Final chapter of Blood or Chocolate. This is my most recently added story, and yet the one I shall finish first. I'm almost too proud... *sheds tear*
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or Blood and Chocolate. I only thought that the plot of the latter would be much more interesting with the characters of the former.
It had been twelve days since Edward had saved my life and I turned Jacob into a beast. I'd seen neither of them in that time, hiding out at Renee's house and gorging myself on the forest animals. It was a vain attempt to assure I would never lose control again, ruining more lives like mine had been.
There hadn't been any news of him as missing so I could only assume that he had the ability to return to his human form and eventually went back home to Chief Swan.
I needed to know that Jake was okay, or at least not unbearably unhappy.
Despite this, I was certain her wouldn't want to see me, so I knew I had to leave the option up to him. On the thirteenth day, when I knew he would be in school, I sneaked into his bedroom and left a note, asking him to meet with me. Just once. I would be back the next day for a reply, so he wouldn't even need to call and hear my voice if he didn't want to.
True to my word, I returned at the same time the next day to see his response:
Six tonight at the diner. I'm not meeting you in a private place again.
It hurt knowing that he felt he needed a public venue to ensure his safety, but I knew that I deserved his mistrust.
He's already sitting in a booth in the back corner when I arrive. Even though he agreed to meet with me, he is obviously displeased to see me.
He's stiff with tension as I sit across from him and doesn't let me get a word in before he speaks.
"I never want you in my house again."
"I understand," I tell him. I pause. "Is it... Do you hate me?"
"Yes." His reply is immediate.
I'd expected it, but thought maybe it would be different. Maybe he did love me like he said he did, and could forgive me if I gave him some time to process the change he went through. We were nothing alike in the end.
"You can't accept me. I understand," I repeated. "I never meant to hurt you, and I believe you know this deep inside, but I know that doesn't change what I am, and what I made you. We are both forever stuck as we are, and I only hope you can one day embrace the change as I have."
He snorts. "You made me into a monster like you and you lied to me. I can never forgive that."
I take a deep breath and release it once his scent reaches my system. He still has that delicious smell to his skin, but there's a dark taste underneath now that completely repulses me. He holds no attraction to me anymore. It was his blood, his very naive nature that had endeared me to him from the start and now I know that was all it was. It was the humanity in him that I adored and missed in myself, not Jacob himself with his flowers and sweet gestures.
I don't cry as he leaves me alone in the booth, walking away so fast he almost runs into the man glaring at him in the doorway of the small establishment. I can almost read his thoughts: pale skin, dark eyes—vampire. He flinches at Edward's gaze as he hurried out to his truck. Coward.
Edward slid in my side of the booth and put his arm across my shoulders, giving a light squeeze of comfort. It was hard accepting that Edward was being kind and not trying to cop a feel, but I knew his intentions and let him keep his arm there. He knew that it was hard for me to participate in that conversation and was trying to make me feel better for it.
"Edward," I sigh, not sure which emotion to express after finally realizing the truth I'd been trying to squash down for over a hundred years.
"It'll be fine, Bella," he whispered back, incorrectly identifying my distress. "I tried telling you before. We can't mix with humans. It's not because of rules or stubbornness or a superiority complex. It's because our species aren't meant to."
"You got involved with me," I whispered, softly stroking the hand that rested on my shoulder.
He was silent for a moment before speaking.
"Once upon a time time, I killed the girl I loved," he said softly, and I looked at him with a start. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wasn't talking about when he had murdered me.
"I never told you about the first woman who caught my eye, did I?" he asked casually, though he obviously knew that he had never shared any such story with me. "Tanya from St. Petersburg. Sexy as hell. Blonde. Hourglass frame and big breasts always trying to burst out of her corset. Rather plump."
I raised an eyebrow at him at his last description.
"This was in fifteen forty two. It was an attractive qualities back then." He smiled kindly at the way I rolled my eyes.
"What about Tanya?" I asked, trying to get him back to his point. I was desperate to know about the woman he love before he turned me.
"She was human. And I tried to court her as such."
My mouth fell open in shock. He'd always been so against anyone from the coven associating more than casually with humans and I assumed the death of this woman was the reason why.
"I know what you're thinking," he smirked, almost apologetically. "But I learned that lesson in a very hard way. Humans are wired differently than us. We can't make it work with them without them knowing the truth about who we are and when we do there are only two options."
"Which are?" I asked quietly, looking around at the other diners surreptitiously to make sure nobody was paying attention to our conversation.
"First is that the human accepts it and want to become one of us. Which you know just as well as I do isn't that easy. We're more likely to kill than sire."
