Chapter 12 ; Consequences

"What do you mean you don't want to recant? I already told the police and the school my account of what happened. You won't get in trouble for the vandalism. But I can't do anything about the assault, since I wasn't there, and Orihara claims he saw you."

Rather than answering her, Shizuo reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cigarette, which he wedges in between his lips. But before he can light up, Rin has already snatched it from his mouth. He frowns at her.

"What was all that about wanting to graduate? Then you are doing this?" she demands in exasperation.

The two are standing just outside his house, a day after the incident began. Even though the police released him from custody and the school is reconsidering the possibility of expulsion, the situation hasn't really gotten better. The accusation of assault stands and, for whatever reason, Shizuo does not see fit to discount it. Although, even if he did, it is unlikely the authorities would believe him above Izaya and the victim, who are both pointing the finger at Shizuo. It is a frustrating situation, but what unnerves Rin the most is that Shizuo is still insisting on protecting her.

As she is preoccupied thinking, she feels warm fingers slip around her wrist. Rin jolts from the contact, temporarily stunned as she watches Shizuo lift the cigarette from her fingers and replace the butt in his mouth. This time she is the one left frowning. "If you want to graduate, you should put your best effort forward. Lying to the authorities-"

"It isn't," he says, in between inhales, "A lie."

"You're trying to tell me you attacked him?"

At this, Shizuo looks almost pensieve. He thinks about it for a moment then gives a slight nod. "Saw him talking with Izaya." His teeth clench around the butt of the cigarette, until it is so crooked and crushed that he can't get any nicotine from it anymore. Then he bitterly puts it out against the cement step that he is sitting on.

Rin, who is standing in front of him, puts her hand on her hips. "And? You swung before thinking?"

Another slight nod, and then he is reaching for another cigarette.

Frustrated by watching him, Rin reaches out and grabs his hand this time. "I still don't know if you are lying to protect me or being honest, but either way, it is a relief to hear that his injuries weren't that severe and he will be out soon."

"A relief?" Shizuo echoes sardonically, obviously not sharing the same sentiment.

"And I forgot to give this to you before. It's late, but happy birthday, Heiwajima." She presses a wrapped box into the palm of his hand and finally releases his wrist. There is a warm smile on her face as she ushers him to open it quickly.

Unused to this kind of treatment, Shizuo just stares at the box. "A present?" he asks, as though he does not already know what it is. A quick nod from Rin affirms his suspicions. And then he stares at it again, as though he is not sure what to do with it.

"Open it," Rin prompts.

Although it seems a little strange to be tearing through the shiny packaging, Shizuo does as she requests. The paper shreds easily and falls onto the ground at his feet, until at last he can see the box that it was hiding. "A watch?" he asks with some measure of apprehension, as though he does not understand the meaning behind the gift.

"So you won't be late to class from now on. You want to graduate, right? You'll need one of these to make sure it happens. If you are always on time then, even though you don't have a perfect record, you are still doing your best." She flashes a grin at him.

It seems like exactly the kind of gift he should expect from Rin. There is a trace of a smile on Shizuo's face as he opens the box and takes out the watch. Rin leans down to help him secure it onto his wrist. It isn't anything expensive or flashy, but it is probably the best gift anyone has given him. But something suddenly occurs to him as he looks at the gift on his wrist. "Ah... Your birthday." Ironically, he remembers that he does not actually know Rin's birthday.

"Don't worry, it's a while before it comes up, Heiwajima. Anyways, you don't have to worry about getting me anything. This was a practical gift. Something to help you get to school on time and improve your academic performance. I'm pretty predictable, huh?" She sighs to herself. "Rather than thinking about giving me anything, just be a good student. That'll be more than enough. If I can see you graduate, Heiwajima, then I'll feel like I have accomplished something. I'm only a temporary teacher, anyways, but... That's my dream."

"To see me graduate?" He echoes with a hint of disbelief.

"Well, we are friends by now, but you're still a bit of a delinquent. If I can help you to graduate, then maybe becoming a full time teacher isn't out of the realm of possibility, either." Both of her hands come to a rest on her hips as she gives him a sheepish grin.

Shizuo, however, does not reciprocate this sentiment as he repeats her words, "We are friends..."

