Aaaaand another one :) Enjoy and thank you all for the reviews.

Chapter 12

Clara found it hard to really concentrate on the game of Monopoly or the conversation. Yes, Ralph and Cynthia were lovely and they immediately included her in everything, making her feel as if she had always been a part of the group. The Doctor kept looking at her as if to make sure she was actually having fun and she found it harder and harder to pretend that she did as the evening went on. A man in his position, with a past like his. What could that possibly mean?

"Clara," the Doctor's voice interrupted her train of thoughts.

"Mh?" she turned around.

"You just landed on my street. You know, the one with the hotel," he grinned broadly.

"What?" her eyes turned to the board, "Oh. Ohhh. . . But I've got a mortgage on basically everything that's mine already."

"Looks like someone's bankrupt," Cynthia hummed.

"Yep. Sorry, Clara," the Doctor agreed.

"Aw, I suck at this game," Clara pulled a face, her eyes still on the board game.

"Don't worry, we can play something else now if you want. But I'm not putting you in charge of any financial things soon," the Doctor said with a laugh before placing a kiss on her head.

Suddenly Clara had an idea.

"Oh, I know what we could play. How about Never Have I Ever? Huh? That could be fun," she suggested, smiling broadly. Clara was really proud to have come up with the idea. It was the perfect chance to find out about some of the things the Doctor was so reluctant to tell her while still making it look like a game. Yet no one reaction to her suggestion. "You guys know it, right? Someone starts saying things like Never Have I Ever. . . for example, kissed a person of my own gender. And everyone who has actually done it has to drink a shot."

All of a sudden the room seemed very quiet, making Clara feel as if she had just suggested they should all strip out of their clothes.

"I think we should probably play something else," Ralph said after a moment, finally breaking the silence.

"Why?" Clara asked, slightly confused and still feeling as if she had suggested something horrible, "We played this a lot. Back in college. It was usually fun. At least until the first person threw up."

"Ralph is right. We should play something else," the Doctor said calmly.

"Okaaaay," Clara took a deep breath, looking nervously around the room, "Why is everyone looking at me like I just suggested we should shoot puppies for fun?"

The answer came from the Doctor. "Because Ralph and Cynthia know that you won't find alcohol in this house."

Clara opened her mouth to speak and suggest they could still play with juice or whatever, but he continued.

"And that there are things about my past that I would rather tell you outside of a game. This isn't how I would want you to find out."

"I think it's getting rather late. Ralph and I should probably just go home," Cynthia suggested carefully and Clara watched her nudge Ralph in the ribs.

"Yeah, good idea," Ralph agreed, "But it was a fun night. Great food, as usual. We should do this again."

They both rose from their seats and started making their way towards the door. Both said goodbye to Clara, but while Cynthia remained friendly as smiling as usual, Ralph looked a little bit concerned. The Doctor got up as well and accompanied them to the front door while Clara remained in the living room, waiting for him to return, feeling like she had just ruined the entire evening.

"I'm sorry," she said immediately as the Doctor walked back into the living room, "I shouldn't have suggested it. I feel like I have ruined the whole evening."

"No, you haven't," the Doctor said at once, "And it's not your fault. It's just that Ralph and Cynthia are among the few people who actually know everything about me and I guess," he inhaled deeply, "I guess now is the time."

"The time for what?" Clara asked carefully, and she sounded about as afraid as she actually was.

"The truth," he replied simply, "And I truly hope that it won't scare you away. There are only 3 people apart from me who know all of it and I haven't spoken about it in almost 10 years."

"I doubt it could be that bad."

The Doctor sat down in the spot he had occupied throughout the evening and looked at Clara, indicating with his hand that she should join him on the floor. Clara took one of the pillows and sat down on the floor next to the Doctor. Reaching for his hand and squeezing it lightly, she rested her head against his shoulder.

The Doctor took a deep breath, but hesitated to speak at first.

"When I was at the beginning of my career I met River. She was a young archaeologist, a free spirit, travelling the world just like I did at that time," he began, his voice taking on a sombre tone, heavy with grief and nostalgia, "I thought it couldn't get any better than that. My career was going extremely well, I had this wonderful woman by my side. We got married in secret. She didn't want her photos to be printed out in the newspapers and I was a rock star with a reputation to maintain, but we were happy. Or at least I thought we were."

Clara waited for him to continue, but he didn't.

"What happened?" she wanted to know.

"We were married for almost a decade before I found out. She had been sleeping with my manager almost the entire time. I still don't understand how I could've been so stupid not to have seen it, but I guess I was just in love and I was blind."

