Please don't make fun of this chapter...It's important...even if you don't like it...please...

CHAPTER ELEVEN

"Hey...can I borrow your book?"

"Whatever" Elliot mumbled and I reached her Math book. I opened the book and flipped some pages when something caught my eye...

"Not all scars show.

Not all wounds heal.

Sometimes you can't see the pain someone feels..."

"I need to scream.

I need to cry...

I need to cut...

I need to die..."

"She says she doesn't care but her eyes tell a different story..."

"Boyfriend

Girlfriend

Bestfriend

friend

Everything seems to just...end..."

"Sometimes the memories are worth the pain..."

I think I'm going to be sick...how could she feel like this? All I could do was stare at her...she looked drawed into her small word...she looked broken...she certaintly didn't look like Elliot...

"What the hell is going on?"

"What do you mean?" she asked with a puzzled expression. I just looked at her...I know what I read...her books were filled with all these kind of quotes I thought I was going to puke...she has cuicidal thoughts. I walked to her and grabbed her wrist trying to take her away from Mia so I can ask her...but the sound of her yelping made me freeze...

I caused her pain...not only once...not only physically...god what if...No, no, no!

"We need to talk!" I said looking deeply into her eyes as she looked at me with realisation covering her expression.

"Jack I..."

"Not infront of Mia" I said silently. She nodded, her face expressionless as she got up and followed me out of the kitchen and upstairs to her room.

"Elliot...do you have cuicidal thoughts?" I asked quickly not wanting to stall this anymore. She nibbled her bottom lip as her back hit the door and her knees gave away. She slid her back against the door until she was sitting on the floor, her hands covering her eyes...I'll take that as a yes...

"I used to...not so much anymore..." I sat right next to her and took her left hand on mine as I moved away her bracelets. Her eyes widened and she tried to protest but I simply ignore her...My hand flew up on her wrist as it traced a small white line across it. There was an exact similar line a little further...and an other one...and an other one...I think I lost counting.

I quietly took her other wrist and lifted her sleeve as she just stayed silent and studied my face. More lines...all white with a hint of pink still lingering.

"They're old" I heard Elliot matter.

"How old?"

"I haven't cut myseld since September" she said as I still looking at me...we both avoided eye contact and we fell in a kind of comfortable silence...This can't be true...This means she stopped when she moved here...

"Why did you stop?" I asked and she stayed quiet for a while.

"I guess you being annoying and fighting with me...kept me busy..." Silence again...

"This can't be true..."I mumbled as she turned her head to look at me.

"Why not?" she asked with a bitter laugh.

"Because it's you that we're talking about...You are...annoying and fiesty...you're smart and funny when you want...you're alive...why would you do that?" She looked at me with teary eyes.

"Fake?" she just nodded yes.

"Most of the time..."she added.

"Jack?"

"Yeah?" I said after some silence again...

"Would you like to know my...story?" she asked hesitated.

"You're not ready" I said.

"I want to tell you" she answered back looking more determined.

"Okay" I said as I nodded. She took a deep breath...

"It's a long one..."

"I have time"

"Okay" she said and gave me a small smile...

"There was once a girl that was comppletely different...Her black hair fell loose on her back as she raced into her school...first day of school ever...She was excited...she wanted to make new friends and start learning things that could make her smart like her dad...Little did she now that none of these were meant to happen...

Everybody looked down at her...said she was evil...a witch...they made fan of her for her hair and her eyes...they said that her hair color indicated she was evil...and even though they knew her eyes weren't black they made fan of her...They said she was ugly...she believed them...nobody was playing with her...She was eating alone, playing alone, study alone...for a whole year...

Second grade a new kid came to her school...He was different as well...not in appearance...in his heart...He didn't made fan of her...he even said 'Hi' when he sat next to her in class...His name was Blaze...She couldn't help but feel jealousy over his beautiful green eyes that nobody made fan of...During lunch she sat at her usual table isolated by every other kid...until he called her name...he went running to her and sat with her as he pulled his sandwitch out of a bag.

The other kids were eyeing him weirdly...they said he was crazy to spend his time with the 'witch' but he didn't listen...he said that he liked my company...She like Blaze...they started spending a lot of time together...watched a lot of movies at each other's place...and they grew up...

