I don't own Castle.
Title: What My Mother Never Told Me
Rating: T+
Description: Kate Beckett didn't want to be a mother. Her job was dangerous; the thought of leaving her child alone in the world was too much to bear. However, it might be a risk she is willing to take to see what brings such a smile to Rick Castle's face.
Chapter 12 – Boom!
It was in early June when Captain Gates called Beckett into her office.
"Yes, Sir?" she asked at the threshold, peeking inside. Captain Gates waved her in and, after closing the door firmly behind her, Kate settled herself down in the seat before her captain.
Her superior scribbled a bit on the paperwork she was hovering over, and then she set down her pen and looked up at Kate. She was wearing a strange expression that put Kate on edge. "I just got a phone call from your Dr. Schmidt," she started. Kate's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.
"I don't understand, Sir," she said carefully after a pause, feeling like she was walking on eggshells.
Captain Gates clarified, "He recommended I send you home on bed rest for the last two weeks of your pregnancy." Kate took in a large amount of air, enough to make her chest puff out, before Gates cut her off with a raised hand. "I know, Detective, how you feel. I know that you might go insane, staying home that long. I've heard all your excuses before." Captain Gates lowered her eyes. "However, this is an order, Detective. You look like you're going to explode any second."
As if on cue, they both shifted their eyes to Kate's protruding belly. 38 weeks. She had two more weeks until her due date. She had gained so much weight since her baby shower just a little over a month ago – even her maternity clothes were starting to get tight. Kate sighed – she knew Captain Gates was right. She actually could get more done at home than she could at the Precinct anyway.
At the bullpen, she had to sit at her table and look at the whiteboard. Instead of chasing down suspects, she was checking her email and making phone calls to Lanie down in the morgue. Sure, she gathered financials and phone records for her trio of boys, but she couldn't go anywhere. Even Castle continued to go raids and she had stay in her chair, swiveling around while looking at the ceiling.
At home, however, she could be far more productive. She could be refolding the baby outfits that had compiled into the thousands over the past eight months. She could be catching up on Temptation Lane or reading James Patterson's new Alex Cross novel. She could be twiddling her thumbs on her comfortable couch rather than her stiff desk chair. She could be eating blueberry pancakes instead of the three-week old peanuts she found in the back of one of her drawers.
She knew that Captain Gates was right. She just did not want to admit it. At home, at work, anywhere, she was basically a ticking time bomb – she could sit and wait but that was pretty much it.
Finally, she sighed. "Okay," she mumbled, defeated.
Captain Gates gave her a small smile. "Before you go, Detective," she commented, pulling out an envelope from under her pile of paperwork. Kate pursed her lips together and gave her superior a look. Gates rolled her eyes and urged, "It's cheesy but I wanted you to have it." She handed the card to Kate, with a hidden smile.
Kate relaxed in her chair and pulled open the envelope.
Inside was a card, decorated with pink elephants and glitter. Kate held a small smile as she opened it. It merely said, "Congratulations" on the inside cover with a Mommy elephant and Baby elephant snuggling with each other. It was signed, however, with the beautiful elegance that was Victoria Gates' handwriting. She had signed for her and her husband – her children, however, scratched their names down with precision, making them look absolutely perfect. They were seven now and unquestionably adorable.
What would Johanna be like when she was seven?
"Thank you, Captain," Kate whispered, sliding the card back into its envelope.
The shared another look. It seemed that over the past months, they were getting along better than ever. Sure, they still fought, glared, and spat at each other when they were pissed. However, it was more out of sisterly affection rather than enemy spite. Captain Gates was one of the only women in the force who had children – and now that Kate was soon joining her, they understood how hard this job was for a mother.
"You're welcome, Detective," she replied, setting her glasses on the tip of her nose. "I expect you to be out of here in the next five minutes or else I will bench you for a month after your maternity leave ends."
And just like that, they were all business.
Kate stood up and made her way to the door but not before whispering under her breath, "Yes, Sir."
"Come on, Castle," Kate greeted, coming out of Captain Gates' office. He was twirling in her chair, staring up at the ceiling with his mouth ajar. The boys were interrogating their suspect and Castle said he was going to stay behind and look through financials one last time.
Oh, what a lie that was.
