Disclaimer: you know the drill! Me no own One Piece, savvy?

Chapter 12: Call my lawyer

(Next Day)

"Up and at 'em!" Tsurugi yelled from below. Everyone wole was sleeping in a hamock flipped out and landed on the ground (excluding Robin) with a loud THUD! "Hurry it up!! It'sa life an' death situation!"

"What? Is it Michel Jackson?!' Luna asked, everyone was rushing down the stairs, since Luna kept her blanket on, everyone tripped on it and fell on top of her.

"The IRS?" Matt asked.

"Britney Sphires?" Dawn said.

"Godzilla?" Luffy asked.

"Bloody Mary?" Zoro asked.

"Davy Jones?" Usopp said.

"Fashion police?" Nami asked.

"Sea monsters?" Chopper said.

"Kappa?" Sanji said.

"Squid?" Robin said.

"Nami?" Luffy asked.

"I'm right here, stupid!" Nami yelled.

"NO! YA IDIOTS! GHOULS!" Tsurugi yelled. "They're attacking us!"

There was a long pause.

"AREN'T YA GONNA DO ANYTHIN'?!"

"We agreed to stay, not be your protectors." Luffy said.

"We'll give ya food."

"YOSHA! Crew, attack!" Luffy said, everyone went outside. Ghouls were moaning and stuff and yeah, killing everyone and stuff like that, too much gore. A vampire stood at the bell tower yelling orders.

"But I have ta tell ya dis, deese ghouls aren't just normal zombies. You need ta aim at da head or heart." Tsurugi explained. Matt got that funny look in his eyes as he took out his two guns. He started to shoot down every ghoul in the place before Zoro can get his swords out. "You got skill, kid...wait, dat vampire's got a kid wit him!"

"POPS!" screamed a girl. She looked like Sera, only with dark blue hair. "POPS! HELP ME!!"

"Damsel in distress, huh?" Sanji asked. "Luna-chan..."

"Got it!" Luna said, switching to beast point and biting Sanji, she hurled him at the belltower. "Wolf Launch!" Sanji flew through the air, Matt jumped up to his height.

"Collier-"

"Sorry, man, but this is mine!" Matt hissed, he took out his gun and shot Sanji's arm, but missed only by a hair. The bullet brushed his skin, startled by this, Sanji crashed into the bell. Luna jumped on several roofs to reach Sanji and help him get out of the bell tower.

GONG!

Matt flew next to the vampire and punched him real hard, causing him to fall to the ground below. The girl fell along with him.

"I GOT HER!" Luna yelled, jumping and catching her in her mouth.

"Nice save kid." Tsurugi said, but the vampire suddenly got up and grabbed the girl. He rammed into Luna and Sanji as Luna tried to dodge. "Yuri!!...wait, dat vampire's da priest of dis place!"

"What?! A father?!" Nami asked franticly. Matt aimed his guns at the priest (who was dressed in colorful robes). The priest gave a smile as he placed Yuri in front of him.

"Now what Alucard? You can't actually shoot a girl!!"

"The bullets in these guns were blessed in Alabasta...enough to kill you no matter where I shoot! Yuri, is it?"

Yuri nodded.

"Would you want to live?"

Yuri nodded.

"As a vampire?"

She nodded, Mat pulled the trigger and the butllets went through Yuri's chest (right side) and through the priest's chest. The priest released Yuri and dispersed into sand. Everyone walked over Yuri and Matt held her. "How old are you?"

"16..."

"You'll live."

"Matt!" Chopper said. "You shot at her right lung! There's even a large hole!"

He leaned towards her neck and bit her, her eyes turned red as she grew fangs. The bullet wound disappeared.

"How're ya feelin'?" Tsurugi asked.

"She'll be knocked out for a while..."

"Why is this like Hellsing?!" Luna asked.

"Yes, this is like episode 1." Dawn said.

"Ketsueki must've tried getting rid of da priests so dey won't kill his minions." Tsurugi said. "We get da Divine Weapons dat way."

"Divine Weapons?" Usopp asked.

"They're weapons blessed by priests to slay any demon." Robin said.

"Oh..."

Matt carried Yuri to the inn and came back, it started to rain hard. Everyone rushed towards a temple, the ground started to break under Sanji's foot and he fell into a hole.

"Sorry, but I set up traps...for da ghouls!"

"SANJI-KUN!!" Luna yelled, looking down the hole. The water level was rising and Sanji struggled to get up. "Damn it! He'll drown!"

"May he rest in peace then." Zoro said.

"I HEARD THAT!" Sanji roared, he looked around the hole and sawseveral logs piled togeher. Underneath the logs was a saber tooth tiger that looked like Dusk. A log was poking out, he could use it! But the tiger might be set free and eat him. He stared at it as it gasped for air. He looked direcctly at it. "Do NOT eat me when I set you free...or I'll call my lawyer in heaven!"

"He's trapped with a monster?!" Chopper screamed.

"I hope it eats him." Matt said.

"That's a mean thing to say!" Raven said. Sanji pulled the log out and the tiger was free, it snarled in Sanji's face and he backked up against the wall. The tiger suddenly leaped out of the hole and everyone screamed. "Eeep!" Sanji crawled out of the hole and the sky suddenly turned back to it's normal clear dark blue. "Is there a sun?"

