Welcome Back everyone! I am happy to see you all again. I've missed you too! LOL

I won't keep you long.

Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight. I do not.

Chapter 12 Sparks

Enjoy!

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Did I drive you away?
I know what you'll say,
You say, "Oh, sing one we know,"
But I promise you this;
I'll always look out for you,
That's what I'll do.

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"Happy Birthday Edward!"

"Happy Birthday Eddie!"

"Blow out the candles!"

Everyone was staring at me smiling, and I was smiling back. It was my birthday; the first one Bella and I were celebrating as a married couple. Emmett and Rosie were both laughing through the glow of the flickering candles, and Bella was looking so excited her eyes sparkled.

No matter how hard I blew on those damn candles they wouldn't go out. Em's eyes danced around merrily as he snickered. I bet he had picked those candles out. Bella placed her hand over her mouth to keep from giggling.

"Come on…blow them out!"

"Come on Eddie! Make a wish."

They were all pretty much laughing at me now. I played along pretending to suck in this big deep breath. I knew Bella wouldn't let them get away with what they were doing to me. The candles were shooting off these little tiny gold sparks making the cake light up like the fourth of July. They were almost melted down to the nub when Bella finally placed her hand on my shoulder and smiled at me happily.

"Did you make a wish?" She whispered in my ear.

I nodded and winked at her. I was pretty sure I would get my wish later…after everyone left.

We all sat around eating this delicious chocolate cake that Bella and Alice had made together. They put these tiny strawberries on top with little white puffs of whipped cream, it was like a sundae in your mouth.

Em entertained the crowd as usual telling them stories of my youth, most of them made up…most of them…

"I spent all night searching for that damn thing so he could wear it on Halloween." Em was waving his hands in the air. "Mom wanted to put him in tights and there was just no way I could let that happen."

"You should have seen him," Rose chimed in, "Going to all the costume stores asking for a Batman costume. Then when we finally found it we had to ship it out overnight. I think it cost Em a little over eighty dollars when it was all said and done."

"But there was nothing too good for my brother…after all it was his idea about the boots, remember the boots Rosie? So I mean I had to pay him back for that idea…"

"The boots?" Rosie tilted her head frowning.

"Yeah, the boots Rose…remember…you made me wear them…and nothing else…"

By now the entire room was laughing including me, Rose just pretended to punch Em and he threw his arms around her and kissed her right there.

I was pretty tired by the time Bella and were alone again. I helped her clean up the strays cups and paper plates. I set out the second garbage bag next to the first one as she was wiping down the table with a sponge. I just watched her for a second marveling at all that was mine, knowing that in just a few minutes I was going to have her all to myself. My very own birthday present…

She turned then as if she could sense me watching her, shooting me a brilliant smile and ushering me over to her.

"Did you have a fun birthday?" she giggled.

"It's not over yet, I hope." I nuzzled into her neck.

"Nope…there's one more present I have for you…" she kissed the top of my forehead.

"Just one?" I pretended to whine, "I was hoping for two or even three…"

She laughed, "Well I can do two or three but I'm pretty sure you are going to be completely immobile after the first one."

"It's gonna be that good huh?" I teased, suddenly excited, "What it is? You have something or maybe nothing on under there." I tried to peer down her dress, wrapping my arm around her waist and bringing her body next to mine. She yelped, laughing, tossing the sponge onto the table without a care in the world and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me down into her…kissing me…letting me know that I was about to receive the best present yet.

"Any special requests?" she whispered in my ear.

"Got any Cowboy boots?" I whispered back, setting her off into another fit of giggles.

"I don't have Cowboy boots," she was still giggling, "But I do have these…" she pulled away from me and walked around the far end of the table pulling out a tiny bag, what seemed from nowhere.

"Can't be boots in there…" I grinned as visions of black lacy undergarments flashed through my head.

"Don't be so sure Edward." She winked at me.

I just wrinkled my nose at her and stuck my hand inside the bag. It felt soft and velvety as I pulled it out.

At first my eyes couldn't believe what they were seeing, they both fit right onto the palm of my hand, and they were just so tiny…

Two tiny yellow baby booties rested there in my outstretched palm. I just looked up at Bella as she watched me her face beaming.

"Bella?" I asked at lost for words.

"Happy Birthday Mr. Cullen, we're pregnant."

