A/N: Only a warning for a very early bit of Vexen abuse in this chapter. Things are moving... For the better? Well, you'll see.

Chapter Twelve.

It wasn't even half an hour into the first period of the day on Thursday and Roxas was already cursing the day for taking forever. Waking on Thursday morning feeling actually rested and clear headed was a new feeling for Roxas and he had at first taken it as a sign of a good day. The optimism had quickly drained from Roxas however when he had walked into his first class to find that his usual History teacher was away and filling in was the dreaded Professor Ansem, Master of the Art of Boring.

Staring cross-eyed at the clock above the whiteboard as Ansem droned on about some war that would have been exciting had it been retold by anyone else, Roxas glared at the minute hand that seemed to have frozen and wished fervently that it was last period on Friday. Having his first class of the day without Vexen was the one saving grace that Roxas found in History and with an effort he focused on the diagram that Ansem was lifelessly gesturing at. Determined not to wish away any time spent without Vexen near him Roxas pulled himself together and started jotting down notes, smirking at the surprised look on Ansem's face at a student's apparent interest.

The day seemed to be going abnormally smoothly until Roxas' second to last class and as the shit descended he took a second to muse that he really should have expected it. Fifth period on Thursday was always study so Roxas had been reading up on Shakespeare in the library when a frazzled prefect had run up to him, thrown a note at him and hurried away again without a word. Confused and curious Roxas unfolded the note and read the message with an amorphous feeling of trepidation.

The typed note was from Dean Xehanort and read tersely, 'Mandatory assembly after sixth period in the hall. It has come to my attention that most of the dormitories are not up to the standard of cleanliness that is expected of students at Twilight Boarding, therefore the students in the offending dorms will be attending a lesson on how to keep their living quarters sanitary. Excluded from this session are all students who inhabit White and Gold dorms as they have managed to keep their rooms adequately clean. White and Gold Dormitories are exempt from the assembly and also as a reward for adhering to school rules will be released from classes at midday tomorrow to spend the afternoon as they please.'

For a moment Roxas a felt a thrill of anticipation at the thought of being able to spend a whole half day at Axel's instead of just the evening, but then his brain clicked into gear and he realized why he was feeling unaccountably nervous; he and Pence lived in Gold Dorm but Vexen was in White. Losing all interest in his Shakespeare text Roxas stared blindly at the cover of the book and brooded about the possible torments that could possibly be inflicted on him while most of the school was occupied with the assembly. By the time the bell went Roxas had worked himself into a state of semi-dissociation and he walked to his last class of the day like a zombie.

Sure enough, not two minutes after the final bell rang, Roxas' phone went off with a text from Vexen. The text was short and to the point, simply ordering Roxas to come to Vexen's room as soon as he got out of class. Standing in the hallway outside of Vexen's room Roxas closed his eyes and took a shaky breath, trying to turn himself to stone so he couldn't be touched by whatever depravity Vexen decided to inflict on him. Assuming that Vexen would have somehow cleared the room to give them their 'privacy' Roxas dismissed any hope of rescue and reluctantly walked into the room.

Vexen was sitting on his bed fuming when Roxas walked in the door, his plan to get rid of his roommates having failed spectacularly. Ignoring the three teens who were deeply involved in a discussion over a group project Vexen pushed himself to his feet with a parody of a grin on his face and he slung his arm around Roxas' shoulders as he steered the small teen off down the empty hallway. Roxas' immediate compliance went some way towards calming Vexen's petulant mood but he was still feeling more volatile than usual as he shoved Roxas into what he thought of as their cupboard.


Once he and his victim were shut into their own little world Vexen dropped the fake grin from his face and sneered at Roxas as a shiver ran through the petite blonde's body. As he hadn't been able to get to Roxas the day before Vexen had spent most of Wednesday afternoon and evening imagining what he could do the next day and he was relishing the thought of putting those fantasies into action. Moving forward until he was standing right in front of the trembling Roxas, Vexen grabbed the blonde teen's throat roughly and used his thumb to lift his chin until Roxas was forced to stare into his eyes.

Vexen smirked as fear flickered in Roxas' wide blue eyes and he tightened his grip around the teen's throat until Roxas made a gurgling noise and unthinkingly reached up to grab his wrist. Ignoring Roxas' weak grip on his arm Vexen grinned sadistically and without preamble shoved his victim back against the door, in the same movement pressing his whole body against the smaller teen, making sure that Roxas could feel his hard arousal. As usual the whimper that Roxas made at the sudden closeness only stoked the fire in the pit of Vexen's stomach.

With a sudden jerk of his muscular arm Vexen lifted Roxas off the ground by his throat and brutally slammed him to the concrete floor, keeping his grip tight enough so that the teen could only emit a pathetic, winded gasp. Roughly flipping Roxas over onto his stomach Vexen briefly ground his pelvis against Roxas' behind and leaned forward to whisper gratingly in his ear, 'You're going to cry my name as I fuck you Roxie and I'm going to have to gag you so no one hears you scream it as you cum.'