Recalling what happened just a few days ago – the dialogue that included something like a confession on Shizuo's part, Rin blushes. And she isn't even sure why her cheeks heat up like a light bulb, but they do. "Right," she says hesitantly, "Friends..." Suddenly she feels herself losing her nerve. Since that is the last thing she wants to do in front of a student – in front of Shizuo – she lets out a small giggle before turning her back toward him. "Ah, time for me to go home. It's getting late. I'll talk to you tomorrow, Heiwajima, and hopefully we'll hear something from the school."

Before she can put in distance between them, he stands suddenly. The motion, which she can see just out of the corner of her eye since her head is partially turned, is enough to give her pause. And he reaches for her wrist, holding it delicately in that large hand of his. "Rin-san, thank you... For the gift."

Her lips tremble. "R-Rin-san?" she gasps in disbelief, whipping around to meet his gaze. "Who said you could call me so familiarly, Heiwajima?"

"We're friends, out of school," he points out, seeming entirely unaffected, despite the fact that Rin is flustered. In fact, if she did not know any better, she would think he was doing it purposefully just to see her stammer – just to see her squirm.

But Shizuo is not like that. At least, she is pretty sure he is not like that.

So she inwardly berates herself for acting so ludicrously. Then she tries to reestablish the boundary between them, the line that separates them and keeps her safe. "Even outside of school, despite being friends, I am still your teacher, Heiwajima. Once you graduate then maybe you can refer to me a little more informally..." Then her voice trails off. "You don't even usually call me sensei, so-"

"I never thought of you as a teacher."

That hurts, for some reason, and at the same time it weakens her walls. "You know, Heiwajima, if I didn't think you meant that innocently, I might want to punch you. Anyways, I really can't linger anymore. My fiancee is waiting." And she employs that purposefully – referring to her fiancee as a last resort, a way of defending herself from Shizuo's straightforward nature, that seems to so easily penetrate the facade she keeps up.

It seems to work, and while Shizuo's expression betrays no measure of emotion, there is a sadness in his eyes as he releases her wrist. "Yeah," he says dryly, "See you tomorrow." Those words leave her feeling lonely as he turns away and clambers up the steps into his house again. The door closes behind him with a hushed click.

Although the foundation of everything that she has spent so long building up feels so shaken, Rin steels herself as she always does. She tries to sigh away the troubles that plague her and then she puts up a smile. Fake as it is, it is enough to fool the world. Then she takes the first few steps toward home. But the whole way there, as much as she tries to keep up the impression that everything is fine, she keeps wavering. Her mind twists while her heart tremors, because she can feel herself losing grip on logic and reason.

But when she gets home, she calls out to announce her presence exuberantly, expecting Akira to welcome her back. Alas, there is no echo of a voice within the walls of her home and she easily guesses that he must still be out on business.

That is how it always seems to be. The gap between the two of them has just been gradually widening over time. It is Akira who she blames for allowing her heart to waver, for even a moment, because if they were already married, it wouldn't happen. Rin convinces herself of this much. While she remembers in the back of her mind, that mythical belief of soulmates that she had once had the naivete to entertain. Akira and Rin are not soulmates, however, that much she knows. Maybe that's why Shizuo has manage to wriggle in.

"Nonsense," she grumbles as she shakes her head, hoping that the nonsense will go away. "I have to start dinner, anyways." But her heart is even less into cooking than it usually is.

News comes the next day of an indefinite suspension for Shizuo, as the board of directors that oversees the school seem unable to agree on a course of action. It is better than expulsion but not getting an answer is, in many ways, worse. It is the problem of not knowing, of waiting without an answer that weighs upon Rin's heart. Although perhaps more correctly, it is the burden of guilt – of feeling responsible for the whole predicament, which stems from her own insecurity... Thinking that if, somehow, she had been able to defend herself from those men that night, Shizuo would not have had to. That thought brings her to a rather odd resolution.

"So, even though we have to wait to find out whether or not you can keep going... I am going to start taking martial arts lessons." Rin gives a determined nod as she stands in front of Shizuo's porch, where he is once again perched upon his steps.

"That's a bad idea," he points out bluntly.

Rin frowns at him. "What's bad about it? If I learn how to defend myself..."

