Dangerous Regrets


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of it's characters; they all belong to J.K Rowling.


A/N: Hello everyone! I am so, so sorry for my super late update! I know it is unforgivable but I thought if I updated more than one chapter, than maybe you guys could forgive me. School has been hectic and this chapter has been difficult to write because there were so many things I wanted to include in it. I wanted to upload a chapter on my birthday (September 28) but I was VERY late… Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter even though it took forever to get out. But thank you so much to SnowflakeBeautiful for her suggestions for this chapter! I got this chapter out faster than I expected with her encouragement! Any reviews/comments are appreciated :)


Narcissa's point of view

Celia Antoinette continues speaking and for a minute I am totally, terrifyingly thrown. I do not know whether to excuse myself or stay, whether to play coy or to take some risks to push the situation further – I do not know myself and my power over this, do not know the way I appear, and faintly suspect that my subtle games might not be sufficient to dismiss the knowing look in her bright eyes.

'Well, good day, Narcissa Black.' she said, and her voice sounded collected and definite. Sure around my name, sure over the fact that I would do exactly as she said, more sure than I was. I had wanted to reply with confidence and grace. My control was slipping, no – my control has slipped, and with horror I found that I, for once had nothing to say.

'Good day' I croaked. Then, as I turn on my heel and stalk off, realizing that this mysterious woman had left me with more to contemplate than I had first thought.

'Don't forget what I told you, Narcissa Black!' She called to my back 'It may have been tough to hear, and I didn't sugar-coat it but it's the nicest warning you'll get. The only warning you'll get.'

As I walked away, I caught sight of my face in a piece of broken glass. My make-up was damaged, my face stricken. Carefully, I wiped my cheeks until they were clean and cold again, flawlessly white.

Lucius's point of view

The bottle of fire-whisky in my hand was nearly empty but I still swung it back. The burn was satisfying, rushing through my throat.

Sometimes in the middle of the night, the pain returns, searing and livid like a blade renting my flesh apart. The brand on my arm burns like fire, blazing through skin and flesh and bone until only the blistering memory remains emblazoned in my mind, a stark reminder of who I serve and who I belong to. Reminding me of what I gave up, and who I gave up. It's funny how blinding pain can clarify your thoughts, filtering out everything except helpless devotion, bleeding and glory was all that I saw as I dropped to my knees in front of him, unknowing and eager, a boy of sixteen.

Pledging an allegiance only to be severed in the violence of death. My arm, a sacrifice of living flesh, warm and pulsing, and I bowed my head and handed him my soul. And I didn't I still hear my own voice, shrieking endlessly, and I wake up drenched in sweat with the echo of my scream sounding in a chasm of darkness. And I pinch myself and think, no regrets.

But I learned. I learned that pride and pain wove themselves in an inextricable tangle, that the only way I could prove my loyalty was through my suffering. I barely remember the image of your smile, because the only time you smile at me is when I am broken and bleeding or when I am doing your bidding. Delirium spinning through my ravaged mind; and dimly through the blood and anguish and tears I see your lips curl upward. Only then, momentarily, are you satisfied.

I tried. I tried so hard.

I made myself forget the frequent pain you inflicted upon me, and I pushed myself to the limit, trying to be everything you expected me to be, everything that I was secretly afraid I might never live up to, or even live to see the fulfillment of. I tried so very hard, doing everything in my capacity, learning evil and ruthlessness like a refined art, until I was one of your most accomplished servants, until I was the very it was never enough.

She deserved more than this. Cissa deserved more than a man who could never be by her side, who would spend his days and nights slaving for someone else. She deserved love, untainted, and reserved for her.

And she made me regret. She was the only one who voiced her disgust, put everything I could not say into words.

And regret is a dangerous thing, because it opens up hope, and wistfulness, and these sentiments eat away a person like acid on an open wound. I faltered then, but managed to catch myself in time and force my feelings back into the deepest recesses of my heart, forsaken but not forgotten. It's too I learned the mockery of loyalty, tied up with the bitterness of faith departed.

I am a keen learner, and the dark path of life teaches lessons such as this one. I learned how to use my gift of charm to manipulate and control people weaker than myself, to get what I want when I want it. But the truth be told, what I seek is never what I want, but the will of my master. My thoughts run parallel to his, and what I sought was forgotten in my eagerness to please him.

On closer examination, selfishness isn't quite an apt description. One cannot be selfish when he no longer owns himself.