Completely ignoring the shudder that shook Roxas' whole body Vexen placed a large hand in the middle of the blonde teen's back to hold him down and deftly yanked down Roxas' pants before freeing his erection from his own trousers. Pausing for a second to loop a sinewy forearm around Roxas' neck as a form of sound control Vexen enjoyed the delicious anticipation for a couple more heartbeats and then plunged into the boy beneath him. The noise Roxas made was an unintelligible whispering scream and Vexen smiled into the back of his neck whispering, 'Roooooooooxas…'

A fierce burning pleasure filled Vexen's whole body as he slammed deeper into Roxas and the blonde teen choked out his name. Setting a relentless pace Vexen fucked Roxas mercilessly, a dark place within him growing darker and darker each time Roxas painfully hissed, 'V-vexen…'


The floor of the storage cupboard was rough and cold but Roxas lay in an unmoving heap as Vexen climbed off him with a lazy grin and began to straighten himself up. Because his eyes were squeezed closed and his heart was thudding in his ears Roxas didn't hear Vexen's creepy chuckle or see the teen produce a knife from his pocket. Disconnected as he was from everything Roxas had no warning before Vexen grabbed him again and he was jerked into an awkward sitting position.

Eyes wide with terror Roxas stared at Vexen as the smirking teen over exaggeratedly placed a finger to his lips and pantomimed silence while slowly working Roxas' shirt up to reveal his chest. Knowing beyond doubt what would result if he made even the slightest sound Roxas clamped his teeth down on his tongue and tried to focus exclusively on the coppery taste of blood in his mouth. For a short time Vexen playfully flicked the knife over the skin of Roxas' chest opening numerous shallow nicks, but abruptly his expression changed from semi-playful to seriously malevolent.

Before Roxas could properly get his head around the damage that had been done to his torso, Vexen swiftly seized his wrist and firmly held his hand palm up on the floor. An idea of where Vexen was going with this burst into Roxas' mind but it was too late to change the course of events. With a meditative smile on his face Vexen brought the knife down and with a careless flick of his wrist opened a gash that stretched from the base of Roxas' thumb to his pinky finger. Gagging at the sudden searing pain Roxas barely had the awareness to close his fist over the dirty rag that Vexen roughly wrapped over the cut.

His evil impulses satiated for the moment Vexen shoved the unresisting Roxas back to the ground and strode out of the room without a backward glance. His cheek pressed against the concrete and his hand clamped around his sluggishly bleeding wound, Roxas stared blindly at the grey surface and tried with all his might to erase the past fifteen minutes through sheer force of will. Unfortunately though, all Roxas could hear through the ringing in his ears was Vexen groaning his name and his own voice crying out Vexen's.

Unable to find any dregs of strength with which to pick himself up off the floor Roxas lay where he was, wracked with pain and helpless to banish the disgusting sounds in his head. It was only when the thought that the assembly could finish any time crept into his head that Roxas was able to goad himself into climbing painfully to his feet and taking stock of his condition and appearance. As best he could Roxas cleaned up the worst of the blood, tugged his disarrayed clothes back into place and with a supreme effort he slammed and locked his iron-clad façade into place before slowly walking out into the hall.

Roxas walked with a credible imitation of a nonchalant stroll to his dorm, gingerly sitting on his bed with a faint sigh when he finally arrived. Knowing with complete certainty what would happen in the next few minutes Roxas shoved his hand in his pocket and took a couple of deep steadying breaths, enough to hold himself together when Pence burst through the door not fifteen seconds later with an exuberant greeting.

It was lucky for all involved when Pence's phone went off with a jangle, as Roxas was at the point of finding a shovel to hit him with just to shut him up. When Pence waved cheerily and bounded away again to find sufficient reception for his phone Roxas let out a long hiss of breath and tried to unknot his muscles that were viciously protesting being made to sit upright after Vexen's abuse. Listening until he was sure that Pence was long gone Roxas allowed himself a low groan of agony and desolation.

Every fibre in Roxas' being was screaming at him to go get in the shower and wash Vexen off his body but for once he was just too tired and hurt to find the strength. Also in the back of Roxas' mind was the knowledge that he simply didn't have the energy and awareness to make sure that no one caught a glimpse of his bruised and blood-smeared body. Moving with the delicate care of the injured Roxas climbed into bed fully clothed and pulled the covers over his head, tears already streaking his face as the blankets descended. Though he tried to fight it Roxas felt a choking despair rise up in him, whispering in the back of his mind that he would never escape this.

For an unknown length of time Roxas was engulfed in the darkness in his own head and he had absolutely no reserves to keep the sly, malicious voices at bay. Self-loathing warred with powerless rage, which in turn battled against a frantic desperation, and everything fought with the pain. The overpowering agony that tore through Roxas' body only amplified the emotional turmoil. With tears running down his cheeks and a fist stuffed in his mouth to muffle his sobs, Roxas seriously and not for the first time contemplated the escape offered by death.