They were both 12 now...He was getting even more popular day after day and she was closing to herself day after day...she always found comfort in Blaze and her family but she was already losing one of these and almost losing the other as well...her parents were getting divorsed...All they said was that they weren't happy anymore...The girl's older sister stood strong for both of them as they black haired girl starting falling...Her once comforting family was tearing apart...her bestfriend couldn't be all the time with her...She understood though that Blaze had to hung out with people like him...beautiful...popular...funny...he had to have a popular girlfriend and join the school's football team...because...that's what he was perfect...at everything...

They didn't spend much time together...the girl needed something else...stronger than her to make her continue...what was stronger than pain? She started cutting her wrists...everyday and she was always welcoming the pain...telling that she deserved it...she wasn't good enough...she wasn't a perfect popular girl that Blaze could hang out with without risking his reputation...she wasn't able to keep her family together...she wasn't what people wanted...she was ugly, fat, but mostly alone...Even Blaze couldn't help her anymore...

After the cutting came the eating disorter...ofcourse no one noticed...everybody was too busy...Blaze was busy with school...mum was busy with work since that was the only thing she knew how to do well after her dad left...all she did was work, work, work...she was coming home late, falling asleep and then the next day when the girll was waking up she had already left...her sister was a senior with lots of studying so no one noticed...she was passing meals...sometimes the only thing she ate was just an apple...the cuts spread more...started covering every single clean flesh she had...Blaze started talking to her again though...tried to make her smile...but even he didn't notice the scars at her wrists...even he didn't notice she was just playing with her food during lunch and she was practically eating some fruits...nothing more...she became thiner and thiner day after day...but no one noticed...

She was 14 now and the only who did notice was a girl at her school...when she saw it she started laughing at the girl...said she was pathetic to do this to herself...she said that because the girl was a fat ugly bitch that didn't mean she had to be arrogant and try to end her life...The girl said about the black haired girl to the entire school...everywhere she turned people were making fun of her...

She left crying towards her house...No one was there...she went straight to her bathroom and took the small silver blade to her shaking hands...She stared at it...the blade turned out to be more truthfull with her than anybody she slid towards her arm...the side of it sliding her flesh open as blood poured out...Alone...that what she carved on her arm...hoping it will stay there to remind her that she would only be alone...

Just like that the door burst open...revealing a sweaty Blaze with wide eyes...He walked to where the girl was as he kneeled in front of her and took the blade from her hand...He tossed it away from her and took her trmbling hands in his...he didn't care about the blood staining his hands...she was frozen...She wanted so much to just leave and hide from embarassment that the boy she grew to love was looking at her like that...worried...terrified...she couldn't seem to find the courage to rip her eyes from him though. He took her hands into his and led her to the sink...he was silent...his eyes tearing up but she didn't say anything...she just looked at him as he cleaned her wound...looking even paler when he realised what she had carved to her arm. After he put a bandage over her arm he looked straight into her eyes...like he was searching to find his friend but all he could see was a broken girl...

"I didn't want to believe it...I really didn't..."

"I'm sorry" was all she managed to whisper...over and over and over again...maybe trying more to apologise to herself than him.

"Stop saying you're sorry" he said silently as he cupped her cheek with his hand. For a moment he looked at her...then brought her into a tight hug and she couldn't help but ask for more...She wanted Blaze to love her...the way she did...but she was never going to be good enough for him...He pulled away from their hug and wiped a tear that was sliding down her cheek...she gave him a weak smile and that's when he did the unexpected...he leaned in...and kissed her...He kissed her to show her his love...

Words couldn't describe how surprised she was...they walked back to her room and lay on the bed as he took her into his arms...like he used to do before junior high...they just stayed like this...and fell asleep...the next day, when she woke up she found Blaze looking at her with his green eyes possesing a sad expression...

"Can I ask you something?" She just nodded. Last days events were too hastic that made her forget how to speak.

"Be my girlfriend" She was frozen...he didn't mean it...he was just piting her...she didn't need that.

"I don't want pity Blaze" she mattered.

"It's not pity...it's love...I'll make sure you'll never feel alone again...I promise you that you won't need to do this to yourself anymore...if you just say yes...I'll love you for all the world...because I know you...I know the real you and I would love it If other people would find out...so just...just say yes..."

And she did...and he was right...he did loved her for all the world...people stopped making fun of her...Blaze threatened them...she stared hanging out with his friends and she didn't need to cut herseld anymore...because she had Blaze...she loved him with all her heart and when they were 15 they moved on with their relationship...

I guess every good thing has to end...and it did...he died...Aeroplane crush...along that plane her heart crushed as well...Blaze's friends tried to make her feel okay...they grew to like her after a whole year but they just brought more memories of him...and she couldn't take it...the laughing came back...her new name was the 'death witch'...for some reason everybody started bullying her more...

