Butterfly Kisses

Chapter 12~ Please Don't Stop Loving Me

"What the hell would possess you to wear flip-flops when there's five inches of snow on the ground and snow still falling?"

"Well, why not?"

"Um, the reasons I just said?"

Okay, so it's definitely SNOWING outside…seriously, someone forgot to tell mother nature, that, hello, it's APRIL. It's not supposed to SNOW in APRIL. Hmpf. And if one more person I talk to online goes "Snow? I love snow!" I am going to hunt them down and kick their ass…and then ask to stay with them till it gets warmer here. And I should be doing homework…but…I don't really feel like it. So…here I am. Oh, Yen~ in your review when you said "::cough::thatsalie::couch::" I was like what? That's Alie? Why do I care if that's Alie? And then I realized, hey, there should be another space…that's_a_lie. LOL, yeah, kinda slow sometimes…don't leave confusing reviews, please :) Oh, and anyone wanting to hunt me down and kill me can feel free to team up with Becca and Yen…But when Becca says she knows where I live, don't believe her. That's Alie. Get it? Like before…that's a lie…wow, I crack myself up, lol…well, me and only me…

For the first couple of weeks after Chandler came home, it was different than it had been before. After he'd gotten home before, he'd been extremely happy and upbeat, no matter how he felt. But now, it was practically the exact opposite of that.

He'd given up.

When no one in his family had been a match, he'd still had some hope. Some. But after his friends had been tested as well, he'd given up. Totally and completely this time. His heart had given up on him. He had it in his head that this was it, and he was just going to let it happen. Why get his hopes up that they were going to find a donor when there was no guarantee that they would? Why be happy or be the source of anyone else's happiness, just to be the reason for bringing them to tears shortly after?

But it wasn't that he was doing anything to make anyone mad at him or anything…He wasn't doing anything. And that was the problem. He'd completely shut everyone out. He'd left anything having to do with Kayley and Felicia to Monica. He was hardly speaking to anyone.

Monica rolled over in bed, groaning at the sound of Felicia crying. Looking over at Chandler and realizing that he wasn't even about to get up, she threw a pillow at his head as hard as she could.

"What the hell was that for?" Chandler sat up suddenly, throwing the pillow back at her, though not as hard.

"Stop it, Chandler!"

Chandler looked at her in confusion. "Stop what? Stop sleeping? It's four in the morning…"

"No, stop this," she snapped back. "All of this! Stop ignoring us, stop shutting us out!"

"But-"

"No but's Chandler! If you were to die tomorrow that wouldn't mean that I need you any less today," she put it bluntly. "I need you Chandler. Kayley needs you. Felicia needs you," she looked at him, not even attempting to hide the tears or to stop them.

Chandler looked down, not able to take being the reason that she was crying. He'd pretty much been deliberately shutting them out, and he felt guilty for that. You can't feel love, you can't feel pain, either. But he hadn't been thinking about how much he'd be hurting them right then. He was only thinking of what could happen…

"Do you ever regret us?" Chandler finally whispered, timidly looking up at her.

"Chandler Bing, I don't care how depressed you are or if you've just given up all hope or whatever, you-"

"I didn't mean it like that," he cut her off, seeing how hurt she was by that. "I just, I meant…if you'd known that all of this was gonna happen…that it was going to end like this…"

"Chandler, I wouldn't trade my past eight, almost nine years with you for 90 years with any other person. If I had had only a week with you in my entire life knowing that that would be it, I would take it in a heartbeat. With no regrets. Don't you ever doubt that for a second," she said softly, touching his cheek, realizing the meaning behind his words hadn't been to hurt her. "And there are two girls that you have given me that I wouldn't trade for the world," she smiled at him. "Now you look at me, and you tell me that you regret anything that has happened between us," she looked into his eyes.

"I never said that I regretted it," he whispered back. "I don't regret anything about the past…everything in the past has led me to this point with you, and I wouldn't take it back for the world because I love you so incredibly much, so much it hurts. All three of you…So I couldn't regret anything about the past," he said, voice shaky. "The only thing I regret is the future…and that I won't be here."

Monica shook her head, about to interrupt him.

"Don't," he said before she had the chance to say anything. "You know as well as I do not to get your hopes up," he looked down. "Most people complain that they're about to turn 40," he laughed, "I'd kill to live to be 40…or even just 37…"

Monica looked at him, wiping the edges of his eyes, able to tell that he was about to cry. She didn't know what to say. She smiled slightly at him; at least he was talking to her now, showing emotions…

"I'll get her," Chandler whispered, hearing Felicia once again starting to cry. Monica nodded, watching him walk out of the room. "Hey, what's wrong," he said softly, lifting her out of her crib. "It's okay, Daddy's here," he sat down in the rocking chair, kissing her forehead, grinning as he got an idea…

There's two things I know for sure

She was sent here from heaven

And she's daddy's little girl

As I drop to my knees by her bed at night

She talks to Jesus, and I close my eyes

And I thank God

For all the love in my life

Oh, but most of all

For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer

Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair

Oh, with all that I've done wrong

I must've done something right

To deserve a hug every morning

And butterfly kisses at night

To

Be

Continued…

Wow, that was kinda short…but I really need to go finish my homework…after I get done stalling a little more…in all truth, I'll probabaly yarmor a little bit (lol Becca…wow, I hope that isn't a real word that means something else, hehe…I wonder if the farmer yarmors…if it's not a guy…or if it is…wow, getting off the subject).… But anyway, please review, thanks bunches :-D