Roxas was not quite as far gone as the sinister voices had assumed however because he found that no matter how beguiling the voice of the reaper was in his head, he couldn't quite banish the sound of Axel's voice begging for him to stay strong. With an immense effort of will Roxas fumbled his phone from his pocket, sending a barely coherent text to Axel, the last rational part of his brain telling him sternly that if he didn't then he might not make it through the night. Clutching his phone like a talisman Roxas waited restlessly for a reply to his message that read, 'I'm scared Ax I just can't do it anymore. It fucken hurts so bad. I don't know what to do, I don't know what I'm going to do, please… I'm so fucked up.'


Axel was sitting on his bed with his knife clenched in his fist when his phone went off and he let out a partly annoyed, partly relieved huff as he dropped the blade on the bed. As he had half been expecting the text to be from Zexion with an update on his mother's strange illness Axel was caught off guard by Roxas' uncharacteristically disjointed, chilling plea for help. Fear completely shoved aside the thoughts of self-harm that had been occupying his mind until that point and Axel read and reread the text, trying anxiously to work out the best way to reply.

His thoughts racing wildly, Axel's hands shook as he typed and then sent back, 'Talk to me Rox I'm here. Tell me what's going on.'

It took a few minutes for Roxas to reply and in those minutes Axel read the first text again and shivered at the hopelessness and lack of control hinted at in the two short lines. Becoming more and more apprehensive with every second that passed Axel breathed a short sigh of relief when the reply came through. The relief however vanished instantly as he read, 'I can't do this I just can't. I thought I could last til Friday but I don't know anymore. It hurts Ax. It always hurt but it it won't stop hurting and he's in my fucking head.'

His own self-control slipping Axel sent back a text that unashamedly begged, 'Fuck Rox you have to hold on! We're finally doing something that could help and all you have to do is hang on until Friday. Please Roxas, you can do this.'

There was another interminable wait for Roxas to respond and by the time the text came through Axel was almost ready to jump in his car and head for Twilight Boarding School. The first texts made Axel's heart ache but the third made his heart shatter in his chest. Roxas' words were disturbingly unguarded as he texted bleakly, 'I thought I could. I thought I could just tough it out like I always have. Ax, I can't. He's in my head, I see it again and again and I just want it to fucking stop. Even if your cousin says will help he's still going to do it again. I can't handle him touching me again, I just fucking can't.'

Long, personal experience with depression and suicidal thoughts meant that Roxas' words immediately had every single alarm bell in Axel's head ringing in a deafening cacophony. Heart in his throat and barely able to breathe Axel threw caution to the winds and texted desperately, 'Fuck Rox no, fucking stay with me! Don't you dare fucking give up, I won't let you. You can fight this, please just keep fighting. My shit is pathetic in comparison but I'm fighting to stay strong against the voice in my head that thinks I should give in. Roxas dammit, please tell me you aren't going do anything.'


Roxas hadn't meant to let slip just how close to the edge he was to Axel, but he cynically mused that he should have realized that the other teen would be able to pick up on the critical condition of his state of mind. Lying under the covers cocooned in warmth but saturated in pain made it so much easier to reveal more than he meant to in a careless message and closing his eyes in weariness Roxas waited for Axel to explode at him for being so weak. Axel's response however took Roxas' breath away and reminded him once again why he should never underestimate the deceptively complicated redhead.

The fact that Axel had been so easily able to glance at his words and then divine what was going on in his head somehow had the effect of bringing Roxas back from the brink a little and the rest of Axel's text made his eyes sting with another wave of hot tears. Rock solid in Roxas' certainties was that his clusterfuck of issues had been adding to Axel's self-harm battle and he felt a stab of ice-cold hate for himself at even the thought of Axel bleeding because of his shit. Pulled between the insidious attraction of an absolute end to his pain and his life and the memory of Axel's eyes staring into his, Roxas felt frozen.

In reality though it didn't take more than a motionless thirty seconds before Roxas was blindsided by the recollection of the look that had been on Axel's face as they had stared at each other after their first improbable kiss. The expression of wonder that had lit Axel's brilliant green eyes as he gazed down at Roxas filled the fragile teen's mind and actually forced back the darkness enough to allow a moment of clear thought. Clutching at the tiny sliver of hope that lodged in his heart Roxas took a deep breath and tried to remember the courage he had felt just the day before when he agreed to meet with Reno.

While he still had a hold of the elusive fragments of his strength Roxas gripped his phone with white fingers and texted, 'I won't Axel. I'm sorry. I never meant to dump all this shit on you and scare you. Fuck, I'm sorry, I'm never this pathetic. I hope that you keep fighting too Ax and that my shit doesn't drag you down with me. Please, fight like you told me to? I promise I'll see you on Friday okay?'

As Roxas sent the text he remembered something that caused a miniscule lifting of the heaviness in his chest and he chased the first text with a second that said, 'I forgot with all this shit, my dorm got given a half day on Friday so if you're free and you want to I can come over at 12pm.'