"Your hands are better used for art." He sighs to himself, muttering something about hating violence, which seems a little ironic coming from him. Granted that Rin also dislikes fighting, but she honestly has little reservations about self-defense, which is her main aim in this endeavor.

"The frustrating thing there, Heiwajima, is I really can't argue the point with you." Now she is the one echoing his sigh, because Rin feels completely helpless. And frankly, she thinks that taking up martial arts might distract her a bit from her troubles. In the end, it is just like alcohol or cigarettes, however, because it is another escape from reality. A reality she inevitably will have to face.

But Shizuo seems amused, to some degree. There is a trace of a lopsided smile on his face. "Martial arts..." He seems to be thinking about her trying, visualizing it, and then it almost seems like he is going to laugh.

"Are you making fun of me because I'm fat?" she asks him with blatant anger.

He seems mildly taken aback by the accusatory inquisition. "Fat?" Those chocolate eyes blink at her for a moment. "You're not fat."

Having expected that answer, Rin just smiles to herself before settling down and taking a seat beside Shizuo. Their shoulders bump against each other, since there is little room on his steps for the both of them to sit apart.

Once again, on instinct, because the quiet has settled over them, Shizuo finds his hand itching toward his pant pocket. But then he hesitates as he casts a questioning glance over at Rin. He knows, despite his desire for nicotine, that Rin seems to detest the very sight of cigarettes.

"Go ahead," she tells him knowingly.

It seems odd for her to willingly allow him to do so, and for a moment Shizuo hesitates, as though her words do not register. But then he pulls out the pack, puts it to his mouth and places a butt between his lips. Moments later, he lights it up and the rush of calm that washes over him prompts him to slump forward slightly. And just as he lets out a ring of smoke from his mouth, he jolts when he feels something press against his shoulder.

Hesitantly, the blonde-haired man looks over at Rin, who is leaning against him. There is a feeling of nostalgia as he looks at her, reminiscing about their time together in the kitchen. But this time, she has her eyes open and she is fully awake. He almost chokes, forgetting to exhale.

"Just for a moment," she tells him, "And pretend this never happened."

Those are sad words to Shizuo, who understands that she is trying to be strong. Despite how difficult, how unsettling it must have been in the moment... Back when she was surrounded, in the darkness, by three men. How, in what had once been the safety of her own classroom, she had almost been assaulted. Not knowing what might have happened is almost more terrifying for her, he is sure.

Although there is no way for him to ever truly grasp the fear that she felt, he can see that, despite how well she has held up, Rin is a normal human. A normal woman. Even though she is a teacher, she still feels pain – still feels helpless. He can also guess that she has not told anyone, too ashamed, too embarrassed, too hurt to do so.

So he reaches his arm around her back and places his palm on top of her head. His fingers splay out over her scalp, her silky hair brushing against his skin as he holds her against his shoulder. In words, he could say that he is sorry that this is all he can do for her – all she will allow him to do for her. But actions always speak loudest, especially between the two of them. So in this moment where words would surely fail to convey proper meaning, they sit together without speaking a one of them. Just soaking in the sun that is setting in the horizon.

And Rin takes a deep inhale, a smell reminiscent to pine filling her nostrils. It relaxes her and so she closes her eyes. While her burdens ease, her heart does not settle. Rather, it beats faster now than ever before, and she can hear it pounding in her ears.

Whatever enjoyment the two derive from the close contact is cut short when the door creaks open behind them. Rin shoots upright immediately, stumbling off the step. Her face flushes in embarrassment as she realizes her momentary lapse in judgment, which leaves her inwardly admonishing herself for not having more control of her emotions.

Considering that her cheeks are as red as tomatoes, she has no intention of turning around and facing Shizuo – or the person standing in the doorway.

"Dinner."

It sounds like Shizuo's brother, which gives Rin some measure of relief – that it isn't his parents. But the guilt of her actions seems to be chewing her up from the inside anyways... The recurring realization that such a close friendship seems almost inappropriate. Although she has reminded herself of that repeatedly, she finds herself caving nevertheless.

A less critical person might realize that being a teacher does not mean one is not human. It just means one is trusted in a position of authority, where mistakes should not be made... That does not mean they don't happen, however. But Rin, she is not that kind of person. So she blames herself instead, not realizing the expectations she has set for herself are too unrealistic. Not realizing that the line that "should have never been crossed," according to her, was never set forth to begin with. Maybe, just as Shizuo never saw her as a teacher, she never truly saw him as a student.

