I don't own the Birthday Boy Song -Steve Goodie does.

I do not own Frosty Morning ...the Price Brothers do !

I don't own Gee,nor any Gee-related plots,characters,etc, Louise Rennison does.

I don't own Georgia or any of the characters,especially Sven and his furry shorts...Louise Rennison does.

HilaryEmma-Your spaceship has you please get on ?

Chaela-Laughluuuurver -Yes, you would think so,wouldn't you...I mean,come ON ! Ye Ole Irish are obbsessed with potatoes! And their lucky charms (ooer!) !

...and the seems to be cutting words out,so if you encounter any missssssteaks *heh heh heh* please let me know ASAP via my Llama, Tina !

xoxo (in a VERY non-lesbiany way), !

PLEASE R & R OR I WILL SEND THE CAMELS AFTER YOU !

PIN THE TAIL ON CAMMIE

Bed

Does he REALLY mean it, to choose between Ireland and him?

20 Minutes Later
Am I allowed to choose?

1 Hour Later

And if I did, would I choose Ireland?

34 Minutes Later

Or Dave?

32 Minutes Later

And what ever happened to Emma-stupid-Thompson?

I though he was with her?

Come to think of it,I've not seen her for a few weeks...

1 Minute Later

Maybe she died!

2 Minutes Later

No,I am not that lucky.

4 Minutes Later

But,then again,why do I even care?

Ohhhh I am soooooooooo full of confusidnosity, I am never going to sleep !

Tuesday,December 21st

6am,Home

Up at 6am.

On a schoolday,no less.

2 Minutes Later

Just remembered.

Today is the last day of school before Chrimbo Hols.

And what's more it's a halfer-day-to prepare for the dance and so on.

2 Minutes Later

Oh,GOD, the Autumn Daze Festival Dance.

Bloody Hell.I told Dave I'd give him his answer at the dance !

2 Minutes Later

Well,actually, he told me to give my answer then.

But still.

I don't even know what my answer is !

I have been a nervous wreck.

I've only gotten 9 hours of sleep at night and I am getting bags under my eyes.

Not a very attractive look in a woman.

Damnit.

Damnit, damnit ,damnit !

What am I going to do?

10 Minutes Later

I have GOT to talk to someone normal about this or I think I'll go mad.

20 Minutes Later

Can't think of anyone normal.

1 Hour Later

Still can't.I'll just have to ring Jas.

3 Minutes Later

Talked to Jas' seems so 's quite nice.

At any rate,she said Jas was in her room with Tom and told her to take any messages.

I said "No fanks,I ll just come ."

"Okay,wear a coat, it's cold out."

"I will,."

"Okay,Bye dear."

And she rung off.

It must be nice to have a proper mother.

One that doesn't dress like a slag and flirt with boys young enough to be her sons.

It's like child porn.

Erlack !

Jas'

Jas was in her room.

I know this because I could hear crap fiddley music coming out.

I tried the door but it was locked.I had to bang on the door for about an hour before she finally came and unlocked she only opened it a crack so I could see her face and crap fringe.

Her face was all red and her fringe was standing on end.

OOooer !

"What in the name of arse were you doing?"
Jas looked all shifty "Well,Tom and I were just listening to 's called Frosty Morning, and-"

I shoved her aside and pushed my way into the room.

I looked at was wearing ,cowboy boots

.So was Jas.

Oh,no...it couldn't be...

I asked "Good Lord you guys aren't ...SQUARE DANCING are you?" and they both went beetroot.

Good were.

And they LIKED it.

I looked at Jas and shook my head "Just when you think you know a person.."

Jas ploped down on the bed.I think I heard the hinbges creak,like they are about to really needs to lay off the cheezy whatsits.

Jas started to fiddle with her fringe "What do you need? Tom and I were just practising for the dance,and-"

I shoved her off the bed.

She jumped up,red-faced and was going to shout at me but Tom stopped her.

'Georgia,does this have anything to do with tonight's decision?"

Oh,GOD,Radio Jas strikes again !

I rounded on Jas "You TOLD him?"

But Tom said "No...Dave 's really gutted you may leave,Gee."