That night certainly went down as the best birthday I had ever had…

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I couldn't get the song out of my mind. It just rolled around over and over in my head, haunting me… Even sitting in Dr. Clearwater's office, it just kept plucking away at my brain…I don't even know what I was saying.

"That's great news Mr. Cullen. I was hoping to hear something like that from you today."

I just stared blankly at Dr. Clearwater I was distracted today, not really listening to anything he had to say, besides I had already talked to Jasper about all of this and I didn't have any interest in retelling it again.

"Hmmm? Uh..thanks." I looked down at my watch and back up at him. I had told him briefly about the talk I had with Bella the other night, I left out most of the details. I thought he might be annoyed with me but he actually looked pleased…really really pleased.

"So, are you expecting a call or something" he almost laughed at me.

"Wha…a what? Call? No." I scratched my head at Dr. Clearwater's words. He was confusing me, his normal sullen temperament was gone and some cheerful old guy had replaced him.

"And what's that tune you're humming?" Dr. Clearwater cocked his head to the side pushing up his glasses, he almost reminded me of a grandpa,"It's nice." He nodded.

"What?" I asked again clearly not thinking straight. Was I humming? Well there were these few chords that had staked their place into my brain and hadn't left. I had been playing around with them for a few days, nothing concrete yet.

"Why don't we call our session short today Mr. Cullen…you seem a bit preoccupied anyways. We take this up again next week."

I looked up at him sharply…feeling almost glad that I was being excused. I didn't feel that same need to tell him every little detail, to go over every single word Bella and I had exchanged during our previous talk…to figure out the hidden meanings…that little nagging voice that always lingered in the back of my head was gone today and oddly…I felt free…

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"Cullen…looking good today man." Jasper was back at my front door. It was the third time this week and I was actually looking forward to his visits. He always came over on Fridays, making the weekends a little less lonely.

"Thanks. How you've been? How's Alice." I moved the day's paper off the sofa and ushered him to sit down.

"We're all good." Jasper sat down with ease. "Alice and Bella are going shopping today."

"More good clothes sales?" I grinned. Bella and Alice could never pass up a good sale at the Mall.

"Little different, this one…"Jasper leaned forward and looked me right in the eyes, "It's your son's birthday party tomorrow, I wanted you to know that."

"His birthday is not until the 10th." I glanced over at the calendar hanging by the light switch. There were still two weekends before his birthday.

"I know that, she wanted to have it early because…uh…she has to work on the 9th and wouldn't have enough time then." Jasper looked a bit uneasy but quickly grabbed the can of pop I offered him and opened it, "Anyways, I thought you ought to know, so you can get over there and…" his voice lingered off; I kept staring at him,

"Get over there and what?" I asked.

"Get over there and get yourself invited." He chuckled gulping down his soda in one drink.

I just shook my head at him.

"What? Why not?" Now he looked disappointed.

"I can't make her invite me." I argued, "I just talked to her two days ago and she didn't even mention it."

"Well she can't seem all eager you know…" Jasper chuckled to himself like he had this gem of a secret that he wasn't telling me.

"She didn't act like she was hiding anything at all…" I stared at him pointedly, "She didn't bring up Charlie's second birthday, not once."

"Give her time man…" Jasper suddenly responded seriously to my tone and sat up a bit straighter, "Give Bella a little time, she's still hurting," he handed me back the empty can, his brown eyes piercing right into mine "She just needs to trust you again…that's all…"

I shrugged, "She has all the time in the world…I'm not going anywhere."

"That's good to hear." Jasper leaned back into the sofa still staring at me. "Because she might need it…"

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I hadn't had a chance to go to Bella's yet, I was sitting across from my Dad at this little café over on the corner of Market and Bow Street. My dad called me minutes after Jasper had left my place inviting me over for lunch.

It felt good to be talking to people again and having places to go to…and at the same time it felt weird. I couldn't remember a time where it was just me and my dad sitting in a restaurant…talking.

For lack of anything better to say and because I was dying to know I just came right out and said it…

"Will you be going to Charlie's birthday party tomorrow?"

My dad looked up surprised but his face quickly turned to a smile, "Oh. You know about Charlie's party, yes, your mom and I will be there. Are you going too Edward?"

I just shook my head, "I don't think so."

"No?" My dad looked disappointed, "Why not?"

I glanced up into his face again struggling with telling him flat out how I felt or maybe I should just skim over the top, I really wanted to confide in him, but how would I even begin? "I didn't get invited." I kept it simple.

