...

Chapter 9: The Explanation

...

"What did I miss?"

The second the words are out of Quil's mouth, I think he realizes it was a bad idea. Because now I'm glaring at him, and I can see Seth glaring at him, and the fact Leah isn't glaring at him has got to be the biggest clue of all that something has just gone catastrophically wrong.

But someone has to answer, and the two Clearwaters are too busy sitting on the ground wallowing in their abandonment issues (takes one to know one, right?) to say anything, so it has to be me. I'm the one who has to tell him:

"Jacob went for a run."

"A run...?" He frowns, but ever so slowly gets it. "Or a...run?"

"A run."

Quil doesn't ask if Jake's going to hit Canada before he talks to us again, because he already knows I have no clue. He just lets off a stream of curses. Then he glances at Leah and with more tact than I possess in my whole body silently asks me what happened.

"Later," I mouth, but I'm a screw up. Leah sees.

She gets to her feet now. There's mud all over her legs and dirt in her hair and a scratch on her cheek, but Leah usually looks like that after she's gone for a hard run. It could be any other day, really.

"We figured out why there's a female werewolf," she says in a clipped voice. "Apparently, big strong Alphas need proper breeding machines before they can settle down with their super special imprints. So here I am. And there Jacob goes, because apparently my ovaries aren't as attractive after he's been told he won't be able to stay away from them."

Quil's eyebrows travel up and up. "Um, okay."

"The Cullens are watching us," I point out. I'm too tired to be hateful. We have messed up their front yard. "We have to tell them something."

"And Sam," Leah says dully. I guess being the Alpha female is too hardwired in for her to stop. "We're supposed to join up next week and we can't not show up with an Alpha."

"I'll surrender to Sam if you grovel before the Cullens," I offer Quil.

"Can I point out that Jake left, like, fifteen minutes ago?" Seth says. "Can we give him twenty-four hours before we give up on him ever coming back?"

"He's probably already half-way to South America," Leah says. "There's no point in him staying away from her now."

"Do you all want to commit mass suicide and be done with it? Because you're seriously the most annoying bunch of defeatists that I've ever met." Seth almost sounds angry, which is not nearly as surprising as the way he simply yanks his sister to her feet. "Before we pass around the Kool-Aid, Embry, you are going to apologize to the Cullens, promise to clean up, and tell them to mind their own damn business. Quil is going to check in with Jacob—who probably is in Canada and not South America, because the last thing he needs right now is to deal with another overly needy mess. Because, Leah? You need to snap out of it."

He's actually angry now, which is weird enough that Leah does look like she's pulling herself together, if only for a second.

"I'm not allowed to be miserable that my life sucks?"

"Look on the bright side," he orders.

"The part where he's going to leave no matter what?"

"I think I've missed half of what happened, but if you keep calling yourself his breeding machine...hey, Lee? I think that means you can have kids now."

Leah blinks at her younger brother.

"You're a retard," she announces, but there's the tiniest hint of smile. "That's—shut up."

"Shutting up," Seth agrees.

But she's standing upright by herself now. Since I like Seth's plan a lot better than my own (curling up in bed and crying is kind of a lame plan), I head inside to get the Cullens off our backs. Quil starts shedding his clothes to check in on our MIA leader.

"Is everything all right, Embry?" Esme asks as soon as I enter the house. I'm glad it's her I have to deal with. I don't really feel like being a dick right now.

"You don't need to worry right, Mrs Cullen. We can just get a little over-dramatic sometimes. All those wolf hormones. We're sorry we scared you. The second Quil gets back we'll clean up and head off."

"You don't have to," she says. "We can clean up, later. Do any of you need spare clothing? We have some that should be your size."

I used to find it annoying. Now I find it sad. How much time on your hands do you have to have before helping the disasters that are us sounds like fun? Despite the anger issues, we clearly got the better supernatural deal. Poor vamps. I force a smile.

"Sure, Mrs Cullen. Whatever you have would be fine."

