A Mother's Thoughts

Summary: Lily watches Harry sleep the night after his birthday, and reminisces. Follows right after Harry's Birthday.

The night was quiet, the cool nights of August came a day early. There was only an hour left of the last day of July. The house was quiet with only the sounds of James snoring, the owls hooting outside the window of James and Lily's window, and the dripping of water in the bathroom. While everyone in the house was sleeping, Lily laid awake. She couldn't think of why she wasn't able to sleep.

They had celebrated Harry's sixteenth birthday that day. It hit Lily that in one more year, Harry will be of age in the wizarding world. But Harry's promise of waiting until he was eighteen to move out and visit often was what held her together and letting her break down like she had seen many other mothers do when they realize their children are no longer babies. She wasn't ready to let go of her son, if it was up to her she would keep Harry with her. But she knew that the day will come that he would spread his wings and fly.

Harry already was showing his independence, wanting to go off on his own when they went out. As long as he had his wand and an emergency portkey with him, he would be fine. The one thing that was holding Lily together was despite Harry's need to want to be independent of his parents, he still wanted his mother for a lot of things.

Even at sixteen, he still allowed her hugs and kisses and whenever he got sick, no matter what was the matter, he wanted her comfort. He was still the same Mama's boy he was when he was six years old, only he would cling to her and not wanting her to let go of his hand. These days, the only time Harry clung to her was when he was under the weather.

Lily sat up and gazed out the window that gave a view of the back of the house.

The sky was clear, the stars were shining brightly, twinkling in the night sky. She could see the Quidditch pitch that James installed the summer after they moved into the house. The tree with Harry's tree house stood tall and proud in the corner of the yard, not cutting off the view of the pitch from an upstairs window. Harry still ventured up into the tree house, thanks to some charms James added to hold the weight of the now sixteen-year-old.

Without thinking, she pushed the quilt back and stood up, pulling on her dressing gown and toeing on her slippers. She quietly walked out of her bedroom and down the corridor to Harry's bedroom.

Harry's bedroom door was cracked open. Lily gently pushed open the door and smiled at the sight of her sleeping son. He was lying on his back, the moonlight through the window due to the navy blue curtains being pulled back, casting a glow making Harry look paler than what he what he already was. His head was cocked to the side, his right arm was slung across his torso with his left hand slung over his head. The T-shirt rode up, showing a small patch of his belly.

The quilt he slept under was bunched at his waist. Lily knew there was no use in fixing it because, at some point in the night, it would be into the floor. This wasn't the first time Lily came into Harry's room in the middle of the night and watched him sleep. Last summer, she watched him sleep until James came and carried her back to bed.

Harry never knew she was there, watching him sleep.

Quietly, Lily pulled out the chair from the desk to the side of Harry's bed and sat down in the chair. She leaned forward and pushed back the stray hair off his forehead.

Her mind went back to the day she found out she was pregnant with Harry. She was working the day shift at St. Mungo's when she was overcome with a wave of nausea. Realizing that she and James had been really active during the last few weeks, she decided to take a pregnancy test.

Her heart soared when the potion turned pink.

She wanted a baby, but she and James had decided to wait until after the war was over to start a family. They never decided on a number of children they wanted to have.

James's reaction to finding out he was going to be a father was nothing like Lily had imagined. He nearly shouted it from the rooftops, but instead, Lily learned from Sirius that he had announced it big and loud at the Auror office the next morning, receiving pats on the back and hearty congratulations.

Lily was lucky that the pregnancy was smooth, but then when the baby started moving and all comfort Lily had in the early months of pregnancy was out the window. James waited on her hand and foot, getting her ice cream at two in the morning, rubbing her feet, and keeping enough treacle tart in the house for her to eat one each hour.

Then Lily's mind wandered to Harry's birth. He was three days overdue and Lily was ready to pull James's head off. She was a trooper during ten of the twenty hours of labor. The remaining ten, she sobbed in frustration and whimpered to James that she couldn't take it anymore and couldn't do it. But one hour before he was born, Lily was ready to push. She pushed for an hour until Harry made his appearance.

She remembered the look of pure joy on James' face when the healer told them 'it's a boy.' A nine pound, twenty-two inches long baby boy, he was pink, screaming at the top of his lungs and the most precious thing Lily laid eyes on.

James counted ten fingers and ten toes, he was holding him when he took a sharp inhale and turned Harry towards Lily. "He's got your eyes," he breathed. She laughed and said, "He's got your hair!" pointing to the mop of black hair on his head.

She will never forget that moment when they handed her Harry and his eyes were open, wide and looking around at the new world he just entered and then settling on his mother.

There was a surge of panic as she realized that this baby in her arms was her baby. There was no one would come and get him at the end of the day, he was hers.