I've almost forgotten the feeling of belonging to myself; it's such a distant, far-removed concept. But in random, isolated moments that flit by like a stab of brilliant light, moments like the first time I met her, the first time I kissed her. I can remember it faintly, like intangible strains of a forgotten childhood song, familiar and heartbreakingly beautiful.

I wielded my wand like a vicious whip, and the screams and pleas met my ears with grim satisfaction. The huddled figure on the floor was shaking violently as the anguish of Cruciatus ripped through every nerve of his, and he writhed and thrashed, begging for mercy, begging me to stop.

I smiled pitilessly, finding warped comfort in the infliction of an agony that I had been subject to countless times before, with much greater intensity. The ragged sobs were like tuneless music to my ears, invoking bitterness as I remembered my own suffering, my own screams, and all I want to do is hurt him more.

I raise my wand and hissed the words, my vision remaining clear even as my mind blurs, and the scream that fills the room are the screams of a dying man. They tore from his soul, another nameless subject of my long-harbored wrath as it breaks to the surface in a wave of terror and pain and fear, both his and and screams invade my consciousness, waking nightmares smeared in blood and the stench of terror.

The brand on my arm throbs like pulses of live electricity, static evil sparking to life on my flesh. The room is deathly quiet, vibrations of withheld emotion and unasked questions rippling through the tense air.

Don't ask. There is no answer. And there will never be. I had no choice, Cissa. And neither do you.

'I'm sorry.' her eyes said what she was too proud to. Fear sparked her icy eyes yet she held firm in her decision.

And I'm sorry too. I can make no promises, except the promise that I will try. Because this moment hasn't yet choked off in blood, and I won't let it die in 's not too late, Cissa.

Did she know how huge my pain was- no, is? Did she know how much every second without her was like a knife, sharper than any Cruciatus My Lord could place on me? I concluded that she did not, for even she was not cruel enough to leave me in my misery. But I would stay silent, for my fear of My Lord was larger than my love for her.

Narcissa's point of view

Time passes and during that time many things happen. Some things are happy, others are filled with sorrow. It all depends on your mood. I was not in the mood.

Now was not the day for Bella to come, drag me out of my depression and dress me up. And the reason? She wished to go to Diagon Alley for some tea. The irony was not lost on me.

'Narcissa' Bella snapped 'Get that pout off your face. I'm not mother. I will not tolerate it.'

Glaring at her, I quirked a quick, fake smile at her. Nothing of meaning and she knew that for she snarled. Rolling my eyes, I followed her out of my lonely paradise.

As we apparated to The Tea Pot, I looked at my sisters' face. Her mouth was set in a firm line and her eyes were two hard chips of onyx. I raised my eye-brow slightly, not caring enough to find out the reason behind her anxiety.

'Bella, dearest if you continue on in this manner, our little outing won't prove to be much fun.' I drawled loudly, with a slight smirk on my face.

She growled something under her breath and my smirk widened. She had always never know how to act dignified. She spun around to face me, her red lips bared and her black curls flying out behind her. In that moment, she truly looked feral. A moment later, her breathing evened and she looked calm. I knew that I should have been thankful as anybody else would have been but I was not. A spat with my somewhat mad elder sister was just the thing I needed at the moment.

'Cissy, please attempt to stop being such a brat, It might be hard, but surely possible.' Bella said condescendingly with a sugary sweet smile. I arched an eye-brow and replied in the same tone 'Ah, Bella quite a lot to ask for. For I find myself unwilling to change for anyone, even if it be my… loving older sister.' She could play the pure-blood princess but in truth, I was the pure-blood princess.

Bella simply glowered and huffed in agitation 'Merlin, Cissy. If you're going to be this way the whole day, I'll Avada you.'

I faked shock and threw my hand to my chest 'Bella! How horrid! Imagine what mother would say!' Noticing the barely concealed fury, I sighed 'What was it you wanted anyways?'

'I wanted to speak to you about some of your more… recent mistakes.' Bella replied with a steely look in her eyes. At that moment, I understood why she invited me out for tea. And I also understood that she had absolutely no intention of backing down.

'Aha.' I said crisply 'Well, you might think that my personal life is any of your business but it is not and I urge you to keep your nose out of it. I also think it is odd that Lucius felt it wise to share with you considering' I paused slightly, wondering if I should continue 'Well, considering he basically hates you.'