I let her fuss over me, the way Seth always let's them. Maybe it's because I'm kind of in shock right now, worried about the future of my family, or maybe it's because Seth's the one who told me to hang out with them and he's always had a funny way of looking at the vampires. But whatever the reason, today their overbearing tendencies and ever so kind orders don't chafe. I just feel sorry for them—and if that's not a sign that everything's fucked up, I don't know what is.

Yet at the same time...if they have to fawn over us, if they have to act like our almighty owners in order to trick themselves into believing they are still part of the circle of life, who am I to stop them?

I think I just found my Zen.

I'd feel rather proud of myself, if I wasn't so deathly scared that my word as I know it was about to end.

We wait for Quil in relative silence. Leah tries to salvage her pants and when that fails, she resorts to cursing up a storm, which is comforting for its familiarity, if nothing else. Seth is sitting calmly on the steps while I try not to pace. I'm not sure how well I succeed, since Seth is the first to Quil's side when the brown wolf enters the clearing.

"Well?"

"Naked, here," my best friend snaps, before snatching at his clothes. "He headed north—"

"Told you."

"Shut up, Seth."

"He headed north," Quil repeats, "It's not exactly pretty in his head, right now. He's doing that running to block out everything thing he always does. Only this time he wants us interfering even less. Told me to phase back."

"Did he say—?"

"Get the fuck out of here was the gist of the conversation, Seth. But he has to cool off eventually. I say we get out of here."

The three of us look at Leah, who's already marching off. Even now, after she's encouraged it so much, she doesn't like our pity. She doesn't need directions to Quil's truck, she's still got a great nose, so we let her take the lead.

"We have to go to Charlie's. We need my mom," Seth decides. "And there's no place else."

That is true enough, even though I can't really see Leah Clearwater happily greeting Charlie Swan right now. But there really isn't any place else we can stick her. And don't girls always want their mothers when they get dumped?

Did she get dumped? I don't know, but I'm not stupid enough to ask.

The four of us climb into the car. Quil came after work. He heard the howling, but thought we could handle it without him. Turns out he was as wrong as you could be, but for different reasons. I guess I shouldn't complain—at least no one's died.

Yet.

My sense of humor seems intact, if rather morbid. Seth's right. There is a positive if you look hard enough.

We drop the Clearwaters up in Forks. Leah walks to the house without a word, but Seth invites us over after up supper. After he extends the invitation there's a moment of silence. I can tell the three of us are wondering the same thing. Can we have a pack meeting when the two people in charge are in no position to lead?

Are we even a pack anymore?

"Stop looking like that, Embry," Seth tells me, before he slams the door shut and hurries inside after his sister.

Beside me, Quil shifts the truck into gear. "Kid's got a point, you know. That hangdog look isn't good on you."

"Fuck off."

"Yeah, yeah. You want a ride to Marian's?"

"Sure. You heading to Claire's after?"

He doesn't even have to answer.

Funny how all we want now is to sit down next to our girls. There's no fighting the impulse, even if we were the type of people who didn't always follow our instincts. Right now, we just need to confirm our destinies are not as awful as everyone else seems to think. They are the opposite of awful. They are the most wonderful girls in the world—and pack or not (I'm almost sick at the thought), at least we have them.

It's a sign of how crappy I feel right now that even Marian doesn't sound like much of consolation prize.

She might be the center of my universe but without my friends, it's a pretty shitty universe. Jacob will come back. Probably. Leah's idea that he would just head to South America might still happen, but he'll probably come back first. I hope. But even if Jake does come back, it's stupid to pretend everything will go back to the way it once was.

Leah's done with us. It might not have occurred to her just yet, but I'm pretty sure that's what'll happen as soon as she finishes a couple tubs of Ben and Jerry's. There's nothing to tie her to La Push, except her brother who won't make her feel guilty if she wants to leave and her mother who would survive the nuclear holocaust along with the cockroaches and Keith Richards. So Leah will leave. Jacob tried running to northern Canada, but Leah will probably see if swimming the Pacific won't get her out of her erstwhile boyfriend/potential breeding partner's head. Bet she would think it was worth it.