"I'm sorry son, I am sure Bella wants you there, she is just being extra cautious." He kept his voice neutral.

"I completely understand." Even though I really didn't understand, why wasn't love enough sometimes?

"Son, do you remember when you turned nine years old?" My dad's eyes looked a little sad when he said that to me. I tried to think but I couldn't remember any significance of my ninth birthday.

"There was only one thing in the world that you wanted…just one thing…and your mother and I wouldn't buy it for you."

"What was it?" I kept trying to remember but I figured that since I didn't remember, it must not have been all that important.

"You wanted a puppy."

That was all he had to say and the memories came rushing back to me. I begged for an entire year for a puppy, I remembered that now…there was a pet shop that Em and I would walk in front of every day to school and a tiny brown and white puppy lived there behind the glass. He didn't have a name but I named him anyways, he was called Moses. Now don't ask me where I came up with that name, I don't know…all I know was that I loved that puppy more than anything and Moses was all I wanted for my birthday.

But the big day came and went and no Moses. I stomped around the house mad at the world and didn't talk to neither of my parents for two days.

"I wanted Moses." I said out loud looking back at my Dad, he just raised his eyebrows at me, "I named the dog Moses." I added.

"I see…Moses…well, you didn't get Moses."

"No I didn't…why not dad? Why didn't I get a puppy for my birthday?" I was suddenly eager to find out the answer…after all these years…after all this time.

"You weren't ready son. You were only nine and couldn't take care of a dog all on your own. We almost gave in when your brother came to us and told us he would help you. That if we got you a puppy for your birthday that he would make sure you took care of him properly. Your mother and I almost got him for you but we stopped ourselves. Do you want to know why?"

I just nodded.

"Because what would we be teaching you? If we got you a puppy but your brother had to do all the work? How would you learn the responsibility all on your own? We were not perfect parents Edward, in fact we take most of the blame for what has happened…to both of our sons…"

Not sure I was making sense of what I was hearing, but inside I knew whatever my dad was trying to tell me it went far beyond getting me a puppy.

"Emmett was mad at us for not getting you a puppy." My dad smiled at me again, "He wouldn't talk to us for two weeks."

"Two weeks?" my eyes shot upward in surprise.

"Yes I know…two weeks…I think you didn't talk to us for a couple of days, but your brother…boy he was stubborn…he didn't speak not one single word to us for two weeks."

We both let out a soft chuckle at Em's bullheadedness.

"That brother of yours…once something got into his head that he wanted to do…he wouldn't rest until it got done…no matter what…"

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I guess I understood why I wasn't being invited to my own son's birthday party. And I told myself that I wasn't going to barge my way in…I would give Bella the time she needed, however long that might be.

That didn't mean I couldn't give my son a gift, something simple, no puppies this year…

So with all that jumbled up in my head along with that crazy tune that was still making me hum, I made my way around to the birthday party isle looking for something that would make Charlie stand out from the rest of the kids at his birthday party.

I found it easily. A tiny, cute…but not too cute…birthday party hat, it had this sparkling, shiny foil around it and a big yellow number 2 on the front. What made it stand apart from the other hats was that there was the big yellow feather on the top that I knew he would get a kick out of.

With my prize in hand I made my way over to Bella's house. I was feeling good, at peace with myself when I knocked on her door. I was not going to expect anything out of Bella, certainly not an invitation.

Still, her smile, when she realized it was me sent shivers up and down my spine.

"Edward! Hi! Come in please." She pulled her door wide open to let me in. Charlie was sitting in his high chair waving his spoon in the air, a few cheerios stuck to his cheek.

It was as if I stepped into heaven, Bella was wearing this bright yellow apron over her jeans, her hair piled high up on her head with a clip. She was holding a small baby cup in her hands as she made her way back to Charlie.

Charlie of course was pleased that his mother had returned to his side. He opened his mouth wide at the drink she was offering him.

"Charlie's happy to see you." Bella smiled at me and then at Charlie. Charlie just banged his spoon on his tray and yelled for more drink.

"I'm glad you're both here." I began; feeling calm inside, this used to be my home, maybe it could be again one day. "I have something for Charlie, for his party." I pulled out the hat and Charlie immediately became entranced with all the colors and forgot about his cheerios.

Bella eyed me with surprise at first but then let out this sweet laugh, "Oh! It's adorable! Thank you so much! Charlie looks like he loves it too!"