Axel's reply came through and despite everything brought a watery smile to Roxas' face as he read, 'You're damn straight I'll see you on Friday and if you're later than 12.30 I'm sending a search party. Oh and Rox, apologize one more time and I'll kick your kidneys out through your ears okay? Fuck's sake Roxas out of all the adjectives in the world I think pathetic is the last one I'd use for you. I'm fighting too, can't let you battle alone. Hold on Rox, I swear I will find some way to change things.'


In comparison to his truly hellish Thursday Roxas' Friday sped by without any Vexen intervention like it was on fast forward. One minute Roxas was calculating indefinite integrals in first period calculus and the next moment he was standing dazedly at the front gates, waiting for his taxi and trying to suppress a combination of fear and severely strangled hope. Almost dizzy with the speed and intensity of his emotional rollercoaster Roxas simply settled for clenching his uninjured hand into a fist and wishing that he was already at Axel's.


Like Roxas Axel had been white-knuckling it through the day, but unlike Roxas he had been feeling the strain constantly since the moment he woke up. Axel's early morning had consisted of an optimistic attempt at getting some of his assignment done, but by eight o'clock his mind was too pickled in anxiety to get within a shouting distance of complex thought. Giving up on his coursework as a lost cause Axel stalked out to the garage to do his daily session of patterns practice, a calculated attempt to blank out the shrill buzz of fear in his head.

The rhythmic, meditative nature of his patterns eventually lulled Axel into a state resembling calm and when he next looked at his watch he was relieved to see it was somehow ten to twelve. Shaking his body in a half-arsed kind of warm down and stretching out lightly Axel made his way back to the house to make sure everything was ready for Roxas when he got there. When his study papers were all stacked neatly away and the jug was boiling noisily, Axel plopped down at the kitchen table and checked his phone for the fifty-eighth time.

When his phone went off barely a second after he sat down Axel almost swallowed his tongue, but when he saw that the text was from Roxas saying he was on his way the redhead sent a brief thankful prayer to Gaia. Suddenly utterly incapable of sitting still Axel pushed himself to his feet and strode down to his bedroom, throwing himself dramatically onto the bed. As he fell towards the mattress however an idea popped into Axel's mind and he bounced to his feet again as soon as he hit the covers.

Moving so fast he became a scarlet blur Axel shot across to his wardrobe and threw open the door, scanning his obsessively organized things until he saw what he was looking for. With a slight smile on his face Axel reached up and from the top of the cupboard lifted down the beautifully carved wooden box that held his most treasured possessions. Kneeling down on the floor and carefully placing the box in front of him Axel opened the lid and sifted through the contents until he found what he wanted, retrieving the object and replacing the box in its spot.

Axel only had couple of minutes to sit on the bed and fiddle with the item he had reclaimed from his wardrobe before his sharp ears heard the sound of an approaching car and he bolted to the window. Fully aware that his racing heart and slight blush meant that he was obviously a preteen girl, Axel nevertheless couldn't help fidgeting impatiently and slightly nervously as he watched Roxas get out of the cab. Roxas was walking slowly up the path before Axel shook his head with a snort, the redhead getting a hold of himself and sallying forth to greet his guest.


The sole moment of Roxas' day that had come close to his normal baseline of gut-wrenching fear was just as he was about to get into his taxi that had finally deigned to arrive. A distant noise from the school behind him made Roxas turn his head and as he looked around he was suddenly frozen to the spot by Vexen's coldly malevolent glare. Roxas tried to remember to breathe and did his best to convince himself that there was no way Vexen could know where he was actually going.

Roxas thanked Gaia when Vexen simply sneered and turned away, apparently convinced by the story that Roxas had spread that he was going to the hospital for a check-up on his head injury. The knot in Roxas' stomach didn't go away completely, but it did loosen a considerable amount as the taxi pulled away. Gazing out the window at the passing scenery Roxas even found enough humour to dryly feel grateful that he looked bad enough to pull off the whole 'concussion flaring up' story.

To his pleasant surprise Roxas felt a soft, enveloping wave of calm sweep over him as the taxi turned the corner and Axel's tiny little cottage came into view. His mind for once focussing solely on the positive feeling of anticipation that was running through him as he stopped outside Axel's place, Roxas gave his driver his fare and grin as he got out of the cab. Standing up after the short car ride had the effect of reminding Roxas that his abused body had not yet recovered from Vexen's attentions the day before, but he tried to hide the way his walk was more of a hobble and focussed on getting to Axel's front door.

Raising his good hand to knock on the door Roxas blinked in surprise as the door was yanked opened before his knuckles could hit the wood. The startled look on Roxas' face almost instantly morphed into a grin however as he found himself confronted by Axel who was mugging furiously and bowing like an obsequious butler. Stepping over the threshold into the small house Roxas deliberately ignored Axel and made his way through to the lounge, grinning wider as he heard the door shut and Axel scurry to catch up.

Roxas' grin stayed on his face until he was seated on the sofa and he realized that Axel was staring at him from the doorway with an unreadable look in his sharp green eyes. His smile fading Roxas gazed at Axel warily as the other teen slowly entered the room and sat down in the armchair resting his elbows in his knees. Roxas just had time to cock his head slightly as he noticed a livid bruise on Axel's left cheek before Axel looked him directly in the eye and said in a carefully calm tone of voice, 'Rox, are you alright? I know you're trying to hide it but I can see you're hurting.'