Then suddenly, Harry started to cry. Her motherly instincts came to her like second nature and she immediately latched him onto a breast. James had watched as Lily went from panic-stricken to know exactly what to do.

There was a moment, a few hours later and after many different Order members stopped by to see Lily and Harry when it was just Lily, Harry, and James with Remus and Sirius. Remus had Lily's Muggle camera in his hands and managed to get pictures of Sirius holding Harry, James and Lily with Harry in between them and then of James attempting and failing to change Harry's nappy.

Lily had laughed when Remus said that he snapped a picture of the nappy change and when the film was developed. Over the years, the picture of James's first attempt at changing Harry's nappy was one of the favorites, until Harry got older and realized that other than the nappy, he wasn't wearing any clothes.

The picture, along with other pictures Harry deemed embarrassing, were missing. Lily had an inkling that Harry hid the pictures, but didn't know where.

She knew she was lucky that Harry was a good baby. He ate well, slept well, and in general, a happy baby. Then when they went into hiding and was stuck in the house was then things got rough. Cabin fever settled in and eventually, they had the yard warded so they could at least go outside for some fresh air.

Sirius would come over and visit when he could and would chase Harry as Padfoot in the backyard. The yard at the house in Godric's Hollow was a postage stamp compared to the size of the one that had now. Harry could build a house back there, someday and there would still be room for more.

Then Halloween came and Voldemort found them. They still couldn't understand how they survived. Dumbledore provided many theories, but they never concluded anything. Lily would never forget the ten months they spend in St. Mungo's. When they woke up, the first thing they did was told Dumbledore that it was Peter, not Sirius who was their secret keeper. The second was to ask who had Harry.

They were relieved that Sirius had him. It was during their first visit with Harry that Sirius told them that he had to fight to get guardianship over Harry.

Even though she missed eleven months of Harry's life, she was grateful that Harry had someone like Sirius to take care of him. They visited every day when they were in St. Mungo's.

Then when they went home and Sirius moved in with them was when reality came crashing down. They now had Harry back and Sirius lived with them until he was able to find a better place to live. He found a place in one London's better neighborhood and moved into the flat the summer Harry turned three.

Lily watched as Harry sleep, having shifted to lie on his stomach while her mind was in the past.

She knew she was one of the lucky ones who had a teenager who didn't cause a lot of trouble. The few neighbors, they had commented on what a sweet, polite, and caring young man Harry was. Lily felt that she and James were doing a great job. Sirius and Remus both assured Lily and James that they were raising Harry right and had done a great job.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

"What are you doing?"

Lily jumped at the voice and turned to find James leaning against the door frame of Harry door. "Have a nightmare that Harry moved out or something?" James asked, whispering.

"No, nothing like that," Lily assured him. "Just." She paused for a second before she said, "I can't believe he's sixteen already. Where did the time go?"

James pulled Lily out of the chair and settled her on his lap when he sat down in Harry's red armchair at the foot of his bed.

"I know, you are having a hard time with this Lily Flower. But it's not like Harry's leaving the nest tomorrow. He told you many times that…"

"I'm not moving out until I'm eighteen. I don't think you two would kick me out when I turn seventeen," Harry stated, sitting up in his bed.

"How long have you been awake?" Lily demanded.

"Five minutes. I'm going to the bathroom," He announced. "Be right back."

Harry shuffled sleepily to the bathroom door connected to his room and went in, shutting the door behind him.

"He's right, Lily. We wouldn't be that mean and kick him out because he turned seventeen."

Lily silently nodded, knowing that she was just being silly. She knew that there would come a day when Harry moved out of the house permanently. But for now, she's going to enjoy having Harry home with her for a little while longer.

When Harry returned to his bedroom, he asked, "Mum, how long have you been sitting there watching me sleep?"

"Forty-five minutes," Lily answered. "I've spent many nights sitting here watching you sleep when we first moved here, then the summer after…." She trailed off, not needing to finish the sentence. The summer after the Tri-Wizard Tournament.

"I remember you sitting there watching me sleep, not too long ago."

"That was last summer," James reminded his son.

"Well, I think we should be getting to bed. It's late."

Before leaving the room, Lily leaned over and kissed Harry's forehead. "Good night, sweetheart."

"Good night, Mum."

James ruffled Harry's bed head "Get some sleep, son."

"Good night, Dad."

Upon returning to their bedroom, Lily laid down in her and James's bed. She wasn't surprised when she felt James's arms wrap around her.

"What are you thinking about, Lily Flower?" he whispered.

"I was thinking about something my mother said when I was growing up. No matter how old you are, you're still your mother's child. It doesn't matter how old Harry gets, he'll still be my baby.

"I know," James said, hoping that Lily would go back to sleep.

But Lily laid there for a few minutes, long after James fell back to sleep.

"A mother's thoughts, can keep you up at night," was the last thing on Lily's mind as she dozed off to sleep.