Day 12: Long Beach

EPOV

The first day in Los Angeles had been a typical vacation day. We slept in late, still naked and tangled on the messy bed. We took a shower, separately, and went downstairs for a breakfast buffet. We decided to go for a walk through the touristic shopping street. We bought postcards for our friends and families at home, and some Californian souvenirs as well. Feeling the sun and breathing open air all day was wonderful. Back in our room, we took some drinks from the minibar and placed ourselves on the balcony to write our postcards.

After lunch I told her I would go check our mails again, to see if anyone answered and to browse for things to do, while she wanted to take a short nap. The internet was free anyway. I noticed several replies on my general mail yesterday. Most of them said pretty much the same "Good hearing from you, enjoy the rest of your trip".

There was a mail from Lauren as well. It was really sweet. She told me how she missed my green eyes, my voice whispering in her ear. That she longed for my strong arms again. How she sees me with Bella, protective of her, and that she wants that too, someone who cares so much about her. That she wished it could have been me and her.

Somehow, her email pushed all the right buttons. And I could remember why I fell for her in the first place, before I ran. She was a vulnerable girl, not afraid to show it. And somehow, her begging didn't irk me, it just illustrated to me that she was willing to go for her goals, even it meant setting aside her pride.

I mailed her back that somehow I missed her too, and I also wanted a girlfriend to care for and to protect, just like I seemed to be protecting Bella. Because I know that Bella really doesn't need my help.

She must have been online, because almost immediately I got a response. We mailed back and forth. Mostly sweet mails, but I wasn't giving in yet. I kept repeating to her that we would see when I got back. Somewhere in the back of my mind, there was this voice that said: if you get back together now, there will be no more benefits this vacation. It's low of me to think that way, so I didn't allow the thought to fully develop. But still I held back Lauren.

There were several mails passing, so every time I pressed 'send', I had another new one in my inbox. Until I suddenly realized I had been talking to Lauren for well over an hour and a half. Bella would certainly be up and wondering where I was. I didn't bring my cell with me, certain that I would only stay away for about fifteen minutes. I said goodbye to Lauren, and logged off, hurrying up the stairs towards our room.

Bella wasn't there. I was instantly worried. Until I found my cell on my pillow. It had a text message saying "I'm by the pool. See ya."

It wasn't an angry text, and she even used our 'see ya' joke. But I know my Bella. She hates to be dependent, and me going off without cell would certainly not have made her happy.

I imagined her with the blind cane, finding her way in the large hotel complex, which we didn't explore yesterday. Walking about, muttering about how much of a prick I am.

In fact, Bella can manage very well, and she's not afraid to ask any stranger to tell her where to find something. But still, I felt like it was my job to look after her.

I quickly closed the room and went to the pool. I sighed a breath of relief when I saw her on the side, sunbathing.

I made my way over to her and sat down, not knowing if she was asleep or not. I decided to talk anyway.

"I'm sorry Bella, I got carried away with the mails, I lost track of time."

"No big deal," she answered, poker faced.

Okay, so not sleeping and definitely pissed. She had the right to be though. I left her for almost two hours.

"Yes, it is a big deal. I'm really sorry. It was Lauren…"

"You don't owe me an explanation, Edward. We are two friends on a vacation, and we are free to go as we please. I'm not a crippled, and you're not my babysitter."

"I do owe you, Bella. I told you I'd be right back and I wasn't. This has got nothing to do with who's babysitting who. You have the right to be mad at me."

"Fine. Then I'm mad."

"Okay." I said, and lay down next to her. I didn't bring anything with me, so I just lay fully clothed on the hard tiles.

I was really in agony. I hate it when I mess up and things get in between us. But I couldn't really tell her more than what I had said already. I would only piss her off more.

After a while, she sought my hand next to hers and intertwined our fingers, giving me a little squeeze and thereby letting me know that she wasn't cross anymore. Or at least tried not to be.

I know she can't really stay mad at me, and that I am so lucky that she cares so much for me.

"I'm very sorry Bella, it won't happen again."

"I don't mind you mailing her Edward, but I'd rather you tell me so I don't have to sit there waiting. And take your cell with you. I was worried sick."

"I know. But so you know, I don't want to spend my time mailing her, honestly. This is our vacation."

"Have you decided on getting back together?"

"We'll see when I'm home."

"That's what you tell her. But what do you think?"

"I think so, yes."

"Hmmm."