I guess deep down I was really hoping that she would use this moment to finally ask me if I wanted to come to the party, but instead she just started chatted about all the fun things her and Charlie did that day to get ready for his party.

"We went to the party supply store and got some streamers and balloons. Charlie got to pick out some fun noisemakers for his guests…we didn't get a hat for him though so this is just perfect. Thank you Edward."

I just smiled at her, feeling pleased. Jasper and my dad were right…I needed to give her time, time to get used to me again, to trust me again…all that needed to happen before I would get invited to anything. There would be more parties…holidays…milestones…I wouldn't miss them all.

We talked for while longer, until Charlie's eyes grew tired. Still he fought sleep, toddling around the living room, going back and forth between me and Bella, jabbering away in his baby talk, making us both laugh.

When Bella tried to settle him down, he refused, letting out these deep heart wrenching cries and even extending out his arms to me to be held. I think he was just playing the guilt card though.

Bella shot me an apologetic look, "I'm sorry, he's usually not this bad at bedtime…"

"Let me hold him, please, it would be no trouble at all." I reached for my son and almost like magic he quieted down.

Bella let out this soft giggle before turning away from us and picking up a few stray toys tossed around the living room.

Charlie was fussy, poor guy, probably due to all the excitement of getting ready for his big day. I felt really lucky that I had dropped in at just the right time, Dr. Clearwater would be proud of me; I took a chance, without over thinking it and it actually worked out.

I pulled the covers up near Charlie's head, tucking him in and brushing back his hair. He opened his eyes sleepily at me before offering me a small smile. Out of nowhere I could hear myself humming…it was the same melody I had been humming in Dr Clearwater's office. I had been working on it for the last two weeks. I only had a few verses floating around in my head but I somewhere deep inside me I already knew how the entire song would end.

"I missed the good part…" I sang softly, just barely letting my voice be heard, I didn't want to rouse Charlie. "I started looking for excuses…" I kept humming the tune, filling in the blanks where I didn't have any words figured out for it yet.

When I was finally sure Charlie was fast asleep I brushed his hair away one more time and silently crept out of his room.

The hallway was dark…but I could see a tiny flicker of light, just a spark, over near the kitchen area. It was eerily silent and for a brief second I thought maybe Bella had gone to bed. But no, there she was…her back towards me…her head looking down at this small white receiver in her hand. She was immobile, and all I could see was her dark hair flowing down her back.

For some reason all I wanted to do at that instant was walk right up to her and wrap my arms around her. No talking…no wondering…just pull her to me and place my head on her back and feel her next me.

And I think for a moment I was actually going to do that when she suddenly turned around. Her eyes met mine instantly, they were dark…almost black…and they looked at me with something that threw me for a loop. I swear I saw desire in her eyes…it was there…I saw it…at least I think I saw it…

She placed that receiver down on the counter not caring that it fell over sideways and started walking right towards me. She didn't say a word, but she didn't have to. I froze where I was, just outside the hallway, still partially hidden in the darkness, unsure once again of what to do, but that didn't seem to faze her, she kept walking. And her walking grew bolder…more determined, I could see it all over her face, there was something she needed to do once she reached me and I wasn't sure what it was.

My heart started pounding then…because whatever line we crossed tonight…we couldn't ever go back, in fact, whatever we'd been nurturing between us these last few weeks, it was growing pretty strong, it wasn't just a flicker any longer, it had caught a spark, and was now a real... true... flame.

My hands almost twitched, wanting to reach out for her as she headed in my direction, and the way her soft brown hair was bouncing all around her, just made my ache for her grow.

When she was just an arm's reach away and my brain was screaming at me to take that last step and close that final distance between us, to tell her that I still loved her, her and our son…

She paused…

Not because of me, at least I hope not, but because the fucking doorbell rang…twice.

She shot me this quick look that reminded me of regret and then hurried for the door.

My heart never hardened so fast as it did that night. Jake blew through the door as if he owned the place, and I guess in his mind…he did.

"Bella honey, I have everything ready for tomorrow. How's our little guy?" He was holding this big cardboard box full of decorations and streamers. I could see the blue and yellow colors all blending together in this great big glittery mess.

"Jake…it's late, Charlie's already asleep." Bella made no mention that I was there, which made my heart sink a little.

"I figured our little guy would be worn out from our busy day today…shopping for your birthday party is hard work when you're two." Jake laughed, placing the box down on the kitchen counter.