Even though Roxas felt like his buoyancy had been punctured like a balloon, the concern and undertone of pain in Axel's voice stopped him from sinking into miserable memory and actually gave him enough courage to speak what was in his head. Biting his lip and pushing Axel's bruise to the back of his mind for now Roxas looked away from the redhead's keen gaze and gave a tiny shake of his head saying, 'No… I'm not really alright. Yesterday was bad. I… He… It was bad… I don't even know how to say it…'

There was a moment of silence and when Roxas looked up he saw that Axel had shut his eyes and was clenching his fists so tight his knuckles creaked. When Axel looked up Roxas felt his heart ache in his chest to see tears shining in the redhead's eyes and he hated the hitch in the teen's voice as he murmured, 'Fuck Rox… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you think of that shit. You don't have to tell me, I didn't mean…'

As Axel faltered his way through his disjointed statement Roxas felt an alien feeling rise up inside him, the need for once to not be alone with the hell inside his head. Though he desperately didn't want Axel to have to bear his burdens, Roxas was self-aware enough to know that he couldn't spend another second with his emotions and memories burning a hole in his heart. Interrupting Axel before he could lose his nerve Roxas asked in a whisper, 'Would you listen? If… If I wanted to tell you…?'


Axel snapped his mouth shut even as the words 'You're hurting' left his lips and hated himself intensely for causing the gorgeous grin to disappear from Roxas' face. He hadn't been expecting a reply when the blonde dropped his gaze to the floor but hearing Roxas' painful answer gutted him so comprehensively that he had to ball his hands into fists to keep a hold of himself. Stuttering out an apology Axel just had time to feel sick over the inadequacy of his words before Roxas once again shocked the shit out of him.

His mind grinding to a halt, all that Axel could think was 'Gaia's love, he's actually asking… He trusts me this much.' But knowing that he could afford no hesitation Axel took a chance and slipped out of his chair and over onto the couch, resting his hand on Roxas' arm and saying softly, 'You can tell me anything Rox, seriously, anything. I'm here and I… I know you're thinking I'll run or something but I won't, you're stuck with me.'

Roxas shivered at his touch but Axel sighed silently with relief when the blonde didn't pull away and in fact leaned against him lightly. Deciding that he might as well dare everything Axel slowly slid his arm around Roxas' shoulders and his heart lifted a little when Roxas huddled against his side without hesitation. In the gentle quiet as Roxas tried to figure out where to begin Axel shut his mouth tight and concentrated on offering all the strength and support he could as he knew what he was about to hear would be nothing short of sickening.

After a pause of what seemed like forever Roxas suddenly blurted out in a rush, 'There was an assembly for everyone but the people in mine and his dorms. Of course ours were the only rooms exempt. Of fucking course. He made me come to him as soon as classes finished and h-he dragged me into the janitor's cupboard. He… He r-raped me. Again. B-but he didn't stop there. He cut me up… All over my chest. And t-this… On my hand where anyone can see it and I have to cover for him and explain it away as being nothing…'

Hearing that Roxas had been raped again in the day and a half since he had last seen him hit Axel hard but then his gaze settled on the messily bandaged hand that Roxas held up and he went perfectly still, only barely holding his sudden flare of rage in check. With an almost superhuman effort of will Axel forced himself to choke back the searing wrath that threatened to break him and instead he stared at Roxas' hand and almost to himself breathed, 'Rox…'

The touch of trembling fingers on his cheek made Axel jump, startling him out of the thoughts of fire and violence that were tearing at his brain. Looking up Axel met Roxas' eyes and was stunned to see guilt burning in the teen's blue gaze. In a voice almost as quiet as Axel's Roxas murmured, 'I'm sorry… I hate that every time I open my mouth I take the smile off your face… I… I like your smile.

Struck utterly and completely speechless, an event in his life countable on the fingers of one head, Axel could only stare at Roxas with his mouth hanging open. Thankfully, before the moment turned awkward, the killswitch in Axel's brain flicked on and his mouth opened on autopilot to say, 'Fuck Rox, I guess I better smile then. As long as me smiling makes you smile then I'd staple my cheeks to my damn ears.'

Axel sent an unashamedly grovelling message of gratitude to whatever gods happened to be watching over him when his verbal vomit actually managed to conjure a small but genuine grin from Roxas. Flicking his gaze back down to Roxas' hand Axel made a snap decision and said lightly, 'Alright, let's go with that grin, we have the whole afternoon away from that place and sad thoughts can go fuck themselves. Come on, I'll get this wrapped up properly. It could be a good time for a Soul Calibre rematch actually… I might have half a chance of winning if you've got a defective hand.'


With his hand securely bandaged and a hot cup of coffee inside him Roxas was actually starting to feel halfway human again. Deep with Roxas' heart a painful knot of guilt and sorrow began to loosen as Axel bounced back most of the way to being his infectiously good humoured self and the distraction of a spirited Playstation battle helped him unwind a little. Roxas even found himself chuckling at Axel's enthusiastic swearing as the redhead discovered that an injured hand was no impediment to Roxas' scary Soul Calibre skills.

