Sorry for the delay, I was away during the week and didn't take me laptop with me! Anyway, thank you so much for all your reviews! Here's the next chapter. :)
Chapter 12
Luke glanced at his clock on his bedside table and saw that it was only 7:00 so he must have only gotten a couple hours sleep. He sighed before sitting up carefully so that he didn't wake Lorelai. He glanced over at her and saw that she was fast asleep. He slowly got up and headed downstairs. He froze on the stairs when he spotted Tristan and Rory asleep on the couch, Rory's head leaning on Tristan's shoulder. He suddenly got a flashback and he stood there awkwardly not really knowing what to do. However, as he looked more closely, he actually realised that it was only Rory who was asleep. He slowly descended the stairs which caused Tristan to look over at him. "Hey.." He said awkwardly.
"Hey.." Tristan said just as awkwardly. He glanced at Rory who was still fast asleep. "Uh...she fell asleep about half an hour after you all went to bed. I figured I'd just let her."
Luke nodded. "Yeah..uh..she's probably tired. Lorelai rang them at like 3 so I doubt she got much sleep."
Tristan nodded.
"I thought I'd make some breakfast. I couldn't really sleep..." Luke said awkwardly gesturing towards the kitchen.
"Do you need any help?" Tristan offered.
Luke eyed him for a moment. "You want to help?"
Tristan shrugged. "I'm not too tired. Figured you might want some help. But if you'd rather be alone, I'd understand..."
Luke was quiet for a moment. "What about Rory?" He said looking at his sleeping daughter.
Tristan carefully got up holding Rory up gently. He then got a cushion to place her head on and then put a throw over her. "There." He said.
Luke nodded and headed to the kitchen, Tristan following behind him. "I was just going to make pancakes. I always make them when...well when they need cheering up." He said uncomfortably.
Tristan nodded in understanding. "Pancakes are good."
"How was she?" Luke asked glancing at him.
"Upset. I don't think she can believe it. She said it doesn't seem real." Tristan said. He glanced at Luke. "I really am sorry. Rory's told me a lot about her. I know how much she meant to all of you." He said quietly.
Luke swallowed a lump in his throat. "Yeah.." He said gruffly. He started cooking, Tristan helping him every so often and doing as he was asked. Luke glanced over at him as he made some more pancake mixture. "It was good of you to come for Rory." He said gruffly. "I know she appreciates it."
Tristan glanced at him, not really knowing how to take praise from Luke. "Well I know it sucks to be alone after you lose someone you love. I mean I know she has all of you but I wanted her to know she has me too." He said ducking his head embarrassed.
"Rory mentioned you lost your grandfather." Luke said quietly. He noticed Tristan tense a little. "I'm sorry. She said you were close."
Tristan nodded. "He was more like a dad to me. My parents...well they're not really around much...Business and stuff..." He admitted awkwardly.
"Sorry." Luke said. He glanced over at Tristan, thinking that maybe he judged him too harshly too soon. "Thank you for being here for Rory." He said awkwardly.
Tristan looked at him, surprised. "I'll always be here for her. I...I love her." He admitted. He glanced at Luke nervously, not really knowing what his reaction would be to that. He took a deep breath. "I know I didn't exactly give you the best first impression." He said. "The dance...things got messed up and I know you and Lorelai must have been really worried."
Luke nodded. "Wasn't exactly the best night." He said gruffly.
"It was a mistake." Tristan said quickly. "I know it was a while ago now but I never apologised to you for it. I don't want you to think I don't respect you and your rules. I promise it won't happen again."
Luke looked at him and nodded. "Thank you. I appreciate that." He said.
Tristan relaxed a little. "I would never disrespect you. Rory thinks the world of you. I know how important her family is to her and I respect that. I kind of wish I had a family like yours." He admitted. "I...I just want you to know that I won't mess her around. I love her." He said.
"Ok. Thank you." He said gruffly.
Tristan nodded and got back to his pancake mixture.
