OK guys so I know you ain't happy about me not updating as fast as I used to be, but one review, come on, a girl needs attention!

There is 1 swear word in this, on the last line, so those of a nervous disposition beware.

This one starts off as a continuation of the flashback from the last chapter.

Thanks to camilita for reviewing so much, what a star!

Haunted by the past

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Retreating

Two hours later Lindsay was sitting on a tiny, uncomfortable bed in the Emergency room, her left hand cradled in her right. The curtains were drawn creating the illusion of privacy when in reality she could hear the noise and commotion of the ER all around her, someone being sick, nurses reassuring patients, gurneys being wheeled around, the receptionist on the phone, doctors explaining procedures, she wasn't sure but someone close by may have been getting some distraction from their pain, even through the pandemonium that is a city ER she could hear Danny, complaining that they had been here 2 hours and no one had seen her.

Lindsay smiled to herself and looked down at her hand, the knuckles were a deep red colour, she could tell they were going to bruise, the blood from the cut on her ring finger had begun to dry up and her whole hand ached. She stretched out her fingers slowly, causing a throb to run through her entire arm, as her fingers became straight a piercing pain enveloped her hand, tears built in her eyes but relief crossed her face. She knew what she was doing was amplifying her physical pain but it was alleviating her emotional pain. A smile tugged at her lips as she fisted her hand, causing a different, pulling sensation on the back of her hand. These actions were repeated several times until she was pulled out of her trance by someone clearing their throat. She raised her head to see Danny standing in her 'room', arms crossed across his chest, a confused look gracing his features.

"Don't that hurt?" he asked.

Lindsay's gaze drifted back to her hand, she was now moving her fingers one by one, thumb, index finger, middle finger, ring finger, pinkie, ring finger, middle finger...

She shrugged, "It helps"

Danny's brow furrowed with confusion once more and he was about to ask what she meant when the doctor pulled back the curtain to enter,

"So Detective Monroe, what can we do for you?"

Back to the present day:



It had been a week since that day in the hospital, the doctor had told Lindsay her hand wasn't broken, just severely bruised and advised her to not use it much for a few days. Matching looks of confusion graced both his and Danny's face when Lindsay looked disappointed, but neither asked her about it. Her knuckles were now turning an ugly yellowish colour as the bruising healed. Her hand still ached on occasion but it was pretty much back to normal, much to Lindsay's disappointment. The pain in her hand had been enough to distract herself from her dangerous thoughts for the most part, the main reason being that she flushed the painkillers the doctor had given down the toilet her as soon as she got home, she'd also ignored his advice not to use her injured hand and done the opposite, used it more than she normally would in attempts to replace her emotional pain with physical.

When Danny saw tears in her eyes at the kick back when she test fired a shot gun, he asked if she wanted her painkillers, she told him she'd just taken some.

When Danny saw her wince when she helped an ME lift a DB onto the trolley, he asked if she wanted her painkillers, she told him she'd left them in her locker.

When Danny saw her cringe when she used her left hand to knock on a suspect's door, he asked if she wanted her painkillers, she snapped at him and told him to stop babying her.

She hated lying to him, he was the person she most trusted in New York, she'd told him her second biggest deep dark secret and with all her heart she wanted to be able to trust him with her deepest darkest secret but something kept holding her back. There was a niggling feeling in the back of her mind that feeling stemmed from the look she saw on her mother's face the day she woke up in the hospital after she'd promised her she was better, disappointment. Her mother hadn't noticed that she had woken up and it was just for a split second, but Lindsay saw it and it was enough to convince her that she never wanted to see that look again. The voice in her head told her that if Danny found out, every time she looked into those bright blue eyes where she once seen determination and possibly love, she would see that look again and she never, ever, wanted to see that in his eyes. So she held back from him, tried to stay as far away as possible, both physically and emotionally, she knew it was hurting him, but she knew the truth would hurt more.

So tonight, when Lindsay saw Danny walk into the bar she had been sitting in for the past 2 hours building quite a tab she turned away, hoping he wouldn't notice her, hoping she wouldn't have to lie to him...again.

However, in Lindsay's drunken state she failed to realise that she had being staring at Danny since he walked in the bar, once he eventually saw her she held eye contact with him for about 10 seconds until she turned away hoping he wouldn't notice her.