It was approaching two thirty before Roxas called a temporary halt to the warfare and only then because Axel's stomach growled so loudly it startled them both. Roxas found himself ushered to the kitchen table and pressed gently but firmly into a chair as Axel flitted off towards the fridge trilling flamboyantly, 'Prepare yourself Roxas, I decided this morning you were going to get a proper lunch… Bloody canteen food should be outlawed. Now you just wait there and make sure your appetite is in order.'

Blinking dazedly at the sudden progression of events Roxas did as he was told and sat at the tiny table, a broad smile on his face as he listened to the sounds of Axel exuberantly crashing around the kitchen. The smell of bacon sizzling on the stove made Roxas' mouth start to water and he spoke up over the sound of a particularly loud crash coupled with a yelp asking curiously, 'I don't think I've ever seen anyone get so excited over cooking lunch Ax, do you want a hand or something?'

After a brief period of swearing that seemed to send a blue haze wafting out of the kitchen Roxas raised an eyebrow as Axel strolled back into the room nursing a mild burn on his hand but still grinning like a Cheshire cat. Leaning against the table casually Axel shrugged and said, 'Necessity is the mother of invention Rox, I got into cooking when I started living on my own at sixteen. I'm not exactly Masterchef or anything, but I will proudly claim that I can do some pretty damn amazing things with little more than eggs, bacon, cheese and broccoli. Speaking of which…'

While Roxas was still nodding in fascination Axel sashayed away again and proceeded to make intriguing noises for a few more minutes, the sounds and smells teasing Roxas' senses to the point of distraction. Roxas was watching the kitchen door like a hawk as he waited for Axel and when the redhead finally made his reappearance Roxas' mouth dropped open in awe. Axel waltzed back into the room like he made a living waiting tables (which he did really) and in each hand he carried a plate containing the most perfect looking half a frittata that Roxas had ever seen.

The period of time between Axel placing the plates on the table and the clock striking three was mainly silent, the stillness broken only by the clink of cutlery on plates and the borderline orgasmic noises Roxas was trying to stifle. At one point Roxas caught Axel's eye while lifting a huge forkful to his mouth and he blushed when he realized it was his happy eating noises that were causing the dozy grin that wreathed Axel's whole face. His cheeks bright pink Roxas finished his meal with a satisfied sigh and leaned back on his chair, the hell of school and everything else feeling a million miles away.


Axel had blushed as red as Roxas when the other teen caught him staring and dopily grinning, but in the privacy of his own head he stored away the image of Roxas savoring a mouthful of frittata, eyes half closed and an expression of ecstasy on his face. Finishing his lunch a couple of minutes before Roxas Axel sat and relaxed for a moment before he remembered the thing he had shoved in his pocket just before the blonde teen arrived. While he waited for Roxas to all but lick his plate Axel tried to sort out in his head just what he wanted to say.

The clock struck three which made Roxas blink and sit up straighter in his chair and Axel finally bit his lip and bit the bullet. Feeling strangely shy Axel cleared his throat and when Roxas looked up at him he smiled a lopsided smile and mumbled, 'I, uh… While I was waiting for you this morning my mind went on a kind of tangent and I… Fuck's sake, this sounds stupid now I'm trying to say it out loud. It made perfect sense in my head…'

As Axel fumbled for words and tailed off in frustration Roxas broke in with a bewildered smile and said, 'Come on Ax, just say it. I honestly don't think anything you could say would sound stupid…'

His anxieties slightly eased by Roxas' earnest statement Axel pulled himself together and said in a more confident tone, 'Like I said my mind kind of ran away with me and I was thinking about how rough it is for you in that place… And I, um, I wanted to give you something to have with you to, uh, to remind you that you don't have to deal with this shit alone even if I'm not right there at the time.'

Axel melted a little when he saw the look of incredulous delight on Roxas' face and he pulled the gift out of his pocket, offering it to the other teen and saying in a rush, 'Xaldin gave it to me back when things were really bad for me… The characters on it are Korean for 'Indomitable Spirit', one of the tenets of Taekwon-do and I just thought… Maybe you'd like it…'

If Axel had felt good before he was pushed almost to the point of happy tears as Roxas stared at the silver plaque on a thin chain that he was holding out and then took the necklace with a shaking hand, holding it as if it were the most precious thing in the world. There was a moment of silence as Roxas gazed wordlessly at the delicate symbols etched into the silver and then the blonde boy was on his feet and Axel found himself enveloped in a tight hug. Slipping his arms around the other teen's waist Axel rested his head against Roxas' chest, waiting for him work out what he wanted to say.

