a/n hey guys, sorry for not writing for over a month…I'm not that good at making sure I keep writing when I have a lot of other things to do…btw, the name was The Darkest Point's idea(it originally was just Wonder, but I added the 'like,' cuz I'm weird...) and the weapon is The Psychopath Blonde's idea.
Doomed Dogs
Jessica Stanley walked up to Edward.
"Hey, like, will you like, watch my like, dog, like, please, like?" She asked, using the word like a total of 5 times.
Edward wanted to say no, but Rosalie heard, and, annoyed with how much Jessica loves to obsess over the Cullens, she answered for Edward, in her fake prep talk.
"OMGEEE! Like, SURE!! I'm SO sure Edward would like, love to like, do it! He like, LOVES dogs! They're so like, CUTE!!!!!" Rosalie said, voice super high and preppy and eyes wide and innocent, and all that shiz…by the way, she used 'like' 5 times too!!!
"Ooooh!! Like, THANKS! Rosalie, I like, always like, saw you like, kind of as a female dog, like, now I know you're like, totally not! like, that's SO like, cool!!! Like yeah! And her name is like, Wonder." Jessica beats Rosalie again in the number of likes, with 10!!
Before Edward could refuse, Jessica had a leash in his hands. Connected to that leash was a pink-dyed golden doodle. Groaning, Edward took the dog home…BAD CHOICE, EDDIE-BOY!!
When he arrives home, Jasper and Emmett are fighting over who Bella considers her closest brother.
Jasper says himself, because he was the one to help her when James was after her, and plus his wife is her BFF.
Emmett says himself because he's amazing and funny and awesome and didn't try to kill her. And didn't kill 29 cats.
In the fight, Emmett grabs a vacuum cleaner, and…TRIES TO ATTACK THE TOO-FAST JASPER WITH IT! Instead, he accidentally repeatedly attacks the poor golden doodle who dies within milliseconds of walking into the Cullen home and having her brains destroyed… ew…
"You killed 'like, Wonder'…" Edward said.
"NOW look who kills human pets!" Jasper said, poking out his tongue.
"You've killed more!" Emmett pointed out, "Oh, and 'oops.'"
The last Emmett said just for effect. Edward then took home 'like, Wonder' and told Jessica the mostly-truth.
Jessica learned: Believe Mike more often…not when he says that Jacob Black is a werewolf though…he's too hunky to be such an ugly thing! And I've seen him during full moons!
Grave:
Here Lies like, Wonder
May she rest in peace, and…
May all these idiotic humans stop leaving their dogs with vampires!!!
a/n hope you like it! I know, it's different than most of the others…but I felt like it!
