Almost done here folks...read and review please? I love hearing anything you have to say...means alot to me and makes me update
I left the locker room shortly after, I couldn't just sit around I had to get out of that room to breath. Having no idea what he had running through his head didn't help my anxiety either, I grabbed my car keys and made my way to the parking garage. When I finally found my car I just sat there in the drivers seat for what seemed like hours before I actually started it up. Resting my head on the wheel I tried to relax, I couldn't let John know that I was upset. I just had to try and pretend that nothing was wrong and attempt to be happy throughout whatever surprise he had planned for me.
My hands on the wheel and my eyes on the road I just drove, I just let the drive consume me. It was a good way to clear my head and prepare myself for our date; after all it could be the last one. I didn't know how long Randy expected me to keep things from John but I did know that I couldn't do it much longer. It was tearing me up inside, especially when I knew that he would be thrilled to have a child but he knew that it wasn't the life I wanted. How could he not hate me when he finds out that I'm having a family without him? He was my family, hell he was my world and now I could loose it all in the blink of an eye. How many times had it crossed my mind to just terminate the pregnancy and do my best to put it behind me? But I couldn't do that to myself or Randy, he wanted the baby and I couldn't hurt a fly.
After I felt I had sufficiently driven in circles around town long enough I stopped into the hotel to grab my red dress, I slipped it into a plastic bag and brought it downstairs before I threw it in threw it in the trunk of the car. I had one more stop to make before I went back the arena to get ready. Turning the corner I saw the glowing neon sign that let me know I had found what I was looking for, a pharmacy. I made it in and out very quickly, stuffing the pill bottle into my bag in the backseat. Pre-natal vitamins, Randy said that I needed them but I didn't want to see any doctors just yet. The sooner I saw a doctor the sooner this leaked to the dirt sheets and I couldn't let that happen before John found out. No, that couldn't happen. I would just have to take care of myself until I got the ok to fill John in and beg him not to hate me. Because that was all I could really ask for, for him not to hate me…anything else would be selfish, I couldn't expect him to stay.
I got back to the arena pretty quick, I quietly slipped back into his dressing room and when I had gotten changed proceeded to do my hair and make up. "Hey baby." He said, wrapping his arms around my waist, I smiled and nusseled my head into his neck. I felt so safe and comforted when he held me; it was a feeling I never wanted to give up. "I won my match against Orton." John said into my ear. Dropping the curler in my hand I turned around to kiss him, I wanted every moment we had left to be special. John reached into his back pocket and pulled out a black piece of cloth before he waved it in the air. "Jonathan Felix Anthony Cena, what the hell is that for?" He smirked and proceeded to tie it around my head. "It's so you can't see where it is that I'm taking you." He replied leading me out of the locker room, now completely blindfolded.
He guided me along a hallway and then another before we took 3 staircases. "Where are we going?" I asked him feeling around to try and find out for myself. "Shhhh." He said untying the scarf, "we're here." The blindfold fell off my face to reveal a candle light dinner, complete with roses and fancy silverware, on the roof of the building. I started to tear up, I didn't deserve all this. "John…" I started, but he wouldn't allow me to finish. "Don't say anything," He said. "Unless it's I love you." Turning into him I smiled and placed my lips on his. "I love you." I told him. Tonight would probably be one of the last nights I got to spend with him, so I had to put on a happy face and make the best of what I had left.
He was being such a gentleman, pulling out my chair and serving me my meal before he even sat down…he always was like that and it was times like this that I wished he was an asshole. If I hated him, things would be so easy. The dinner was delicious, he had cooked up some of my favourite things; I smiled at the fact that he remembered my love of steamed tofu and broccoli. He himself opted for something at little more conventional, steak. It took us forever to eat, he would stop every few minutes to smile and hold my hand, and I would just watch him…trying my best to memorize every detail. I watched how many times he chewed before he swallowed, the way he scrunched up his nose when he drank…bringing out little lines in his forehead. And I especially tried to take a mental picture of when he smiled at me; the way his eyes sparkled and his dimples took over his face. I didn't know how I was going to keep myself from crying; I knew that once all this got out he would never look at me like that again.
"Finished?" He asked, I nodded and took my plate and his before replacing them with dessert…German chocolate cake. Another favourite that he remembered, sometimes it felt as though he knew more about me than anyone I'd ever known. "You look upset." He said, penetrated my thoughts again. "…Just take a bite, I swear its heaven." Trying my best to push my sadness to the back of my mind, I stuck my fork down into the cake. Putting a piece in my mouth it melted on my tongue except for something hard, my first thought way that it was a nut but it felt massive. When I put my finger on my tongue to pull it out, I found a ring… "Don't say anything, not yet…" John said before puling out his chair and crouching down beside me. "Listen I know that you said you didn't want to get married, but I love you and I think that we should just do it…we could just go away together. Being married doesn't mean that we have to have kids, and it doesn't mean that I control you, no one could do that." He said with a laugh, I was about to open my mouth when he placed a finger to my lips to silence me. "Lita, I still don't know why you left in the first place…" I once again tried to talk, "Shhhh, it doesn't matter anymore…in fact I don't even want to know why. Because baby I love you and that's all that matters…"
Looking down at him, his eyes wide and his heart on his sleeve I felt as though the organ in my chest had stopped beating. I wanted nothing more then to throw my arms around him, kiss him all over and scream, "yes" from this rooftop…but I couldn't. He didn't deserve all this garbage. I held his face in my hands and looked him in the eyes, trying my best to show him that I really did love him. "I can't." I finally said. "I just can't, I want to but I just can't John. I don't deserve all this, I don't deserve your romantic dinners and fancy proposals, I don't deserve to be your wife, I don't deserve your love and most of all I don't deserve you." I said, before I ran off…tears streaming down my face. I couldn't do it to him; I couldn't accept what I should have never been offered. I was garbage and he was a diamond…you don't find jewellery at a dumpsite.
