So, as I'm sure you all have noticed, the updates have been happening on a biweekly basis.
Yeah, I'll explain down below.
This is a revamped, old chapter. But apparently people like it a lot?
I don't know. Enjoy.
It was finally time for dinner and I didn't feel like making anything so I gathered Sasori, Kisame, Deidara, Itachi, Hidan, and Kakuzu to go with me and Kathryn to the McDonalds down the road to get food for everyone.
Pein, Konan, Tobi, and Zetsu opted to sit out so they could have one of their "Leader Meetings" where they could be as mature and evil as they wanted.
We all packed into the Hummer, Itachi sitting up front with me while Kathryn sandwiched herself between Deidara and Sasori. Kisame, Kakuzu and Hidan sat in the very back.
Kathryn grinned at me when I pulled into a parking spot. "We should totally go play in the play place."
I shook my head at her idea. "Kisame and Kakuzu would get stuck. Not to mention that's like the most unsanitary thing ever."
"It'll be fun! Please?" she said, clasping her hands together and bouncing in her seat in a strange attempt at begging. "They can play in the ball pit. Hidan would get a kick out of it! Come on!"
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Very well. You can go and play with Hidan and Deidara. I will watch because I am not crawling around in that death trap of germs."
"Party pooper," she said under her breath as I shut off the vehicle and we got out, our ninjas following us.
Itachi walked beside me the entire way with Kisame trailing behind me and his partner. The Uchiha prodigy looked so bored that I entwined my arm with his and hummed as I pulled him along. I got a small, tolerantly amused smirk. Mission accomplished.
I noticed Kathryn was holding Deidara's hand and swinging it unnecessarily just like she was doing with Sasori with her other hand. I tapped Deidara's shoulder and he looked back at me. I mouthed "lick her" at him and he smirked.
It only took a minute before Kathryn stopped, bringing both Sasori and Deidara to a halt. She lifted up her and Deidara's hands to inspect them. She then squealed and started jumping up and down. She pulled her hand out of his grip to look at the hand-mouth.
"Ah it's so awesome and yet so weird!" she said loudly. She released Sasori and jumped on Deidara, squeezing the bomber tight. "You're so getting married to me when I turn 18."
Deidara laughed, grinning cockily. "You and Alice are the first people to actually like them, un."
"I don't understand why," Kathryn replied. "It's incredibly sexy, and unique. There's nothing about you that isn't drool inducing or amazing." She looked at Sasori dreamily. "You're so lucky, Danna. You get to spend so much time with Deidara." Sasori just rolled his eyes and told her she was strange and annoying.
"Kathryn, that's my line," I said, hugging Itachi's arm. "I totally used that on Itachi during the episode that he and Kisame went to the leaf village. You're a thieving little brat."
"It was very useful in this situation," she said with a shrug.
Hidan shook his head. "You both are so fucking weird."
"Shut up Hidan." Kathryn pointed at him her eyes narrowed.
I smiled at the Jashinist, still clinging to a bored and disinterested Itachi. "It's okay Hidan, we both love you too." I grabbed Kisame and pulled him closer. "But you're not blue; therefore, I can't love you as much as Kisame. Or a puppet, I find that hot. Having brown hair and stitches are also hotness factors."
Kisame laughed when I gave winks to Sasori and Kakuzu and rumpled my brown hair. "I love you too, kid."
I punched the air. "Score! Kisame said he loves me. My life is almost complete!"
"Why just almost?" Itachi asked. I winked at him and slipped my arm out of his before skipping to the door and holding it open for them.
"That's for me to know and you to find out," I replied with a smile. They walked in behind Kathryn, looking sort of nervous about treading on the unknown territory that is McDonalds.
I couldn't blame them. McDonalds is a terrifying place.
I slid up to the front of them and pulled out my list of food items I had to get everyone. Some of them were very picky. Zetsu for example, wanted nothing but meat and I had to be sure not to allow anything from a plant to be in his meal.
The person behind the register was someone who I went to school with since sixth grade. I started taking internet school freshman year for all of my classes except AP classes because I hated people and the teachers that work at the institution from hell. Except my AP U.S. history teacher who was like the coolest old man in the world.
"Oh hey Alice, I haven't seen you in a while," he said by way of greeting, pushing one of his chin length dreadlocks out of his face.
"Yo, Marcus," I replied, waving my hand at him. "How are you?"
He grinned at me. "I'm good. Are all of them with you?" He gestured to the giants behind me. "Hey Kat." He added when his eyes found Kathryn.
"Hi Marcus!" she said cheerfully from between Deidara and Kakuzu, clinging to both ninjas' arms. Deidara was looking around the place curiously while Kakuzu inspected the prices on the menu above the counter with clinical interest.
"Yeah, they're with me," I replied. "I've got a big ass order so get ready."
He nodded and flexed his fingers over the monitor of his register. "Hit me."
And so I did. He made a few questioning faces at the in depth detail of some of the orders but said nothing and pressed the buttons to get them to make it.