"You know if you hurt her, I will kill you though." Luke smirked.
Tristan chuckled. "If I hurt her, I will come to you and tell you to kill me."
Luke nodded. "Good."
They suddenly heard movement from the hallway and saw Rory standing there. "Hi.." She said sheepishly, embarrassed at getting caught out.
"Morning kid." Luke said softly. "You hungry?" He asked.
Rory nodded. "I see we're having pancakes." She said.
"Thought it would be nice." Luke said.
Rory went over and hugged him. "How are you feeling?" She asked quietly.
Luke sighed. "Ok." He said.
"Dad..."
Luke took a deep breath. "Well I'm trying to be ok. It's not really going well though..." He admitted.
"Yeah..." Rory said quietly. "Same here."
"I should probably get going." Tristan said, noticing that maybe they wanted some space.
Rory turned to her boyfriend. "You're not staying for breakfast?" She asked.
"I figured you'd want a family breakfast." Tristan said. He saw her disappointed face. "Well maybe I could stay for one pancake." He said. "I'm just going to go to the toilet first." He said wanting to give them some space.
Rory gave him a small smile. "You can go if you want to. I don't want to force you to stay."
Tristan shook his head. "I'll stay as long as you want me. I just don't want to interfere, that's all."
"You're not." Rory said adamantly.
Tristan smiled. "Ok. I'll be back." He said softly, giving her a kiss on the cheek before heading to the bathroom.
Rory smiled lovingly as she watched him leave the kitchen. She looked back at her dad. "So...you and Tristan had a talk?" She asked cautiously.
"He's a good kid. If he makes you happy, then I'm happy." Luke said.
Rory smiled. "Thank you." She said softly, knowing this was his way of finally saying that he approved. She sat down at the table watching him plate up the pancakes. "Dad?" She said quietly. "Can I ask you something?"
Luke glanced at his daughter's nervous face and knew this was going to be about his mom. "Sure." He said.
"Did she...did she suffer when she...you know..?" She asked quietly.
Luke was quiet for a moment, trying to keep hold of his emotions. "She went in her sleep. It was painless for her." He said softly. He saw her shoulders relax and her face looking relieved.
"Ok. Good. I mean it's good she didn't suffer." Rory said quietly.
Luke nodded and got out fillings for the pancakes and put them on the table.
"I miss her." Rory said quietly.
Luke sighed. "I do too." He admitted.
Rory looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "It will get easier right? I mean Tristan said it will but right now it feels like it never will."
Luke swallowed another lump in his throat. "It will get easier." He said quietly.
"I'm so sorry dad. I can't even imagine losing either you or mom, let alone both of you. I...I'm just so sorry." She choked.
"Hey come here." He said holding his arms out.
Rory jumped out of the chair and rushed into his embrace.
"Everything will be ok. We will all be ok." He said softly, cradling her head. "I promise."
"She wouldn't want us to be upset, would she?" Rory said quietly, pulling away and sitting back down.
Luke smiled at that. "No she wouldn't." He admitted. "But when have I have done everything she's told me to do?" He tried to joke.
Rory smiled. "Never."
Luke chuckled and sat down with her. He sobered a little. "We are allowed to be upset though. It's natural." He said. "But we'll get through this together. As a family."
Rory nodded. "Ok." She said quietly. She glanced at him. "I don't want you to withdraw again. I saw it happen when Grandpa died. I know I was young but I knew. Please promise you'll talk to us if you need to. If you don't want to talk to me, at least talk to mom." She said.
Luke's heart swelled at his daughter's selflessness. "I promise." He said quietly.
Rory nodded and gave him a small smile. "Ok." She said starting to eat. "These are some of your best, dad." She smiled.
"Tristan made that batch." Luke said.
"Really?" Rory asked surprised. "Wow! I didn't know I was dating a pancake master."
Luke chuckled. "Yeah you picked well." He smirked.
Rory looked at her dad and knew that he actually meant it. "Yeah I think so." She said softly.