Danny had been looking for Lindsay for over an hour now, ever since she snapped at him outside the suspect's apartment he had been worried about her. Since she had told him about why she had to return to Montana he couldn't help but worry, and the closer it got to the day she was going to leave, the more worried he became. He'd also started to notice things, little things, but they only added to his worry. She always seemed on edge, she would cross her arms and claw at her forearms with her nails (which were always long), she bounced her foot...a lot, she looked tired all the time and ever since the day in the bathroom when she hurt her hand she had been short with him, 

answering with one word wherever possible. He had thought when she opened up to him that things would get better, that sharing her problems would help her deal with them, but the opposite seemed to be happening, she was worse now than ever. He'd phoned her cell, her apartment, when she didn't answer either he went round to her place, she wasn't there so he'd gone back to the lab and checked their office, the locker room, the roof, again, no sign of Lindsay, he'd even called Stella to see if she'd heard from her, she hadn't, so, here he was, in Frankie's, watching her, wasted, contemplating his next move, but Lindsay decided that for him.

"What are you doing here Danny?" Lindsay started, without turning around, she saw him standing behind her in the mirror behind the bar, could see the conflict in his eyes.

"I um, needed a drink..." he said as he sat on the stool next to her "...you want one?"

Lindsay rolled her eyes and nodded as Danny signalled to the barman for their drinks. They sat in silence, thinking.

The barman brought their drinks and Lindsay raised her bottle of beer to Danny with a sarcastic smile.

Danny broke the silence that had fallen between them, "I've been looking everywhere for you Linds."

Lindsay scoffed, "Why? I'm a big girl."

Danny pinched the bridge of his nose, "cos I'm worried about you"

"No need Danny" Lindsay replied, taking a long swig of her beer, her eyes still hadn't met his since he'd walked into the bar. He was stuck watching her profile, but even from that angle he could tell she had been crying.

Danny sighed, how was he ever going to get through to her? He took a long gulp from his beer and rested his arms on the bar, drumming his fingers as he thought.

Lindsay heard him sigh and turned her head slightly, she could practically see the wheels turning in his head. She turned back to her drink and took another gulp before she heard his fingers start drumming. She glanced down at them, and then to his face, he didn't seem to have noticed what he was doing. She tried to ignore it, the tap tap tap, of his fingers, but with every second it got louder and louder, more and more irritating. Tap tap tap, She crossed her arms, as she usually did, clawing at her forearms. Tap tap tap, she bit her lip to stop herself from screaming at him. Tap tap tap, she screwed her eyes shut to hide the frustration building in them. Tap tap tap, she broke...

"FOR GOD'S SAKE DANNY, STOP TAPPING!"

Danny stopped, and whipped his head around to look at Lindsay. "Sorry" he said sheepishly as he saw the anger in her eyes.

She sighed and rested her head in her hands, rubbing them over her eyes, as if trying to rub the anger out of them.



"I gotta go" Lindsay said as she attempted to stand from the bar stool. As she did she stumbled into Danny, who instinctively reached out to catch her. Their eyes met again for a split second, before Lindsay turned away from him and began stumbling out of the bar.

Danny quickly grabbed some money out of his wallet, placed it on the bar and followed her out. He caught up with her just outside of the door; she was whipping her head from side to side, trying to work out which way she had to go. Seeing her confusion Danny placed a hand on the small of her back and began to walk in the direction of her apartment. She immediately pulled away from him and scoffed.

"I know where I'm going Danny." Lindsay said mildly convincingly.

Danny shook his head and restrained a smile. Even though she was going through hell he could still see the real Lindsay under there, stubborn as ever. He followed her, ready to catch her if she fell, which she almost did a few times. When they were a few blocks away from her apartment she tripped on an uneven slab on the pavement, landing on her hands and knees.

Danny was by her side in seconds; he helped her into a seated position and squatted down next to her to examine her for injuries.

"Y'alright Montana", he said, after seeing that she didn't have any serious injuries.

She scowled at him, again, "I'm fine Messer..." she said getting up to her feet slowly, stumbling a couple of times "... and stop calling me Montana" she said angrily, continuing her walk home.

They walked a few more feet before Lindsay sat down on a bench. Danny was confused for a few seconds until he saw her unzipping her boots. He sat next to her and leaned back.

Once Lindsay had removed her boots she rubbed the balls of her feet and sighed. She could tell he was still there, following her, waiting for answers she didn't want to give, but the more and more he pushed, the more she could feel her wall, and her resolve, breaking. She wanted to get as far away from him as possible so she stood up and began to walk away again.

"You know Lindsay..." Danny said with a sigh as he stood to follow her, "...you really shouldn't be drinking on them painkillers."

Lindsay stopped in her tracks and spun around. Danny stood, looking her in the eyes, seeing more pain and frustration than he thought he would ever see from her.

"WELL THEN ITS A GOOD FUCKING JOB I'M NOT TAKING THEM ISN'T IT DANNY!"

So I'm not overly happy about this chapter, so let me know and REVIEW!