Ace: Well, that's two chapters today. I think I'm off the hook.
Sherlock: I'd say so. Just don't go off without us again! We missed Savannah too, and I think that would've been fun.
Simon: Not nearly as much as you'd think.
Near: Sure, sure.
Mello: Hey, don't they have a really good chocolate shop on Riverstreet?
Ace: Yeah, it's best for fudge.
Mello: (pouting) Fudge isn't really chocolate.
Ace: Yeah, well, chocolate isn't real fudge! What now? (Mello glares at her, who screams and hides behind Simon as Sherlock and Near walk away.) Please don't kill me!
Chapter Eleven: The Test
The next morning saw me standing in front of a door trying to find the courage to knock. Last night, it had seemed like a good idea to bring Matt along for morale support, but now, under the harsh morning sunlight, I wasn't so certain. I mean, yeah, he was gay, but if I brought him along, I didn't think it would end well, especially if Mells found out.
Holy crap. If Mells found out I was planning to drag his lover along with me today, I'd be screwed. And I mean screwed screwed, not normal I'm-in-trouble screwed; Mello was the single most possessive person I'd ever known, and he was more territorial over Matt than he was about even his chocolate. I turned around, intending to go alone but Matt opened the door before I could get too far. He pulled me in and closed the door behind me. "How'd you know I was coming?" I asked, watching him plop down unenthusiastically on the couch.
"Near called after you left. Said I should keep an eye out for you in case you started chickening out." His voice sounded so sad and pitiful that I sat down beside him and put my arms around his shoulders.
"What's wrong, Matty?"
"I was playing video games last night, and Mello wanted sex, but I wanted to finish the level. He got mad and kicked me out of bed and onto the couch. He's still mad because he's showering alone and hasn't said all of three words to me this morning."
"Want me to help?"
"Please," he said, staring up at me with his patented puppy-dog eyes.
I cleared my throat and loudly announced, with a wink at the redheaded gamer, "Matt's not wearing pants!" Let me tell you, the last time I'd ever seen Mello move that fast was the time BB stole his chocolate bar, and the results of that particular episode is the reason why there was never a repeat performance, not even by me. Furthermore, to my complete and utter embarrassment, he only had on a tight pair of leather shorts. "I think my eyes are bleeding," I confessed, covering my face with my hands.
"Shut up," he muttered darkly. "It's not as if you're any better right now."
I glanced down at myself, seeing the short shorts and cut-off shirt underneath my open jacket. "Right, and with that, I'm going to need to borrow Matt for the day, bye!" I grabbed Matt and dragged him out of the door before Mells could recover himself enough to form a coherent reply.
"Could you please at least try to not have Mells wanting to rip you limb from limb whenever he sees you?"
I looked at him oddly. "I don't try; it just happens that way. Besides, did you see the look on his face? I don't think he's mad at you anymore." Matt snorted, a skeptical look on his face. "Fine, I'll make an effort, okay?"
"Out of curiosity, exactly where to and why are you dragging me off today?"
"Um, I need to go to fertility clinic to have some tests done, and you're coming for morale support."
"You're pregnant?!?"
"No! I need to have tests done to figure out the damage caused by the explosion all those years ago."
"Hm... So you're dragging a gay to a fertility clinic?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Why couldn't Near or Simon have done this instead?"
"Because Near's busy with the Kira case, and I flat-out refused to deal with Simon when he suggests dumb-butt ideas like going back to my hometown, mostly because I have no guarantee he wouldn't kidnap me and take me there when I'm done."
"Why couldn't you have gone alone?"
I was quiet for a long time, unwilling to admit the truth. "I was afraid, Matty. I'm afraid to know exactly what that explosion did to me. I didn't like not knowing, but I could handle that alone. I still don't know if I can take the truth even with someone else there to help me."
His warm hand wormed around mine. His eyes met mine, and he whispered, "It'll all be okay, you just see, Sherlock. I'll be right here for as long as you need me."
The fertility clinic was a scary white building with a cold, clinical-like feeling. If Matt hadn't been there beside me, I think I would have run the other way. He squeezed my hand reassuringly and pulled me in. A bored-looking receptionist greeted us with an evil look. "Do you have an appointment?"
"Yes, um, I'm Sherlock Shayne, and I need tests done for past injuries."
"Three doors down on your left."
"Thank you. Come on, Matty."
He looked at me once we were out of earshot. "You were waynicer than you should've been."
"I'm nervous, and when I'm nervous, I'm not really mean to anyone except Mells, but that's a special exception."
"Mm hmm." He sat down on a chair and began a quick game of Solitaire on his iPod. I tapped my fingers nervously on my leg. "Relax, Sherlock. Deep breaths. Nothing bad is going to happen to you."
I smiled at him uneasily, fully convinced that in this case, he was dead wrong...
God. My worst fears had come true. I could feel Matty lead me away, but I wasn't focused on him. The doctor's words still around in my head. Why me? Hadn't I been forced to give up enough? Did I really have to give this up too?
Matt dropped me off at Near's, handing me off to the child-like genius as though I was a sulking girl before waving and disappearing off to what I imagined to be Mello's side. I didn't think about it too hard because I was still freaking out.
"So what' s the verdict?" Nothing. "Sherlock?" Still nothing. "Sherlock, what happened?" he asked, grabbing my shoulders in his desperation to get an answer. On the up side, I didn't punch him like I did to Beyond Birthday all those years ago. Instead, I pushed him away onto his butt and ran into my room. Baskerville lay on my bed, asleep. I slammed the door behind me, briefly waking the dog before he turned over and went back to sleep.
My vision blurred as I sunk to the floor. "Why?" I whispered brokenly, staring at the ceiling but not really seeing it. Instead, I saw the God Mello was so certain existed, and it was not the kind, benevolent, forgiving God he knew. It was a wrathful God, like Kira, angry for my sins, sins I could never repent. That was why He kept punishing me. Because I could never let go of my sins.
"Are you happy now?" I cried, pushing myself up onto the bed, "now that I lost yet another part of myself to my own personal Armageddon in order to make my life even more of a living hell? Or do you want to take the few shards of happiness I still have?" Silence greeted me as tears fell from my cheeks onto the comforter, making small dark wet spots where they would inadvertently land. "Answer me, Kira!"
It was the first time I had ever even remotely considered the fact Kira was practically considered a god by modern society, and it made me sick. It made me sick to realize I was polluting Mello's God by inferencing Kira with him. "Dang you, Kira. Dang you to the deepest, darkest, most vile place in all the afterlives of all the world's religions. There is no place in any kind of paradise fit for the likes of you."
(Matt comes back singing the Carosel of Progress song)
Matt: It's a great big beautiful tomorrow/
Shining at the end of every day!
Mello: (raises fist threateningly) I'll give you a great big beautiful tomorrow! (Matt screams and hides behind Mello). I just threatened you, (Matt nods) and you're hiding behind me? (Nods again) (Mello face-palms himself.)
Matt: (In whisper so that Mello can't hear) Remember, reviews help protect me from Mello's promised "great big beautiful tomorrow". Please help the cause!
Ace: PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