"no." Tsurugi said, "Trace ate it."

"Sure he did." Nami said. The tiger rounded back at them and saw Sanji. "It's comming back!"

The startled Sanji fell backwards and the tiger snarled at him, then paused. Sanji took out his gold neclace and placed it around its neck. Dusk suddenly appeared in its place.

"Your face was priceless..." everyone (even Sanji) jumped on her and started beating her up. "OW! MOMMY! I'M CALLING MY LAWYER!!"

"IT'S YOUR FAULT WE NEEDED TO GO HERE!! WE HAD TO SEARCH FOR GOLD AND TREAT YOU LIKE LUNA!!"

BANG!

"Stop da noise now!" Tsurugi yelled. "We need ta get da werewolf girl and the tiger girl ta da alter!"

"Alter?" Chopper asked. "Why?"

"Ta get da Divine Instruments of course!" Tsurugi said, the entered the temple. It was A LOT like the Stone Table in Aslan's How from Narnia. There were two statues, one of Luna's demon pont, and another of Dusk's prehistoric point. "Da wolf is Amaterasu, the gaurdian of dis island. Da tigar is Gekigami, another guardian...however, as da story goes, dey never get along-"

"That explains everything." Usopp said.

"Anyone whole eats da inu inu nomi, model: demon wolf get Amaterasu's powers, whicj are like da gods. And if someone eats da neko neko no mi, model: prehistoric, dey get god like powers too...but when they enter their god forms, dey loose their minds. To avoid these two gods engage in battle, a man from dis city trapped da two in fruits. If da island went into such crisis, da fruits would be eaten."

"Let me get this strait, there's a prophosy that if the island went under a curse, me and Luna must be called upon like the gods in Okami?" Dusk asked.

"...yep!"

"COOL!!"

"AND, legend has it dat a group of people will assist dem! Mugiwara Crew, you're da chosen ones-"

"Hold that den den mishi." Sanji said. "First you tell us to help, now you want us to be your guardians."

"Uh-huh-GACK!" Sanji grabbed Tsurugi by the neck.

"We ain't here to play legends. We need to get Raven back and scurry off."

"AWWW! Sanji, I wanna play hero!" Luffy said.

"Not now Luffy! We'll just get Raven from the forest by ourselves."

"You folks won't make it out." Matt said. "If Luna and Dusk don't get their weapons, well, it'll be the end of the world. Let go of him." SAnji released Tsurugi.

"True! Trace, his Brethren, and Ketsueki are going ta take over da world with...da undead! Da guardians of dis island ain't supossed ta let dat happen, if da tree get a hold of da island's treasure, dey would take over da world!""

"Treasure?!" Nami asked. "What is it?!"

"No idea, but it makes your dreams come true!"

"Will you people stop yelling." Zoro said, he went to sleep.

"Luna da Hunter, go ta da statue of Amaterasu...Dusk of da Night, you head ta Gekigami."

SSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNEEEEEEE!!

"ARGH! I'm blind!" Chopper screamed.

"It's too bright!" Robin said, covering her eyes.

"Is it morning all ready?" Zoro asked.

"Interesting!" Luffy laughed.

"HIIISSSSS!!" Matt hissed at the light as he used his cape to cover himself. "I'm melting!!"

"Why the bright light?" Dawn said.

"Matt, if you're melting, melt to hell! Luna-chan't mine!" Sanji yelled.

"I'm over her!"

"No, you stare at her!"

"Okey, I'm not over her...yet...I'll be over her in bed-"

"You disgust me."

"Am I in heaven?" Usopp asked. "Mommy, is that you?"

"Usopp! Snap out of it!" Nami screamed, slapping him. "Wake up!"

"Why are you guys acting like fish out of water?" Dusk asked, the light stopped. She and Luna were dressed in kimonos, Luna had blue and white colored one while Dusk had the red and white.

"And what's with the outfits?" Luna said. Everyone was dressed like they were in the One Piece speacial #4.

"Huh?" Luffy said, he checked his waist to see his sai. "Cool!!"

"Are we in Nippon, England, or Grand Line?" Dawn asked.

"I think this is a major crossover plot thing." Matt said.

"Crossover?" Nami said.

"Nothing...fan fic stuff." Luna said a sword appeared beside her while Dusk had a bow and a quiver similar to Gekgami's in Okami. "Not to be rude or anything, but I think we got the wrong weapons."

"Yeah, I don't do archery." Dusk said. "Wanna trade-"

"Dere'll be no trading!" Tsurugi said, waking their heads. "No off you go! Go and save da world!"

"IF THIS IS A HUGE PRANK, WE'LL CALL OUR LAWYERS AND SUE YOU!" everyone yelled, Tsurugi managed to pick them all up and throw them in the jungle.

"Time to save Raven!" Luffy said.

"And find the Sunny!" Usopp said.

"And find that treasure!" Nami said.

"And sue that Tsurugi dude for chucking us in the jungle with monsters!" Dawn said

"And THEN get the hell out of here! YOSH!" everyone else said, as they went off.