The girl started cutting again...she started drinking and smoking...messing around...everybody was calling her names so she thought she should give them a proper reason...Soon she became the school slut...eventhough there were other girls who did worse things than what she did...

A year passed...she was popular now...everybody knew her...some as the 'death witch', other like Blaze's last girlfriend...others like the school slut...either way she was popular...She would give everything to make time go back...If she hadn't said yes to Blaze things would be a lot different..."

She turned and looked at me...small tears rolling down her eyes...

"It's not your fault the plain crushed" I said looking at her as she looked like she would break any minute.

"Blaze was suppossed to leave a week earlier to go visit his family in America but I asked him to stay for a week...so we would be spent his birthday together...and he agreed...and he's dead"

"Blaming this to yourself won't change anything..."

"I know..." she said as more tears left her eyes...

"Why did your mother sent you here?"

"Um...I was walking one day at the street and came across that girl...who noticed my scars when I was 14...she told me some really mean things that really didn't give a fuck but...but then she mentioned Blaze...she told me that I was the reason he went downhill...and she was right..."

"Elliot don't-"

"Please let me finish"

"Okay"

"I went home and I went straight to the bathroom and I took the blade in my hands...I was so sad that day and all I remember is that cut seven lines at each arm...all too deep...I remember starting feeling dizzy and next thing I know I passed out and hit my head on the bath tub..."

"What?"

"My sister heard the thud...she was visiting for vacation...if she wasn't there...I would have bleed to death...she found me on the floor swimming in my own pool of blood...when I woke up I heard Erica-my sister - and mum arguing about something...Erica was against mum sending me away...she said all I needed was some guidance...mum said in her exact words 'I can't deal right now with a damaged kid...I have work to do'...so here I am...am I sad I'm away from England? not so much..." She finished as she wiped the last tears from her cheeks.

I got up and gave her my hand. She slipped her hand into mine as I brought her up towards me. She mattered a Thank You when I slipped my hand around her waist and brought her into a hug.

"What are you doing?" she asked surprised.

"Just let it out...just cry, let it out" I said and she burried her head at the crook of my neck. After a couple of minutes I heard a violent sob leave her lips and I couldn't help but tight my grip around her, smashing her body against mine. After a while she stopped and she burried her head against my chest as I heard her matter a slight thank you. She pulled away and looked at me.

"Oh look...I ruined your shirt" she said slightly smiling.

"Oh look...I don't mind" I said and she chuckled.

"You should be proud" I said seriously.

"Proud? Why?"

"Do you know how many people die like this...from bullying? Tons! You didn't!"

"I guess you're right...that doesn't mean I'm not still addicted to cutting" she said seriously.

"I'll help you" I said back. She just smiled.

"What you must understand about me Jack is that I'm a deeply unhappy person!" Elliot said seriously. (A/n : Disclaimer : This phrase belongs to John Green...I just like it)

"Well...that can be fixed" I said and she smiled.

"Jack? Elliot? We're back" I heard mum say.

"Great...mum is back..." Elliot mumbled.

"Just ignore her" I said and pulled her outside and downstairs towards the living room were my parents and her mother were seated.

"Where have you guys been?" dad asked when we became visible.

"You know...the usual" Elliot said and went to the kitchen where her books were left from before.


So everything was a little bit hectic these past few days...even though me and Elliot came closer that didn't mean that we wouldn't fight over the smallest thing...like who is going to use the blue pen and who is going to use the black...

She still makes fun of me...not without me returning it ofcourse...she told me that now that I knew everything she didn't care if something would slip her mouth or if I caught her wrist what would be her excuse...School was loading us with projects for christmas...some were due before the holidays others were after but either way everything was hectic...

Finally Saturday came...it was afternoon and mum was in the kitchen with Elliot's mum -Oh btw their relationship wasn't getting any better...trust we when I say there were a lot of fights- and they were starting the preparations for dinner while dad went to the groceries store to get the groceries needed. So you may ask...why am I mentioning all these? Because that's when there was a knock on the door. Elliot was walking down the stairs and yelled that she'll answer the door. I heard some talking and then...hell broke loose.

"Mother" I heard two similar voices yell excited. I saw mum's face lit up when she saw my twin brothers standing in the middle of the living room.

"Oh you're here" she said excited and ran towards the as she hugged them...like really tight.