I nodded. I remembered both his struggle to stop drinking when he changed me, along with the way I had struggled so hard with Jake. Even though I knew he was a boy I never wanted to hurt, the pull of my bloodlust was too much. It was always so easy to start to feed, and so hard to stop.
"The second option is that they hate us for who we are, proving that it was never meant to be with that person in the first place."
"What happened with Tanya?" I asked. Edward had already told me that he'd killed her, but I didn't know how it got to that point.
"We were... in the throes of passion, with her heart thrumming wildly and her scent all over and her bare neck and I just couldn't help but bite. She didn't know what I was and so she didn't know that anything bad was happening at first, so she didn't try to stop me. I wasn't able to stop."
"Did you love her?" I asked. I knew that I would have killed Jacob if Edward hadn't stopped me and how horrifying that would have been if I had really and truly loved Jake.
"More than I had anyone else at that time."
I nodded in understanding.
"Why did you even change me in the first place, Edward? If you had already... you know."
"I saw you all those years ago and wanted you immediately."
I raised an eyebrow at his blunt opening and stated the obvious as well. "But there was no way to survive a coupling between humans and vampires."
"Indeed. So I decided to change you right away, rather than waiting to fall in love with you."
"Because if it didn't work, you didn't want to have the guilt of my death on your hands again," I inferred, not needing to wait for his confirmation to know I was right. "That was very selfish of you."
"Yes, it was. We're a very selfish species. You know this."
"I do," I sighed.
"I was too late as it was. I've been in love with you since before you even saw me staring at you in that theater so long ago. I just didn't want to admit it to myself, or least of all you."
"But why have you never told me this, these last hundred and twenty years? Why have you done your best to avoid me if you changed me because you wanted me?"
He was quiet for a long moment. "You woke up after much too long. I thought I had failed at first. And you know the first thing you said to me when you woke up? Is your memory of that evening clear?"
It was, but wanted to hear him say it, hear his interpretation of my words. "Tell me," I commanded.
"You told me that you hated and loved me for what I did to you. You loved the immediate power you felt when you awoke, and you loved the... the pleasurable feeling of my bite in your skin. You loved the extra senses you could feel. But you hated me even more for turning you into a creature like myself, one who would kill another being in the first place. You hated me for the burn in your throat that was proof of the monster you were transformed into."
"And I meant every word."
"I could tell as much. I figured that you wouldn't appreciate me courting you to be my mate when you hated me so ardently."
"You believed I would have fled the coven," I inferred.
"And consequently be hunted down by our trackers to avoid exposure. Newborns are exceptionally hard to control, as you remember."
I nodded before I admitted the truth. "I wouldn't have, you know. Fled, that is. I wouldn't have left."
He raised his eyebrow to me in disbelief.
"Believe it or not, Edward, but you rocked my world at the theater," I began, the first real grin of the day on my face, Edward's morphing to mirror my own. "Through. And. Through. You rocked it."
"I knew I hadn't lost my touch," he smirked. He was being the cocky bastard that I was used to, but it almost seemed more like bravado, rather than a true egotistical self. Had that always been so and I had just assumed the worst?
"And you're not a bad looking guy, and your touch electrifies me..." I trailed off, both hoping he would and would not catch my use of the present tense. I wasn't ready to settle into a relationship with him in my current state, even as I was accepting that it would eventually happen. "And you were so kind and understanding and sweet when I first woke up. I wouldn't have complained in the least. At least it would have given purpose for why you had changed me, instead of... not."
"What changed?" he asked, his smile fading. "Why did you begin to hate me?"
"You changed," I accused as lightly as I could. I didn't want him angry with me, even as I told the truth. "You stopped being all that I admired in you. You didn't acknowledge me, you weren't kind to me, and you were blatantly rude and disrespectful of everyone I saw you interact with."
"Most males hit on you. I don't like it."
I scoffed aloud, though I suddenly understood. I surely didn't help matters by flirting as often as I did with those around me.
"And you had apparently changed me into a monster for no reason. After seducing me, taking my virtue, and rocking my world. It was as if it was all just a game to you. Get young girls to give you what you want and then punish them with an eternity in hell for doing so. I had to hate one who would do such a thing. I'm a better person than how you treated me."
He nodded slowly. He understood.
"What caused your turn around?" I asked in return.
"Honestly?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.
I had a feeling I wouldn't like his answer, but I nodded nonetheless.
"Well, I figured that I didn't need to try to be an asshole to you anymore, since I already had you." I shifted uncomfortably, thinking of when we had sex at Carnival. "The... enthusiastic way you always reacted during bloodletting proved that you wanted me—at least subconsciously—and after the fight at Carnival, I didn't need to try to gain your attention anymore. My battle was over. I won the right to have you."
