CHAPTER TWELVE
Craig was not in the mood for any more human contact. All he wanted was to go back home to his bed, curl up in the fetal position, and wait for that horrible feeling in his gut to disappear. And if one were to make a list of all the people Craig felt the least like talking to, Kenny McCormick was pretty damn far up that list.
He tried maneuvering around the tall blond, but Kenny was not having it. He easily stepped along with Craig and blocked his path, even casually putting out his cigarette in the process.
"Craig, what's wrong?" Kenny asked. "Was that Tweek storming out just now? What happened?"
"Move," Craig said, ignoring the questions. His voice was far shakier than he wanted it to be and barely made it past the lump in his throat. He opted for trying to step around Kenny once more, but the boy wasn't letting him. Kenny evaded Craig's attempt to forcefully push past him and then grabbed him by the shoulders.
"Craig, tell me what happened," he urged.
Craig opened his mouth with the intent to tell him to fuck off and mind his own business, but all that left him was an ugly choking sob.
Once the first had escaped, there was no holding the rest back. Craig was crying in the middle of the street before he could even attempt to get around Kenny one more time. He was so mad at himself. He was mad at himself for having pissed off Cartman, and he was mad at himself for not telling Tweek about Warren until it had been too late. More than anything, he was furious with himself for not having been able to fix things before they had gotten out of hand. Another emotion to hit him hard was the crushing embarrassment of not only crying in public, but also crying in front of Kenny. He felt utterly humiliated, and it didn't help that the few people around them were taking notice of his meltdown.
Kenny leaned in closer to his face, hands still holding on to Craig's shoulders.
"Hey. It's gonna be alright," Kenny said reassuringly. "Come on. Let's take a little walk, okay?"
Normally, Craig would have fought him on it and refused to spend any more time in his old classmate's presence than he absolutely had to. But the energy wasn't there anymore. He was too upset to fight or run. So he nodded once and let Kenny guide him away from the party. They walked in silence while Craig desperately tried to stop crying. When he had finally managed to at least stop the outright sobbing, they had reached a less shady-looking neighborhood. Following Kenny, he crossed the street to a small playground. There were only two swings, but it was too late for any children to be out playing anyway. They took one each, sitting for a few minutes before Kenny broke the silence.
"Tell me what happened," he said.
Craig clenched his fist so tightly around the chains of the swing it cut painfully into his hand. Then he began to explain everything. He told Kenny about his new job, and what had happened with Warren and how someone must have taken a picture without him noticing. Kenny nodded along calmly as he then told him about Tweek seeing the picture, and how he had been too freaked out to let Craig explain it.
"I really fucked up," Craig muttered at the end. "I should have said something before. Then he wouldn't have immediately believed in that stupid photo."
He angrily kicked some dirt away from under his shoe and pointedly didn't meet Kenny's gaze.
"You couldn't know this was gonna happen," Kenny offered.
"If I hadn't gone and pissed off Cartman then none of this would have happened," Craig spat. "You'd think I'd know better."
Kenny sighed. "You couldn't know."
"Of course I could! He's been blackmailing Kyle for weeks, and I thought I could just jump in and tell him to fuck off and then there wouldn't be any consequences," Craig continued. Kenny's eyebrows furrowed immediately at the mention of Kyle. "I know the guy! I should have known better than to interrupt his little scheme."
"You should never regret standing up to Eric Cartman," Kenny said forcefully. "It's a fucking pain, and a lot of times it doesn't end well. But you should never regret it. Cartman needs to be stopped regularly. He does fucked up shit, and he should not be able to get away with it just because it's too much trouble to get involved."
Craig leaned his cheek against the cool metal of the swing's chain. If only he had stopped after telling Cartman to fuck off on Kyle's phone. But he hadn't. Cartman had FaceTimed Kyle on his computer shortly after to demand an apology. Made cocky by the distance, Craig had threatened him, saying that if he kept blackmailing Kyle, he would personally come back to South Park to make sure the police found out about it.
"But what if he fucked this up for me permanently. Then what?" he wondered, terrified at the mere thought. "What if I've lost Tweek forever and it's all because I couldn't keep my fucking mouth shut?"