There's a part of me that thinks we might be better without all of Leah's bitchy comments, but it's a very small part of me, and it knows it's being stupid. That's not the way it works. The five of us weren't just thrown together randomly. The grand hand of fate (it might be lame, but I didn't make the rules) put us together. Together. One team. And it won't work the same way if Leah's not there.

Besides, I'm pretty sure her little brother will be pissed that she's gone. Hell, I can't guarantee that Quil and I won't be a little pissed as well. Jacob might be our best friend...but he couldn't have just kept it in his pants? Yeesh.

"Think you could pick me up later tonight?" I ask Quil as I hop out of the truck.

"Sure. Hey, Embry?"

"Yeah?"

"What do we do?"

I have no clue.

"Cross your fingers. Now go play with your Barbies."

Quil flips me off, half-heartedly. My chuckle is similarly unconvincing, but neither of us calls the other on it. Instead, I wave him goodbye and head back to Marian's front door.

"Hey," she says, frowning as she sees me on her front steps. "Long time no see."

"Can I come in?"

"Sure." She moves out of the way to let me pass, but she doesn't stop looking worried. "Either I've gotten a lot more popular lately or you've had a really crappy day. And somehow I doubt I got cool overnight."

"I think you're cool," I assured her, leaning over to kiss her. She doesn't even let me, which is not exactly what I really need right now.

"Okay, now I know there's something wrong. What happened?"

"Jacob and Leah broke up."

"That sucks." She bites her lip and after a while, quietly says, "It's not the end of the world."

"What?"

"It's just...you look like it's the end of the world. And it's not. If they broke up...well, that sucks. It's going to be awkward as hell. But it does happen, Embry. It won't be easy, but if they try and act mature about it, and you ignore the occasional fight, you guys might be able to make it work."

"I thought you had met Jake and Leah."

"Okay, so it'll be really awkward."

"Try he took off for Canada."

"Oh. Well...maybe you could try and patch things up? You said all they did was fight. Why should this time be serious?"

"They aren't fighting with each other this time. They're mad at...life."

"One of these days I'm going to get annoyed by your continuously vague information on your friends." But she didn't look mad, just glanced behind her as I hugged her. "Dad's cooking. Mom will be home soon. Why don't you wait up in my room?"

Now that? That was what I needed.

I wait until the door of her bedroom is closed before I pick her up and kiss her, but not much longer than that. Not only am I afraid I'm having a nervous breakdown from all the mood swings I've been having today (or turning into a girl) but I did miss her.

"You sure you don't want to talk?" she asks as I lay her on the bed and get rid of my pesky shirt.

"Uh, yeah."

She giggles underneath me and we finally get to the part of my day that is guaranteed not to suck, no matter how many Alpha/Best Friend types have disappeared along the way—making Marian happy. It goes quite well, if I do say so myself. Afterwards, she has to catch her breath before she asks, "Do you want to stay for dinner?"

"Nah. I'm going over to Seth's. We have to have a meeting."

"You don't sound excited."

"Yeah, well. Hey, does your Dad still need me to come over tomorrow to help with the car? Because I'm probably going to want to avoid my friends."

"He's going to do it next week." She gives me this gigantic, perfect smile. "You might be the only boyfriend on the planet who is eager to hang out with his girlfriend's dad. If you could act scared of him once in a while, it might help Dad's self-esteem."

"Really?" The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt Aaron (and go to Charlie Swan's house, but I'm compartmentalizing right now). "Tomorrow I can pretend to quake in fear."

"Shut up," she tells me, giggling into her pillow. "You're too cute. Remind me to leave a dollar under my pillow for the imprint fairy."

"What?" Now I'm the one who's laughing.

"You know? Like the tooth fairy, except for imprinting."

"Okay...so you were right, before. You are totally not cool."

"Hey," she giggles some more. It hurts smiling like this, but I can't help being this happy when I watch her.

"Where did you get imprint fairy from, anyway?"

She shrugs and sits up, beginning to get herself ready for dinner. "Because my boyfriend doesn't explain things to me properly. And because you said imprinting on me was like permanent love at first sight, so I kind of imagined Cupid except cooler. Like with a cute little yellow sundress or something. Is something else the matter?"