I sat on the bed. Oh,bloody hell,now he's telling everyone.

Next thing I know he's going to start stashing my socks away to sniff at night.

Erlack.

Tom went on "You really need to talk to school,at the Park,we're sort of having a mini bbirthday party for don't you come early and tell him then?"
Jas started looking at him all big eyed and dim (but what else is new) ,going "Oooh,Tommy-Wommy,what a loverly idea!It'll be like a birthday present!Of course she'll choose him!"

Completely daft.I didn't say that,though,I said "Am I choosing Dave?"
"Aren't you?"
"I-well,uhm...it's like this..."

Tom raised an eyebrow.

Jas rolled her eyes "Oh,God, YOU don't even know do you?"
"Ermm,well..."

Tom looked at the clock on the wall ("It makes a different bird call every hour,Gee!" "Yes,Jas,of course it does").

"Well,you have school in 25 minutes, and then the party is after,so you have ..."

"4 hours and 25 minutes." Jas finished.

',you have 4 hours and 25 minutes."

Oh,bloody hell,that's how long it takes me to get ready for a gig.

What am I going to do?What am I going to do?

I looked at Jas "What am I going to do?"
"Well,we better get ready for school,then..."

Oh,bloody hell.I left my uniform at home and I haven't even packed my pre-dance makeup yet.

Assembly

15 minutes late for school just because all of my make up wouldn't fit in my rucksack.

Lindsay was at the gate.

As I puffed passed her she said 'Nicolson,3 marks for being along to class now,little don't your mummy to get cross at you."

Ohhh I could have kicked her face in but I was too tired.

Jas mouthed 'Where WERE you?" as I settled in my spot in line but then Hawkeye came out of the closet (ooer) and mounted the stage (LEAVE it).

"Girls,settle,, as you know,is the Dance.I expect all of you to be in top form and at tip-top behavior ,*ahem*incidents and there will be severe punishment."

I whispered to the Ace Gang "Yeah,we'll have to wax her 20 of them." and we giggled.

Slim wasn't done, said "As you know,the Foxwood Lads have been please,girls,act decently."

Oh,Lordy.

All the titchies in the front started doing mad viking disco dancing untill Slim started threatening them with the usual beheadings,thumb screws,etc.

We have only double physics then R.E. (double-bubble) so we'll have plenty of time to get ready.

Physics

I think everyone's got pre-Chrimbo Hols hysteria.

And also,there is lots of pre-Chrimbo snogging going on.

I know this because as went into Physics Herr Kamyer fell out of a broom cupboard covered in lipstick.

And when Rosie opened it up to see who the unlucky girl was,Miss Wilson was fastening the buttons on her sad cardigan!

Jools said "Aww,it's young luuuurrrrve!" but,as I said,it's not young love when they are about 200 years .

30 Minutes Later

Herr Kamyer has given us worksheets of problems to fill out.

To probably make us forget what we saw,but I won't ever in a million years.

I'll have nightmares of it and will have to spend squillions of poundsies on therapy, and the doctor will be German and wear a rainbow beard and call me Pussy Cat...

20 Seconds Later

Oh,my I spend WAY to much time with Rosie.

To take my mind off of Rosie and her beardyness (oo-er!) I said "So,listen,I've got a problem."

Rosie went 'Right-O!" and popped on her beard.

It was rainbow.

I fear for the little sanity that may be remaining.

Jools said "We know everything already,Radio Jas told us."

Bloody Hell.

"OK,but did she tell you Dave wants me to choose between him and Ireland?"

"Erm,yes,Gee."

Rosie adjusted her beard "And vot is der meaning of thees question, der liddle Pussy Cat ?"

"I ,oh,I don't know" I slumped down on the desk.

They all looked at me.
Ellen dithered "So,you,erm,like,Dave, tonight..and you,like,don't?"
"No El,I don't."

She was quiet then said "So,how are you,like,telling then,ermmm,or something?"
Oh,hell's bells. This is worse than pulling teeth.

"I don't know,and what's more I've only ..OH GOD 3 1/2 hours !"

