CHAPTER 12

Over the course of the next few years, Gillian and Alec tried to conceive. Alec seemed to think it would happen when it happened but much to his chagrin, Gillian dragged him to countless appointments to try to figure out why it hadn't happened yet.

The doctor's results were always the same. Both of them passed their tests with flying colors and there was no medical reason why Gillian wasn't pregnant yet.

The last doctor they saw suggested to them that their stress levels may be a contributing factor. He advised them to take a two week vacation and relax on the beach somewhere and let nature takes its course.

One afternoon, Alec stopped by The Lightman Group to see how Gillian was doing.

Earlier that morning, Gillian had come into the kitchen crying hysterically as she rushed into his arms, Alec automatically pulled her closer then asked what was wrong. Gillian explained that she had woken that morning and gotten her period. Alec knew she was devastated that another month had gone by and she had failed to conceive.

"Honey, we'll just keep trying…" he whispered.

Gillian leaned back and looked into his eyes then frowned when she saw "relief" flash across his face.

"You're relieved I'm not pregnant!"

"What? Honey, no!"

"I saw it, Alec! You're happy I'm not pregnant!"

"That's not true, Gill, I'm sorry another month has gone by and I'm sorry you're not pregnant but I have a huge meeting to get to and I just don't have time to deal with this right now!"

Gillian knew he was lying. "Then by all means…get to your meeting!" She shook her head as she whirled around and locked herself in the bathroom.

Alec pounded loudly on the door. "Come on, Gill, open up."

Silence met him and he sighed as he lightly touched the door. "Look, I've got to go, we'll talk about this tonight…I love you, honey!"

Gillian looked at herself in the mirror and closed her eyes against the tone in his voice. When she opened them slowly, she looked away and allowed her brain to convince herself that Alec was indeed devastated that she wasn't pregnant; he was just unable to deal with those emotions right now.

Gillian went into work and Cal knew something was wrong. At least twice a year, she had to remind him that he needed to respect "the line" she had drawn and today was another one of those days.

Cal frowned and walked away from her then sat with Loker all day in the lab.

At lunch, Alec stopped by to see Gillian. He walked into her office with a smile.

"Alec! What's wrong?!" Gillian asked immediately.

"Just came to have lunch with my wife."

Gillian smiled curiously at him. "Really? You never have lunch with me…"

Alec shrugged. "Well, today will be a first then…"

Gillian giggled as she grabbed her purse. "Just let me go to the bathroom first…"

She left and Alec walked around her office to pass the time. Cal walked in and looked over at him.

"Alec."

"Cal."

The two men shook hands and Cal nodded towards the door. "Gillian's been out of sorts lately, any idea what it's about?"

"I'm her husband, of course I do."

Cal looked at him pointedly as he waited for Alec to continue. When Alec didn't speak, Cal held up his hands in mock surrender. "Okay, I get it, she's a friend and I was worried about her, that's all."

Alec's eyes narrowed as he looked back at Cal. "If Gillian hasn't mentioned what's wrong then maybe it's because it's none of your business…maybe you two aren't as close as you think you are…"

Cal's hands tightened into fists as he held them at his sides and tried to control his sudden anger.

Alec watched Cal's reaction and realizing he had the chance to put Cal in his place, moved closer to him. "In fact, I'm not sure if this partnership you have with my wife is such a good idea anymore."

Cal sighed. "What are you trying to say, Alec?"

"Gillian's under a lot of stress and I think she and I will have a talk this weekend about what we can do to get back to a simpler life, if that means dissolving this partnership with you than so be it…"

Cal took the threat and rolled it around in his mind.

Gillian walked into the room all smiles. "Hi Cal, Alec stopped by to surprise me and take me out to lunch."

"At's nice…"

"Did you need something?" Gillian wondered.

"No, it can wait."

Gillian wondered why he was in her office but quickly determined he wasn't going to tell her yet so she slipped her arm through Alec's and let him lead her out to the car.

They had a wonderful lunch that lasted over two hours. Gillian was in her glory that Alec had taken time from his busy day to spend this time with her. She felt silly for her earlier outburst and she felt like her marriage was getting back on track.

Alec handed the waiter his credit card then reached for his phone which had started vibrating. He checked the messages and sighed. "I have to go out of town…"

"When?"