"I think I can't breathe" Kevin said.

"I know I can't breathe" Artie said back and mum realesed them. I got up and my brothers were smiling like idiots.

"What?" I asked.

"Come on! Didn't you miss us?" Kevin said as he extended his arms in an ebracing way.

"Um...no?" I said and they laughed. The both launched to my directions and the outcome of all this was me loosing my balance with both of my twin siblings falling to as they started messing with my hair and tickling me.

"Cut it out" I said annoyed but they just ignored me. I heard Elliot chuckle and Kevin and Artie stopped and snapped their heads at her direction.

"Willing to join?" Artie said. Oh god is he flirting with her? Please don't flirt back, plz plz plz.

"Nah...I'm good" Elliot said smiling. The door shut closed and dad came to view.

"Dad" the twins yelled as they let go of me and went straight to dad.

"Really now?" I mattered mostly to myself. What a great holidays...thank go we still have school and I won't have to spend all my day with them...

"You need help?" Elliot asked when she came closer to me and looked down to were I was laying. She was smiling as she tended me her hand and helped me up. I smiled at her and then ran towards Kevin and jumped on him causing him to loose his balance and fall as he grabbed Artie's hand and brought him down as well.

"Ha! Revenge is sweet!" I yelled as I got up. They were about to get me back but then mum looked at her strict mother expression and said "Boys I want the house as it is" and we all shut up. Mia ran down the stairs and let a small shriek when she saw the twins. Kevin tookk her in his arms.

"Hey little one...miss us?" Artie asked.

"Yessss!" Mia said excited.

"You told me Jackie would turn purple if I poke him many times but he didn't...I'm mad at you" Mia said and shot him a dissappointed look.

"Okay you all can do whatever you want, it's Saturday after all but be back by 9" mum said and we all nodded. Elliot sat down and changed the channel.

"Hey! I was watching that" I said.

"Do I look like I care?"

"Classic" I mumbled as I saw my brothers walking to the living room and sitting at each side of Elliot.

"Did it hurt?" Artie asked.

"What?" Elliot asked with a puzzled expression.

"When you fell from heaven did it hurt?" Artie asked again.

"Oh my GOD!" Elliot exclaimed as she burst out laughing.

"Jeez! Worst pick up line you could choose" Elliot said through her laughing.

"So I didn't quite catch your name?" Kevin said.

"Elliot and before you say anything...yes it's a boys name but yes girls have it too" she said in a bored tone now.

"Elliot do you believe in love at first sight?" Artie asked.

"Nope" Elliot said. Artie got up did a foul turn around himself and then looked at Elliot.

"How about second sight?" he asked and she just laughed.

"The answer is still no" Elliot said smiling.

"So are you single?" Artie asked. Straight to the topic.

"Yup"

"How come?"

"Nobody is as good looking as the Brewer family" Elliot said dreamily. "But you know...you guys were at N.Y, Jack and I...not so good..." Elliot said looking at me.

"Couldn't have said it better"

"Watch it" Elliot said as she narrowed her eyes at me.

"Now I'm scared"

"OMG! You like her!" Artie said.

"Who?" I asked.

"Elliot" At that comment me and Elliot locked eyes and after a couple of seconds we both cracked and started laughing.

"I don't like Elliot" I said after I was able to compose myself.

"You did like the show" Elliot said in a matter of fact tone as she got up and walked to the kitchen.

Fuck! I had forgotten about that...Finally I had pushed away Elliot's naked images for good when she had to brought it up...and these images filled my mind.

"Oh fuck my life" I said silently and I heard Kevin and Artie laugh.

"Oh brother I hate to say it but I'm jealous" Artie said.

"Jealous? Both? Why?"

"Elliot" they both said in one voice.

"Nah...you don't know how it was like for the past 3 months..."

"Well If I were you, I would be nice with her...and for sure I would sneak into her room" Artie said smirking and Kevin smacked his head.

"If I were you I would..."Kevin thought.

"Guys you're not me" I said. They kept rambling when Elliot walked back into the living room. She had changed and she had light make up on. She was wearing a blue skinny jeans with a short cut shirt that said rock n' roll with some boots.

"Damn girl" I heard Artie matter and she smiled.

"Like?" she asked and did a full turn around herself. We all nodded and she smiled.

"Great then!"

"Where are you going?" I asked her.

"Alex wants to talk to me and after that me and Kim are going to search for the elf's costumes"

"Alex? I thought you didn't want to talk to him."