"You haven't lost Tweek," Kenny assured him. "He's gonna need a while, but eventually he's gonna allow for someone to explain how it all is. This just caught him at a really bad time. I'm sure deep down, beneath all that fear, he really does trust that you wouldn't actually cheat on him. Just give him a little time to stop freaking out."
Craig didn't respond. A big part of him was still regretting his actions leading up to this. Though he usually would have never thought that anything could mess with something as solid as what he had with Tweek, he wasn't so sure anymore. This was unprecedented. He couldn't be a hundred percent sure Tweek would come around. If he didn't, this state of misery would be permanent. All because of what he had done. Craig's breathing was getting erratic. Kenny reached out and padded him on the back.
"I know this fucking sucks, but for what it's worth, I'm really glad you did it," he said. "Look, I care about Kyle, a lot. He's one of my best friends, and I really appreciate you helping him."
Craig hummed. He wasn't sure he was ready to stop regretting it.
Kenny continued, "I'm serious. He's had a rough year so far. I've been worried, but he never told me about the Cartman stuff."
Craig snorted. "Just the Stan stuff then?"
Kenny sighed. "Guess you'd have to notice that when you share a living space with one of them, huh?"
"It's the Super Best Friends, dude," Craig muttered. "I've been sharing my living space with the both of them." Then he added, "Well, at least until Wendy came back."
Kenny groaned and ran a hand through his blond hair. "Yeah… she messed up the timeline," he said. "I thought for sure that eventually Stan would finally figure shit out with her in Massachusetts. You won't believe the texts I've been getting. From both Stan and Kyle. Especially these last few days. Shit. You'd think the world was ending."
"Maybe it is," Craig mused miserably.
"Maybe, but probably not," Kenny said with confidence. "But honestly, that was my main reason for coming tonight. I knew they'd both be here. And I could tell from the look of Tweek's little work buddy, she'd be going here too. That's why I tagged along. Figured they might need some emotional backup tonight."
"Did they?" Craig asked.
"I think so," Kenny said with obvious regret. "They slipped right past me, though. So I don't know for sure."
"I guess this is just a night for things slipping away, isn't it?" Craig said.
"Just give him time," Kenny advised again.
"I don't have time. I can't just sit here and be miserable and hope for some positive resolution," Craig said.
Kenny eyed him thoughtfully for a moment. "How come so much of your life has to revolve around Tweek?" he wondered.
Craig blinked. "What do you mean?" he asked. Kenny shrugged.
"I'm just wondering. How is it that you can be content to have this much of your life and wellbeing revolve around one person?"
"Because I love him?"
"Yeah, I get that, but don't you want some independence? Have some part of you that isn't totally tied to him?"
"I don't know…"
"Look, I'm not saying I'm right," Kenny clarified. "Honestly, I just can't wrap my head around why anyone would want to be that tied down to another person all the time. I'd need my space, I guess."
Even though Kenny made it sound like he was just speaking for himself, Craig could easily hear the underlying concern, and he was right. Craig had zero interests that didn't involve Tweek. Well, he supposed he had his guinea pigs, but they were currently a little out of reach. Maybe he did need a hobby or something.
"I suppose I can at least try to find something to distract me for a little while," he said, even though he didn't quite believe it. Not thinking about Tweek was unrealistic, but he could make an effort to find something to get him out of bed in the morning.
"Great idea," Kenny said excitedly. "People with hobbies are way more interesting, you know. Just, don't start hoarding or collecting animals until you got your own place, promise?"
Craig smiled before remembering the animals he already owned. "How are my guinea pigs, by the way?" he asked. "I mean … I haven't had a chance to see them these last couple of days with everything that's been going on with Tweek…"
"He's taking good care of them," Kenny assured him. "Don't worry."
"I know he is," Craig said. "I just miss 'em a little."
"Understandable," Kenny grinned. "The black one is fucking adorable."
Craig beamed. "That's Gwen."
"Yeah, right. She's hilarious. Haven't seen much of the other one, though."
