"As Long as We're Together" A Pewdiecry

by Forgotten Voices

Chapter Twelve: Phantasm

Cry's (Ryan's) POV

Cold night air blew over the brown haired man's dark curls. Ryan looked up into the stars, head reeling from the previous hours. He thought that he probably should have stayed in bed, but couldn't help himself. He needed air. Felix is a heavy sleeper anyway, so slipping out of his grasp was a rather easy task. A small smile crawled onto Ryan's lips as his thoughts returned to Felix. He still couldn't believe it. He knew he was drunk, more drunk than he'd like to admit, but he wasn't that drunk. He still felt the ghost of Felix's lips on his own, the ghost of Felix's arms wrapping around his waist. It felt so unreal to the dark haired man. He'd dreamed of this for years. For years he'd let himself imagine and dream, then he'd feel the hurt that would always follow, the pain of knowing that he was chasing a doomed dream.

He was wrong though. For once, he was actually wrong, and he was sure as hell glad for it. Now he has all that he'd ever wanted, but never knew he'd needed. Felix saved his life… Ryan cringed at the thought of Felix having to settle him down in his drunken, depressed rage. Ryan wondered just what the fuck he was thinking before. How could he even fathom leaving Felix in the god forsaken world alone?

"Don't think of it as suicide, but more like a selfish sacrifice…"

A selfish sacrifice... Selfish indeed. He didn't even know how Felix could stand to be around him, let alone love him.

Love him.

The words had an odd tone to them in Ryan's head. It felt like such an unreal term, but now it's real. Now it means something to both of them.

Another cold wind tousled Ryan's dark curls as he let out a shaky breath. Ryan silently wondered how a bottle of Vodka got him where two years of longing hadn't. If he hadn't gotten drunk, when would have Felix confessed everything?
Ryan found that he didn't have much time to think about that. Through air ripped a blood curdling scream. Ryan turned around and booked into the house, looking around aimlessly for the cause of the scream. The house was still dark, making him nearly trip over the uneven floorboards. He somehow made it to the doorway of the bedroom, groping the wall, trying to find the lightswitch.
"Felix! What's wrong?!" Ryan shouted over Felix's screaming, cursing under his breath as he felt a migraine starting to form. Ryan found himself silently cursing Vodka with every fiber of his being. He received no answer from Felix. The blond man just continued to scream. The light came on quickly, and the shorter man searched the room for something, anything that might make Felix scream so. As he scoured the room, an eerie sight filled flooded his vision.
There was nothing. Nothing at all.
Felix was writhing on the bed, his eyes shut, still screaming as if his life was in danger. Ryan ran over to the side of the bed that Felix was on, arms out stretched as he tried to pin down Felix's shoulders.
"Felix! Felix stop!" Ryan shouted, trying to get Felix to recognize that he wasn't in danger. Then it dawned on him, Felix must be dreaming. What ever the nightmare is, Ryan decided he was going to draw him from it. Save him from it.

