*Thank-you for all the reviews on the last chapter they were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much.
Nicki's biggest nightmare had come true two days ago; she lost her son, her only child was gone. She knew she would never see his big brown eyes looking back at her and she would never hear his laughter again. There would be no more smiles to light up her world. She would never feel his hugs again. There would never be another Mother's Day or childish joy on Christmas morning. Judson was gone and he wasn't coming back. Nicki never felt pain like this before. It felt like her heart had been ripped from her chest and stomped on a million times. Nicki lay in bed listening to the knocks on her bedroom door. "Nicki, it's your mama. Please open the door," she begs. Nicki doesn't say anything and allows her mom to continue knocking on the door. Nicki continues to listen to her knock as a stream of tears runs down her face. She quietly begins to choke on her sobs. She's completely empty.
John sits in the kitchen quietly waiting to talk to Nicki. She hasn't talked to anyone the last two days. She has been locked up in her room all two days. John stares off into space. He is lost and confused. He doesn't understand why everything happened the way it did especially when they finally had a match. They were so close to giving him another chance. He didn't understand it and his feelings weren't a mystery to him. He was angry and sad but numb. John is snapped from thought when Nicki's mom comes into the kitchen. "Did she let you in?"
"No," she says. "She didn't even answer me. I am really worried about her, John. I know this is hard but she needs to find comfort in her family. I'm scared that she has shut us all out."
"Me too," he says. "I'm worried about her also. She won't talk to me either. I try but she never lets me in. I wish I could take away her hurt. I wish she would talk to someone."
"She won't even talk to Bubba," she says, "and they are very close."
"I just don't understand this whole thing," he says. "Why did it have to happen now? We just found a match."
"I don't know, John. I don't understand it either but one thing we need to remember is Judson isn't in anymore pain."
"I'm going to go see if she will talk to me. It's worth another shot," says John as he sadly gets up from table.
"Good luck," she says.
"Thanks," he says before walking out of the kitchen. He makes his way upstairs walking passed Judson's bedroom. He stops a moment before continuing on to Nicki's room. He knocks on the door as he takes a deep breath. "Nicki, Please let me in. I want to see you and I want to talk to you." He waits outside the door as Nicki takes a deep breath. She realizes no one is going to leave her alone until she talks to them. She slowly gets up out of bed in her black t-shirt and grey sweatpants and hair pulled up into a messy bun. She opens the door allowing John to come in as she walks over to the bed and sits down. "How are you feeling?"
"How am I feeling?" she asks, "is this a trick question?"
"I'm sorry," he says. "I know how you're feeling. I'm sorry."
"It's fine," she says snapping at him, "but I'm sick to my stomach and I'm numb. I lost my son, John."
"I know," he says as he wraps his arm around her to comfort her.
"Why? Why did God do this? We had a match."
"I know we had a match," he says. "I wish I could give you these answers but I can't. I'm sorry."
"I am never going to see my son again. I'm never going to hear him laugh or him say, 'Mama, I love you'; all of that is gone. I will never get another day with him. I loved him so much, John and now it's like my entire world has been ripped from me. I just don't get it. Why? He was only 7 years old. He had so much more life in front of him. He will never graduate high school, he'll never go to college and he'll never get married. He will never have kids. I am losing out on all of this. I am losing out on my son growing up. It's not fair! I hate," she says before she breaks down. John wraps himself around her as she cries on his shoulders. He holds her tight as he feels her choke hardly on her sobs and his shoulder is filled with the wetness of her tears. "I want him back," she says.
"I know," he says as he holds her tightly. "I know this is hard for you but I want you to know I am here for you. I will be here every step of the way. We will get through this together. I promise."
"What about work?" she asks.
"I took time off to be with you, Nicki. You need me more than WWE needs me right now. I wouldn't be a good boyfriend if I wasn't here. I love you, Nicki and we are going to get through this. I promise."
"I don't know if I will ever get through this. He is my son, John. He is a part of me. I carried him for 9 months, I gave birth to him and I have been with him all 7 years of his life. How do you just get over the death of your son? How do you just move on? How do you continue living knowing that the reason you woke up in the morning is no longer here? I have no reason to wake up anymore. I have no one to be strong for. I have no one to love more than life itself. I have nothing," she says. "I have nothing."
"You still have me," he says. "I won't let you not wake up in the morning. I won't let you lose all your strength. I won't let you feel like you have no reason to live. I won't let it happen. I know this is hard and I can't tell you that it's going to be easy because it's not but life is going. Your life is still going. I know it is hard but when you're ready you're going to need to keep living and keep going."
"The moment I found my son like that was the moment my entire world stopped spinning."
"I know," says John. "He was your entire world. I know it's hard. I can't say I know how you feel because I don't but I know it hurts."
"The worst pain a mother could ever feel. There is no pain like losing a child," she says. "And just when we found a match. I don't understand."
"Neither do I," says John as he holds her tighter, "but maybe it's not time for us to ask why."
"But I want to know why," she says, "he was my son, John, my only child. I don't plan to have anymore. I can't; not after this."
"I understand that. I wouldn't ask you to. I don't want or plan to have any more either," he says. "I know that you want to know why but like I said now is not the time to ask why God did something."
"God took my son away from me. I prayed every day that he would get better. I prayed every day that we'd find a match but he never got better and when we found a match he died. Where is the fairness in that? We waited all this time for a match and when we find one he is gone. It's not fair, John. He was 7 years old. He had his whole life ahead of him. He had so much more to learn. It's not fair, John. It's not," she says before she starts crying again. The pain of losing her child was just too much for her. She didn't know what else to do. She had never felt the stabbing pain in her chest so severe like she was feeling now. She had never felt the hollowness in her body. There was nothing she wouldn't do to have her son back; nothing.
*A/N: So what did you think? Please review and thank-you for reading.