I banged my head on the desk "What-BANG-Am-BANG-I-BANG-Going-BANG-To-BANG-Do-BANG ?"

Jas said "Well,try telling him how you feel.I have nothing hidden from Tom, and that is why we are so happy."

I looked at her 'Yes,yes,that is great, you are le genius Jas, that is EXACTLY what I'll do."

1 Minute Later

Got out some paper.

I figured if I write it all out it would make it much clearerer.

Hmmmmm...so,how do I feel?

2 Minutes Later

Can't think of anything.

2 Hours Later

Still can't.

Oh,dear God I am in trouble.

Last Bell

Freeee ! Free !

I fell to my knees at the gate and raised my arms and yelled 'Freedom!Free ! Free! Free at last!" just as Lindsay stalked out.I stood quickly -I don't want to see up her skirt,No one does- but she just glared at me and went on.

Hahahaha, oh well,NOTHING is going to ruin my mood, and that includes Dave wearing a sombrero and a moustache at the gate.

Wait-WHAT?

I felt my stomach go all jelloid and wombly.

You know,like the crap song, 'Remember I'm a womble, remember I'm a womble and I'll womble, womble, womble back home'.

At any rate,I thought and thought and thought about things, and the whole Dave and Ireland nightmare scenario, and the only things I've wrote were:

"I don't want to go to Ireland.

(and)

Especially with Uncle Eddie.

With Knobs On."

Poo.

What am I going to do?

Even with a moustache and sombrero he gives me the Horn quite badly...

1 Minute Later

Oh,bloody Hell,Dave saw me looking his way and waved at me, then pretened to rear up (oo-er!) and galloped is he doing?

2 Seconds Later

Oh,I get it,he is riding Cammie again!
As Dave galloped up I said "Hi,Dave,is this the triumphant return of Cammie?"
"No,Senora,this is Linda,the ride my llama?"

I felt my face go came and stood next to me.I felt like my head was going to drop off.

Why does he stand so close to me?

But I was to red to ask I think he knew that because he grinned and said "So,Senorita,puedo tener un beso para el cumpleanero?"
I looked at him blankly."I don't know that much French."

"Actually,it's ,do you have a kiss for the birthday boy?"
I only got to say "Well,I-" before he grabbed me,lifted me off the ground,and snogged me.

And not just a little corner-of-the-mouth peck.

But a full,frontal snogging.

With nip libbling.

When he finally let go I nearly twisted my ankle trying to stand straight,my legs were so soft and wombly..I mean jelloid-y.

Then Rollo came up and they did that hand-slapping thing then Dave said "So,coming to the park then for my birthday bash ?"

I felt my self nod but I don't remember my brain telling my head to.

" REAL festivites are tonight,though!" and he winked and ran...no,I mean GALLOPED off,shouting "Ole!"

I looked at Jas "When is it?" and Jas looked at me and said "What?" so I biffed her in the arm with my rucksack.
Tom smiled,though, and said "It's at 5,so you've got 2 hours to put your face on or whatever you girls do,then the dance is right after."

I looked at him,horrified "You mean I've got to wear my party clothes TO Dave's birthday thing?":

He shrugged 'Or change in the loos."

I looked at Jas and she said "There is NO hair will be ruined!And you KNOW how long it takes me to do my fringe!"

I resisted an urge to say "And yet it still looks crap" and suggested instead "We can change at Rosie's,she lives just down the block from school."

And Rosie said "OK,as long as you help me get Sven into his trousers,it's a deal!"

Oh no,what have I gotten myself into?

2 Hours Later,Walking to the Park

Ok,I think I look tres good.

I am wearing what I usually wear under my black-and-pink dress.

3 Minutes Later

Oo-er.I don't mean just my bra and knickers,I mean tights and a teeny tee to make sure my nunga-nungas are strapped down extra tight.

The dress is cut in a low v-neck anyways so that makes them look about 15 times huger-er than they already they're about the size of the Poland (where ever that is).

I have got my makeup done and my hair is up and damp,like,pre-washed so when we get to Rosie's all we've got to do is style it with no Co-Co the Clownosity.

I got Dave a mini camel, made of green jade or ,some sort of rock,and boxers with camels in sunglasses on them for his birthday.