"Is that for here or to go?" he asked when I finally finished.
"It's to go, but take your time. Kathryn wants to play in the play place," I said with a sigh. He laughed and shook his head at her. He didn't expect anything less from Kathryn.
I herded the idiots into the enclosed playground like a stressed-out mother. Kathryn quickly kicked off her shoes and dove for the ball pit. I cringed slightly, thinking about how dirty and gross those things are. Leave it to Kathryn to not care.
And leave it to the Akatsuki to join her.
I watched Hidan and Deidara take off after her and went to sit down at one of the booths. Itachi squeezed in after me and Kakuzu and Sasori sat across from us. Kisame grabbed a chair from a nearby table and pulled it over to ours before sitting down in it.
I could hear Kathryn yelling at Deidara and Hidan inside the tubes. I just sighed and thumped my head on the table. Itachi and Sasori gave me small glances of concern when I made a loud thud as my head hit the hard surface. Kisame and Kakuzu chuckled at my expense.
"Kathryn, where did you go, un!" I heard Deidara call from near the slides. I snorted to myself, imaging Deidara and Hidan crawling around inside the tubes, searching for Kathryn.
A loud smack sounded from the play set and I looked up to see Hidan slamming his face against the clear plastic at a corner of one of the tubes. I snorted with laughter at the Jashinist and buried my face in the bend of my arm to keep my laughter muffled. He just grinned and moved away to find Deidara and Kathryn.
"Why are our partners such idiots?" Sasori asked, looking at Kakuzu.
Kakuzu just shook his head. "You can blame Pein for sticking us with those morons."
"You know you love them," I said, looking up at the two complainers. They gave me very flat, serious looks that I took to mean "No we don't. You're an idiot, stop it." But secretly, I knew they really did.
"How come Itachi and Kisame are the only two partners other than Pein and Konan who get along?" I asked. "Even Zetsu argues with himself all the time."
"Well, that's because neither of us are idiots," Kisame replied as-a-matter-of-factly, gesturing between himself and Itachi.
I tilted my head to the side in consideration while Itachi nodded sagely. "Fair enough."
"Ouch! That hurt you piece of shit!" Hidan said loudly.
"Don't sneak up on me like that then!" Kathryn replied.
It was now Deidara's turn to shout. "Stop yelling un! We're in an enclosed space and it echoes, yeah." I could image him holding his ears at their shouting.
"Oh, I'm sorry Deidara," Kathryn said at the same obnoxious volume. "Hidan is being a dick."
"Hey!" Hidan whined over Deidara and Kathryn's laughter.
I rolled my eyes and looked around as something caught my attention. Marcus was waving at me from the counter. I gave him a signal to hold on a minute before I looked at Itachi and began poking his side with both index-fingers.
He looked down at me, raising his eyebrows in question. "What?"
"I need to go get our food, let me out please," I replied. He nodded and waited for Kisame to scoot over in his chair before sliding out of the booth like a badass and a sexy beast, all at the same time.
I got out in a very normal, uninteresting fashion. I paused and addressed the present Akatsuki members. "Get them out of there; we'll be leaving in a few minutes."
"Alright," they replied in unison. Though, Itachi replied with his signature "Hn."
I left them so I could go and get the food. I approached the counter, withdrawing my wallet and getting out the money when Marcus told me the amount. I had just handed over the money when the sudden urge to kill something struck me.
I heard Kathryn screaming about not wanting to leave as Kisame attempted to rip her out of the ball pit. When I looked around, I saw that Kakuzu had Hidan by his ankles because the Jashinist was trying to climb up the slide to escape the miser's wrath.
His loud and obscene screeching could be heard from the parking lot.
Deidara was being held by Sasori who had a fist full of the terrorist's blond locks. He looked like he was on the verge of tears as Itachi glared down at him on the ground with his Sharingan cocked and loaded. I face palmed and asked Jashin why he liked to torture me.
"Are they going to be okay?" Marcus asked, looking around me at the scene in the play room. He could clearly see what was happening.
I just looked at him with a very angry and annoyed expression. "God, I hope not."
He laughed and surrendered the food. "Well, the best of luck to you."
"Thanks Marcus, it's been good seeing you," I told him. "I'll be sure to drop in the next time you're working to chat." He grinned at me and said that was a good idea.
I marched to the play room and pushed open the door. Kathryn stopped throwing a temper tantrum but didn't loosen her death grip on the bars surrounding the ball pit when I entered the room. She could sense my irritation from my murderous aura.
"Get to the damn car, now," I said with a growl, pointing in the direction of them Hummer. "Or I'll fucking kill you."
Kathryn instantly let go of the bars and allowed Kisame to sling her over his shoulder. Deidara stood up and made a very nervous face and followed Itachi and Sasori out of the room, towards the car. Hidan slid down the slide and didn't even complain when Kakuzu punched him.
Kakuzu shoved him towards the door and herded his partner to the car as I walked behind him, glaring daggers into the backs of the misbehaving people. Kathryn, Deidara, and Hidan were so going to get it when we got home.