"No," I say, kissing her. "Sorry. Smells like dinner's going to be soon."

"Yeah, we better get you downstairs before Mom gets home."

"She got home five minutes ago." Marian panics just a little so I calm her down. "Don't worry. You're parents are too busy talking about if I'm a good influence or not in the kitchen to worry about us. They're leaning towards good, by the way."

"Hopefully. I might not get grounded that way."

I don't quite succeed in calming her down, but I do an okay job. They really do like me, Marian's parents. They invite me to dinner themselves, but I have to decline. Even if we hadn't had a pack meeting for tonight, there's something I think I need to discuss with the others. Besides, Quil knocks on the door as I'm in the foyer saying goodbye, so I don't really have a choice.

It's only after we get to the Swan house, after Seth has greeted us, after Sue has glared at us, after Leah has refused to come out of her room, after we have devoured the food Sue has provided for us anyway in the living room, that I start speaking. Finally, I've learned discretion is the better part of valor (okay, I'm still a little iffy on the cliché, but I've got the discretion thing down, and the rest of it just sounds cool).

Finally, I've learned when to open my big mouth.

"You guys ever think about why we imprint?"

Quil and Seth, for two such laid-backed guys, give good incredulous looks.

"Embry," Quil sighs, "That's practically been our job for the last little while."

"Yeah, but have you guys ever come up with anything good?"

"That, Embry," Seth sighs, "Is why my sister has currently locked herself in a bedroom. There isn't a reason. Nessie's not like the other girls, but even if you ignore her...all the other girls are pretty random. Hell, if Leah really is this perfect breeding partner it actually makes even less sense that Sam imprinted on Emily instead."

"No, it doesn't."

The two of them look at me, surprised. Quil states, "You have an idea."

Maybe.

"We've always sort of treated imprinting like phasing, an instinct we have that turns on when it has to. But what if it's more complicated than that?"

"More complicated?" Seth sighs.

"Yeah. What if it was more like—" Can't say fairy "—some sort of spirit. Or all-knowing god-type thing. The pack's omniscient narrator. Imagine it was looking at the big picture. And intelligent. Or at least...trying to be intelligent."

"I still don't get where you're going with this."

"I'm saying I don't think imprinting is random. I think it's less like phasing and more like the process of being chosen to phase. See the distinction?"

"Sort of." Seth scratched his head. "We don't exactly know why we get selected to phase, either. But since that always works out so well...say you're right. Say something smart is picking the imprints. What's it's goal? Protect the tribe?"

"No. I think we already exist to protect the tribe. I think imprinting exists to protect us. As a pack. It picks out the girls that will help us all function together properly, so that when something attacks, we can beat it."

Quil sighed. "Should I start with the most obvious way this is wrong? Let's go back to Sam. First guy to imprint. Didn't exactly cause inner-pack relations to go smoothly."

I took a deep breath. This was going to get convoluted, and quick. But I think it made sense, if only in my head.

"Okay, but assume I'm right that imprinting is to protect the pack. There's no guarantee that we'll live long enough to have kids, or that our soul mates will even be able to have them, or—" I swallow, because it's not a pleasant possibility, but it's one we can't ignore "—that one of us won't accidentally kill our imprint before she has kids. That's what Jacob and Leah are for, I think. He's the strongest. Even if the rest of us die...chances are he won't. The rest of us would die to protect them. So the pack lives on. And if that's correct...

"Leah wasn't the second to phase, remember?" Quil points out.

"I know. But look at the situation from the imprint fairy's point of view. The Cullens—"

"Wait." Quil looks at me like I'm crazy. "Imprint fairy?"

"I have to call it something."

"Yeah, but imprint fairy? Dude."

"Fine. We'll call her Lilith." I'm not that big on demonology, but it sounds vaguely familiar.

Seth protests. "If she's a fairy, don't you think Lily would be more appropriate? Less 'I'm going to stab you', more 'I'm going to make you fall in love?'"

"I'm not calling the spirit of imprinting Lily. That's lame. I'm calling it 'she' and you can both shut up."

They hold up their hands in surrender.