'Who said he told me anything? My master simply thought that everyone should know the reason behind Lucius's pouting. While I am thrilled to hear you've ended it with that idiot, I am less pleased to hear the reason why.' Her eyes were flashing, whilst her tone was sharp 'Do you not agree with the extermination of Mudblood's?'

I laughed, not one to be intimidated even though I now felt sick to my stomach 'Ah, I had thought that mother and father taught us better' placing a sympathetic hand on her shoulder, I continued 'Andromeda, you and I have all been taught to leave the killing to men and not to voice our opinions clearly on dangerous matters. Do you not remember?'

Bella flushed and hissed, conscious as I that we were in public 'Do not speak that blood-traitors name in my presence! Are you mad, Narcissa? What has happened to you? Perhaps Mother and Father have raised us to do so, but did you actually expect me to listen to them? I am a married woman!'

'Not quite mad Bella, I think that is you.' I answered daintily, patting my mouth delicately with my white handkerchief all the while ignoring everything she said. I watched with curiosity as her mouth opened furiously, shut and then turned up in glee. She raised her hand and for a moment, I thought she was going to strike me. However, she beckoned to some unknown person behind me. Her eyes twinkled and danced and I felt inclined to ask her what exactly was so exciting to her 'Oh, nothing at all Cissy. Just wait and see.' She said with a voice that could barely keep from shaking in happiness.

'Narcissa, Bellatrix. What a lovely surprise.' His smooth, arrogant voice rang through the silent tea-shop, showing none of the supposed sadness that Bella had described. I gulped and allowed my eyes to show all the doubt and fear I had been bottling up for the past few days.

Blinking, I turned around with determination, my lips firmly set and my eyes slightly scornful. I faltered immediately and my mind began racing to moment I set eyes on Lucius and his… acquaintance.

The girl on his arm was simple in looks perhaps charming. She had none of the striking great looks that was apparent in my sisters and I, but she was… cute. Her smooth, ebony hair was short, under her chin. Completely different to my long locks. She was tall, taller than my slight frame and her dark eyes framed with eyelashes peered at me with the curiosity of a child. We were opposites. Day and night. Perhaps that was why Lucius sought her… friendship. I did not trust myself to think of them as more.

'Lucius. I wish I could say this is a pleasure but it is not. Oh, I'm sorry' Bella smiled wickedly at me 'I forget my manners. Whom might this be?'

Lucius face was completely smooth, his eyes hard yet his voice courteous 'Ah, this is Vera Wedley. The daughter of a business partner of Father's.'

Bella nodded, as if she cared about this Vera. However, I knew she only wished to know why she was with Lucius and she wished to know in front of me 'Aha. But forgive me, I have no idea why she is with you.'

Lucius sneered 'Bella, your bluntness never fails to shock me. I wished to escort her here for a cup of tea. We will be awaiting our father's so they than can escort her to Wedley Estates.'

As he spoke, I felt myself release a breath quietly 'How charming.' I said coolly, glancing over the girl with barely concealed scorn, ignoring Lucius's shocked face 'I don't believe we've met. Narcissa Black.' I said to Vera, and wrinkling my nose slightly I had no reason to feel shame, after all. No matter who she was seen with in public, this girl was a Wedley and I was a Black. I would not forget the many embarrassing incidents that involved her grand-father.

She glanced at me, then back to my hand before thrusting her hand in my face, I looked at it for a long time, simply contemplating shaking her hand and maybe wanting to cause her a bit of anxiety. I placed my hand delicately in hers, ever the lady. I found my hand being jerked up and down by her enthusiastic shaking, 'Vera Wedley.' She simpered, in a girly tone that made me wince 'A pleasure to meet you, Narcissa.' I winced at her familiarity and her firm grip 'Yes, a pleasure indeed.' I murmured.

Turning to Bella, the girl offered her hand. Bella looked at the proffered hand and laughed loudly. Ignoring the hand still hanging there, Bella looked at her surprised face 'Bellatrix Black. You'll know me, of course but I have no idea who you are' Bella paused and placed a finger to her chin 'Aha, now I know! I heard your surname quite a few times involving the little Galleon Incidence as I like to call it. Your grandfather was my source of my amusement for quite a long time.' Bella cackled gleefully at the girl's shocked expression 'Well, this has been fun Lucius but I think it high time you excuse yourself. Don't you agree?'