Later that day, everyone was up and were sat round the table discussing possible plans for the funeral. Katie and LJ were sat watching a movie in the living room while Tristan had gone home for a while as he finally admitted he was feeling tired so Rory told him to go and have a nap.
"Ok so Reverend Skinner will do it right?" Lorelai asked cautiously. "I mean, I know he will want to do it. Everyone loved Katherine."
"Yeah I'll ask him." Luke said.
"It will be a full church." Lorelai said softly.
"Definitely." Liz said. "Mom was well loved here. Everyone will come."
Luke blinked back some tears. "Yeah.." He nodded. Lorelai noticed and placed a comforting hand on his knee and he gave her a small smile acknowledging and appreciating the action. "You got through to Mia right?" He asked.
"Yeah, she's booked herself onto a flight tomorrow." Lorelai nodded.
"Ok good. Mom would want her here." Luke said.
"So the eulogy..." Liz pressed on. She looked at her brother. "Did you want to do it?"
Luke nodded. "Yeah I'll do it."
"Do you want any help?" Liz asked softly.
"I'll be fine. I did it before for dad." Luke said gruffly, a bit harshly.
"I know." Liz assured him. "I know I wasn't there for you before but I want you to know I'm going to be here for you now so if you need any help writing it, you know where I am." She said softly.
Luke looked at her and gave a slight nod. "Thank you." He said. "I'm sorry I snapped. I just...my mind's all over the place at the moment." He said quietly.
"It's fine." Liz reassured him.
"Uh...Jess and I were thinking of doing a joint one as well..." Rory spoke up nervously.
"You want to do a joint eulogy?" Lorelai asked surprised.
"Well we weren't there...you know...at the end. We just...we want to give her a good send off. We can do it after yours." She said quietly, glancing at her dad.
"It's hard...It's a hard thing to do..." Luke said softly. "Are you sure?"
Rory nodded. "We want to." She said quietly. She looked round. "Where is Jess anyway? Is he still in my room?"
"He was the last time I looked. He was reading. I think he wanted some time to himself." Liz said.
Rory went over to his room and knocked on the door. "Jess?" She called. She frowned when she didn't hear an answer so she opened the door. She frowned when she saw that Jess wasn't there. "He's not here." She said.
"What?" Luke frowned.
Rory noticed the window open. "Maybe he wanted some fresh air..." She said.
"I'll go look for him." Luke said.
"No leave him." Lorelai stopped him. "Maybe he needs some space, hon. We should respect that." She said softly.
Luke sighed. "Yeah I guess you're right." He said remembering back to when there were several times after his dad died that he wanted to disappear and shut out the whole world.
"He'll be back when he's ready." Lorelai assured him.
Luke nodded.
Jess still hadn't come back in the evening and everyone was starting to worry.
"That's it. I'm going out to look for him." Luke said.
"No. I'll go. I think I know where he might be." Rory said quickly. "I'll be right back, I promise."
"Ok." Luke relented. "But if you don't find him, you come straight back here. I don't want you out there when it starts getting dark ok?"
Rory nodded and left the house and then headed for the bridge. Sure enough, she saw the hunched figure of her cousin sat on the edge of the bridge, his legs dangling over the water. As she walked towards him, she saw him holding a bottle of beer. "That's not going to make you feel any better, you know." She said.
Jess looked round and just shrugged. "It does the job." He said.
"Jess..." Rory said.
"No, don't lecture me Rory. I don't want to hear it. I'm allowed to grieve!" Jess said harshly.
"I know. I get that." Rory said trying to stay calm. "But this...drinking...it's not the best way Jess."
"I don't care." He snapped.
"Jess..."
"Just leave me alone, Rory. I came out here for a reason. To be alone." Jess said.
Rory frowned. "You know it's not just you suffering. We're all upset. We're all missing her!" She said losing her patience.
"I swear if you don't leave me alone..." Jess' jaw tensed.
"What? What will you do?" Rory exclaimed.