Because his head was right over Roxas' heart Axel could hear the other teen's pulse racing and he felt the hitch in Roxas' breath as he whispered, 'Axel… Thank you. I try to stay strong but it's hard when… When I'm alone and I know the next day will be the same as the last unless it's worse… I've never had anything to hold on to, to help me not be weak…'

Unable to help himself Axel pulled back to look up at Roxas and blurted out, 'Fuck Rox, I didn't give it to you to make you work towards being strong… It's to remind you how strong you are. I don't even know how you've kept going for so long without going insane but now that I'm here I'm damn sure that I'll do fucking anything to keep you safe until I can… Until I can do something…'

The look on Roxas' face could only be described as fundamentally conflicted and Axel decided that a chance needed to be taken. Holding Roxas' blue gaze and trying to pierce the uncertainty that filled the teen's eyes Axel kept his hold light but tugged gently on Roxas' waist, softly but firmly drawing the blonde towards him. For a moment Roxas resisted but then gave in with a choked sigh and Axel pulled him onto his lap, holding him carefully and whispering in his ear, 'Honestly Rox, I wouldn't lie to you. You're the strongest person I've ever met.'


Wrapped safe in Axel's arms and clutching the silver pendant tightly in his hand Roxas felt more than heard the other teen's words wash over him. The sound of Axel's low voice had the effect of steadying Roxas somewhat, but underneath his tenuous composure the blonde teen could feel his barely controlled anxiety growing larger the closer it came to the time to meet Reno. Strangely, the small piece of metal digging into his palm seemed to lend Roxas strength to separate himself from the ball of nervousness in his chest and he managed to whisper, 'I'm trying Ax. I'm trying to be strong. Can I… Can I ask a favour? I mean you don't have to or anything…'

As Roxas' whisper trailed off into silence he felt slender fingers beneath his chin coaxing him to look up into Axel's smiling emerald eyes. Firmly and leaving no room for doubt Axel said, 'Ask me anything Rox. Anytime, no matter what's happening, you can always ask me anything.'

Privately amazed inside his own head that he had succeeded in forcing out a verbal plea for help Roxas let the words fall out of his mouth in a flood, 'I want to meet your cousin I really do, but I'm scared Axel. He told me that I could never tell the police or h-he would k-kill Sora… I can't stop thinking what will happen if he finds out. My head keeps trying to tell me that I should just run, out of here and back to him, but I'm trying not to listen… It's just so hard. Ax… Can you… Distract me or something? Keep my mind elsewhere until it's too late to back out?'

Hating beyond belief the miserably pathetic sound of his own voice Roxas looked away and bit his tongue as he waited for Axel's answer. The strong arms around Roxas tightened their embrace a little and without hesitation Axel murmured, 'That's not much of a favour Rox, I can do that. Hey, I just had a thought, would it help if you knew a bit more about Reno before he gets here?'

Roxas blinked at Axel's question and was surprised to find that the thought of knowing more about this Reno character did give him a little more confidence. Returning Axel's hug with a gentle squeeze of his own Roxas said softly, 'I'd like to know more about your cousin Axel. I… Um, do you think we could move out to the lounge though? I have a feeling that with you telling me a story it'd be nice to be comfortable.'

A small smile flickered around the corners of Roxas' mouth when Axel chuckled at his statement and hauled him to his feet with a grin. Still very full from lunch Roxas tried not to stagger too obviously as he followed Axel through to the living room and folded up onto the sofa. The vaguely contented expression on Roxas' face transformed into a softly beautiful smile when Axel waited for him to get comfortable and then flopped down beside him, wriggling up until he was pressed against Roxas from knee to shoulder.

Roxas even had to hide a small snicker when Axel ostentatiously performed the yawn and stretch manoeuvre, looping a long arm around his shoulders and the blonde teen treasured the feeling of warmth in his core as he leaned into Axel's side. Once they were both comfortable Roxas looked up at Axel as the redhead began, 'I don't know if you've wondered at all, but back when my parents died the people in charge of my case actually looked seriously at placing me with Reno instead of into the foster system. Obviously it didn't happen, but I still wonder what it would have been like if it had worked…'

His blue eyes widening at the unexpected tack that Axel had chosen to take with his story Roxas made a small sound of inquiry, urging Axel to continue. A contemplative half-smile on his face Axel went on, 'I think Ren would have done it too, if other shit hadn't made it impossible. At the time my parents… When they died, Reno was just three months out training and a rookie in the Twilight Police Force. Because my lovely cousin was a damned wunderkind recruit though, they had already pushed him into an undercover operation.'

Fascinated to hear more about Axel and the man he was trusting with his life Roxas wrapped his arms around the redhead almost unconsciously as Axel paused and swallowed heavily. Before his momentum was lost Axel went on, 'I didn't find out until I was older but Reno, the idiot, tried to get himself recalled from the sting even though it meant pissing away his career before it had even started. I'm not glad that what happened next happened, but I'm sure as hell glad he didn't manage to fuck up his whole life over me.'

Unable to help himself at this point Roxas let out a low growl, wordlessly but very effectively communicating his disagreement with Axel's inference that he was worth less than a job. Meeting Axel's startled gaze with a level stare Roxas said, 'Ax, if you're going to try and convince me that I'm not a heap of worthless shit then you're just going to have to deal with the fact that I'm going to reciprocate. Fuck… Ax… That wouldn't have fucked up his life.'