Felix still screamed as Ryan looked around for something to help wake him up. As he looked around, his eyes locked on a glass of water on his nightstand. He crossed the room quickly, seizing the glass in his hand, and dashed back over to the swedish man. He shook his head and cringed as he thought about what he was about to do, but resolved it was the only way to wake Felix up. Deciding upon this, Ryan extended his arm quickly, glass in hand, sending cold water onto the Felix's face and upper torso.
Felix stopped screaming, thankfully, as his eyes shot open. But upon seeing the shorter man, Felix began to scramble backwards, trying to get as far away from Ryan as possible.
"You! You stay back! Please!" Felix shouted at Ryan, his eyes wide with fear. Ryan glanced behind him, expecting to see something behind him, but only saw a blank, yellow wallpapered wall. Ryan staggered backwards a bit, a mix of hurt and confusion welling inside him. He resolved that Felix was still dreaming, that it wasn't anything personal.
"Felix, it's okay! It was just a bad dream. Remember what I said about ba-"
"No! Stay away from me!" Felix interrupted, holding up a pillow to shield him from whatever terror he thought was about to be inflicted upon him. Ryan swallowed hard, trying to keep his emotions in check as he steeled himself to move forward.
"Felix, calm down. You just had a nightmare." Ryan reassured, his tone calmer and more quiet than before. Felix looked Ryan up and down carefully, panting heavily. He was quiet, but started to convulse as Ryan began to become closer.
"Please don't hurt me…" Felix whispered, turning his head down into the pillow. Ryan turned his head to the side slightly, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Hurt him? Ryan felt his stomach turn at the thought of Felix having a nightmare about Ryan hurting him.
"Felix, calm down. I'd never hurt you. You know that." Ryan stated, raising a hand to pat Felix's back, but withdrew, thinking better of it. Felix let out a strangled noise, and it took a few moment's for Ryan to recognize it as a whimper. Ryan looked over the blond man more carefully, looking for some sort of clue as to what he could do to help. His mind raced as he tried to think of what was the best course of action to take in order to show Felix he wasn't going to harm him, but nothing was coming to mind. He never really planned for a course of action for something like this. Ryan swallowed, then looked back at Felix. He figured the best thing to do was to just act like everything was fine.
"Hey, Felix it's alright. What was your dream about? I always find that talking about it helps." Ryan said cooly, offering a reassuring smile to Felix, whose head was still buried in the pillow. Ryan waited for a few minutes, hoping for an answer. He heard Felix whimper a few more times, which in turn made Ryan bite his lip. Ryan stayed silent though, not sure of what to say or how to continue. After what felt like hours, Felix rose his head slightly from the pillow, casting a quick, scared glance at Ryan before crying out and hiding once more in the pillow.
"W-what do you want f-from me…?" Felix croaked out with a broken, quiet voice. Ryan looked Felix, a little taken aback by the question. Ryan furrowed his eyebrows, looking down. Whatever nightmare that Felix had, it was definitely about him, and more than likely, it was about him hurting Felix. Ryan's mind raced with different ways to show that he wasn't going to hurt the swede, but he'd been caught off guard. Ryan resolved that for now, the only thing he could do was reassure Felix that he was just fine and that he wasn't in an danger whatsoever. Well… that was exactly true, given the state of things, but he wasn't in any sort of immediate danger.
Another whimper from Felix's lips drove Ryan out of his thoughts and made him turn to look at Felix again, who quickly shut his eyes tightly at being caught staring. Ryan frowned slightly, taking a deep breath and faking a bright, happy smile.
"Listen, Felix, it's alright. I'm not going to hurt you. How about I get you a glass of water?" Ryan asked cheerfully, his tone warm in hopes of relaxing the blonde.
When silence came from the swede, Ryan sighed and stood, making his way to the kitchen with a glance back at Felix, his stomach turning as he thought of how Felix looked at him with such terror in his eyes, the way he trembled as Ryan spoke. Ryan cringed at the thought, grabbing a glass from the cabinet. Ryan moved to get water from the faucet, frowning as no water came out. He rose a hand to his forehead, sighing. Of course there was no water, who would be managing the water flow of the city when there is an apocalypse happening? Ryan shook his head, realizing he'd have to go out to the water pump if he wanted to get the glass for Felix. Ryan hesitated, worrying that Felix, in his horrified state, might run off. Ryan glanced back into the room, only to see Felix's head in a pillow, his shoulders moving slightly to indicate he was sobbing. Ryan's expression hardened, his protectiveness for the swede overpowering his hesitation to go out at this time of night.
Ryan made his way to the water pump, bucket in hand as he gazed up at the moon, smiling faintly at the brightness it gave off. Ryan had always loved moonlight, found it soothing even as he would gaze out his window after a beating, finding the moon his only friend at times. He also couldn't help but smile at the memory of him catching Felix thanking the moon, well Lady Fate technically, for them pulling their heads out of their asses. Ryan chuckled softly as he pumped for water, grunting softly at his soreness and the rust that made the pump hard to move. Soon enough, to Ryan's relief, the bucket was overflowing. But as Ryan went to lift the bucket, his reflection stared back at him. Grinned at him, his eyes as black as the forest around him. Ryan shouted in shock, dropping the bucket.