Lucius had a some-what amused expression on his face during the whole encounter as if he too was remembering Zachary Wedley. His eyes snapped to Bella's and he nodded 'Indeed. Narcissa, Bella. A pleasure as always.' he said sarcastically before turning and escorting his Wedley harlot to a table far away. As he walked away, I was ashamed to say that I had been staring at the back of his head, hoping he would turn around and capture my eye.

He didn't disappoint. His silvery grey eyes met my ice blue ones and he stared long and hard into them. I gazed back just as defiantly, yet my mask was firmly in place. As was his. Nodding slightly, as if giving me permission to look away he broke my gaze and sat down.

I sighed and turned in my seat forgetting myself as I slumped and closed my eyes in exhaustion. I was tired, tired of these mind-games, of these fake smiles. Of course, Bella cleared her throat 'Now, Cissy dear I thought you were supposed to be the perfect one?' Bella sneered at me. Immediately I sat in perfect posture, with a demure half smile lighting my face 'Of course.' I replied smoothly, as if I wasn't mentally tired of these secretive half-smiles and always plotting minds.

Bella faltered, seeming to finally realize that by inviting Lucius over, she had intended to hurt me. The cruel Lestrange was gone and my doting, older sister of Black re-appeared. 'Cissy…' but she stops, for she knows that nothing that she could possibly say could make this better 'Let's go.'

I nod but as I look at her, I gasp, surprise briefly stealing my breath. For Droma's eyes are staring thoughtfully at me, but the face, smooth and reflective, is Bellatrix.

I didn't look at her again as we apparated away.


The park in Muggle England was quiet, apart from the occasional shriek of laughter from the children playing everywhere.

A little girl spun and twirled on the spot, her hair flying around her face, hand firmly grasping that of her sisters'. Their parents beamed at the scene, pride oozing out from the sound of their loud voices.

Probably Mudbloods. No pure-blood witch or wizard could be so care-free, so blissfully innocent.

I crossed my arms and sighed wistfully, wishing for the same innocence that was robbed of me so many years ago. I wish I could twirl, twirl happily and leave my mind and my worries on the ground while my soul was spinning up in circles. I barely noticed the odd looks being shot towards me as I continued to circle the park, the yellow beams of the dying sun thrown everywhere.

A girl, the same girl who had been dancing with her sister in the autumn leaves ran up to me. She was holding a dandelion and grinning an empty-toothed grin, her chubby cheeks flushed. I looked at her, the brown curls tumbling down her back and her eyes dancing happily, watching mine while she extended the weed towards me. I lowered myself on the ground, so that I was eye-level with her and took her offering 'Thank you.' my voice, a soft whisper as I watched the girl nod and run away. I stood slowly, not minding the grass stains on my robes and clutched the dandelion to me, wistful thoughts of innocence and happiness running through my mind. A mixed feeling of sadness and longing for the simple past ran through me.

What had inspired the girl to approach me, bitter and cold Narcissa Black? I continued walking, too surprised and nostalgic to think much of where I was heading.

My body hit a tall, warm shape, the shock knocking the breath out of me. I stumble, and fingers close around my wrist, holding tightly onto me as a smooth voice speaks 'My apologies, yet I would thank you to keep a better eye on your surroundings.'

And I looked up into the grey eyes of Lucius Malfoy.

I gasp, cheeks flaming and lungs tightening all of a sudden, flooded by surprise and quite a few memories, not all of them pleasant. He's smirking edgily and staring down at me without a word.

'Indeed' was my smooth reply. I straightened up and stepped out of his grasp 'Hadn't you better go back to Vera?' I said her name with a sneer.

He glares at me as though in warning yet I was never one to heed a warning.

'She is a Wedley and a daughter of my father's business partner. I have delivered her to her home and it would be inappropriate to join them.' His voice was stiff, as though he had tired of telling this story.

'But it didn't always stop you.' I amend matter-of-factly. His eye-brow arched slightly. 'Do you trust me?' His voice was hard yet his eyes were searching mine.

My voice was equally soft as I replied 'Not in the slightest.'

'Well unfortunately for you, you're going to have to.'


A/N: Well? Did the chapter live up to everyone's expectations? I certainly hope so! Please note that this month long delay will not happen again. If I ever feel that it's been too long without an update, I will get up and force a chapter out of myself! Thanks again and any comments/reviews are very much appreciated :)