"Why?" he whined, stopping to look up at her. She saw his fingers twitch on the armrests of her chair – he liked to greet her by touching her belly, hoping to feel Sparky move or kick or breathe, even though the little one had grown so big she could hardly move any more. It was creepy but, like always, a sugary sweetness Kate secretly adored. At the Precinct, however, the PDA was on hold – it frustrated Rick and amused Kate.
"Because," she replied, gathering up files, leaning over him in the process. She shut down her desktop computer and stood up straight, giving him a look. "Captain Gates kicked me out. Apparently, Dr. Schmidt said I should be on bed rest for the last two weeks of my pregnancy." She lowered her eyes and pursed her lips. "And if I'm kicked out, you're kicked out too."
He pouted.
"What's with the puppy face, Castle?" Esposito asked, coming up to them.
Kate answered, "He's upset because Gates kicked me out for bed rest and he has to come too."
"Sucks, man," Ryan whispered, coming up behind his partner. Kate gave him a look and Ryan, after pausing to take in her expression, looked away nervously. Kate bit the inside of her cheek, trying to suppress her smile. She loved giving Ryan crap; he was so easy – almost easier than Castle.
"Did you get the guy to confess?" Kate asked, picking up the last of her paperwork. The boys nodded and Ryan produced a box that had been resting on the other side of her desk.
"About to pack up everything for filing later."
"Good," she replied. She zipped up her briefcase and gave her husband a look. He was still giving her a pouty face. She had seen this many times: when he had to write and couldn't come to the crime scenes with her; when he wanted to take her to Paris two years ago and she told him no, because she wanted to take off more time that Christmas; when he wanted to buy her 10,000-dollar diamond earrings just because she glanced at them.
"Come on, Castle," she repeated.
She expected an argument. However, he didn't make a fuss. Instead, he stood up and took her briefcase from her. "Let's go, then, M'lady," he offered his arm to her. She rolled her eyes, bit her lip, and then wrapped her arm under his. "Hungry?" he asked her as they made their way to the elevator, leaving the boys smiling like loons behind them.
"A burger does sound nice," she teased idly, pushing the button for the elevator. She knew he hated when she mentioned wanting to eat greasy food – it was bad for the baby.
The elevator pinged open before Castle had a chance to respond. They walked inside the empty elevator and the doors closed. She leaned up against Rick's chest and he immediately wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "I love you," she mumbled into his shirt. She looked up. "But you are not coming here until I get to. That is just totally not fair."
He kissed her nose. "I won't," he promised, giving her one of his crooked grins she loved.
Suddenly, the lights in the elevator flickered out and the elevator made a whooshing sound. Kate stepped away from Rick and they shared a wide-eyed look. "Did the …" she started.
"Yeah," he replied, rushing to the panel beside the doors, pushing the buttons at random. "The elevator just went out." He tried to peek through the cracks of the elevator. Kate watched with pursed lips and crossed arms. He pushed the open button on the panel next to the doors. "I have a bad feeling about this, Beckett," he complained, looking back at her.
She rolled her eyes and came forward, resting a hand on his shoulder. "It'll be fine. We'll just call …"
Suddenly, she gasped loudly. He spun around to find her bent over, hands pressed up against her knees. "Cas," she rasped. "Rick … I think." She took a deep breath and gave him a scared look. "I think my water just broke."
"What?" he shrieked and squatted down in front of her, taking into account the wetness that was now seeping across the floor. "But, you're two weeks early! Kate!"
She glared at him. "What, Castle? I can't control it. Johanna is coming and she is coming now. Get us the hell out of this elevator before you have to deliver her!" Kate was breathing heavy he backed her up against the wall of the elevator. Slowly, he lowered her to the floor. As soon as she was seated, he whipped his phone out of his pocket. He hit speed dial and Esposito was quick to pick up.
"What's up, Castle?" Esposito greeted with obvious confusion.
"Kate is going into labor," he told him in a rushed tone. "And the elevator is stuck. We need to get her the hell out of her here. Now."
There was only a brief moment of hesitation before he replied, "Got it."
As if on cue, the elevator opened again. However, instead of being on the ground level of the Twelfth, they were half-way hidden by the inside wall of the elevator – only the top half exposed the Precinct. "Oh, my God," Rick commented. There was a flurry of activity from above. Ryan appeared before them and said, "Just got off the phone with maintenance. They'll be up here in just a second. Hold on, guys."
Beckett roared, "Tell them to hurry the hell up or I will kill them." Ryan gave her a wide-eyed look. "And I mean bloody. Freaking knives and machetes, Ryan. Hurry them up."