"Tonight…"

"Alec…"

"I know…I know…but its not like anything is going to happen right…I mean…you have your period and all…" he whispered as he leaned forward. "I'll be back before the weekend then we'll have all weekend to practice making babies…" he suggested as he wagged his eyebrows suggestively.

Gillian giggled and nodded. "Yeah."

Alec drove her back to work and leaned over and kissed her goodbye.

"Be careful, call me when you land," Gillian reminded.

"I will, love you, babe," Alec said as she leaned over.

"Love you too."

Alec drove off and Gillian back to work and buried herself in paperwork again.

She didn't realize it was so late until Cal came into her office.

"You heading home soon?" he asked.

Gillian startled as she looked up from the computer screen. "Um…yeah…"

Cal shoved his hands into his pockets and stepped forward worriedly.

Gillian frowned at his mood. "What is it, Cal?"

Cal sighed heavily as he slouched in the chair in front of her. "I was just wondering if you have something you need to tell me…"

Gillian frowned and searched her mind. "No…not that I can recall…"

"Oh."

"Cal, what's this about, have I done something wrong?"

"No but according to Alec, I have."

"Alec? What does he have to do with this?"

"He told me today that you were thinking of dissolving our partnership…"

"He said what?" Gillian asked, shock clearly showing on her face.

"He said that the stress was too much for you and that you and he were going to discuss your leaving here…"

Gillian blinked then shook her head. "Why would he say something like that?"

Cal shrugged. "I told him that I was worried about you…that you hadn't seemed like yourself lately…"

Gillian closed her eyes and sighed as she opened them slowly. "I'm sorry you were worried."

"You're my best friend, Gill."

"And you're mine," Gillian smiled then grew serious as she leaned back in her chair. "Alec and I have been trying for awhile now to have a baby." Tears pooled in her eyes as she looked around the room. "We've gone through some tests and the doctors say that there's no reason that I'm not pregnant." Cal nodded as she continued. "It was suggested that Alec and I are both under a lot of stress and that may be contributing to our lack of success."

"So, your quitting here is a way to relieve your stress?"

"No, Alec and I never discussed that and my job isn't that stressful. I promise you, Cal, I have no plans on leaving here anytime soon. When I finally have the baby, I may take a few extra weeks off then come back in part time with the baby until it gets on schedule but I don't anticipate being gone more than a few months."

Cal felt a wave of relief wash over him. "Well, whatever I can do to help…"

Gillian smiled. "I'll keep that in mind."

Weeks slowly turned into months.

Each month Gillian went through the whole grieving process and unknown to everyone else, Cal actually started to keep track of her periods so he would have some kind of idea of when she was going to be unapproachable.

It had been almost eighteen months and Gillian never came in and announced her pregnancy. Then one day, she burst into his office.

"Cal!"

"What?!" Cal gasped in surprise then laughed when he saw her face lit up. "I take it you've had good news?"

"The best! Guess what it is?!"

Cal shrugged. "You're pregnant!"

Gillian's face flashed sorrow but then excitement again. "Kind of…"

Cal frowned as he shook his head. "Foster, I don't think it's possible to be kind of pregnant."

Gillian rolled her eyes at him. "When Alec and I weren't successful, we signed up to try to adopt. A young girl met with the agency and picked us from a lineup of other couples. We met her over the weekend and she is going to let us adopt her baby."

Cal smiled at the excited look on Gillian's face. "At's great, Luv, congratulations!"

The two friends hugged warmly.

"So when are you turning our office upside down?"

"The girl is in her eighth month, so we only have a few weeks to get ready."

"Wow, that's fast."

"It seems like we've been waiting forever."

Cal nodded. "Well, take as much time off as you need just don't forget about us, yeah?"

Gillian smiled at him and reached out to touch his arm. "Really, Cal, how could I forget about…" she hesitated and stopped herself from saying 'you' as she knew it would be inappropriate and she looked quickly around the office. "…this place? It's my home away from home. I love working here, Cal, I love my job."

"You'll love your baby even more…I would give up this place in a minute if Emily needed me to."

"That's because you're a wonderful father."

Cal rolled his eyes as he thought of the fight he and Emily had this morning about a shirt she wanted to wear to school. "I'm not so sure about that…"

"I can only hope that Alec and I are able to raise our baby to be the kind of person Emily is turning out to be…Cal, she's a wonderful young lady, you should be proud."

