Note- This was written for the Chit Chat on Author's Corner challenge.
Take No More
Reid and JJ
April 2012
"I think I have the last of Henry's stuff packed up," JJ said as she walked into the kitchen "but if you find anything else laying around just send it my way, okay?"
"Sure," he said, in an easy tone of voice that didn't show how this was tearing him up inside. He wanted to ask her not to move out but he didn't feel like he could do that to her.
She was supposed to stay with him six weeks after she got divorced. That turned into more than six months and finally she started to look for apartments. Every one she found she hated until she decided to look for houses. All of them cost too much. Finally with some help from Derek and a push from Penelope, JJ found a fixer upper that Derek said he'd help make all she wanted.
It wasn't that far from Spencer's apartment. But it was eleven minutes away and that was eleven minutes he didn't want between him and JJ, or between him and Henry. Just thinking of not waking up tomorrow to the sound of Henry's excited voice filling up this home made Spencer feel ill.
(I never knew.
I never knew that everyone I knew
was waiting on a cue
to turn and run
when all I needed was the truth) (Over my head by The Fray)
JJ seemed to sense his shift in mood and asked "Tired? Me too." She stretched her back. She was wearing old pink sweat pants and a white t-shirt that said the name of band she loved. It was a mid drift baring one and Reid had to jerk his eyes away when they focused the skin it exposed. He had seen her in many intimate ways since she moved in. They had even made love but that had stopped as suddenly as it started. He didn't say anything about the shift in their relationship.
That was the problem. He never said anything about what he was feeling concerning what she did. He just went along with it.
(But that's how its gotta be.
Its coming down to nothing more than apathy.
I'd rather run the other way
than stay and see
the smoke and who's standing when it clears)
He went along with her line "We're best as friends," after their first date, even if he knew that was a lie and he could see she thought so too. Fear kept her from getting with him then.
He went along with her "I'll stay with you for a while, okay?" even though he had a girlfriend who didn't like the idea and ten weeks later dumped him. By then he was spending so much time and energy on his "family" that he barely felt the tear when that relationship ended. If JJ wasn't around Reid would have went into "I'll always be alone," mode and wondered what made it so he couldn't find love but JJ and Henry filled up every moment he wasn't working so he couldn't focus on himself or his ex-girlfriend or if he was even upset it was over.
He went along when JJ slipped into his bed one night, kissing him for the first time in five years, and quickly stripping off her night gown. He kissed her reverently, softly, slowly, till she cried and then joined them together. For once, when making love, he didn't worry about a condom breaking or a pill missed that might create a child who was schizophrenic.
(And everyone knows
I'm in over my head, over my head.
Eight seconds left in overtime
she's on your mind
she's on your mind)
And when they were done that first night he went along with her going back to her own bed in the next room without explaining why it had happened. He went along with only being with her when she was in the mood. They might kiss during the day. They could make love crazy fast against the front door when Henry was at friend's house or school. But still they didn't talk about them afterwards. JJ didn't want to and Spencer never made JJ do a thing she didn't want. No matter how she tore apart his life.
Because she made his life. She made everything better. She made him feel real. And so he let her be a little fucked up. He just let her call the shots and take the lead.
He went along when she stopped initiating sex. Which meant whatever they had was done until and unless she touched him again. He waited and waited for that touch but a part of him knew it was never coming. That part was trying to prepare the rest of him for what was coming for sure. JJ and Henry were moving out later today.
JJ said "I'm gonna go tell Henry we're ready to go. Will you carry the last few boxes out to the van?"
"No problem." No, no problem at all. He'd do whatever she wanted. Even if it damn near killed him.
She offered him a small smile and walked out of the room. He watched her go, feeling numb inside, his genius mind unable to figure her out. They didn't teach about this in any book he read.
(Lets rearrange.
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage.
Say that we agree
and then never change.
Soften a bit
till we all just get along).
The hardest thing Reid had done in years, harder than when he watched JJ marry Will, was when he had to hug Henry and leave him in the new house. He walked out without saying another word to JJ. He didn't slam the door though. He quietly closed it and quietly went to his car and home to the silence to write a letter to his mother.
He lied when he told her about his day. She didn't need to hear this.
(But that's disregard.
Find another friend in the discard
as you lose the argument in the cable car.
=x=
Hanging above,
canyon comes between
and everyone knows I'm in over my head,
over my head,
five seconds left in overtime.