Roxas felt a small sense of satisfaction to see Axel's eyes widen and the teen open and close his mouth a couple of times, unable to summon any words. Taking pity on the obviously gobsmacked redhead Roxas gave Axel a small smile and said softly, 'Just remember that okay Ax? Please? And um… I really do want to hear that rest of your story if you still want to tell it.'

The grateful and utterly beautiful grin that Axel gave him took Roxas' breath away and he listened intently as the teen took a deep breath and continued, 'Like I was saying, they refused to recall Ren at first and then they really weren't able to because the whole sting went to shit. Reno was in there, accepted as one of their own for three weeks and then suddenly they knew. The incompetent fuckwits who investigated after never figured out who it was but someone on the team betrayed Reno's identity to the gang he was pretty much in bed with.'

Roxas was utterly enthralled in the gripping story and he unconsciously held his breath, tightening his grip around Axel as he waited hear what happened next. Axel's voice had a tremor in it, letting Roxas know that the next bit definitely wasn't good and the redhead went on, 'I was only seven but I watched the news every night with my new, so called family. That was how I found out that the only real family I had left had been stabbed and was in intensive care, somehow the fucking tabloids had even gotten hold of a picture of Reno getting shoved into the ambulance. And later… I found out that my foster parents had actually been told, but the fuckers just didn't bother to tell me.'

By the time Axel lapsed into silence Roxas was staring at him with his mouth wide open. A strange combination of rage and gut-wrenching empathy evident in his shadowed blue eyes Roxas abruptly snarled, 'Fuck's sake, how could anyone do that!? I can't believe someone could be so fucking heartless and cruel. Dammit… Ax…'


As Axel had anticipated it had felt like pulling teeth with rusty pliers to relive his story, but to his surprise he also felt a faint but definite glow of warmth at Roxas' reaction. Though he was aware that the story of his life read something like a soap opera with himself as the long-suffering protagonist Axel hadn't been expecting the sincerity and intensity of Roxas' response. With a tiny smile twisting his lips Axel risked reaching out and running the tips of his fingers down Roxas' cheek and his smile widened when his action stopped Roxas in mid-sentence.

In a tone of well practiced composure Axel said, 'It's okay Rox, honestly, it was a long time ago and even with all my anger issues I've managed to leave that particular shit in the past where it belongs. Anyway, Reno was in hospital for a long time because the knife nicked his lung and when he got out his wanker of a boss transferred him to Wonderland Precinct on desk duty. The bastard even had the nerve to tell him it was so he could learn the ropes properly in order to avoid any further incidents.'

Despite Axel's stated over-it-ness, he couldn't totally hide the feelings of anger that Reno's treatment at the hands of his superiors brought back to him. As he fell silent Roxas laid a gentle hand on his arm but Axel pushed on before the blonde could utter a word and said quickly, 'I did have a point in telling you this Rox, more than just demystifying Reno. This was pretty much the moment that Reno's natural tendency to do things his own way became an attitude of 'fuck authority'.'

Falling silent again Axel tried to suppress a feeling of creeping generalized anxiety that Roxas might somehow take his story as an attempt to emotionally manipulate him into feeling like he had to talk to Reno. As Roxas looked thoughtful Axel blurted out, 'I wouldn't have ever even suggested talking to a cop if it wasn't Reno. His big thing with authority is that he does what he thinks is right and if he thinks an order takes an unnecessary risk of getting someone hurt he won't hesitate to tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine.'

Axel shut his mouth with a snap when Roxas squeezed his arm gently and he realized that despite the mixture of trepidation and anxiety stamped across the blonde teen's face he had determination written in his eyes. In a soft voice that nevertheless contained a core of steel Roxas said, 'I know you wouldn't have suggested this if you thought it might make things worse Axel. I was… Almost ready to run out of the door until you started talking. And the only place I would be able to go is back to him… Ax… You've given me another way out, you know that right?'


His head whirling from the emotions evoked by Axel's intense story Roxas still managed to catch the deeper undertone in Axel's voice when he stammered out his reasons for suggesting the whole meeting with Reno idea. Fighting back the fear that threatened his composure Roxas tried his best to communicate his resolve. Seeing the expression on Axel's face slowly go from apprehensive and irresolute to hesitantly smiling made Roxas smile back, but then something rose up in the back of his mind and his brow furrowed in thought.

Riding on the wave of tenuous good feeling Roxas spoke without fully thinking through exactly what he was saying and he asked suddenly, 'Ax, I just realized that you, uh, never told me… I mean you don't have to tell me… But how… What happened to your parents?'

The second the words left his mouth Roxas was biting a hole in his tongue at his own presumption and he cursed himself for letting slip such an insensitive question. Frantically trying to think of some way of snatching the words back out of thin air Roxas unconsciously flinched away from Axel in anticipation of a harsh response to his impertinence. Although Roxas had managed to push aside most of his ingrained reactions during Axel's story, his Vexen-instilled fears were never far from the surface.