But she won't let herself think like that right now.

"Dinner, right," she mumbles to herself with some measure of trepidation. "I should be..."

"Coming?" A voice asks Rin, interrupting her. When she peers over her shoulder, she sees that Kasuka is staring at her with his oddly probing eyes. Shizuo is standing beside him with an equally uncomfortable look.

"M-Me?" Rin asks, dumbfounded.

As though it is the most obvious thing, Kasuka gives a slight bob of the head. "Miso soup."

She pauses to consider the fact that it has been a long time since she had a warm, homemade meal that didn't taste burnt. It is also a temptation to be among people that make her feel welcomed, rather than Akira, who has been both cold and distant to her for some time. And the whole time she is thinking about it, her embarrassment and thoughts about it have faded.

"Rin-san."

The sound of Shizuo's voice calling out to her by her first name disrupts Rin from her thinking. She hesitantly takes a step toward them. Then another. And another. Until, before she is even really aware of what is happening, the door is closed behind her and she is following Shizuo and Kasuka into the kitchen.

As they approach the table, she spends her time preoccupied wondering when and if his parents will be eating there, too. And that, if they will be, how she is supposed to explain her presence. However, as they all sit down together at the table, she notices that only three places have been set. Apparently, although she is not sure why, the boys' parents won't be eating with them.

Still, she feels a little stiff and awkward as she sits with them, staring into the bowl that Kasuka has prepared for her. It does look delicious, and the smell is tantalizing. Hesitantly, she picks up her spoon and starts by taking a small slurp.

Shizuo, who is sitting beside her, eats quietly as well, and the way there is a complete silence across the table seems a little startling at first. But, as Rin quickly discovers, neither of the other two seem the least bit uncomfortable at the fact that there is no exchange of words. There seems to be an air of mutual understanding, which she comes to appreciate.

"Kasuka-san, about the other day..." she mumbles under her breath after swallowing a spoonful. The warmth tickles her throat. "When Heiwajima brought me here..."

It seems like the proper thing to do is explain. She does not want him to misunderstand. Yet the simple fact that she is bothering to explain makes him stare at her as though she is some kind of alien – as though he does not understand why she bothers.

"You don't have to explain," Shizuo stops to tell her.

"But if he misunderstands..."

While the two of them seem to be in a bit of a disagreement about it, Shizuo insisting there is no misunderstanding to be had, Kasuka silently sips away at his soup. There seems to be no indication, one way or another, by the expression on his face, as to how he feels.

But at last, once he has finished every last drop in his bowl, he opens his mouth to speak. Only a single word comes out. "Together."

This time, both Shizuo and Rin are baffled by the simplicity of what he said. "Can you be more specific?" Rin asks with apprehension, as though she is not sure how wise it is to be asking for a clarification. She suspects that Kasuka may be as equally straightforward as his elder sibling.

"The two of you, together..."

"We're not together!" Rin protests vehemently. When she realizes that she is standing, hands balled up into fists at her side, she quickly takes a seat. Her face flares up again in a deep blush as she wonders when it was that she started losing her cool over these kinds of things so easily... How it seems, at the mention of a relationship between herself and Shizuo, that she can't help but furiously deny.

"Took it too seriously," Shizuo mumbles as he slurps another spoonful. Apparently, according to his reaction, Kasuka was either joking or teasing.

"...are an odd pair," Kasuka mumbles, finally finishing the beginning of his sentence.

What Rin derives of Kasuka's uttering is morbid amusement at the situation, because she is pretty sure that the boy has a lopsided, barely visible grin on his face as his beady eyes dart between her and Shizuo. And it is in that way, that he speaks few words and his eyes show a weariness of age, far beyond his own years, that Kasuka resembles Shizuo. It is in this similarity that Rin finds herself more at ease.

She settles back into the monotony of spooning out small portions, her cheeks red with embarrassment. Rin doesn't look at the two sitting with her, who contrarily seem candidly unaffected at the situation while she is self-conscious about it.

