One Headlight by Wallflowers
It's so fucking cold. I'm in two coats, a scarf, and jeans with sweatpants over my jeans and I'm still freezing. It doesn't help that snow is seeping through my dirty beat up converse so my feet are wet and numb. I really need to ask Craig where he gets those boots.
I kick snow on my way to the park. I'm going slowly. Craig said he got there a while ago. What if he leaves because I'm taking so long? He must be cold. I sigh. I hate when I'm a dick but I'm so scared and I'm tired of being scared of Craig or my parents or of anything really.
Still, now that I'm so close I'm scared again. What would Craig need to say now? I'd break up with him just so I could stop thinking about it. I snort. That's funny. The breaking up will never be on my part. Being with Craig has been like a dream. Now, if I could kiss him at school and no one cared, that's a real dream. If our parents didn't care, that's delusions and actually having sex with Craig are my fantasies.
I stop walking and look around. It's so dark because the moon is behind the clouds and the park only has one street light above a bench. I don't see Craig but he said he was here and wouldn't he at least tell me if he left? If he left he was probably mad, so maybe not? But what if something happened to him?
I check my phone but I don't have any notifications. I'd call out his name but if there really is a serial killer, I don't want to give him any help. Great, now Craig's probably dead or close to it so it doesn't even matter. It's my fault. I can't even help him. What could I do? If I try to help him I'd end kidnapped too and then we'd just be together… Is that selfish?
"Fuck," I click on his name and wait while it rings. it rings and rings and rings… and then it goes to voicemail. "Oh, my God," HE'S DEAD. He's actually dead! "I killed him. I took too long. J-Jesus Christ!"
Something loops around my neck and grabs me in a choke hold.
Now I'm gonna die! I totally fucking deserve it too. I killed Craig.
"You took for-fucking-ever, asshole," Craig snickers, flipping me around and planting a soft kiss on my lips. He tastes like cigarettes and smoke.
I let out a heavy breath, "Jesus fucking Christ, Craig? What the fuck was that?"
He just shrugs, "When I get bored at night, I lurk. You do it too, I've seen you."
"I do not lurk. Who the hell lurks? What does that even mean?" I say. "I wander," I correct the niorette.
"Whatever," Craig says. "What took you so long anyways? Your house is closer than mine."
"I was slower because it's cold and I can't feel my feet," I half-lie.
Craig glances down at my soaked sneakers and makes a face, "Whoa, you need new shoes."
"I need boots," I correct the niorette, flicking one of his yellow pom-pom's. "Yours are nice."
"Thanks," he kicks some snow over my toe. "They're really old too but look, no holes." He kicks his foot up to show me.
"Amazing," I marvel.
We stroll over to the bench and sit down. It's quiet and Craig pops open a pack of cigarettes. "Uhm," I start but Craig cuts me off.
"I'm too young to be worrying about this shit," he says. "I'm gonna do what makes me happy." Craig turns my face towards his to kiss me again. My eyes slowly close.
It's suddenly like the fog has been lifted. Even my uneasy thoughts are gone just with two simple sentences. Craig wants to be with me still. My dad said he didn't want to see us together and Craig's parents can't find out about us either so that just complicated our relationship so much more but I don't think either of us care anymore because we want to be together and what's the worst that could happen?
"My dad said I can't see you anymore," I tell him. "So we can't hang out at my house anymore."
"My parents work and Ruby just started tennis so my house is good sometimes and I have a room at Token's… I'm sure he won't mind," Craig says. "What's up with your dad?"
I smile. Craig didn't even blink. I guess he'd understand. "He's being a class A retard. It's because I got into another fight. He's worried I might attract too much attention if I'm a freak and a fag."
"It sucks," he states, leaning back. He doesn't sound particularly worried.
"You know, if we get caught, it could be detrimental."
"If we get caught, it would suck but it wouldn't be the end of the world. Plus, if we don't get caught, then there's nothing to worry about. So we won't get caught," Craig says simply. I won't point out that he just kissed me in public on a bench, even if it is three in the morning. I've recently found out a lot more people wander at night than I thought.
I know how these things go. Not from experience but it's just so painfully obvious. With us not stressing so much about being together we're probably gonna get careless and then one fateful day we will be caught and even though we've said all of this now, it's not gonna be like this. It's gonna be terrible- for both of us now.
"When things get complicated I shut down. I don't like it at all," Craig says. "I'm sorry again about this morning. I should've just talked to you… You needed me and if I had then you wouldn't have gotten in trouble."
"True, but don't blame yourself. What happen happened and now we're past it. Right?"
"I guess," Craig says.
"So, we aren't?"
"I don't know…" he says. "I feel bad. Let me feel bad."
"I don't want you to feel bad," I explain.
"Well, it will make me feel better," he says.
"When?"
"Tweek, I don't know."
I take Craig in my arms and rest my face behind his neck. "Well, hurry up. If you feel bad, I'll probably feel bad too," I mumble against his skin. I feel Craig breathing in and out smoke. "That's gonna kill you, you know?"