"She's not too fond of strangers," Craig muttered. He smiled, thinking about how much time he had originally spent coaxing Guinea Pig-Tweek into trusting him and letting him pet her. Kenny chuckled.
"How are we not friends?" Kenny asked. He sounded genuinely curious.
Craig snapped out of his state of guinea pig appreciation and glared at him. "You seriously don't know?"
"Dude," Kenny laughed, quickly figuring out what Craig referred to. "I am in no way a threat to you. I'm sorry I pissed you off that one time. I shouldn't have kissed your boyfriend even if it did prove a point."
Craig glared at him. Kenny continued, "I assure you, it won't ever happen again."
"Is that so?"
"Nope. I'm not into guys. Not even guys as cute as Tweek," he said with a wink.
Craig chuckled and shook his head. Tweek had been pestering him forever about why he insisted on being angry with Kenny, and aside from what had happened, Kenny was a decent guy. Craig knew that.
"Alright, fine," he caved. "You're off the hook."
"Praise Jesus!" Kenny exclaimed and dramatically threw his hands into the air. "Two years, but it finally fucking happened."
It was barely noon when the bus dropped Kenny off in South Park. He had gotten up way earlier than he preferred to make sure he could deal with this as soon as possible. Tweek hadn't been up yet. At least Kenny didn't think so. His door had been closed, but from his appearance lately, it didn't look like Tweek actually managed to get his eight hours of sleep every night. Kenny frowned. All the more reason for him to hurry up with this particular mission of his.
He wasn't really doing this for Tweek and Craig, if he was being honest with himself. He was primarily doing it for Kyle. Kyle had been one of his closest and most supporting friends since he was almost too young to even know what a friend was. Kenny was usually an expert in reading his friends. Throughout their many years together, Stan and Kyle had rarely needed to tell Kenny about their troubles. He'd just known. During their childhood, he hadn't been as vocal as the rest of them. Instead he had spent a lot of his youth observing his friends, memorizing their mannerisms and predicting their moods in a way Stan often said was borderline creepy.
Because of that, Kenny couldn't help feeling like he had failed them. Sure he had noticed a change in Stan and Kyle's dynamic, and obviously he had known the reasons behind it. He figured out Kyle's feelings for Stan years ago, before the boy even truly realized them himself. They had an unspoken agreement to not talk about it. Kyle knew that Kenny knew, but he didn't want him involved, and for the most part Kenny respected that.
At least until he had noticed the little changes in Stan. It had started back in the ninth grade during one of Stan's many break-ups with Wendy. The two best friends had spent nearly an entire month's worth of nights together, having almost daily sleepovers as Kyle attempted to cheer Stan up.
Following that month, Stan had treated Kyle differently. Not in an obvious way, but Kenny had noticed anyway. The way his gaze would linger too long on Kyle's face, or the sudden awareness of personal space. However, when Kenny had tried bringing it to Kyle's attention, the boy had shut him down immediately. Kyle was terrified of losing his best friend. Stan was so important to Kyle that he would rather suffer in his unrequited love than risk altering their status as best friends. Kenny thought it was ridiculous, but eventually he had to agree with Kyle. Even if a part of Stan returned Kyle's feelings, they couldn't be sure he was really aware of it - or willing to let it sway his current perception of himself and his sexuality. There was no way of knowing how Stan would react to this. So Kenny had kept his mouth shut. For Kyle.
Sadly, Cartman didn't care for Kyle the way Kenny did. Not only did the fat boy have zero interest in the wellbeing of others, he was also far too fond of watching Kyle suffer. Kenny was angry with himself for not having considered the possibility that Cartman could have figured the Stan-Kyle situation out - and of course decided to take advantage of the situation. It was dangerous to underestimate Cartman, and Kenny was pissed he had allowed himself to do it.
No more, he thought determinately as he strolled through the streets of his hometown. He was putting an end to this today.
The green house came into view as he turned around another corner. Since Cartman was still awaiting trial for his latest crime, he was to continue staying with his mother while everyone else had left for college - or work, in Kenny's case.
