember you?"
"I think it's all real Edward, just mixed together. I'm sure if you gave it time, it would start to make sense… Please, can't you just try to be open to us? We risked everything to get you out of that hospital. Can't you risk just a little by giving us a chance?"
I took a step towards a large broken-down fir tree and sat down, staring at my feet. I was torn. There was a part of me that did feel some kind of a connection to her, but another part of me cried out that I should run.
I looked into her hopeful golden eyes that were so much like the ones that haunted my dreams and with a deep breath nodded.
By the time that we reached the campsite, it was close to sunset. I was surprised to see that the luggage from the RV had been stacked beside two huge vehicles. Bella and the "others" were standing around expectantly.
When we got closer, Bella separated from the group and came towards us. "Are you ok?" she asked gently.
"Yes. I'm doing better," I said, taking a step away from her.
She looked so crestfallen at my reaction that I regretted my behavior. I knew that if Bella hadn't found me down by the river, I would've lost my mind. When I'd seen the photograph, my mind had felt like it was exploding and confusion had started to swallow me up.
Hesitantly, I added, "Thank you for earlier."
"You're welcome," she said, a shy smile appearing on her face as she ducked her head. I was mesmerized for a moment by her blush before shaking my head and taking another step back.
"Where are we going?" I said, trying to distract myself from her.
"We're going to do a little camping. I know that no one wants to think about this, but we did break you out of the hospital, so we need to lay low until we can get things sorted out," Jasper said, looking at me cautiously.
Fear suddenly flooded my system; memories of Janet, the guards, Emmett and Jasper came back to me. However, I closed my eyes and willed those thoughts away.
"It's okay, man. We'll get it all sorted out, but in the meantime, we have to keep a low profile," the big one named Emmett said.
I nodded, reluctantly. I promised that I would try to trust them and I was going to try.
"Before we leave, do you want to have a shower? We won't be around creature comforts like hot running water for a while," Alice said with a smile.
"I don't know. I don't think that there could be anything more relaxing and comforting than bathing in the great outdoors," the blonde named Rosalie said, leaning into Emmett.
I could feel myself turning red, so I looked away. The look they gave each other was quite intimate, and I felt like I was intruding. My eyes, however, settled on Bella and I flushed even more as I felt electricity course through me like a magnetic pull tugging me towards her, but I wrenched my eyes away and tried to focus on something else. My gaze, then, fell on Alice, who had a knowing smile plastered across her face.
"Yes… a shower would be nice," I said, backing away from them all and heading into the RV.
Once I was alone in the bathroom, I took a deep breath as exhaustion hit me again. All I wanted to do was to sleep, but it felt like it would be a long time before I would have the chance to just catch my breath, let alone sleep.
I turned on the water in the shower, just as Bella had shown me, then turned towards the mirror to look at the person staring back at me. I looked the same—my face, my hair, my eyes. So why were my eyes that strange gold color in the photo? I shook my head, trying to dispel those thoughts. I'd made the decision after talking to Alice that a suspension of disbelief was the only possible method for staying sane.
Before getting undressed, I unraveled the bandage from around my right hand. It had been aching abominably since I'd first woken up, but today it felt a little better. I'd thought that I'd broken my wrist, but once the bandage was off I was able to move it. I clenched and unclenched it, causing my knuckles to pop from so long being held immobile. It felt strange. One minute the joints felt like they were on fire, but the next they felt ice cold like I had put my hand in a bucket of ice water. I shook my hand, trying to get rid of the feeling and then removed my shirt.
My legs started to buckle as I saw the scars on my forearm.
"Stay still, Edward. You wouldn't want me to mar that beautiful skin more than I have to, would you?" a voice said with a chuckle.
I glared up at the black-haired man towering over me.
The grin never left his face, but it didn't reach his eyes. They were cold blue and barely blinked as I glared into them. Instead, his smile grew wider before jabbing a needle into my arm.
"Its skin is not as impenetrable as before… interesting…Our little experiment must be working. These bloodsuckers aren't as indestructible as we once thought… What do you think?" he said, looking over his shoulder.
I followed his eyes and focused on the haunted eyes of a familiar face.
I glared at him.
"Keep that mutt away from me!" I snarled.
The man flinched but kept his eyes on the other man standing above me..
"Oscar, this isn't right. I'm all in for killing them, but this isn't right…"
"You can't back out now. He's a rare find. I'm so glad that that red-haired bitch told me about him and his family years ago. Too bad she got away though…She's crafty, I'll give her that…"
I shook my head and forced those thoughts out of my head. They were just figments of my imagination. These delusions were insanity trying to reassert itself. Since I couldn't remember anything from my past, the scars on my arm could have been caused by anything.