Castle had rushed to her side and was rubbing her shoulder gently. He looked at Ryan with a scared expression. "Help me," he mouthed, just quiet enough so Kate couldn't hear – however, Ryan understood. He nodded and then disappeared.
They could hear people rushing to the half-exposed elevator, wondering who was making the muffled shrieks. They heard Captain Gates come out of her office and tell everyone to get the hell back to work before she bumped them all down to traffic. The noise muffled but didn't dissipate completely. "Kate," she materialized above them. "They're coming right now. Hold on, Detective. Don't you dare have that baby in an elevator."
Kate cackled. Rick gently rubbed the sweat from her forehead and off her cheeks. He couldn't tell if she was just sweating or crying. "I'm so … hot, Castle," she told him after the pain subsided enough to make a coherent thought. She panted, trying to get some air back into her lungs. The elevator wall was cold against her back – Castle's body, on the other hand, was hot.
"Breathe slowly, Kate," he whispered hotly into her ear. "You don't want to hyperventilate."
Kate listened but it didn't help. She continued to put air in her body as fast as she possibly could. Her heart was racing – faster than it was the first time Rick kissed her all those years ago. She felt sweat roll down her back like the rain had when Rick spun her around in the parking lot of the Old Haunt, calling out for the city to hear that they were becoming parents. Rick continued to rub her shoulders and she wanted to thank him. But at the moment she opened her mouth, instead of expressing thanks, she groaned again. The pain was back and it was a bitch.
She grabbed Castle's hand and squeezed it as tight as she possible could. Rick winced but she didn't hear him.
Finally, Ryan appeared again at the head of the elevator. "Hold on, Beckett," he called down to her. She writhed in pain and turned away from his voice. Rick held his gaze. "The door is going to shut and when it opens again, you'll be back here on the Twelfth. They're going to shut down the elevators after that so you guys will have to take the stairs."
Rick was nodding and Kate wasn't listening, she was still trying to breathe properly under the pain.
The elevator shut again and the lights flickered back on. "Scream, Kate," Rick whispered hotly into her ear. He knew she was trying to hide her pain in front of her coworkers. "Come on, babe. Scream."
She whipped her head and grabbed onto his shirt. She screamed loudly into his shirt for the brief moment that the door was shut. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tight, trying to muffle her pain.
What felt like two hours was, in reality, only two seconds when the doors opened one last time to the floor of the Twelfth. Immediately, Esposito and Ryan rushed inside. Lanie was somewhere behind them, pushing through on looking detectives. They helped Kate to her feet. She staggered out of the elevator with the guys helping her. After they got into the entrance of the Precinct, Esposito and Ryan let go of Kate's arms and booked it down the stairs to get a car ready. Lanie was quick behind them, touching Kate on the arm to let her know that she was there. Kate looked up at her straggling coworkers with a wild gaze. They all spun around and retreated quickly to their desks.
"Come on, Kate," Castle muttered into her hair. She nodded, trying to stay upright but failing miserably. She was leaning heavily on her husband and he was almost carrying her as is. "When we get to the stairwell, I'll carry you, Kate," he told her as they shuffled to the stairwell entrance. He knew that she didn't want to show any kind of weakness in front of the other detectives but in the stairwell, it would be just the two of them.
She nodded.
The elevator door shut with an uncharacteristically cheery 'ping!' behind them.
The next thing Kate knew, she was lying in a bed inside the hospital.
She remembered the sirens of Esposito's cop car, Lanie and him arguing over the best route to get to the hospital as quickly as possible. She remembered Ryan say that he was going to pick up Alexis, Martha, and Jim. She remembered wanting to throw up as the car swerved through traffic. But mostly, she remembered screaming at Castle.
She was still screaming at him now.
"Oh, my God, Castle, this is worse than getting shot," she hissed as he intertwined his fingers through hers again. She squirmed as the nurses tried to stick an IV in her arm. "We are never having sex again. Ever."
The nurses gave him a look and he smiled guiltily.
Everything was a blur of white and beeping. Dr. Schmidt burst through the doors, clipboard in hand, smiley as ever. "Mr. Castle, Ms. Beckett," he greeted. He came up to the opposite side of where Rick was sitting and leaned over her. He and a remaining nurse exchanged a few words Kate didn't bother trying to hear.