I stayed hidden in the hallway's dark shadows, struggling with myself. I had automatically assumed Bella and Alice had done all the birthday party shopping, that's what Jasper had said right? From the look and sound of it, it was Jake who had been with her.

My heart kept pounding, but this time out of anger and frustration. Should I jump out at them and make a scene? Pretend I wasn't there and see what Bella would do? Or maybe act all cocky, walking out as if I belonged there, had always belonged there…but the more Jake talked the more I just wanted to listen…and the more I listened…the more my heart just wanted to run and hide.

"Thank you Jake, I know Charlie will love these." Bella's voice was higher than normal; no doubt she was nervous at having both of us in the house so close.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for him Bella, you know that, and you too." Jake didn't even look at Bella, he didn't need to I guess, he felt right at home taking all the goodies out of the box and spreading them all over the counter, "I know we didn't pick this one out together but when I saw it I had to buy it…" I narrowed my eyes trying to focus on what he was holding; I could only partially see it.

"It's adorable. Thank you." There was no doubt that Bella's voice was shaking now…and when I finally looked at what was in her hand I figured out why…she was holding a party hat…a child's party hat…with a bright blue number 2 on it. It was almost similar to the one I had brought over, except mine had a yellow 2 on it and a great big feather on the top. I just blinked stupidly to myself, trying not to let defeat wash over me. I didn't know what was worse…that both Jake and I had bought the same thing for my son, or the fact that Jake had been in the house for over ten minutes and Bella still hadn't said a word to him about me…

"I'll be sure to let him see it when he wakes up…thanks for stopping by." Now it sounded like Bella was trying to usher Jake out the door, but it was too late for me really, I just wanted to get the fuck out of there.

"Can I peek at him? Just give him a little peck goodbye?" It was clear Jake didn't want to leave, how was Bella going to get out of this one?

"Normally that wouldn't be a problem; you know that Jake, but tonight Charlie had such a hard time settling down…he was so fussy and crying…he wouldn't calm down until E…ermm…he heard a song. I really don't think it's a good idea. Besides, you'll see him tomorrow."

Jake didn't say anything else after that, but I guess he silently agreed and made his way out the door. I was practically seething in the hallway at this point, just wanted grab my shit and head on out of there. Once I heard the click of the door I didn't wait for Bella to come back into view, I just marched right out into the kitchen area and grabbed my jacket off the back of one of her bar stools.

She silently watched me for a second, not moving from her position near the door. It almost made me madder that she didn't even offer me an explanation, but my brain told me that she didn't have to. She still wasn't mine; she didn't have to tell me anything. I had hurt her for almost two years and never once offered her an explanation, why should she have to do that for me now?

"Thanks for letting me see Charlie." I tried not to sound gruff but I knew you could hear it in my voice. "I better get going…I see you have a lot of decorating to do…" I silently cursed myself for that last sarcastic comment.

She studied me silently for a second before saying, "You're leaving?"

The tone of her voice made me pause, it sounded almost sad, wishful.

"It's late." Was all I could think of in reply.

She looked down at the floor, shifting her feet a little bit before looking back up at me. She nodded silently and then took a hasty deep breath… "Will you come back tomorrow? For Charlie's party, it starts at noon."

I just stared at her, wondering what the hell she was getting at. Didn't she realize what she just said…she wanted me to come to the party…the party that everyone, including Jake, would be at…

"But maybe you can get here a little bit early and help me…decorate?" her voice lowered almost to a whisper and her hands were clasped tightly together. She looked just like that college girl I remembered so long ago. It was making me so dizzy, the highs and lows, I wanted to clasp my hands to my head and just shake away all the confusion. But my heart…that same old beating heart…just wouldn't let me go…

"Bella…I…" I was really at loss for words here. I mean I was pretty sure I heard what she had asked me, and there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be here…but where would that put us?

"No, I'm sorry, it's okay. Never mind, I shouldn't have asked you…it's too much…too soon…I'm sorry." She turned away from me and picked up one of the yellow streamers from Black's fucking box and for some insane reason that set me off…

"Baby…look at me…" I could hear the cracking of my voice, and it made her turn around in complete surprise, the yellow streamer falling freely from her open hand back onto the counter.

"I'll be here…tomorrow…early. For you and for Charlie…I'll be here…"

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So have you ever been this excited over a birthday party? LOL

Drop me a review when you get the chance. I love hearing from you!

See you at the next chapter...Talk

Later...MBella