He scoffs, "Bullshit. Don't you smoke weed?"
"Different."
"No," Craig argues.
"Weed is from the Earth," I explain. "It's natural. That shit's tar."
"Tobacco comes from the Earth, you stupid fucker."
"But they add chemicals, dumbass," I say.
"I'm not dumb," he tells me. I hum into his skin.
"Tweek," he says.
I smile. I like it when he says my name. Something about it makes me imagine him naked under me, pressed against my bed- or various places honestly- and screaming it over and over and over- "Tweek!"
"Hm?"
"Let's go to Stark's and make out before I have to go to school tomorrow," Craig doesn't suggest. It was more like, 'I'm going now, follow me if you want to and I know you want to'.
One of the best parts about being with another teenage boy is that Craig probably thinks about sex as much as I do but he's probably more afraid because of his whole family thing. But, hey, I'm not pressuring him.
Clearly.
Craig swiftly stands, leaving me leaning against air now. "What's the difference between making out there and making out here?" I ask, pouting as I stand, but then realizing since it's night, we could hold hands.
I grab his and we start walking, swinging our joined limbs. The Sound of Music soundtrack plays in the background. "Stark's is quieter and there are no lights so even if someone comes, they won't see us until we can hear them."
"Who would come? It's like four in the morning."
"I don't fucking know, Tweek. Didn't you say Kenny's up about now and all the other weirdos?"
"You're up right now," I point out.
"I am? Holy shit," Craig says sarcastically.
"Are you calling yourself a weirdo?"
"Everyone is weird in some way. We just all pretend like we're normal. It's stupid as shit," he says.
"You're a fucking genius," I tell Craig, snatching his hat off of his head.
"You're an idiot," he snatches it back.
"Most of the weirdos that are up right now already know about us."
Craig pauses, "Good point," he says, continuing to walk anyway.
I start to hum a tune while we walk, swinging our arms. Craig asks, "I heard you kicked Cartman's ass."
"Me too," I say.
Craig glances at me, "What?" I just shrug. "I heard you put him in the hospital. What happened?"
"Cartman's a dick, that's what happened. He deserved it… didn't he?"
"I don't know, man. Why are you asking me?" Craig mumbles.
I sigh, "Because I feel guilty and you hate everyone so I know you'll rant about what an asshole he is and justify my actions. Right? Go 'head, I'm waiting…"
Craig blinks at me, "First off, I don't hate everyone, douche-sack. I just hate a majority. Second, why would you feel guilty?"
"I didn't want to put him in the hospital…"
"It's not a bad thing to put someone in the hospital. I have," Craig admits, though I feel like it's something I could have assumed. "Everyone gets angry… Some people just feel it harder and then other people feel it harder. Like your fist in Cartman's face. He felt it."
"Lovely, Craig," I let my feet scrape the ground as I walk on.
"Mhm," Craig says.
"It was like I blacked out. It was scary," I tell him, quietly.
"Like you couldn't control yourself?" I nod. "I don't know about that. Does it happen often?" I shake my head. "Uhm, I wouldn't worry about it. Stop worrying about it." He squeezes my hand.
"Aw, Craig!" I peck his cheek. "So cute," I smile. "I feel better," I announce. "And look- we made it to Stark's. It-" Craig sticks his foot out in front of me and I fall face into a heap of snow. It's numbing and cold and wet. I whine, "Craig, why?"
Craig drops on top of me and I grunt. "I didn't think this through," he tells me. "If we lay on the snow, we'll get wet."
"Sucks," I kiss his neck. "Wanna go home then?" I kiss kiss jaw.
"Mmm…" he hums. I kiss again. "We're gonna get sick," he tells me.
"Then let's leave," I say, licking a patch of skin and sucking the area.
"I don't want to get wet, Tweek," he says. Mmm, Tweek.
"Lay on me," I tell him, placing my hands on his hips.
"Yeah, but then you'll get wet and get sick and then we can't kiss because I don't want to get sick."
"I'm already wet but okay. How many jackets are you wearing?" I kiss him again.
"Two," he answers.
"Me too," I tell him. "We can each take one off to lie on and then I'm sure we can keep each other warm." I don't want to think about how we wouldn't have to do this shit at all if our parents didn't suck. I'm just gonna pretend that our parents love our relationship because it makes both Craig and I very happy and that this is just something experimental on our part to bring some excitement to the relationship.
After we've made a make-shift bed out of our coats and settle on it Craig ends up somewhat nested between my legs. We stare at the water. It's all black except the reflection from the moon and the stars which stand out tonight, luckily for us.
Craig turns himself around in my lap and throws his legs to each side of me. I smile down at him. "What's up?"
"It's getting late," he says.
"Early," I correct. He flicks me off. "Yeah, but it only takes a few minutes to get you off- thirty, at most," I tap his nose with the tip of my own and hold it there.
"Dick."