"Where was I?"

"Lily was worrying about the Cullens." Seth ducks his head. "Sorry, I think it's cute."

Since I've been defeated, I just go with it. "Let's assume that not everyone on the rez can transform. There's only so many of us that have the potential. The first time the Cullens come to town, they have only two decent fighters with them—so three Quileute wolves transform. No need for a girl...there's so many of the guys being held in reserve, the genes won't die out. But the second time the Cullens come back not only do they have another fighter with them—one who could conceivably plan out an epic battle to the death—they also have the psychic. Who found the Cullens and joined the Cullens...and now the possibility was in Lily's head that maybe the Cullens won't stay such a small group after all. Lily thinks to herself, it might be a good idea to keep Leah around. But first things first.

"Sam was the oldest. She activated him, but kept the pack small, just Sam, Jared and Paul. The Cullens leave, but Lily wasn't satisfied. Paul was a little bit out of control. I phased. Jake's finally old enough; he phased, too."

"But the Cullens were gone."

Considering it cemented his Edward Cullen love, Seth sure has a short-term memory. "But the stupid redhead bitch wasn't. And what we didn't know, but an imprinting fairy might, was that she was building an army. Leah phased. Now, no matter Vicky did, the line wouldn't die out."

"It also might explain why Jake saved her so quickly. That never made sense," Quil complains.

Seth snorts. "Maybe he just didn't want her to...I don't know...die."

"Yeah, but boy didn't even think about." Quil frowns. "If Leah's so important, why didn't Sam imprint on her in the first place?"

"Maybe Sam didn't pick Emily over Leah because Emily was better—maybe he picked Emily because only Jake was supposed to be able to pick Leah. If Leah really is supposed to be our glorious co-Chief, then maybe Sam imprinted just to get away from her."

They blink.

Seth sighs, "You really want Leah to hate you, don't you?"

I snort. "Think about it. They pledged their undying love; from the way Leah won't talk about it, I bet you Sam even proposed. Lily knew she had to get him away from Leah; Leah wouldn't have Jake's super pups if she was in love with Sam. Knowing Leah, Sam probably stayed the night. He couldn't imprint on Sue; she's the wife of an Elder—imagine that mess. But the next day Emily came by to see Leah...problem solved. Leah was free for Jacob."

"Okay," Seth says slowly. "I think I agree with you about the Cullens. The more of them there are, the more uncertain the situation, the more of us. That makes sense. And I think it even makes sense that Leah would be a sort of mate for Jacob, to keep the werewolf line alive. I will even grant you that Sam imprinting on Emily very well could have been to keep him away from Leah. But, Embry, that doesn't really explain the rest of you."

"I'm not finished." They let me continue. "Back when it was just the three of them and a lot of free time, do you remember how Sam started to clean up the rez? There was talk about him overstepping his boundaries...not that the Elders wanted to shut him down, but there were important people who started making noise. The loudest of these happened to have a daughter. They shut up when Jared imprinted on her."

"Quil?"

"Three reasons. One, it finally made Quil think phasing wasn't the greatest thing ever." My best friend sticks out his tongue at me. "Two, it prepared us for other, weirder imprints. And three, most importantly, it forced Sam to get over Leah."

The two of them look at me, surprised. "You guys don't remember Sam, before Claire. He loved Emily, couldn't stay away from her...but he wasn't sold on the imprinting business either. He wasn't sure if it was what the stories wanted. He almost killed her—surely it couldn't be right? Sometimes he talked about ways to get rid of it. Sometimes he looked at Leah a little too long.

"Quil imprinted on Claire. He was embarrassed, freaked—time for the leader to step in. Sam couldn't lie—he had to choose. He could tell Quil to fight it...and maybe Quil couldn't beat it. Then what? He thinks he's a pedophile, he kills himself before he hurts Claire...very shitty scenario. Or Sam could tell Quil to accept it. He knew Quil wasn't going to do anything wrong. Sam told Quil to accept what happened and in doing so accepted it himself. And now the whole pack accepts it as a beautiful thing."