"How are you, Ms. Beckett?" he asked her, eyes catching hers. "A bit early, I see."
"Better when the drugs kick in," she confessed, trying to hide the pain.
Dr. Schmidt nodded. "Well, they should be working any second now," he reassured. "You're not quite dilated enough to push but we'll just wait for a half hour or so and check again. Okay?"
Kate, despite her new-knowledge of labors from the sixteen-week baby classes, shrieked, "Half an hour? This has to go on for another half hour?" Dr. Schmidt gave her a knowing smile and then turned to Rick. Rick gave him a small smile in return, gently brushing back Kate's hair with his free hand. The other hand was currently turning purple from her death grip.
Dr. Schmidt left after a couple of moments then more visitors came through the doors. Esposito and Lanie came rushed inside. Lanie hurried to Kate's side, telling her how proud she was and what a great mother she would be. Esposito looked uncomfortable so they didn't stay long.
Just a few seconds after they left, Alexis burst through the doors and rushed to her dad's side, giving him a quick side-hug. Then, she gently leaned over Kate, her red hair tickling her forearm. "Hey, Lex," she managed, the pain somewhat subsiding as the medicine kicked in. "Hello, Martha." Martha took her free hand and squeezed it gently.
"How are you, dear?" Martha asked gently.
Kate returned her question with a small smile and, "As good as labor can get" with a small laugh. Alexis rested a hand on Kate's shoulder. Kate looked up at her stepdaughter, suddenly remembering their conversation the day of her baby shower almost two months before. "Are you ready to have a baby sister?" she whispered.
Alexis gave her a grin and replied, "Absolutely, Kate."
Before anyone had the chance to say anything more, Jim Beckett came through the door, looking almost as disheveled as he had the day Kate was shot. "Katie," he addressed, coming up to the side Martha was standing on. The woman removed herself from Kate's side and retreated to the foot of the bed. Jim took Kate's hand in his own and whispered, "How are you feeling, Katie?"
She gave her father a tired smile, sweat dripping off the strands of hair Rick hadn't brushed back. "I'm … okay, Dad," she claimed. "Just … tired. Ready for this baby to come out."
Her father laughed, the warmth filling up every corner of the white, impersonal room. "I bet you are," he agreed, and then his gaze shifted to Rick. "When Katie was born, I remember her mother screaming at me, blaming me for the world's problems. I'm assuming that her daughter's the same way?"
Rick pursed his lips as Kate whipped her head to the other side, giving her husband a look. "Remember, I know where you sleep at night," she told him sternly. Alexis' eyes shifted to her father, an awkward expression gracing her features. Martha coughed, trying to stifle a cackle bubbling in her throat.
After a pause, Rick shook his head.
A few minutes later, Dr. Schmidt burst through the doors once more. He shooed the family, minus Rick, out to the waiting room. With calls of "Good luck!" and "We love you both!" it was soon just a chorus of white-dressed women and Dr. Schmidt in the room with them. Kate felt her stomach clench again the pain came back with another full round. She moaned and turned into Rick's shoulder, trying to stifle the cries of agony.
God, having a baby hurt.
"Okay, it looks like you're ready, Ms. Beckett," Dr. Schmidt. A nurse pulled up a chair. Two poles were attached to the bed and a blue tarp was placed, so Kate couldn't see her legs spread out in front of her. "On three, I want you to push, Ms. Beckett," he told her, head disappearing below the tarp.
Kate looked at Rick.
He grinned at her.
"One."
He raised their fisted hands, much like he had when they were nearly blown to bits when the dirty bomb was about to tick 'zero' in front of their eyes. "I love you," he whispered, his eyes shining.
"Two."
Kate nodded and leaned her head back against the bed, taking a deep breath. She declared, "I love you too, Rick." Then, she squeezed his hand even harder and he squeezed back with as much force. She closed her eyes and braced herself for the final syllable.
"Three."
Kate pushed. She felt Rick brush back her hair back with his free hand. She clenched her teeth and tried not to scream, recalling from their classes that if a woman was screaming, she was not pushing. She groaned loudly, and then Dr. Schmidt told her take a small break.
The second time she pushed, she briefly heard the sound of rain hitting the window outside. She heard Rick whispering into her ear, though she couldn't process what he was saying. She turned her focus solely on the process of pushing and relaxing, pushing and relaxing.
