A/N: Okay, I know it's been forever since I last updated this, but I've been busy with other things, and it's not like this is a real story, anyway, so it doesn't need to be updated regularly.

In any case, here's the next journal entry. For those of you who've lost track since the last time, we are now up to "Rise of the Zitboy", which is one of my favorite episodes (though nothing tops "Backseat Drivers from Beyond the Stars" in my opinion). So, this should be fun.

Read on!

Disclaimer: If I owned Invader Zim, I would have made sure that, at the very least, the second season had been completed. Unfortunately, Mr. Vasquez apparently didn't feel that the fans deserved that much.

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Entry #035

I have noticed something. Which is to say that I have noticed something more so than usual, for Zim sees and knows ALL! 'Cause, you know, I'm Zim.

Anyway, what I've noticed is that I've been letting myself get lax lately. While I was carrying off a very important experiment involving the escape velocities of chickens, I was interrupted by an intruder alarm. I quickly rushed up to the surface level, where, after extensive reconnaissance work you'd expect from an AMAZING Invader such as myself, I discovered that Dib was attempting to once again infiltrate the base of Zim. To give the pig-smelly some credit, his disguise was rather clever – though not as clever as my disguises, of course. No mere human could ever outmatch ZIM when it comes to the cleverness of disguises!

Anyway, when I confronted the Dib-Stink, the insolent fool dared to claim that if he wanted to, he could easily infiltrate my base without me knowing it. He even claimed that there was a flaw in my security system – which is impossible because I designed them myself, and Zim does not make mistakes! And even if I did – which I don't – there is no way that an oversized monkey on a dooky-filled backwater rock like Earth could possibly be capable of exploiting it!

At least… that's what I thought. Mere moments after I scared Dib off of my property, a delivery drone from that pig pizza showed up and walked right up to my front door. The security gnomes didn't even fire at him once!

So, maybe there is some kind of flaw in my security system. Probably left over from the Vortian base codes that I built my system around. Stupid goats can't do anything right…

In any case, I will not rest until I have found this flaw! Zim shall not leave himself vulnerable to enemy infiltration! Zim shall be triumphant! Zim shall be victorious! Zim shall-

-Gagging noises-

Oh, Irk… I'm sorry, I can't think straight with the smell of all that cheese on GIR's pizza. Why must he enjoy things that offend Zim's superior senses? I'll have to finish this later – first, I'm going to get that useless hunk of tin to get rid of that human filth!

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Entry #036

Well, this has certainly been an… interesting development. While trying to get GIR to just stop being so disgusting with the pizza, Zim once again fell victim to his stupidity. GIR jumped onto my head and got me completely covered in filthy grease, and it took forever to get him off. And then, when trying to remove the filth with cleansing chalk, I found that GIR had replaced it with BACON!

But that is when the interesting bit happened. Zim does not know whether it was the grease or the bacon or both, but something caused Zim's perfect face to suddenly be blemished by a bump of some kind. According to what GIR learned from the TV, this is what the humans call a "pimple". Realizing that this… thing would compromise my mission, since the humans would see me as some kind of hideous freak, I quickly acquired a sample of anti-pimple medical goo advertised on TV.

Which backfired horribly. The pimple – perhaps due to Zim's superior Irken DNA being not what the medication was meant for – swelled to the size of a human smeet's head. And then to add insult to injury, GIR, in his infinite stupidity, went and drew a face on the pimple, making it look like there was an actually head growing out of my own superior cranium. And that's when things got interesting.

It would seem that due to a combination of the face drawn on the pimple's translucent surface and the swirling filth liquids within it, this hideous blemish on Zim's beautiful face has hypnotic powers of a sort. I discovered this when I accidentally managed to hypnotize GIR into obeying me without doing something stupid seconds later. And that is when Zim's brilliant brain-meats came to an AMAZING realization – if I could bend someone as absent minded as GIR to my will that easily, then I could do it to humans as well. In particular, I could force Dib to tell me the flaw in my security systems, thus giving Zim back his fortress.

But the first thing to do was to disguise the pimple so that no one would realize its true nature (thus distracting from its power). So, I quickly grabbed parts from the storage room where Zim keeps things that he doesn't need except for when he… needs them, for things that… he needs them for…

-Awkward silence-

Zim could have perhaps phrased that better – but you couldn't have! Your speech methods are nowhere near as good as ZIM'S! And in any case, Zim then used those parts to create a little body for the pimple, thus making it look like a person is hanging off of my face. I have named this dummy Pustulio, and with him as an extension of Zim's will, Zim shall be triumphant!

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Entry #037

Victory for Zim! The plan has gone exactly as I had hoped. Upon arriving at Skool, I used Pustulio to hypnotize almost every filthy human worm-baby on the premises, and they all fell to Zim's power within minutes. The only one who was spared my swift conquest was the Dib-Sister, and that was just because she was focusing on reading a book instead of looking at Pustulio.

Now, I know what you must be thinking, "Why, almighty and magnificent Zim, did you not simply force her to look at Pustulio and be hypnotized?"

Well, the truth is, and Zim is only a little ashamed to admit this… I respect Gaz. I know it may seem odd to say something like that about a mere skaatel child, but she does beat Dib up and make his life miserable on an almost daily basis, so I can't help but respect that. Plus, there is just something… appealing about her that Zim cannot quite put his finger on.

-Thoughtful murmuring-

Anyway, once I had hypnotized most of the filthy stink children, I brought them with me into the classroom; I knew that Dib would soon follow me, and that the close quarters of the classroom would be the perfect place to capture him. And, as always, Zim was right!

The Dib-Stink heroically burst into the room, no doubt determined to save his fellow dirt-monkeys from enslavement to the might of Zim. Unfortunately for the fool boy, the children were already bent to my will, and quickly restrained him for me, at which point I forced him to look into Pustulio.

True, he resisted, but Zim would have been disappointed if he hadn't; and in any case, he ultimately fell to Pustulio's hypnotic trance, and became Zim's mind slave. When this was done, I quickly did what I had set out to do and forced him to tell me the flaw in my security systems… and I was surprised to find that it was nothing wrong with the programming as I had originally thought, but simply due to a blind spot that could be covered with more gnome drones.

Before I could even fully process this – though not before I celebrated my victory, of course – Pustulio suddenly swelled up to massive sizes and burst. A huge tidal wave of pus swept over the classroom, ruining it and, more to the point, freeing everyone from my mind control, meaning I no longer had an army of obedient slaves at my command. Still, Dib was disoriented enough that Zim was able to make a quick escape, and I have already begun planting more gnomes to cover my blind spot.

So, like I said, victory for Zim… if you ignore the fact that I'm covered in pus and will probably smell like dooky for the next several days. Why must there always be complications? Why can't Zim simply have the victory that is rightfully mine without something going wrong and spoiling it? Is that so much to ask of the universe? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Ergh, I'm giving myself a headache… when I'm done boosting the security field, I need to remember to break out one of those bottles of Vortian fire-whiskey in Zim's private stash. I could use it.

Invader Zim, signing off.

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A/N: Huh, that didn't turn out nearly as funny as I had hoped it would. Hope I do better than this in future entries based on the really funny episodes.

Anyway, please read and review!