I pulled off the rest of my clothes and stepped into the shower.
We were on the road by 8:00. We weren't very far from the entrance to the park. Jacob explained that we would drive as far as we could before parking the vehicle and heading further on foot. He said that they had the perfect location by a secluded lake. When I commented on the fact that we would have to hike there in the dark, he told me that he could find the lake blind-folded.
It was only Jacob, Bella and me in this vehicle. The Cullens chose to drive in the other one. They were going to go for supplies and meet us at the campsite. I was thankful for that. I was trying to trust them, but I felt stressed when they were too close.
Jacob drove while Bella and I sat in the back. We were both so exhausted we could barely keep our eyes open and the backseat had more leg room. Once we got settled, Jacob handed us each a bag of food that the Cullens had brought with them called "take out."
It was a burger and fries and a really sweet drink that Bella called ice tea. The burger was still warm and filled my stomach pleasantly.
Bella and I sat in silence after we ate, while Jacob played music in the front seat. I was astounded that they were making vehicles this big now. In my memory, the cars were much smaller and didn't have all these gadgets in them.
I became more nervous as the silence lengthened. I was grateful to Bella for saving me, but I felt uncomfortable because of who she was supposed to be to me—a fiancee. I just couldn't understand how I could not remember having a fiance.
I looked at her out of the corner of my eye, but quickly looked away when I caught her looking back at me.
I finally decided to break the silence. I needed to understand more about this world that I was living in and that started with understanding more about the woman sitting next to me.
"How did we meet, Bella?"
She smiled, gently. "The first time we met was in class on my first day at Forks High School. We were in biology together and you hated me - or at least I thought that you did- from the first moment that you saw me."
I was astonished. "What? What did I do?"
"Well, I was new at school and you were very… anti-social back then. You told me later that you'd been attracted to me and that freaked you out, so you acted like you hated me. You would glare at me during class and even tried to get a class switched so you wouldn't have to be in the same one with me."
I frowned. "I can't believe that I would've done that." I was both fascinated and horrified with what she was telling me, but suddenly a wave of grogginess settled over me. The exhaustion that I felt earlier was finally catching up with me.
She smiled again, not looking at me. "Well, I was completely obsessed with you. I stared at you all the time. At lunch time, I would sneak a look at you and started to notice that often you were looking back at me. I thought it was my imagination, but then you started talking to me in the halls and I was floored. There were so many pretty girls in the school interested in you. I had no idea why you would be interested in me."
"You thought you weren't pretty enough for me? You must be joking," I said, with a yawn.
My eyelids were starting to get heavy and I had to force them to stay open.
"Well… yeah."
"Bella… that's ridiculous…" I said, losing the battle to keep my eyes open. "I would've been honored by your attention," I mumbled, before yawning again and letting my eyes close completely.
I was having a very vivid dream of flying through a forest. The wind was howling around me as I hurtled at high speeds through the dark. I struggled to open my eyes but a feeling of calm settled over me and I relaxed back into sleep.
When I woke, I was disoriented.
I opened my eyes to find that I wasn't in a vehicle anymore. Instead, I was lying in a tent.
How did I get here?
I had a vague memory of stumbling through the dark and being half-guided, half-dragged into a tent before collapsing on a mattress.
The light shining through the vent of the tent indicated that it was close to sunset, which confused me.
How long have I been asleep?
I sat up quickly and nearly fell over as a wave of vertigo washed over me. I held myself still until the dizziness went away. Then, I looked around trying to get my bearings. It was at this moment that I noticed that I wasn't alone in the tent. Bella was asleep on another mattress nearby.
I was shocked and embarrassed to be alone in a tent with her.
I crawled quietly towards the door, not wanting her to wake up and see that we were alone together. However, Bella didn't move even at the sound of me unzipping the tent's flap.
The sight before me as I stumbled out of the tent took my breath away. We were on the shore of a small lake surrounded by trees. A full moon was just cresting over the trees and in the half-light of twilight a silver halo surrounded everything from its reflection on the water's surface.
Close to the water's edge, I saw someone crouched near a bonfire feeding sticks into the flames.
When I approached him, he looked up and smiled.
For a moment, it was as if I had double vision. I saw two men superimposed over each other. I squinted, trying to bring the man into focus. As I looked more carefully, I saw the differences. They both had the same size and coloring but they were definitely different people. I shuddered as I suddenly realized that one of them was from the delusion that I'd had in the bathroom of the RV. I rubbed my right arm, as pain shot through it.