"Sure, whatever," I push my lips against Craig's. Craig comes back more forcibly and slips his hand in my shirt. "Okay," I say on his lips. His hands are cold but warm up the more they travel my torso.
I didn't want to be the only one feeling good, though it seems Craig wants to take the reins so I hold him with my hands on his back but as Craig's tongue enters my mouth I slip my hands beneath the fabric of his jeans and onto his ass.
He pushes me back onto our jackets and lightly glides his fingers across the skin on my stomach. I suck in air through my nose. If I open my eyes I could see stars past Craig and it's an amazing feeling. Craig is an amazing feeling. Having Craig as my… not boyfriend but partner? Whatever, he's mine and having him is awesome. It takes the dopey caterpillar that slugs around my heart and puts him in a cocoon for a while and now it just flutters all the fucking time. It flutters in my chest, down my stomach, in my throat, and through my head and I never want that butterfly to die.
The way he's kissing me right now is so different. I feel like I could kiss Wendy or Kenny- even Clyde or Token and be like that was cool, I guess. But kissing Craig like this makes me feel like I'm alive and I'm okay. I'm a person and everyone knows that and today- tomorrow, I'm gonna be fine.
Sometimes being with him like this makes me feel like nothing else in the world exists than us. Every problem isn't a problem and if you think about it nothing really matters because- think about it- you're not thinking. Just planets, just orbiting, just spinning, just floating, just birthing, just breathing and eating, just living and loving. Just me and Craig in the atmosphere.
Craig's hand descends down my abdominal until it reaches my jeans and he starts at the buttons. "We don't have enough time for me to enjoy this," he admits.
"Let me do it for you then," I tell him, taking his hand and stopping his motions.
"No, just let me," he says.
"Craig," I say, "this is for you. Right now, you want it. I always want it so that doesn't really matter. Plus, I will make sacrifices for you."
"Sacrifices?" he repeats, raising an eyebrow at my performance.
"Yeah, like denying your blowjob even though I really want it."
"Whatever," he says.
"Yeah, whatever, switch spots with me."
Craig complies and I start to undo his jeans instead. I trail warm wet kisses down his happy trail. I slide his jeans off completely so that I can kiss his thigh. I grab the other in my hand and squeeze. Craig sighs contently at the affection. It's probably relaxing and that's good because that's the point. I suck and bite and kiss and nibble at Craig's flesh, leaving a glossy trail up his thigh to his groin.
I grip Craig through his boxers and start to stroke his length. He's already hard but so am I. This just works me up more. I yank his boxers off with his jeans and take the head of his cock into my mouth, sucking. I watch him the whole time. Craig's the sexiest when we're doing this. He's most expressive in these situation, as you might guess. I know exactly what he's thinking.
I lick down the base of his dick and then take the whole thing in my mouth. It hits the back of my throat but I lack a gag reflex. I disengaged it after my first blowjob (given not received). I gagged so hard, I swear my voice box broke or something. It hurt like hell and I had to stop. It was painfully awkward.
Craig starts to grab his hair which is so amazing. I squeeze his hip in my hand roughly and he twists in my grasp. My hand soon abandons his hip though to slide onto his ass. I use it to guide him deeper into my mouth.
A significantly louder moan than the rest of the noises Craig's been making escapes his lips and I have to pause. He's covered his face with his hat and even in this lighting I can still see how red his face is.
"Oh, my God," I chuckle.
"Sorry," he mumbles.
"That was the sexiest thing you have ever done," I tell the hiding niorette. He simply groans. I'd reach up and steal his hat if he weren't throbbing in my hand.
Craig comes shortly after the hair tugging. I spit it out on the snow next to us and think about how we should've used a condom. I sigh. Next time, I guess.
I climb back up to him and we snuggle together. What I like about South Park is that we can lay here and see the stars as oppose to the city where there's no fields of grass near a natural lake or stars. There's probably other romantic shit to do but this seems superior by a landslide.
Holy shit, this is romantic isn't it?
A small smile battles my objections onto my face. I don't know why this being a romantic couple thing makes me so happy. Maybe because Craig and my relationship just kinda got thrown into the shredder, yet here we are.
Craig's breathing finally evens out and I have to glance at him, "Are you sleeping?"
"Stop asking me that. If I am, you just woke me up, ass-hat," he says.
I scoff, "If you were, you wouldn't hear me. I'm not yelling, dick-hat." Craig glares at me. "You shouldn't sleep out here anyway. We're wet and it's cold. We should head back now." Craig rolls his eyes. "Yeah, I know. It sucks and I can't walk you home because who knows who'd see us in this stupid town."
"Mmm," Craig says. "Give me my pants."
Craig and I depart after dressing and promises to hang out at Token's some time later.
I didn't proof read this.
mmmmmmmmmmmhkasfjljgfdg Anyway, thanks for reviews, reading, loving, whatever and hope your lifes are as well as mine, i guess. I'm having a little boy-trouble but *sigh* I didn't have an ending to that sentence.