"I am, thanks."

The phone rang and Gillian walked over to answer it while Cal shoved his hands in his pockets and waited. When he realized it was Alec calling her, he waved goodbye to her and went back to his office.

Twenty minutes later, Gillian called out to him from the hallway.

"Cal, are you ready?"

Cal shot to his feet and walked into the hallway. "Yeah."

"You didn't have to wait for me."

"Seeing as it's late, I didn't want you to walk out alone."

Gillian slipped her hand through his elbow as they walked towards their cars. "That's sweet, thanks, I'll be late tomorrow morning, Alec and I are going to shop for furniture for the nursery."

"At's great, get a jump on getting things set up for the little one."

"Yeah," they arrived at her car and Gillian squeezed his arm in appreciation. "So I'll see you later tomorrow morning…"

"Goodnight." Cal said as he waited for her to get inside before walking over to his own car. He followed behind her to the point she was less than a mile from home.

Gillian knew he could see her outline in the car so she raised her hand and waved at him. He flashed his lights at her and took the next turn that would lead him to his own home. She smiled as she thought about how thoughtful he was to make sure she got home safely.

She frowned as she wondered exactly why he and Zoe hadn't been able to make it work. Although there were times he was a handful, she knew Cal was a very caring person and had given it his all to try to make it work not only for Emily but himself as well. She frowned and wondered what exactly it was that had made Zoe start to distance herself to the point they finally divorced.

Gillian stopped all thoughts of them as she turned into her driveway and pulled up next to Alec's car. She grabbed her purse and raced into the house then leapt into her husband's arms. "Hi Daddy!" she gushed excitedly.

Alec blanched for a second then hugged his wife warmly. "Hi Mommy!"

She pulled back and her face was lit with excitement. "Thanks for taking some time off tomorrow morning; I can't wait to pick up the furniture. Do you think we could pick up some paint at the hardware store? I'd like to paint the nursery this weekend and get the carpets cleaned…"

Alec sighed inwardly at the full weekend of chores she had planned out but nodded enthusiastically. "Sure, honey, whatever you want."

An hour and a half later, Alec could feel his patience slipping away. He looked down at the shopping cart filled with painting supplies and added up the cost before he glanced at Gillian. She was standing in front of the paint samples and had been staring at the same two strips for twenty minutes.

Alec ran a hand over his face. "Gill?"

"Hmmm…"

"I have to work tomorrow…" he hinted.

Oblivious of his sour mood, Gillian smiled at him. "You'd better get used to not sleeping because our baby is going to be waking every few hours throughout the night for at least a month…"

Alec cringed at the upheaval in their lifestyle but clamped down on an angry retort. "What's the choices?" he asked looking down at the two slips in her hands.

Gillian stepped forward and showed him. "Beige or Eggshell."

Alec gasped when he looked down. "They're the same color!"

"No they're not!"

"Gillian, they're the same Goddamn color!"

Gillian gasped in disbelief. "I just want it to be perfect!"

Tears had formed in her eyes and Alec felt guilty. "I know, I'm sorry, I'm just so tired and…look…I like the eggshell…which one do you like better?"

Gillian sniffed back her tears. "The eggshell."

Alec walked over and grabbed the appropriate can and put it in the cart then kissed Gillian. "Okay, we've got everything, let's get home, okay?"

They went home and that weekend cleaned the entire apartment to hospital standards. Alec was exhausted and couldn't wait until Monday but Gillian was a bundle of energy and went shopping with her mother for the bed linen and some clothing.

Monday night came and Gillian was lying in bed snuggled up to Alec's side. "Honey, do you think we should start looking for a house?"

"Hmmm?"

"A house, Alec…should we start looking for a house? You know, investigate good school districts…"

"School dist…geez, Gill. The kid isn't even born yet," Alec griped.

Gillian frowned. "Well five years is going to fly by and in no time at all he or she will be going to school. I think it's important that we gather as much information as we can so we don't make a bad choice."

"Whatever you want, honey," Alec said as he rolled over to face the other way.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing…I'm….I'm just really tired, goodnight."

"Goodnight, honey."

Gillian was able to overlook all of Alec's indifference to the coming event, she convinced herself that once their baby was finally home they would be able to form the necessary bond to become a real family.