"J-Jesus!" Ryan half whispered, half shouted. Ryan watched as the water spilled from the bucket, his reflection now gone, but he could have sworn he heard laughter. His laughter. Ryan shivered, shaking his head.
No… This can't be happening… Not again. Not now…
Ryan replaced the bucket, breathing heavily as he pumped again, not from the exertion, but the possibility that it was back. That he was back. It made sense, though. He hated to admit it, but it doesn't really surprise him. But what would this mean for him? For Felix?
A shudder ran through the dark haired man at the thought, shaking his head before grabbing the handle of the bucket, not daring to look at the water again. When he returned to the house, he dipped the glass in the water, taking care not to gaze upon his own reflection again, and walked back to the room where Felix was, knocking on the door frame three times. Felix looked up from the pillow, his eyes puffy and irritated from crying. Felix flinched slightly, then his eyes welled up once more, his lower lip quiver softly, but thank goodness, he didn't inch away.
"R-Ryan…" Felix whispered, almost inaudible to Ryan's ears if he didn't see Felix's mouth moving.
"Hey Felix. I got you some water." Ryan said brightly, resuming his efforts to draw Felix back to reality. Felix looked at the glass, then back to Ryan, a sad expression crossing his features.
"Ryan… I'm sorry…" Felix whispered, his voice quiet and shaken. Ryan sighed in relief, realizing that Felix had snapped out of his nightmare.
"It's alright, friend. We all get nightmares. Remember what I said? They're just your brain having a temper tantrum. No biggie." Ryan reassured, entering the room and sitting at the foot of the bed, holding out the glass for Felix, he took it hesitantly, taking a small sip before holding it in his lap.
"... It was just so fucking real… " Felix said quietly, looking down. Ryan chuckled softly, hoping to help ease Felix's tension.
"Of course it was. If nightmares weren't realistic, they would scare us like they do, would they?" Ryan suggested, smiling reassuringly at Felix, who looked up, a faint smile twitching at the corner of his mouth, but quickly faded as he remained silent.
"Hey, you wanna tell me about it? I always found that when I relook at my dreams, it's just some stupid way of telling me what I'm scared of or what I need to do." Ryan offered. Felix opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated, cringing and shaking his head.
"It's not that simple, Ryan… I… I never told you what my first nightmare was about either. That's because the nightmares were about you." Felix managed out, looking down. Ryan's eyebrows rose at the new discovery, a concerned look crossing his features.
"About me? How so?" Rya asked, curious and worried about Felix. Felix turned away, shaking his head again. He remained silent for a few moments, then turned back to face Ryan.
"It was you, but it wasn't you… I know that doesn't make sense, but that's the best way I can describe it." Felix explained. Ryan's expression fell at the swede's words, thinking back to what just happened at the pump.
No… Not him… Not to Felix…
"What do you mean? How was I different from myself?" Ryan asked, his eyebrows furrowing as he waited for Felix's answer.
"You had… black eyes with red irises… Your pupil was like a cat's would be… And your teeth were sharp…" Felix said slowly, flinching slightly from the memory. Ryan nodded slowly, a shudder running through him, his suspicions confirmed.
"What did I do to you in your dreams?" Ryan asked, needing to know how this other him was hurting Felix.
"You… You just…" Felix started, then broke into sobs once more. Ryan looked up at Felix, his expression softening as he watched the other man cry. Ryan sighed, crawling up the bed and resting his back against the headboard, wrapping his arms around Felix's torso, pulling him close so that Felix was resting his head on Ryan's shoulder. Felix seemed tense at first, but the longer he was held there, the more Ryan felt him relax against him, even moving a hand to rest on Ryan's chest.
"I'm sorry Felix… I wish there was something I could do." Ryan muttered, meaning every word of what he said. He was truly sorry for bringing him into his life, but also that he wished he could have control over this… this daemon.
Felix's sobs soon quieted, and a soft snore replaced them. Ryan looked down, smiling slightly as he saw Felix asleep. He forgot that this man, not too long ago, had fought off tens of people for him, even got shot in the shoulder. Ryan knew he had to get the bullet out soon, or Felix might get an infection, at that was the last thing they needed. Ryan, not moving his torso, pulled the blankets around them, holding Felix close as he slept. He knew it was still late and that, more than likely, Felix would be asleep for a few more hours. Ryan kept his eyes focused on Felix, watching for any signs of nightmares as his thoughts returned to what he'd seen in his reflection. He thought that he was gone, dead for whatever reason. The bastard was still alive, however, and apparently wanted revenge. Ryan's expression turned dark, angry as he thought of that. No. He wouldn't let it hurt Felix. It had hurt Ryan many times, but he refused to let it hurt the man he loved. That was the easy part; determining that he wouldn't let it happen anymore. The hard part was, now, how would he stop it from happening?

End Chapter Twelve.

My dearest friends, my sincerest apologies for the severe lateness of this chapter. It is not usually in my nature for such tardiness, however, my personal life as well as educational has been keeping my hands tied and my mind away from composing. However, as promised, the last chapter will not be the last in the series. You all have my promise that I will continue this series, even if I cannot guarantee when the next installment may be. You will all be glad to know, however, that I have gotten into more fandoms and have expanded my horizons for writing. That being said, expect more variety in the subject of what I compose, as well as different genres of what the writing are. I thank you deeply for your patience and cannot contain the joy it brings me to write once more and continue writing.
My thanks unto you all.
Until the next chapter,
~Forgotten Voices