"Just go home! I want to be alone!" Jess snapped. "You don't understand! None of you understand!"
"Understand what? How you're feeling? We all understand, Jess! God you're not the only one who has lost someone important to them!" Rory shouted.
"Just go home!" Jess shouted getting up. "And leave me alone! I can drink if I want! I have no home anymore anyway. No one to tell me what to do."
"What are you talking about?" Rory exclaimed confused. "You have a home. You have us and you have your mom!"
Jess snorted. "Yeah and what if she goes off the rails again? I could always count on Grandma! Always! She was always there for me!" He shouted.
Rory suddenly understood. "Jess, I know how much Grandma meant to you. I know how close you two were." She said quietly. "You lived with her for years."
Jess took a deep breath and tried to calm down.
"I know how you feel." Rory said softly. She saw Jess about to protest. "No. Really. I do. You forget that I lived with Grandma as well for 8 years with dad."
Jess sighed. "I forgot about that." He admitted.
Rory sighed. "We all miss her. She was amazing."
"Yeah.." He said quietly.
"You've always got a home, Jess." She said softly. "I don't think she will but if your mom ever needs help again, we're always going to be here for you. You know that."
Jess looked up at up. "Thanks." He said quietly. He let out an exasperated groan. "I hate this. It sucks. It totally sucks. Why did this have to happen?"
"I don't know." Rory said quietly.
Jess glanced at her. "I'm sorry I shouted. I just...I feel so messed up at the moment."
"It's fine." She assured. "But drink isn't the answer. Please Jess, don't do something you'll regret. Grandma wouldn't want you drinking."
He scowled at her. "Had to play that card, didn't you?" He said.
"It's true, though." Rory said.
He sighed. "Yeah I know. I only had a sip anyway. Growing up with people who were always drunk kind of puts you off drinking." He admitted.
"Please come home. We've been talking about Grandma's funeral. I mentioned us wanting to do a eulogy." She said.
Jess looked up at her. "And?"
"And they said we could." She gave him a small smile. "So please come back and we can start writing it and making sure everyone knows what an amazing Grandma she was. Please?"
Jess nodded. "Ok." He said quietly.
The two of them returned to the house where they found the grown-ups in the living room. "I found him." She said.
"Jess..." Liz said standing up, along with Luke who spotted the beer.
"He's fine. We're just going to my room to talk about the eulogy. Is that ok?" Rory asked.
"That's fine hon." Lorelai said. "You ok, Jess?"
Jess nodded. "Sorry if I worried you." He mumbled.
"We understand. Sometimes you just need some space." Lorelai reassured him.
Rory smiled gratefully at her mom and then headed to her room with Jess. They sat down on her bed. "You know what dad told me this morning?" She said.
"What?"
"That it's ok to be upset. It's natural." Rory said quietly.
Jess just nodded.
"But we'll get through it together. So if you need to talk at all..." Rory said softly. "I won't suddenly think you're uncool. You'll always be my cool cousin." She said trying to lighten the mood.
Jess smirked a little. "Good to know." He said dryly.
"Seriously though, I'm here if you need to talk." She said softly.
Jess blinked back some tears. "I just really miss her." He admitted. He wiped away some tears embarrassed. "I'm just not good at this...talking about my emotions. I'm used to just hiding it."
"I get it." Rory said softly. "How about a hug then? I usually find a hug makes you feel better, even just a little." She gave him a small smile.
Jess had to smile at that. "A hug would be nice." He admitted.
Rory smiled and reached over and gave him a hug. "You're not alone in this."
Jess nodded. "Thanks."
"Come on, let's try and write down some good memories of Grandma. Things that will make everyone laugh." Rory said reaching for some paper.
"Did I tell you about the time she tricked Taylor into thinking we were out of food even though Kirk was sat at the counter eating a burger and fries...?" Jess smirked.
"No! Tell me!" Rory laughed.
Hope you liked it! Please let me know what you think! I love reading your comments so thank you! :)