Over the course of the next few weeks, Gillian positively glowed. When she picked up the baby girl, she took a few days off then had a long weekend home to adjust. Monday morning, Cal walked in to find a radiant but tired looking partner holding a bright pink bundle.

"Who is that?" he grinned.

Gillian rushed to him and pulled back the blanket. "My daughter Sophie."

Cal grinned and caressed the little girl's cheek. "She's beautiful, Luv. Congratulations."

"I am so happy; I'm still waiting to wake up from the dream."

Cal kissed her cheek. "You look tired. Little one keeping you up all night?"

"Well…she's making it about three hours."

"At's pretty good, Gill, she'll be on a schedule in no time, you'll see."

"Thanks, Cal."

Little Sophie was soon making the rounds through the office and throughout the day everyone had held her for a period of time.

As usual, Emily showed up after school and ran through the office. "Where is she?!"

"Bloody slow down, Em, what are you shouting about?" Cal asked.

"Sophie! Where is she?"

"How the hell do I know, probably with her mum."

Emily ran down the hall to Gillian's office and peaked her head in. "Can I come in?"

"Of course," Gillian smiled warmly.

Emily came over and nodded towards the crib and Gillian rolled her eyes as she nodded. "Yes, you can pick her up; it's almost time for her bottle anyway."

"Can I feed her?" Emily asked eagerly.

Gillian sighed, she had barely held Sophie all day but she knew the newness of the situation would wear off so she nodded. "Sure, let me just go warm up her bottle."

Gillian left the room and Emily gently pulled back the cover and gasped. "Oh my gosh, you are so little!"

Cal had followed her to Gillian's office. "Easy, Em, support her head when you pick her up."

Emily looked scared and Cal smiled as he walked over and took her hands. "Here, slip your hand under her head first then the other one under her bum and bring her to your chest."

Emily did as he instructed and her eyes were wide. "She's so precious."

Cal grinned. "Yeah, all babies are…until they turn into teenagers."

Gillian chuckled as she walked passed Cal and handed Emily the bottle. "Here you go, Em." Emily took the bottle as Gillian turned to Cal. "Did you need something?"

Cal shrugged. "Nope, I just wanted to…um…"

Emily's phone went off and she looked at it. "It's Amber!"

Cal rolled his eyes. "Give me Sophie then and take the call."

Gillian frowned with surprise then watched Cal sit down and proceed to feed Sophie with ease. She realized he had wanted to hold her all along but didn't want anyone else to know it. He seemed lost in Sophie's eyes as he cooed to her then gently put her across her shoulder to pat her back and elicit a tiny burp. "At's a good girl," he whispered as he brought her back against his chest and continued to feed her.

Gillian cocked her head to the side. "You're a great Dad, Cal. Why didn't you and Zoe have more kids?"

Emily walked into the room. "Are you kidding me, Mom barely had time for me!"

Cal tried to look away to hide his sadness but Gillian had seen it and knew he would have loved to have had more kids and that Zoe was obviously the one who prevented them.

"Can I feed her now?" she asked Cal.

"What, until the next phone call? You've obviously inherited your parenting skills from your mother. She's not a sack of potatoes, Em. You can't be upsetting her when something better comes along."

Emily looked embarrassedly at Gillian. "I'm sorry…I wasn't thinking…"

Gillian nodded towards the bottle. "That's okay, she's finished anyway so now it's time to play."

Cal rolled his eyes as he handed Emily the baby with a warning. "Not rough or she'll be puking that bottle all over you."

"Okay," Emily said as she sat down in the chair and talked sweetly to Sophie.

At the look on Gillian's face, Cal shot to his feet. "All right then, back to work!"

He left as abruptly as he had come and Emily giggled. "He really wanted to hold her."

"I know."

"My alarm went off at the perfect time."

Gillian cocked her head and looked at her curiously. "You didn't get a phone call?"

"Nope! I knew he wouldn't ask so when the alarm went off …"

"You used the opportunity to let your Dad hold Sophie?"

"Yep!"

"You're a great kid, Em!"

"I know!"

Two short months later, tragedy struck and the birth mom changed her mind and came back to claim Sophie as her own again.

Gillian was devastated and took the long weekend to recover. On Monday when she came back, Cal and thoughtfully had all traces of Sophie removed from her office and things slowly went back to normal.