It had been such a typical move for Eric Cartman. Never a fan of school or honest labor, Cartman had no intentions of going to college or getting a job. In his attempt to obtain enough easy money to live without either, he had discovered an elderly couple living on the edge of town, almost completely isolated by their disabilities and lack of concerned relatives. The Goodmans had acquired a hefty sum of money through the lawsuit following Mrs. Goodman's accident, and unfortunately for them Cartman had heard this on the news. He had pretended to be their long-lost grandson, finally coming back to reconcile and be a family.
A month later, everything the Goodmans owned was Cartman's. Their money, their car and every piece of valuable property; all his. He almost got away with it, leaving the elderly couple to fend for themselves without a dime to their name. If the Goodmans' actual daughter and grandson hadn't shown up to question a post about the grandson on Mr. Goodman's Facebook profile, Cartman might have made it out of town with everything they owned.
He had been arrested in the middle of the town, yelling and screaming as the police handcuffed and dragged him away. It would have been quite a spectacle for such a small town, if that town hadn't been South Park. They had seen worse.
When he rang the doorbell he heard the familiar cry of Cartman yelling for his mom to answer the door. Liane did as her son told her to.
"Oh, Kenny," she greeted him with a polite smile. "How nice to see you. Eric's up in his room. Do you want me to call for him?"
"No, that's okay," Kenny waved her off. "I'd rather just go up to him, if that's alright?"
"Sure thing, dear. Come on in."
"Thanks." Kenny flashed her a charming grin as he walked past her. Taking two steps at a time, he was at Cartman's door within seconds. He didn't bother knocking.
Cartman's room was a mess of candy wrappers and empty soda cans. Kenny wasn't typically bothered by a little messiness, but the stench burned his nostrils in a way that told him Cartman hadn't bothered to air out the room since middle school. When he entered, Cartman was slouched across his bed. Upon the intrusion, he looked up irritably from behind his laptop.
"Mom! I told you not-" he interrupted himself when he noticed someone very much not his mother striding through the door. "Kenny? The fuck are you doing here?"
Kenny carefully placed a calm smile on his face. "I'm here 'cause you and I need to talk."
Cartman snorted. "That's gay. 'Bout what?"
Kenny seized the back of the chair by the desk and wheeled it close to the bed so he could sit within talking distance without actually having to be seated on Cartman's dirty bed.
"About Kyle," he said, careful to keep the easy smile on his face despite his initiate instinct to attack the asshole hurting his friend. You had to be careful around Cartman if you wanted the upper hand. And he needed the upper hand.
Cartman narrowed his eyes immediately. He realized why Kenny was here. The question was how much he was willing to admit to. He smoothed his features into the definition of innocence.
"What about Kyle?" he asked, voice lighter than even Karen's.
Kenny had no patience for playing though. "About how you're threatening to tell Stan about him unless he gets you out of jail." Kenny said calmly.
The fat boy dropped his mask of innocence. "What about it?" he asked. "It doesn't concern you."
"Oh, but it does," Kenny said, not bothering to smile anymore. "It does concern me when you're blackmailing one of my best friends."
"Picking sides now?" Cartman asked, now openly glaring at him.
He had never forgiven the group for gradually excluding him over the years. They had been such a close-knit group when they were kids, but when as they grew older, Cartman's behavior got worse. Or maybe not worse, Kenny pondered. It wasn't like he had done worse than the time he forced a kid to eat his parents. But even if he didn't get significantly worse in behavior, it did become more difficult for the others to cope with him. As they got older and realized that you don't actually have to stay friends with the same people throughout your entire life, they had slowly but surely cut Cartman's toxic presence from their daily lives.
It had initially been Kyle's decision, him having had the most issues with Cartman growing up, and where Kyle went, Stan followed - and soon enough Kenny too. By the end of high school they had stopped including the abusive teen in their activities and no longer bothered talking to him whenever they saw him around. Kenny was certain Cartman was resentful about it. No one held a grudge like him.
"Definitely," Kenny answered his question.