She was quiet after this. I know she doesn't really like Lauren. She has no reason to dislike her, as Lauren is the only ex that never bashed Bella out of jealousy. I didn't tell Bella this of course, because that would have to mean that I would tell her about the others who did.

When she had enough of laying in the sun, she got up and pulled a little dress over her head. She put the towel into her bag and unfolded her blind cane. This means she wouldn't let me guide her. She gets like that when she's pissed, wants to show me she doesn't need me. I know that she doesn't. It's always me needing her.

And so I followed her again like a punished dog, back to our room, where she disappeared into the bathroom, to rinse off the sunscreen.

I lay down on the bed, eyes closed, thinking of ways to make it up to her. But when she came out of the shower, she was all smiles. She had decided I was punished enough and she let it go. Just like that, no hard feelings.

That afternoon, we walked through Long Beach, without blind cane, and had dinner in an Asian restaurant at Rainbow Harbor. I told her a bit more about the mails, even though she wasn't really interested. But I felt like she needed to hear it, I wanted her to like Lauren. Somewhere I had this feeling that I would give Lauren a serious try, more than any of my other girlfriends. And I would need Bella's support on that.

After dinner, we walked back to the hotel, where we enjoyed the entertainment show that was up. It was called 'Grease' and was really funny. I was so relieved that everything was okay again between us. Later that night in bed, I didn't push my luck though. I gave her chaste kiss goodnight and closed my eyes.

"What? No fooling around?" She asked.

I turned towards her, a little surprised.

"I thought… Um... Yesterday…"

"Oh, now you're sticking to the rule?"

"Well, yes. And the fight…"

"I'm not mad anymore. I told you."

"But… Do you want to?" I tried not to get my hopes up.

"Not really." she said in a mocking tone "just figured you would be all over me now we broke the rule anyway."

"Well, if you don't want to, that's okay. But about that rule… Do we really need it?"

"You agreed to it as well. We had our reasons."

"I know, back then it seemed reasonable too, but I couldn't have known you would become so addictive. And what does it mean anyway? Why seven days and not say three? Or ten?"

"I don't know. But you know what will happen without the rule."

"We'll end up banging all the time," I joked. But she responded seriously "Exactly."

"And care to explain why that is a bad thing?"

"Because," she paused "I don't want us to be about that. You know I love having sex with you, but I already think it's too big a part of what we are. If we do this now, have sex like every day, and then you get back together with Lauren once we're back, where does that leave us?"

"But Bella, you are so much more to me than that, don't you know? You're everything to me! This could be like all those other hobbies we obsessed about for a while. We spent all our time on one thing or another, and then after the obsession passed, we found something else to do. Simple as that."

"But sex is different Edward, you can't see that as a hobby."

"I sure can."

"Alright, maybe you can. To me, it's more than that."

"It is? But Bella…"

"It's not what you think it meant. Just… Okay, let me think about how to explain." she contemplated for a while.

"Before you and your magic fingers came along, I was happy. I mean, content. I didn't need more. And then we got this benefits thing, and you gave me more than I ever had. But it's not mine to keep. I don't want to get as hooked up as you are on getting off. Because you're the only one that can make me come, and one day it will stop… This sounds really pathetic, doesn't it?"

"No, not at all. So you finally admit that a person needs to have a release once in a while?"

"Not yet. I don't need it, and I don't want to need it."

"But Bella, if I can make you come, there has to be a way for you to do it as well."

"I don't want to go there again. I know you only want to help, but I'm fine. I just want you to understand one of the reasons I need the rule and I can't give in every time I want you."

"Okay, I understand. But please, just tell me whenever you're not comfortable with it, for which ever reason, and don't hide behind a stupid out dated rule."

"Will you be okay with that? If we toss the rule but still only go at it about once a week."

"Sure. At least now I know it's only because I'm too addictive." I grinned, lightening up the mood.

"You told me I'm addictive too, so you should be scared as well."

"Bella, I'm a boy, if I get a chance to have sex with you, I'm not going to worry about emotional stuff and all."

"Right, I forgot, mistook you for a real person there." she stuck out her tongue at me and I responded by tickling her sides. I tickled relentlessly until she was kicking and screaming and begging me to stop.

At last the people in the adjoining room knocked on the wall for us to be more quiet.

"They can't handle our passion, honey," I said.

She laughed out loud, still panting.


AN: Do you think things are already changing? Let me know...