I was right. I didn't like his answer.
"I wouldn't ever force you, of course. But I now had the option and right to you physically whenever I wanted. I had the power not to be looked down on for it and no one would challenge my right, as you're officially my mate after Carnival even if we haven't declared it as of yet. We're both off limits to anyone else."
I rolled my eyes. He'd let me go to Jacob, after all. Twice.
"I just figured I didn't need to act like anything I wasn't anymore. I'd already gotten as much as I could out of you acting the way I had, so I had nothing else to prove."
"So you're nice to me because you can be?" It seemed much too simple.
"Carlisle is my brother, you know," he said, almost conversationally.
"Are you changing the subject? Yes, I know he is. And that makes Jasper your nephew, since he looks so alike to Carlisle. Why are we talking about this?"
He was shaking his head at me. "No, you misunderstand me. He's my brother. We were birthed by the same mother, raised by the same father. We share a bloodline outside of vampirism."
My jaw fell slack.
"We were also changed by the same sire, one who wanted to take revenge upon our father, but that is a story for another time," he said with a wink. I'd hold him to it—I was mighty curious. "But I've always been Carlisle's second in command, as was the bond between us. We were all each other had."
"You know this kind of makes you the pervy uncle, since Carlisle is like a father to me."
He laughed loudly and suddenly, drawing patrons' gazes to our back table. We didn't speak again until he quieted down and everyone went about their business again.
"I think perhaps you should consider him a mentor instead of a father now. Otherwise it seems creepy, you're right."
I smiled lightly at him and his smile faded as he stroked my face tenderly, a solemn expression on his face.
"But he's never been the same since he lost his mate, Esme."
"I wish I could have met her," I said quietly.
"You would have loved her, Bella, I promise you. She was the kindest woman I've ever met, and so caring. She was perfect for him, really."
"I'm sorry he lost her."
"As am I. He wasn't fit to lead for a couple years and I took over the handling of Coven business for him. I've always been his second in command, Bella. Never anyone else."
I nodded. I now could comprehend why he'd always been so pissed off when anyone had implied that anyone other than him would take over Carlisle's Leadership. No wonder he fought without mercy during Carnival. He had a lot of years worth of devotion to prove.
"And he offered the Leadership over to me, but I wasn't sure if I wanted it. I was afraid of losing a mate as he did and I already had Tanya's death on my teeth. I didn't want just anyone to win the place by my side at Carnival. I couldn't accept his offer at that time."
"Is this where I tie in?" I asked, stroking his face as he'd done to me a moment before.
"Yes. It was only a couple days later that I saw you in the theater, as if fate were trying to intercede on my behalf. And you had the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen."
I looked down, flattered.
"Yes. That one right there," he grinned, fingering my lips. I peered at him through my lashes, actually feeling shy. "I knew that I wanted you and I figured that if I didn't succeed in changing you, then it was no harm done. I convinced myself that I only had a physical attraction to you, rather than already having fallen for your brazen attitude and sultry grins."
"Until we ruined each other's plans," I continued for him, knowing where this was headed.
"Indeed. You didn't end up as my mate after that and I couldn't accept the role I was meant to. Carlisle was disappointed, needless to say. He had to work so hard just to function those first few years after you were turned, when I couldn't handle the Leadership, either."
"It was hard losing me," I guessed and he nodded. "But Carlisle was able to continue with his duties because he knew how you felt and as your brother he wanted to help and protect you."
"Exactly. So he forced himself out of his early retirement until I could find a suitable mate."
"But he didn't fight in Carnival last year. That was intentional, wasn't it?"
Edward chuckled. "You're very intuitive, my love." I wasn't sure I was comfortable with the nickname, yet. "He did it to cause controversy and it worked. The Elders knew that I wouldn't fight for the position without a clear choice in mind for my mate, so they decided on alternatives. Jasper was high on the list, as he'd been living with Carlisle for so long as well. Emmett, for his brute strength. But Carlisle only did it to push me out of the hole I was living in. I knew all along that he wouldn't want any one else looking after his Coven except me. We built all of this together. We had thrones of the Volturi together, for fuck's sake, so of course I was going to lead."
My eyes widened. I only knew that Carlisle had been friends with the Volturi leaders, not that he'd actually had a place among them once upon a time. Or that Edward had even been alive during that time. I was impressed.
"He had it all orchestrated from the beginning, the sly bastard," Edward said, affection for his brother in his voice. "Raise suspicion to piss me off. Move you out of the main house so that I'll feel more protective of you without being able to keep a constant eye on you and so you'd be less likely to land in another vampire's bed."
I coughed uncomfortably at the truth in that statement. I admittedly only succumbed every couple decades, but it was bound to happen eventually.