"Jacob?" Quil seems a little less sure I'm crazy now. "If Leah's so important, why have Jacob imprint on Nessie?"

"So we wouldn't attack the Cullens." Seth comes up with the answer even faster than I do. "Obviously. There never would have been a treaty if he hadn't imprinted. There would have been a war."

"A civil war, at that," I continue. We all know Seth wouldn't have let us kill them off. And Leah hates being predictable.

"But if he's supposed have kids with Leah...?" Quil shrugs. "If Lily's gone to all that trouble with Sam, why throw it away then and there? With Taka Aki it always sounded like he imprinted so he would stop phasing. Only now Jacob imprints on an immortal? Seems dumb, if you ask me."

"You know who else is dumb? Jacob. Only person I know who goes into a murderous rampage without phasing in anger first."

It dawns on Quil first. "If Jake had phased, back up would have come."

Seth sighs. "So I get to be the sacrificial werewolf?"

"Like you would have complained about getting to spend all eternity with your boyfriend," I tease. He flips me off. "Seriously, even if it hadn't been you, you and your sister would have needed help holding him back. Someone would have showed up, imprinted on the kid. Problem—"

"Solved," the other two groan in unison. Then Quil asks, "And you?"

"I fit."

I don't want to get into how Leah kissed me, how I imprinted for the same reason as Sam. Or that if I hadn't found Marian (and Aaron—in my own head, I won't lie. It's mostly because of Aaron) I might have gone a little nuts. I wouldn't have been able to stay around my friends with their families—and their fathers.

"Say you're right," Seth says slowly.

"I am right. I think."

"Okay, sure. But...well, so what? It doesn't help us stop it. Does it?"

He still sounds hopefully; I can't help cringing. "No, it doesn't. If I'm right, it means Jacob can still be with Leah even though he's got an imprint...he's just not going to be able to be able to stop whatever he feels for Nessie at the same time."

The three of us sit in silence for a long while, hoping I'm wrong. I'm hoping I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. I think those girls have solved some of our problems, as best as they could. But Jacob had to imprint on Nessie; he couldn't be allowed to kill her. So whatever great plan destiny had for Leah is pretty much null and void.

The three of us look at each.

"I'm not telling Leah."

"Not it."

Seth sighs, but he's already standing up. Less chance of her killing her brother. We hope. Upstairs he trudges. A room over Sue is telling Charlie about her day in the hospital. The horrible, bloody reality that is a hospital emergency room is a nice backdrop for Seth's current mission.

"Jake said he wasn't coming back," Quil tells me. It should be sudden, but it's not. "He said he was done with all this wolf stuff. It can fuck up someone else's life, he said. And he said to say goodbye to you guys. But I...I couldn't. Not yet."

I glance at the doorway that Seth just walked through. "He'll come back. He always comes back."

"Maybe not this time."

We sit in silence some more, until Seth comes down the stairs, eyes huge. "Leah's gone."

"What?"

"She's not—she snuck out the window. She's gone. She must have heard us. She must have—"

"Okay, Seth," I say, standing up. "Calm down. She'll be fine. She's like the toughest thing out there. If she wants to go for a run, too, let her."

"We can't just leave her out there!"

"Why not? She'll be fine."

He hesitates, but agrees before saying, "Jake at least has to know about it. If he wants to leave, he better clean up his messes."

It seems that Leah wasn't the only Clearwater who was eavesdropping. This house must have better acoustics than I thought. Seth's shrugging out his clothes, which is actually impressive considering how badly he's shaking. Quil asks for both of us: "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to tell him he better fix this," says the kid and then he's not Seth any more, he's a sandy-colored werewolf. Not for long. In fact, he phases back so soon afterwards that I don't need him to explain that Jacob ordered him to transform back.

"Just let it go," Quil advises.

How can he? It's his sister that's not there, his blood that's miserable. I'm a selfish old asshole and I don't think I could stand it—how much worse would it be to be Seth, all loving and caring and unable to do anything?

"We'll look for her tomorrow," I promise him.

"Whatever."

Seth marches upstairs without looking at us. I don't need to glance at Quil to know—this is how a pack dies.