When the meal is over and Kasuka gets up to start taking the dishes to the sink, Rin immediately pops out of her chair to help him. But Shizuo's shadow looms over her the moment she starts reaching for her own bowl. "Leave them," he commands, sounding more assertive than she is used to. Although it is probably not his intention – the more she hears his voice, the more Rin starts to notice how deep it is. Not the squeaky tone of a boy going through puberty. Shizuo left that stage long ago. And somehow she inwardly denies it, because Rin knows that otherwise she would think of him as a man.

"Right," she says suddenly, "I don't really have the time to stick around, do I, Heiwajima? Well, I should be off. Have to get back home before my fiancee starts worrying." Although she is pretty sure that Akira is not the least bit concerned as to her whereabouts. Rin throws that in there, simply for the fact that she wants to reestablish that line between her and Shizuo.

His eyes soften, in a way that they seem almost saddened. "Mm... See you tomorrow."

Rin hastily brushes by him. "Right, tomorrow then, Heiwajima." She is relieved as she marches to the front door, that Shizuo does not give pursuit to see her off. Instead she is left to her thoughts – the demons of temptation that they seem to have become. And as soon as she is out the door, she is flagging a taxi down to carry her as far away from his house as possible, lest a moment of weakness overwhelm her again.

Time trickles slowly as she rides in the back seat, window rolled down so that she can feel the cool winter air on her face. It chills her cheeks, which flush with color – though not as red as they had been just a bit ago when she had embarrassed herself. But the cool caress of the wind soothes the ache of her heart, until finally the taxi comes to an abrupt stop that slings her forward.

After delivering a harsh reprimand to the driver, Rin hands him his money and barely manages to slam the door shut before he takes off again. She curses under her breath as she heads up the stairs to her house. And just as she opens the door and steps in, still muttering obscenities, she is mildly shocked to see Akira standing in front of her.

"Rin-san," he greets her formally with a tinge of remorse in his voice.

The way he calls her name sends a chill down her spine and Rin hesitates to take her shoes off at the entrance, slowly closing the door – as though to give her a moment to gain her composure before she has to turn to face him again.

Resting beside Akira is a suitcase, which seems to be jam-packed, the seams bulging. Her first thought is that he is going on another business trip, but Rin knows better. Akira never packs that heavily for a business trip. No, this is definitely...

"I thought I would ask you what these are..."

He throws something down on the floor in front of her. At first it is a blur of colors and takes a moment for Rin's eyes to adjust, but with great horror she recognizes the picture that are now splayed out across the floor in front of her. Photos of when she had been assaulted by those male students, taken from an angle that paints the situation in a very different color. She blanches at the recognition, swallowing the already-forming lump in her throat.

"Those are-" she starts to explain, but Akira interrupts her.

"I thought I would ask you what these are," he reiterates before continuing, "But then I realized it doesn't matter. Whether you have an excuse or not, our relationship has been crumbling for some time now. The trust that I used to have in you isn't there anymore. So even if you could explain it to me, I'm not sure I could believe you."

Her lips tremble with the words she wants to say, but they won't come out. Perhaps it is because of shock from the situation, which leaves her reeling to get a grasp on reality – on what is happening. Rin cannot even fathom... Who took these pictures? Where did they come from?

"Let's call this the end. I'll let you burn those and save your dignity. Whatever the situation, it is yours to deal with. I have work early in the morning so I'm going to be leaving." With tired eyes, he reaches for the handle of the suitcase and starts toward the door.

And finally, the words she wants to speak roll off of Rin's tongue. "Where... Where did you get those?"

Perhaps he is surprised that she does not blubber excuses, but her question does give Akira momentary pause as he breathes a sigh. "It was in the mailbox. An unmarked envelope, with neither a receiving address nor a return one." Then reaches for the door knob and in the split second where Rin's mind is still blank, he leaves without another word.

"Unmarked...?" she gasps in disbelief. But Rin already knows, as she drops to her knees in despair, where those photos came from. The tears well up in the ducts of her eyes as she reaches for them with her shaky hands. "Orihara..."

This is the consequence for getting in the way of Shizuo's expulsion.


Author's Note: Huge thanks for the reviews, Sepsis. I would write a longer note but in a place where I don't have internet very often and don't get to be online for long. So I'll be brief. Hope you enjoyed it, thanks for reading, and please leave me some feedback. :)