"All of this just to get my ass going. To get me to try to win you back. He gave me a hundred and twenty years, had countless discussions with me, told me hundreds of times how much better life would be if I let you into mine... And he was tired of waiting for his retirement. We moved to this shitty, poisonous, dog-infested town of Forks just because it had a crappy house that wouldn't fit all of the families and had a lot of forest. So that I could win you and your affections in the end."
"Technically, I won you, not the other way around."
He laughed. "True. You certainly won your place and proved your worth. I hadn't seen carnage like that since the southern vampire wars and you're only one person. I'm glad I never truly got on your bad side."
"Oh, you did. But I'm a peaceful person. I just couldn't stand Renee being threatened like that." It felt like a lie, even though it was the truth. Part of it.
Edward eyed me seriously, understanding the truth behind my eyes. "Say it, Bella," he urged softly. "Out loud."
"And I figured that no one else should be with you. You changed me. Made me what I am. I tried to hide the truth from myself, but deep inside I wanted you... even if I only wanted you deep inside." I ended in a terribly dirty pun, but I said it nonetheless. I fought for him and fought so viciously so no one else would have him. Let him enjoy his success in taming my shrew-like nature.
He grinned widely. "Thank you."
"I wanted you, Edward. The you I met at the theater all those years ago. The one who asked me if I wanted more instead of taking it, the one who dressed me so carefully and touched me so delicately, and cleaned the blood off my body after my first kill. That was the Edward I fought for and I hoped that I'd catch glimpses of him in the Edward that I had been presented with recently if I was forced to be your mate. I was banned from having Jake and the only other person I ever really wanted was you. The first you. I thought it would be worth all the asshole remarks and actions I'd have to put up with if I could see that Edward every once in a while."
"I'm sorry that I haven't been all I should have been to you these last couple months. Decades. Truly."
I nodded in acceptance. "And that Edward appeared the second the fight was over. You clothed me again. You showed it to me in your promise before the fight and I knew I was getting my hopes up to see you again so soon, but there you were... wrapping the shirt off your own back around me. I didn't know what to think, so I—"
"You went to where you thought you could control the environment."
I nodded.
"But you couldn't. Jacob disappointed you that night, Bella. I didn't. And I'd like to think that I haven't since."
"No, you've done anything but that. I'm grateful."
"There is no second Edward, Bella. This has been me all along, even if I was taking my aggression out in the wrong place."
I nodded thoughtfully. Could I do this?
"You have no future with Jacob Black, my Bella. Will you accept one with me?"
I sat still, thinking over my lack of options.
"I promise to treat you fairly, to worship the ground you walk on, and to never push you into something you're not ready for. I'll wait an eternity for you to be ready to be with me. I just want you to promise that you'll try your best to want no one but me in return, as you're all I've thought about for the last hundred and twenty years."
I could accept those terms.
I nodded infinitesimally, leaning in to kiss his lips softly. I was shocked at the feeling it produced within me.
Heat.
Real heat flowed out from where we touched, spreading through my limbs and seeming to circle around where my heart was located. I instinctively recognized the heat for what it was: a true mating.
"Now you see why I was always so upset to see you flirting with other boys," Edward teased, a brilliant glimmer in his eyes. "Such a simple thing, a kiss is..."
"I didn't know it could happen that way," I whispered into his lips, still so near to my own. "I thought you had to, you know, mate with someone for mating to happen."
"No," Edward shook his head. "A mate is more that a partner in those manners. Mating to our kind isn't just finding someone to spend your time with and who you shacked up with. Your mate brings out the best in you, spurs you on to fight your best and think through things logically, and they always hold a place in your heart.
"It's a binding agreement of sorts, made with your mind and emotions together. It's... an understanding between two people. You could have simply held my hand as you made your decision and it would have had the same result."
"Wow," was my only response. No wonder Carlisle always had that sad look in his eyes if he lost this feeling.
"Now you're stuck with me, Bella," he said seriously, looking for my reaction. "We mate for eternity, not just for life. The warmth in my heart will live on as long as you do and it can never be replaced after you're gone."
"You're it for me now," I rephrased, and he nodded. "I can live with that."
"I'm glad," he said, obviously an understatement by the large grin on his face. "Just please don't give out lap dances like candy anymore, alright?"
I laughed. I could bear eternity with Edward, even if I needed to stop teasing all the other boys. Once I was ready, Edward would be enough for me, I knew.
The End.
Tell me what you thought of the ride. Have all your questions and concerns been answered? I love you all for staying with me through my brief (ha!) hiatus, and all the new people as well. I'll see you in my other fics, I hope!
Much Love,
Muff