I unlocked the Hummer with the clicker when I got close enough and waited for the others to get in before handing Itachi the food and getting into the driver's seat. Itachi sat beside me silently, a knowing smirk on his handsome face.
I silently turned the car on and pulled out of the parking lot, heading for home. After a few minutes of them simmering in the awkward silence, I broke it. "So, the three of you are in serious trouble when we get home."
"Please don't kill me. Deidara and I aren't immortal," Kathryn said instantly. "Just tear Hidan up. He can take it." I fought back a smile at her eagerness to throw Hidan under the bus.
"What the fuck?" Hidan asked, his head whipping around to glare at Kathryn. "You stupid bitch!"
An argument ensued, filled with raised voices and vulgar insults.
"Shut up," I said sharply. They fell silent almost instantly. "Now, if you give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you, I might reconsider."
To be honest, I found the entire situation slightly amusing, and I had no intention of punishing them, but I didn't want to tell them that. Itachi, Kisame, Kakuzu, and Sasori all knew that I wasn't intending on killing them, but they were enjoying the show.
Kathryn pouted. "Don't kill me! I haven't made babies with Deidara yet!" Deidara paused and looked to her in both confusion and amusement.
"That's not good enough." I grumbled.
"I haven't done you or Kathryn yet!" Hidan said, instantly putting an awkward tension in the car which I quickly dispelled.
I frowned. "Okay, Kakuzu, you can kill him if you want."
"With pleasure." Kakuzu smirked beneath the facemask I had bought him at the mall, looking back at his partner. The three children were sitting in the very back of the hummer while Kisame, Kakuzu, and Sasori all sat in the middle seats.
"The fuck man?" Hidan asked. "We're supposed to be partners!"
Kakuzu looked directly at him, completely unashamed and unmoved. "I would never have a partner as stupid as you are."
"The level of your immaturity astounds me, brat," Sasori said in agreement, looking at Deidara.
Deidara practically wilted at his partner's disapproval and insult. "Sorry Danna, yeah."
Kisame snickered from his seat. "What did you do to him Itachi?"
"I did nothing. I just threatened him," Itachi said innocently. I swerved at his adorable expression and almost killed a street sign.
I drooled. "I can't deal with your cuteness while I'm driving, Itachi. Stop distracting me."
Kathryn pointed at me from the back seat. "Hey! You're not actually mad at us are you?" She caught me. Kathryn knew me better than anyone.
I smiled at her in the mirror. "I'm not. I actually thought it was pretty funny, but I rule with fear, not understanding. I have to make sure I'm not getting too soft."
Kathryn sighed with relief. "I was honestly scared you were going to kill one of us."
"When have I ever actually hurt you?" I asked. I paused after a second of thought. "Other than hitting you earlier, of course."
She went quiet as she tried to think of something. "Well, you've never hurt me, but you've beaten other people up before. So I couldn't be sure!"
"I only beat them up because they were hurting you," I said, rolling my eyes. "I don't play those games. I'm the only one allowed to abuse you."
"You've got a feisty one, Uchiha-bitch." Hidan said, snickering in the back.
"Please shut him up. His perverted ways are starting to creep me out," I said, looking back at Kakuzu in the rearview mirror as I turned onto the road leading to the condos.
I saw Itachi smirk out of the corner of my eye and grinned internally in victory.
It took us a few minutes to lug everything inside and another ten minutes to get everyone their food. We ate dinner with no issues, and it only cost me a bleeding Hidan and a bruised knuckle. Totally worth it, might I add?
We sat around for a bit and chatted before I declared it time for bed. Kathryn and I helped Tobi and Zetsu turn the couches into beds before going to our separate rooms with our Akatsuki members.
I saw Itachi and Kisame already lounging on my bed when I walked in. I rolled my eyes at them before I changed into PJ pants in the bathroom. Once I was finished, I turned out the light and climbed into bed, sliding between them.
Okay, so the whole biweekly updates are necessary for a while because I literally don't have time. For anything. I work 10 hours a day, five days a week, from 8am to 6pm and I'm at school for 12 hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The only time I have to myself is when I get off work/bedtime. Usually I'm so tired after work I literally just flop on my bed and cuddle with my dogs. This is the first time I've touched my laptop in like two days.
Fun Fact: Dani likes her job very much, because puppies. But she hates her hours. I'm supposed to be fucking part-time because of school but hot fucking damn I'm working 50 hours a week. I don't have time for shit.
Answer: Cry. Sob. Quit life. Read fanfictions that make me sad. Listen to Naruto music. Cry some more. Rewatch the anime a billion times so relive the memories. Sob. Try and find more anime that meet my standards.
QotC: What's your favorite Naruto fanfiction? I know I've asked this before, in one of the other installments but it's been years and there are new babies that have yet to answer. Mine's changed since the last time I asked this. Give me your top three!
Ughh so tired.
I'm currently skipping class right now because fuck it. I'm too tired.
Toodles~