Then, the vision was gone and only Jacob remained.
"Geez, I thought the two of you would never wake up," he said with a chuckle.
"How long have I been asleep?" I said, standing uncomfortably near the fire uncertain whether to join him.
"You and Bella have slept the whole day. I was actually starting to get worried, but I guess you needed the sleep," he said, looking back down at the fire.
"How did we get here? The last thing I remember is being in the car," I said, suspiciously.
"I know. When we had to start walking, I tried to wake you up, but you were so groggy I had to practically drag you through the woods. You're a lot heavier than you look. The hospital must've taken a lot out of you," he said, not looking up from the fire.
I stared at him for a moment, gauging whether he was telling me the truth, but he seemed relaxed. It was possible that he couldn't wake me up completely when it was time to walk. I'd never felt this exhausted in my life.
I sat down on a log that was pulled close to the fire.
"It's beautiful here," I said.
I stared out across the water hypnotized by it. Small ripples appeared sporadically across its silver surface as fish tried to catch insects floating just above the surface.
I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with fresh air. It never smelled like this in Chicago. The air here smelled so "alive."
"I know. I love this place. I found it when I was younger and I've always sort of felt like it was mine- a place where I could escape people. I've never met any other hikers here," Jacob said, standing up from the fire and stretching.
"I love camping with my father," I said, stretching my hands out towards the fire to warm them. My right hand had begun to ache again as cold flared through its joints.
However, grief washed over me as I suddenly realized that I would never go camping with my father again.
Jacob's voice pulled me from my sad thoughts.
"Camping is the best, especially when it's this warm. This weather is abnormal for this time of year. The sky is even clear," he said gesturing towards the sky.
I looked up and was again amazed by my surroundings. Without the lights of the city, the night sky was dense with stars.
"Are you hungry?" Jacob asked, opening a large container and hauling out various packages of foodstuffs, mostly unfamiliar.
Even though I didn't recognize them, I felt my stomach growl loudly. "Starving actually."
"Good… we have hotdogs and potatoes that we can bake in the fire. I love the taste of potatoes baked over an open fire. Here, will you open these?" he said giving me a package of what looked like sausages.
I ripped open the package. "What do I do with them?"
"Here," he said, handing me a couple of sticks. "Stick them on the end, so we can bake them over the fire," he said while wrapping potatoes in tin foil and placing them in the coals.
By the time the potatoes were cooked, I heard the sound of a zipper and footsteps behind us.
"So, what's for supper?"
I looked behind me and into Bella's eyes.
She stood a few feet away from me with an uncertain smile on her face.
I felt a wave of guilt and unease.
I thought about what it must be like for her. To her, I was her fiancé- a man she had planned on marrying, a man she loved. I looked like him, sounded like him, but I had no memories of her. I couldn't imagine what that must feel like.
So, tentatively I made a welcoming overture.
"Something called a hotdog and a baked potato," I said, smiling nervously and handing her a plate.
"Sounds great," she said, sitting down and taking a baked potato from Jacob.
We ate in silence, listening to the drone of bullfrogs and the haunting laugh of a loon echoing across the lake. The silence wasn't uncomfortable because my mind was pleasantly empty as I let the warmth of the fire and the soothing sounds of nature lull me.
It was approaching midnight, but after sleeping all day, both Bella and I were wide awake. We started talking. At first, it was stilted- full of awkward silences, but then we settled into talking about neutral things like what we enjoyed doing in the summer. I told them about the different places where I used to camp and Jacob talked about cliff diving in La Push. When we started talking about fishing Bella rolled her eyes, saying that her father was also obsessed with fishing.
She distracted us from our talk of fishing by announcing that it was time to make smores. She then introduced me to something called a "marshmallow."
I didn't want to try it at first, leery of the stringy stickiness that Jacob pulled off his stick but they both coaxed me into at least trying a bite. I reluctantly pulled the browned marshmallow off my stick, disgusted at first by how it stuck to my fingers.
"Really?" I said, looking at them suspiciously.
"Really," they both said in unison, laughing.
I took a bite of the strange looking substance stuck to my fingers and groaned in surprise at its deliciousness.
I looked up at them, my eyes wide with surprise.
"Wow," was all I could say, and we all started laughing.
"What's so funny?" a booming voice said from behind me.
My laughter stuck in my throat.
This my homage to all of the camping trips that I took with my brothers when I was young! Anyone else loving camping?