2 Miutes Later

I hope he still appreciates them,now that he has moved onto llamas.

Shut up,brain.

The Park

I found the party easily was the only one with a furry tablecloth and balloons that,when you looked closer were actually.,...you know...boy-y things...you know..OH very well,condoms.

And they had faces drew on them.

And the words 'Deflate for later use'.

Tres mad.

Robbie looked round at me as I walked up and winked.I felt my heart jump in my throat.

I smiled back at him.

And I know,I know he is my that doesn't make him any LESS gorgey.

"Ready?"

We nodded like noddy things and Robbie pulled out his...guitar (oo-er!) and started to sing :

"We celebrate your birthday, even if you don't
Be glad you're getting older, cause when you're dead you won't
So happy happy birthday, from everyone you know
Now we will light the candles, and Birthday Boy you... blow!"

20 Minutes Later

Dave is insisting we play games.

Like,Pin the Tail on Cammie.

And guess who he got to dress as Cammie?

You guessed it.

Then he handed out the pins.

Oh,Lord.

Sven said "Yes,yes,pin the cammie!" and came running at me.

Ohhhhh God! Run away,run away!

14 Minutes Later,Hiding In A Tree.

I took the camel costume off and threw it in a bush then climbed this tree.

It's actually quite comfy.

5 Minutes Later

I can see everyone from here,looking for me,tee hee.

Dave is started to look worried...

Serves him right !

He should know better than to hand Sven any sharp objects !

10 Minutes Later

Aha! JasNTom have found Cammie!

2 Minutes Later

After a quick confab under my tree, they decided I had gone home to get ready.

Robbie said "Oh,well,that's too bad." and everyone looked at him.

The top of his head went red, so he must be blushing, BAD.

Rollo elbowed him "Yeah,you wanna TELL her something,mate!" and winked.

Oh,GOD!

Robbie shuffled his feet and said "Erm,well I do need to tell her something-"

Dave said "Listen,mate,you had your chance and you moved on to older, stick-insectier things."

Then Tom said something,too low for me to hear, and Dave said "Robbie's not the only one mate!" and then they all said their goodbyes and went off,probablly to get ready for the dance tonight.

I musn't think about that though.I have bigger problems.

Like the stick in my bum-holio and how to get down frm this bloody great tree.

3 Minutes Later

Hmmmmmm.I wonder what Tom said .

And what did Dave mean by Robbie isn't the only one.

The only one what ?

And what ever happened to Emma?

Running Like A Loon To Rosie's

Nearly broke my neck coming out of the tree,then I only had 2 hours for the party, so I had to run home, shove everything in my rucksack,then dash to Rosie's,and I've only got an hour and 34 minutes to get ready !

3 Minutes Later

Not including the time I'll have to spend trying to squeeze Sven into his leather pants (don't ask) and cow boy boots (again,DON'T ask) !

Bugger bugger bugger !

Rosie's

Didn't waste time knocking-I ran straight in to the upstairs loo.

Rosie was finishing the final touches on her lip gloss but moved out of the way to let me in.

"I thought you went home to get ready!"

"No,I was in a tree,hiding from Sven."

She laughed "Sven does get carried away,doesn't he?"
"He should be."

But she ignored me "Go ahead and use the shower,Gee but hurry, Sven'll be here any minute for the fittings.

Oh,GOD.

1 Hour Later

Done and ready in record time!

My hair doesn't have quite the bouncibility factor, in fact it just lays there like a dead laying...thing, but my makeup came out good at least.

And Rosie let me borrow her pink strappy boots,too .I think I look tres fab !

Rosie is wearing something even semi normal: a star-spangled romper suit,tucked into black cowboy boots and a HUGE glittery gold cowboy hat with cactus earrings.

Like I said,semi-normal.

For her,anyways.

34 Minutes Later

Finally got Sven into his leather pants.

He's wearing ginormous black sidies, a quaff.

I don't even want to know.

As we were going out the door,he picked up Rosie and said "Let us boogie, uh-huh uh-huh " and my worst fears were confirmed.

Sven was going as a giant,mad Elvis.