"Too bad," Cartman said. "It's not like I'm really doing anything bad here. If Kyle doesn't wanna do it, he can just get over himself and tell Stan he's got a boner for him. If anything I'm doing him a favor here."
Kenny scoffed. "A favor, huh?" he repeated.
"If he told Stan himself, he wouldn't have to be such a fucking downer anymore. He should just get it over with."
"Anyways," Kenny said, irritated but determined to keep the conversation on the right track. "I'm gonna need you to stop. You need to back off Kyle and Stan. And Craig and Tweek too for that matter."
Cartman smirked confidently. "Or what?" he challenged.
"Or I tell the cops you've been breaking the law," Kenny threatened. "Blackmailing is a crime and I doubt you need anymore to defend yourself against in court at the moment."
Cartman's eyes widened for a moment. Then he laughed mockingly. "You can't prove shit, Kenny!" he said with great confidence.
"I can get transcribes of your text conversations with Kyle," Kenny said. Cartman laughed again.
"Kenny, Kenny, Kenny," he sang. "Don't you think I'd know better than to leave that kind of evidence behind? Come on!"
Kenny's stomach dropped in disappointment. It had been a long shot, he knew. Cartman was well experienced in the world of petty crime and would most definitely phrase his requests to Kyle in a way that wouldn't incriminate him at a later time if someone else were to look at the messages. Surely, it would come off as if Kyle was just a friend doing him a favor.
Kenny wasn't done though. There was one final trick up his sleeve, one he had hoped he wouldn't have to use.
"Alright. Then let's strike a bargain," Kenny said.
Cartman arched an eyebrow. "What makes you think you're in any position to bargain with me?" he asked. "What can you possibly get me that I want?"
Kenny looked him dead in the eye. "I can get you Laura Pritchard," he said.
Cartman's eyes grew as big as the Oreo in his hand, and Kenny knew he had him.
"How the fuck do you know about her?" the fat boy asked in disbelief. "And how would someone like you be able to get her here?"
Kenny smirked. "She's a frequent guest at the restaurant I work at," he said.
Laura T. Pritchard was the defense attorney. Nationally famous for her skills, the woman never lost a case. She was a fashionable brunette in her mid-thirties who, despite her reputation and prestige, had decided to make Fort Collins her home between traveling for cases. She was a regular at the restaurant, and she had taking such a liking to Kenny, she would often refuse service from any other waiter if he was working when she visited. After a couple glasses of wine, she had a tendency to flirt quite heavily with Kenny who made an obscene amount of tips just by flirting back. He had made a small fortune off this woman. When she had once asked him where he was from, and he had told her of South Park, Laura had recognized the name of the town. She told him about an Eric Cartman who kept contacting her about taking her case. Kenny hadn't thought much of it at the time, but now he was glad he remembered.
"And why would someone like her listen to someone like you?" Cartman demanded.
Kenny grinned. "Because I'm adorable, and she likes me," he said. "And with the tip she's leaving me, I'm thinking she's not just liking me for my excellent service."
Cartman frowned as he weighed Kenny's words and how trustworthy they would be. Kenny kept his face a carefully constructed mask of confidence. Yes, he was quite sure Laura would agree to take Cartman's case if Kenny were to agree to see her outside of the restaurant - as she had so clearly hinted she would be interested in. He had considered it already, only rejecting the idea because he was a little wary that once she lost interest he would lose his enormous tips. He could live without the money for Kyle, though.
"So," Cartman said, reaching a conclusion. "I leave all your little buddies alone. And you get Pritchard to take my case?"
"Yes," Kenny answered with a nod, knowing full well that not even Laura T. Pritchard could keep Eric Cartman from going to jail. At best she could reduce the sentence. She had told him so herself. That was her main reason for rejecting the case. She liked winning and Cartman's wasn't a winning case. Not that he needed to know that, Kenny thought.
"Deal," the fat boy said and stuck his greasy hand out. Kenny shook it and kept his face free from the celebratory grin until he was several streets away from the Cartman house. Sure, he'd probably lose his best customer, but Cartman was going to jail, and Kyle could get out from under his thumb. Today was a good day.