"I see the head," Dr. Schmidt announced, encouraging Kate to continue. After a moment of breathing, he told her, "One more push, Ms. Beckett, and you will get to meet your daughter."
Meet her daughter.
Kate was going to meet her daughter with just one more push.
That next moment was just a second to the world. It was just a breath to the people she had left behind in the waiting room. It was just a push to the hospital staff in Kate's room. It was one more squeeze for Rick. But, for Kate, everything changed in just that one moment. Suddenly, she was no longer a woman. She was a mother.
She was a mother.
Her mother never told her that having a baby was painful. Her mother never told her what it was like to see your baby for the first time and know that it was yours. Her mother never said that such a small being could be so perfect. Her mother never told her the love that rocked a mother to the core upon seeing that face for the first time.
A wailing entered the room.
Kate sighed as the hospital staff became a flurry of motion. Rick was kissing her cheeks, wiping away the sweat from her forehead with his hands. She let go of his hand briefly to also rub her hair back. The wailing was loud and piercing but Kate had never heard a more perfect sound.
In just a moment, Kate became a mother.
She glanced at Rick. He was giving her a look she couldn't even begin to describe. He was grinning, his laugh lines crinkling around his eyes. His teeth were radiant, even against the white of room. All good adjectives could describe the emotions on his face: happiness, pride, absolute love.
"Would you like to cut the cord, Dad?" Dr. Schmidt asked from across the room.
Rick's chest puffed out with hesitation. His eyes shifted from radiance to uncertainty, waiting for her permission, not wanting to leave her alone for a second. Kate gave him a small, tired smile and then nodded to their doctor.
He gave her a wet kiss on the lips then scurried away. The shrieking that had subsided came back with full force with the snapping of the scissors. Kate leaned her head back, closing her eyes, feeling exhaustion override all her senses.
When she blinked her eyes open again, she saw Rick holding a bundle of pink blankets. He gently raised his arms full of a pink bundling blanket and set it gently into her arms. The wailing stopped at once. "Congratulations, Ms. Beckett, Mr. Castle," called Dr. Schmidt. "Say hello to your daughter."
Kate didn't hear him. She was too busy looking at the perfect face in front of her. Her nose was like a button – so small and pink and beautiful. Her beautiful dark blue eyes were wide, looking around the room with an interested expression, already detecting what the world looked like outside her mother's womb. Her beautiful mouth was open just slightly, pouting a bit. Her beautiful skin was pink and the little tuft of hair she had was matted.
Kate had never seen anything more perfect.
"Hello," Rick said quietly, leaning over Kate to stare at the face of their daughter. "Hello, Johanna, it's your daddy." He looked at Kate and gave her a kiss on the nose. "Say hi, Mommy."
Kate broke out her reserve and then looked back down at her daughter. "Hi, Johanna," she whispered. The whole world seemed to disappear as Johanna's eyes shifted to Kate's, her little ears perking at the sound of her mother's voice. She knew that voice. She knew Kate's voice. "She's looking at me, Rick," she announced, shifting her arms just a bit, trying to bring her baby even closer. "God, she's perfect, Rick. She's absolutely perfect."
She felt his lips pressing up against her earlobe.
"I love you," he whispered hotly into her ear.
Kate watched as Johanna's eyes slowly fluttered shut. Her baby sunk lower in her arms, getting comfortable for her first nap. Kate felt her throat clog as she watched. Tears made everything blurry. This was her daughter. She and Rick had created this perfect human being with their love and passion and just a dash of their carelessness – or eagerness – of the night so many nights ago. They had made her. Now, almost nine months later, she was holding the material version of their love. Their baby. How could Kate ever be anxious about having this child?
She was perfect.
Finally, she turned to Rick. "I love you, too."
A.N.
And so, this is the chapter we've all been waiting for! It is baby Johanna/Anna/Sparky's arrival. I hope you enjoyed it. I knew from the beginning Kate was going to end up in that dang elevator because I thought it'd be fun. Haha. This was a blast to write and I hope everyone had just as much fun reading it.
Next chapter, I've decided, will be the last chapter. Don't worry – it will be long … maybe even the longest of the story but it will be the last. I can't believe this adventure is almost complete!
I am so excited to share my next story with you after this one is complete! Please, look forward to it! If you want to follow me on Twitter or Tumblr, the links are on my profile.
Until next Wednesday,
Lizzy
