DISCLAIMER: I own nothing

A/N:There's still no major break for a while yet, but it will be coming =)

Thanks for all of the reviews, hope you enjoy the new chapter!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- To Love and Lose -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"One more push," the doctor urged Penelope and she felt an almighty urge and listened. She grabbed the railings of the bed tightly, the sweat on her palms making her hands slip slightly. There was never going to be a man's hand to take hers and give her a firmer grasp. She was in this on her own after all. The real father abandoned her baby, the real love of her life moved on. She wasn't anyone's world and right now, she knew the moment she gave birth she wasn't going to be overwhelmed with joy and happiness and she knew a part of her was going to hate this baby.

"I can't," she said as she fell back completely exasperated. She needed someone to coach her, to support her. She needed Derek, but she knew he was never going to come near her again. "I can't do this any longer."

"Yes you can," the doctor urged her.

Penelope tried to resist, but her body had a mind of its own and right now it was telling her to push.

She had no choice but to start the new chapter of her life.

"Meet your little boy," the nurse said mere moments later and placed the baby down on her chest.

Penelope looked in absolutely shocked awe and then pulled the blanket down to get a better look at the generation of the Lynch's.

She screamed out in anguish as the baby in her arms was a perfect blend of her skin colour and Derek's.

Penelope sat up bolt right before realising it was all a dream. She sunk back down and pulled the pillow into her arms and sobbed. She let each new cry rack her body, and made her convulse, but for once this felt like the best cry she had had since everything had happened. It felt most beneficial and she actually felt like it was a form of a breakthrough.

"Baby," Derek said as he came into the room. He had taken the guest room to allow Penelope to have their bed. Having heard her scream and then consequently her cries, he couldn't ignore his need and want to be in the room.

"Can-can you just hold me?" Penelope asked him as she cried heavier tears. "I am so sick and tired of doing all of this alone." It wasn't a lie. Penelope was sick of the lonely nights, the empty days, the empty rooms to scream into when a nightmare hit and now she was fed up of grieving alone.

Derek didn't need another request. He needed Penelope in the same way. The moment he removed the pillow from her hold and took her into his arms, he felt the sweat clinging to her body and he could feel the mild shakes her body was going through. He closed his eyes for a moment. He knew she was prone to nightmares at the best of times, but the information she was issued with today had sent her into a spiral.

He held her close and made sure she was completely protected in his arms. It was as he held her that he realised just how much he had missed having her around like this and the thing that scared him was that they may never get back to the state of bliss they had once shared.

Not controlling her sobs, Penelope felt herself get lost in the emotional downhill she was in at the moment. Everything was just toppling her over and over and she couldn't stop it to see something positive. Finally having Derek holding her like he used to she felt like something was sure to go right in her life at long last.

"You gonna get some sleep or do you want a drink?"

Penelope looked up at him, "I just-" She paused, trying to calm herself, "I ju-just want my life back." She told him the one thing she wanted in her life, "That's it."

"It's right here for you, Baby Girl," Derek vowed as he held her in his arms and waited for her the tears to force her into a sleep. Even well after he knew that she was asleep, he stayed awake and during that night he barely slept. He wanted to just hear Penelope sleeping next to him.

When day broke, he climbed out of the bed, leaving Penelope alone in the middle of the bed and left the room. He didn't want her disturbed and he knew her body was going to exhaust itself if she woke up every night and sobbed that hard.

Opening her eyes, Penelope woke with a jolt, forgetting where she was. Looking around the room she remembered it all too well and ran her hands over her head trying to soothe the headache. She couldn't deny she felt miserable, but she was calm at knowing that her and Derek now had clearer air around them both. They were both back on the same page of life – well almost.

Climbing out of the bed, she pulled his dressing gown around her body and headed downstairs.

The moment she entered the living room, Penelope noticed the book on the table beneath the television and went over to it. Putting her hand on it, she ran her fingers over the cover design and felt her eyes water, turning over the page she saw what had started as basic plans and ideas for hers and Derek's wedding.

"I should've hidden that away," Derek said mentally hitting himself. He realised that leaving that out had been a mistake and he knew he should've realised just how that would have affected Penelope. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Penelope told him and wiped her tears as Derek stepped behind her, "I lost you and then I lost your baby, Derek." She felt his arms wrap around her body then and hold her steady as she broke, "They are two of the scariest things to ever happen in my life and they happened."

"When I said we'd get through this I meant it," Derek told truthfully, "I screwed up badly, but I need us to have a chance to get this right." He felt Penelope nod her head as she continued to look over the book that she had spent time putting together in preparation. "You do not know how sorry I am."

"It's not your fault," Penelope said as she broke away from his embrace and turned to face him, tears slicking her cheeks. "I just can't believe it had to happen to us."

"Me either," Derek admitted softly, "We can make it right though, can't we? You can forgive me?"

Penelope couldn't deny him that, she nodded and bit down on her quivering lip, "I have nothing to forgive, Derek. All I did was continue to love you when I knew I shouldn't. Sure I hated not being here, but at the end of the day, you were reacting to what you had been told. You reacted how anyone would've in that situation. It's you that needs to forgive me."

"I was angry," Derek replied regretfully, his tone so full of morose. "I didn't show that in a good way. I threw you out without hearing you out and I pushed you away. I didn't let it out right."

"Like the hole in the wall?" Penelope asked him, knowing that she had seen the whole when he had brought her in here.

"Like I said I was angry," Derek told her, his own eyes clouding up with tears. "I hated that you were so certain that you were pregnant with Kevin's baby when it should've been mine and I was angry that I had ruined us."

"You didn't ruin anything, Handsome," Penelope told him gently as she put a hand to the side of his face. "None of this is your fault. It wasn't you that won my trust to throw back at me and you weren't the fool that fell for it all." Penelope dropped her hand as she said that and dropped her gaze at the same time, "That fool was me."

"Hey," He told her and made her raise her gaze to his, "You should never, ever feel a fool for wanting to make things better with someone, Baby. Never should you feel like that."

"He raped me," Penelope replied solemnly, as everything seemed to hit her hard once again. "That makes me a fool."

Derek couldn't stand seeing Penelope cry over this again and so he captured her in his arms and held her there. He held her tight and refused to let her go, he wasn't ready for the separation and he wasn't prepared to let go any time soon.

Derek knew he had things to sort out - Kevin for sure - but at that moment he needed some alone time with Penelope.

Time to heal.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- To Love and Lose -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-