=x=
She's on your mind.
She's on your mind.)
XXXXXXXXXX
The months go by and suddenly its been more than three since she slept in his home. Spencer goes to her new house for dinner as many nights as he's in town. Henry was withdrawn for a couple of weeks but he's back to normal now. Kids are resilient. They bounce back. But the cuts makes scars and no matter what Spencer knows that the divorce and moving from house to house has affected little Henry.
One night Derek and Penelope have come over for dinner. She's pregnant now and glowing. Everyone is laughing and happy. Spencer feels like he is far away from the scene though. Looking down at himself and his friends.
Inside he isn't happy. He knows he should start dating again and quit waiting for JJ to touch him, give him a look, kiss him and silently tell him that tonight he is her whole world.
There's a knock on the door. Derek offers to get it but instead JJ goes. They can all hear her talking. Its some guy who she's gone on a date with who just dropped by. Her voice is strained. "Its not a good time. I'm sorry."
When she comes back Spencer tries to force a smile but its too much. The dam bursts. Even as he thinks of little Henry and how this could mean he can't see him as much he can't stop himself.
JJ fakes a smiles and says "Sorry, guys, where were we?"
"I can't do this anymore," Spencer says before standing and storming out. He goes to Henry's room. "Hey, I just came to say good night."
"Stay! We can play catch!"
"Uncle Derek likes to play catch. Ask him. I need to get home. Good night. Sleep tight."
"Don't let the bed bugs bite," JJ said from the door way, trying to smile even if her eyes were filled with worries.
Spencer turned and walked out.
(And without a sound
we lose sight of the ground in the throw around
Never thought you wanted to bring me down
We won't let it go down
till we torch it ourselves)
JJ followed him onto the front lawn. "Spence! What is your problem, huh?"
"You are my problem! The games you play are my problem! You're dating? Really, JJ? Really? Is that why you moved out? So you could fuck without me knowing about it?"
"Don't talk to me like that!"
"I'll talk to you however I want. You haven't even heard the start of what I have to say to you but I won't say it now when Henry may hear. So count yourself lucky that I have self control. But don't think this is done because its far from it. You will hear everything I have to say about the way you have jerked me around since the day we met and how I will never let you do this to me again. I will never let you think you have me to fall back on again."
He started to leave but she grabbed his arm. "Please, Spence! Please, stay. Don't leave like this. Talk to me. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just didn't think you were in love with me because you never said you were. You never said anything! What was I supposed to think? I just wanted you to say I love you. Please don't move out. You belong here. Henry belongs here. We're a family. But you didn't say it!"
"That's a lie. You didn't want me to say that because you are scared to death to love me. Well, JJ, I'm sorry to have to inform you that you do love me and you will regret that you did this. You'll regret every day you've cheated us out of and you'll regret it long past when you think right now you'll be over this. Because that's how it works when you throw away the man who has loved you the longest and best. Now let go of me cause I am leaving and I'm not going to look back. I will visit Henry and maybe you and I will one day be best friends again but us...that is done. Like you decided when you went on that date."
"It was a mistake!" Tears stream from her eyes. "One stupid mistake!"
"One mistake. I can name a thousand ways you've thrown me away. I can't take it anymore. I love you but I can't take this."
(Everyone knows she's on your mind.
Everyone knows I'm in over my head
I'm in over my head.
I'm in over my head.)
He's ready to walk away. His mind is made up. He'll never kiss his JJ again...the girl/woman who never really was his at all, no matter how much he ached to believe otherwise.
But then she running her hands over his chest, down his arms, clutching his hands and all the while she is begging "Spence, please, please, please, don't do this. I'll change. Just stay. I was just scared. This is so big and I need you so much. Please! I ruin everything. Don't let me ruin this. Don't tell me you're done. Please, Spence! I do love you and you know I do. I need you. Henry needs you. Your family needs you." And she's crying. She's a mess and he can't stand it so he kisses her, taking control in a way he never did before but a way he knows he will in the future.
And finally he becomes a man completely. From then on they talk honestly and when he's pissed he tells her instead of keeping it inside and when she's scared she takes deep breaths and remembers not to sabotage her life. So she can keep her soulmate and they can be a family.
Its tricky sometimes. But they both stay this time. And there's no more dates for either of them- except with each other.
(With eight seconds left in overtime
she's on your mind
She's on your mind.)
THE END