"Well...I miss him...and he wants to explain so..." Elliot trailed of.

"You guys want to come?" she asked.

"Nope...shopping and serious talking...not my thing" Artie said and Kevin nodded.

"Okay how about you?" she asked looking at me.

"Sorry...Jerry wants to go see this lame movie and I kinda said I'll go..."

"Okay cool see you guys at dinner" Elliot said so everybody could hear and then left.

"She walks around like that and you haven't sneaked into her room?" Kevin asked.

"No...but if that makes you feel any better...I've seen her naked"

"You lucky bastard!" Artie exclaimed as he slapped my arm.

"Why do you all keep saying that?"

"Hello? Have you seen her? She's gorgeous!" Kevin said.

"And hot! I mean...wow" I just rolled my eyes...now that I think about it...she is gorgeous...

"You're thinking about it" Kevin stated.

"What?"

"Damn it! Now I can't hit on her!" Artie excliamed sadly.


"I'm back" Elliot said.

"You found the costumes?"

"Yup! Kim is going to make some changes...I didn't even ask" she said raising her hands up in surender. I just laughed...classic Kim.

"How about Alex?"

"Um...we're friends...Did you know that he...um...likes me?"

"He told you?"

"Yeah...it kinda is weird...but he said that if what I need now is a friend then he'll be just my friend so..." she trailed off.

"He told me the day after the party"

"Oh" was Elliot said.

"What's up with you two?" Artie asked as he swung his arm over Elliot's shoulder and slightly shook her.

"Nothing" me and Elliot said in one voice. We looked at each other...okay that was weird.

"Sounds like you're hiding something..."Kevin said as he walked into the room.

"What do you guys want?"

"Mum told us to tell you that we're going to the usual..." Artie started

"...annual..."

"...New Years Eve..."

"Party!"Kevin exclaimed.

"You guys don't stay at home at all during holidays?" Elliot asked not bothered by Artie's arm.

"Nope" I said and sighed. Do we really have to go to that stupid party?

"Don't worry Jack...I heard Donna is prettier now..." Artie said smirking.

"I don't care! She keeps stalking me around...it's creepy!" The twins just laughed while Elliot seemed wayyy too confused.

"This party is going to be a bloody disaster!" I exclaimed.

"No shit!" Kevin said laughing.

"What are you guys worried about? You always end up getting laid at this particular party..."

"Maybe you should do that too, brother" Artie said smirking and glancing at Elliot who was surprisingly silent.

"No thanks...I don't want STD" and at that Elliot started laughing and Artie's and Kevin's smrik fell.

"Don't laugh sweetheart...It might be you this year...I promise I'll be gentle...first time and all" Artie said smirking. I waited...

I waited for Elliot to get mad and smack his face...or glare at him...I waited for any sign that she was mad or angry but all Elliot did was smirk back.

"Your late...first time 2 years ago" she said huskily as she pushed his arm of her shoulders and started walking to the door...

"Oh and boys..." she said and we all looked at her.

"Don't dream about me tonight" she said and winked mostly towards Artie...maybe because she already tortured me enough with the towel 'incident' -if you can call it an incident- and because Kevin seems like the good one...but...

but when she winked all I could think was that this damaged person was so happy and outgoing, burrying everything inside of her, in two days opened herself at me...

She simply let her walls fall and said everything to me...and...and I couldn't help but feel turned on by her wink...what is happening to me?

***So...I want to make some things clear...

1) No I don't cut...neither I have an eating disorder...Have I thought about cutting? Yes but I don't...my wrists are clean.

2)All of Elliot's past is completely fictional. Nothing-I repeat- nothing of these has happened to me...I haven't felt that loss and I certainly wasn't bullied that much...

Okay...dedication time!

This chapter is dedicated to kickinit1036 because she was the first one to answer correctly. I would like to say congrats to jessica . orr. 1884 , Paula, and Oliver because they found the answer as well! They were just a little late...but that's okay...Congrats!

IMPORTANT!

This chapter was suppossed to be posted next week because it was suppossed to be difficult...for some unknown reason I managed to finish it during only one week. (It is my beggest chapter EVER!)

So I would like to ask 6 reviews...I know it's too much but when I asked for 4 reviews you gave me 7...can you give me 6 now?

Please...?

And last but not least...question time!

1) What do you guys think about Kevin and Artie?

2)Did you like the fact that we know about Elliot's past?

3)What do you think is going to happen next? (PM your ideas...maybe I'll use them...!)

That's it!

Bye!