Chapter 12 - Thoughts and repercussions

Harry thought it might be awkward, sharing a bed with Severus. He and Ginny had stopped sharing a bed when she got pregnant with Jamie. It was lonely, a bit, but they'd agreed it was best, as it kept Ginny from losing herself in the illusion that they were happily married and in love.

They both knew better, but the knowledge was painful.

Separate beds had helped.

But Harry found, now that he had a partner, he desperately wanted the closeness of sharing the space in which he slept.

"I don't suppose any of my pajamas will fit you," Harry murmured to Severus, who had tucked himself under Harry's chin where they lay on his sitting room couch.

"Magic," Severus softly replied. "If you'll lend me a pair, I'll enlarge them a bit."

"Later," Harry said. "I'm rather comfortable right here at the moment."

"Hmm," Severus agreed, loving the post-orgasm lassitude that gave him an excuse to cuddle with his young bonded.

Harry floated in a peaceful space, content with the moment, basking in the warmth of his new partner. "In all my fantasies about being with you, Severus, I somehow never thought about how wonderful simply holding you could be."

Severus smiled. "Young men fantasize about wicked hot sex," he intoned. "Older men such as I … well, we fantasize about wicked hot sex, too, I suppose, though this kind of closeness has often been a fantasy of mine, too." He shifted a little. "I feel incredibly close to you right now, Harry."

"And I, you." Harry stayed silent another moment. "I've never had this before, Severus. I tried to have it with Ginny, but I could never be completely comfortable with her in this way."

Severus nuzzled Harry's neck with his lips. "She wasn't meant for you. Or rather, she was, in order to give you that amazing young person down the hall, but I think you both figured out quickly that you could not be partners in the truest sense of a marital bond."

"That we did," Harry acknowledged, craning his neck a bit to allow Severus greater access. "Does it bother you for me to talk about her?"

"No," Severus said. "She was your wife. She's Jamie's mother. She was an intimate part of your life. I'm not going to dishonor that." He gently kissed Harry's Adam's apple. "Besides, I have something she didn't."

"A true bond," Harry replied.

Severus raised himself up and looked into Harry's eyes. "One I'm truly grateful for."

Harry raised a hand and pulled Severus back down, meeting his lips with his own, and deepening the kiss when Severus responded. Harry shifted slightly, and splayed one hand behind Severus' head, using the other to grip his arse. They kissed for long moments before Severus broke the kiss and whispered, "Let's go to bed."

A pair of transfigured black silk pajamas for Severus, a pair of green silk pajamas for Harry, and the two cuddled down into Harry's king-sized four-poster. Severus sighed in comfort.

"This bed is much more comfortable than mine," he muttered. "That's one thing I miss about Hogwarts. The beds were amazing."

Harry laughed. "True. Every time I had to go back to the camp bed at the Dursley's I wanted to scream. Of course, there were other reasons for that, too, but I barely slept there."

Severus petted the silk over Harry's stomach, wondering if he should ask. He knew, from those disastrous Occlumency lessons, that Harry's home life had been borderline, if not outright, abusive, but he wondered whether it would be something he should bring up.

Harry solved his dilemma for him. "They weren't bad people, Severus," he said, responding to the unasked question. "They were ignorant, and terrified of magic. I won't say I miss them or living there, but once I realized how manipulated they had been by Dumbledore, I forgave them. Dudley and I actually write on occasion."

"You seem to have a lot of anger toward our late Headmaster," Severus observed.

"I do," Harry admitted. "I try not to let it bother me. I'd love to let it go. But I find it hard to forgive a man who placed me with such a family with only a note in the cold of November, tested me at every turn, and raised me to die. He was absolutely single-minded in his manipulation of my life so that I would be the one to eliminate Tom Riddle. In his own way, he had more to do with the culmination of the prophecy than even Tom did. And he kept things from me! My own heritage. Things people thought I knew but didn't." Harry took a deep breath, and Severus threaded his other hand through Harry's hair, petting his head and his belly to soothe him. "I don't dare talk this way among others, because in many eyes, Dumbledore was a saint. But no, I owe him nothing. Not even forgiveness."

Severus continued his petting. "I told him the same thing the year he asked me to kill him."

Harry smiled wanly. "I know. I saw the memory."

"He gave me a chance, Harry," Severus added quietly. "I allowed myself to be manipulated because he gave me a chance to help and protect you. I took no pleasure in killing him. But even I was not privy to the knowledge of your heritage. Had I known, I might have done something to prepare you."

"I'm quite sure Dumbledore would have talked you out of it," Harry said bitterly. "He was adamant that I not know anything that would distract me from his primary goal-making me his little weapon against Tom."

Severus could say nothing to that, but continued his soothing as Harry turned to him. They faced each other, laying on their sides, tangling their legs together. A gentle kiss soothed Harry more than anything, and when the pair drew apart, Severus cleared his throat. "What of tomorrow, Harry? How will we work with this new partnership?"

Harry smiled softly, caressing Severus' cheek. "Tomorrow morning, I will have to work for a few hours. There is legislation upcoming that I must familiarize myself with, and I will need to go over accounts with my steward. Then, Jamie and I must go to the Burrow for lunch and a visit. If you'd like, we can meet back here for an early dinner. You, me and Jamie. We'll have a lot to talk about."

"Evan Prince, for one," Severus said. "Legally, Severus Snape doesn't exist."

Harry nodded. "We need to research bonds, too, Severus. I know-I can feel-that we're closely connected by magic, hearts and souls. My body really wants to complete the physical bonding, too."

"A full partnership bond between men might be challenging," Severus mused. "There's always a dominance to establish, based on who tops. There might be a ritual that can help us focus a partnership bond. I can spend some time researching tomorrow."

"I don't want to take anything away from your own working day," Harry protested.

"This is more important, Harry," Severus said. "I'm caught up on my current orders, anyway." He paused for thought. "Though I suppose as part of that research we should actually talk about sex."

Harry blushed a bit. While not a virgin-he and Ginny had conceived Jamie the natural way, with a little visualization help-he had not had sex with a man. The overwhelming urge he'd had earlier to be filled by Severus made a sudden reappearance. "I've not had sex with a man, Severus, but I feel as though I'd like to bottom. I've had sex with a woman, and I'd have no problem topping, either, but I really want to feel you in me."

Severus could not help the sudden arousal. "Harry, I would love to be in you. I have done both, and I have most recently been the 'bottom' in a very unhealthy situation, but I would bottom for you, too."

"Partners in this, too, then?" Harry asked.

"We can take turns if you'd like," Severus said softly.

"Deal," Harry replied, and leaned forward to kiss him goodnight.