Clara could see now why it must have been hard for the Doctor to trust anyone after his experience with his first wife. To be betrayed by someone so close and for that amount of time must have been difficult.

"You must have been devastated," she found herself saying and squeezing his hand just a little more tightly in a weak attempt to comfort him.

"To put it mildly, yes," he gave a short, sad laugh, "It broke me. At that time."

The way he said it and the sound of his voice made it all too clear for Clara that he had never really managed to put the story of River behind him. Somehow it was still with him, still haunting him, still making it hard to let other really close.

"It completely shattered my trust in the woman that I thought I would love til death do us part and a friend who had always been there for me, and I guess, by extend, it shattered my trust in everyone. It took me a long time to let anyone close again. I felt betrayed and left alone by the two most important people in my life."

"While I was married to River and being a rock star I had already experimented a little. Drugs, of all kind, really. But when I lost my wife and my best friend on the same day, I just. . . lost it. I fell into a deep, dark hole and I didn't care that I was on my way to ruin my career or my health, I just wanted to stop feeling rather than deal with what had happened. Until Missy found me and gave me a good, hard kick in the ass."

The Doctor laughed at the memory of that and Clara suddenly understood what he had meant on their first day together when he had said he was still grateful to Missy.

"Missy is probably the only reason I am still alive today. She declared herself my manager when I was an apathetic mess with no strength to even get out of bed. She helped me get clean, she helped me focus on my music again and she was really good at her job right from the start. Missy was never a friend, but she was the firm hand I desperately needed at that time."

"There is one thing I don't understand," Clara said reluctantly, "If you've been clean all this time, then, why are you pretending to be a troubled rock star? I've read articles about you. They all still seem to think you've got problems. But look at you, you've done so well."

"It's a show, Clara," he replied, "Just a show. It's what Missy came up with. She said that during my troubled time I sold more records than ever before because everyone loved the problematic rebel, so we decided to keep it up. Sex, drugs, rock 'n roll, all of that. It's nothing but an act."

"That sounds like a real burden. I mean, the person you were with at that time would have had to play along," she suddenly thought of herself and if she was actually willing to do that. For the Doctor? Clara thought she would, but she wasn't sure.

"I wasn't really with anyone since River, not seriously. I tried but before I even had the chance to open up to them I realized they just wanted the rock star, not the real me. And then there was always the possibility that I might have been wrong about a woman again and they would just go ahead and sell my secrets to the press, or worse, break my heart once more. I couldn't risk it."

"So all this time you've been with no one?" Clara asked. She felt a little special and kind of proud of herself, to be the one the Doctor had finally picked.

"Not quite. Clara, I want to be honest with you," he said hesitantly, "Missy and I, we. . . we've. . . I don't even know what to call it. When I felt so lonely to the point that I was about to blow my cover. . . Missy was there for me in those situations as well. It never meant anything to either of us, but I feel like you should know."

"But you've just opened up to me," Clara realized, "You chose me in a room full of women. You invited me to your home, you told me everything, or at least a great deal of it."

"I'm tired of this game, Clara," the Doctor said heavily, "I just want out. When I saw you, I was just instantly taken. You absolutely didn't fit in and you stood out like the only flower in a concrete jungle. I liked that and I was torn. Either I could do what I've always done, take you upstairs, tell you I'd like to sleep with you but had no condoms on me or pretend to be too high to get it up and if you wanted you could still say that it had happened, most women did. Or I could do it for real."

"And that's what you did," Clara chuckled.

"That's what I did," he repeated with a smile, "And I loved every second of it. You were the only thing that felt real in a very long time and I thought 'it's now or never'. I don't want to play games any longer. I want something real. And I want it with you."

The Doctor turned his head to face her and Clara saw the question and doubt in his eyes. He was scared she might reject him after everything he had told her.

"Do you think you can be with someone who has made a living out of lying to everyone for most of his life? Do you even remotely feel something for me or is it the rock star that you want?"

Clara thought about it for a moment. She had been unsure about her feelings for the Doctor until this moment. The fact that he was a famous rock star, the secrets she knew he kept, the thought that maybe she was just a fling to him or a distract had all made her keep her distance emotionally. But now that he had told her everything, revealed the secrets that were not even remotely what she had been expecting to hear, Clara realized that she was beginning fall in love with the man she had no idea he was.

She smiled at him. "Now more than ever."

"You have no idea how happy you make me," the Doctor grinned back at her. He let go of her hand and pressed his palms to her cheeks. He kissed her on the forehead first, then gently pecked her nose, before his lips wandered to her mouth.