Ian Hecox

I had no idea what came over me, I regret everything I said, those hurtful words just came out of anger. I yelled at Anthony, "Anthony! Where are you going, man?" My friend looked back at me, his face red with frustration.

"Away from you!" He shouted and turned his back on me again, his arm around Billy's shoulder, consoling him.

"C'mon don't do this man, I'm sorry!" I apologized; he did not seem to hear.

"You've done enough, Ian!" They continued to walk away from Mari and me.

"I'm sorry!" I whimpered,

"I've had enough of your bullshit." This is ending badly.

"We need to go back!"

"Go on without me!" He yelled, "You'd be better off without me anyway." My eyes became itchy, I was actually tearing up.

"C'mon man! You know I can't leave without you." I wept.

"Forget it." My friend bellowed.

"I'm sorry!" I repeated.

"Whatever, man!" Anthony shook it off, disappearing from my view. Well, it just happened, me and Anthony were no longer friends, which I thought it was impossible, not anymore. We had our fights but we would always sort it out, yet this one was the worst. I buried my head in my hands and cried.

Then Mari's arm wrapped around my shoulder, "Don't worry, it'll be alright, He'll be back." She calmly said.

"I can't leave without him." I said.

"I know how it feels to lose a boyfriend." My head shot up from my hands, Boyfriend?!

"Whoa, whoa, me and Anthony are not a couple, Mari." I blurted out.

"I'm kidding." She laughed.

"Can't two guys be close friends without being mistaken as a gay couple?" I complained. "Damn Ianthony fanfics."

"It's a joke, cheer up, man!" Mari said.

Anthony Padilla

"C'mon man! I'm sorry!" It felt heavy but I couldn't take it anymore, I've had enough of Ian's cocky attitude. I don't want to be friends with him anymore, yeah it's painful after all we've been through but that was the last straw, he'd been too hard on Billy and now look what he did, the boy had been crying for thirty minutes and I have no idea how to calm the poor boy down.

"Billy, it's alright." I softly said as I pat his back, but he continued to sob, his face buried in his hands.

"W-why i-is Ian s-so m-mean?" Billy stuttered, holding back tears.

"Don't worry about him, he's a dick." I said.

"Thanks for sticking up for me back there." Billy smiled.

"No problem, kid, how about we go someplace we could eat? I haven't eaten in ages." I suggested, I don't consider canned dog foods as real food.

"Firetruckin' yeah!" He jumped in excitement. Billy and I went to grab some food at a fast food joint, a couple of mile walk, just to calm our rumbling tummies. I recalled, we haven't eaten anything since we got here. I ordered a vegan meal and an iced tea, "What do you want, Billy?" I asked him, "It's on me."

"R-really?" Billy mumbled.

"Yep." I said, popping the P.

"I'll have the double burger, a Grande sized Coke, large French fries, 16 oz sundae." Whoa, that's a lot for a boy like him.

"Is it okay?" Billy said, his propeller hat spinning, I smiled and nodded, "YAAAY!" He squealed. We ate like barbarians, not caring if there are people looking, we're so hungry. Billy became a close friend, if it weren't for him my ass would be fried and my cock would be sliced.

"This burger tastes so firetruckin' good!" Billy had a foodgasm.

"You know it." I chuckled, my cheeks filled with salad. We even had an eating contest.

"I'm sorry I got in the way between you and Ian." Billy said, still munching on his burger.

"It's okay, he probably deserves it."

"No it's not! It's like your friendship is the balance of the universe!"' I raised an eyebrow, Billy continued, "—at least that's what I've read in the comments section."

"Nah, don't worry, we'll sort this one out some time, but now you need my help, he was too hard on you back there."

Billy then snickered.

"What?" The seriousness of the moment went away.

"You said, Hard On." Billy laughed.

"You little devil." I laughed as well. Another dick joke.

We were probably laughing most of the time, usually making fun about the people around us and a whole lotta sex jokes. Then my phone vibrated, a text message from Ian:

'Hey man, I'm really sorry, come over to our old house and we'll sort this out, I'm really sorry man, I dunno what came over me - Ian'

"Who texted you?" Billy asked.

"Ian, he told me to go to our smosh house, to 'sort this out'." I said.

"Let's go to him then!" The boy squeaked.

"Later, after we finish our food!" I pumped a fist into the air. As a few minutes went by, I felt uneasy, my hands started to become sweaty and was trembling, I could feel cold sweat trickling down the side of my face.

"You okay, Anthony?" Billy asked, I didn't respond, my tummy rumbled, my vision became swirly and my gut was telling me to poop.

"What's happening?" Billy asked again.

"I think I ate something bad." I clutched my tummy then glanced at the menu of the restaurant, the ingredients of the vegan salad I ordered had beans and PRUNES, lots of them.

"Oh crud." I mumbled.

"What is it?"Billy saw me turn red.

"Prunes… I-I gotta go potty." I dashed from my seat and ran to the guy's restroom,

OUT OF ORDER.

Why does everything I need to use is always out of order?! Damn you writer!

My butthole is about to explode, I looked outside the window: it was almost night time as the sun can no longer be seen. Out in the open I spotted a blue port-a-potty across the street. I ran out the place and walked to it, with Billy following behind me.

I pulled open the door of the port-a-potty, no one's inside, I went in and closed the door, pulled down my pants and sat on the plastic toilet. I was about to let it go, but Billy's inside with me.

"A little privacy, Billy?" I said.

"Oh sorry." He stepped out and I locked the door and let all hell break loose, pooping like there's no tomorrow.

"Anthony?" Billy knocked.

"Urgghhh! What?" I grunted.

"I'm gonna go apologize to Ian, it's my fault that you fought, I have to fix it." He said from outside.

"No let him be." I said.

"I can't stand you two like this; I can't even embrace the fact that you're no longer friends." He said, his tone was filled with guilt.

"Wait for me." I said.

"Sure, how long are you gonna be there?" My gut rumbled again, I don't think that I'll be out of here sooner.

"You know what? I'll catch up later, looks like I'm gonna be in here for a while." I grunted, "Billy?" I called out.

"Yeah?" His voice sounded a little farther away from the wall of the port-a-potty.

"Thanks."

"Anything for my heroes." Silence soon followed, Billy left to sort this issue out, now I gotta find toilet paper, this port-a-potty has none, which is bad.

Ian Hecox

I drove the DeLorean back to our old house, and there we waited for Billy and Anthony to come back. I watched the sun set behind the buildings and before I knew it, it was nighttime as the only light source came from the headlights of cars, busy buildings and lamp posts. It was cold, a gust of wind sent shivers through my whole body.

I hope Anthony got my text.

Mari went outside the car, she must've dozed off a little while ago, right after my friend left us, she stretched her arms and walked closer to me.

"Hey Mari, got enough sleep?" I asked her.

"Yeah." She yawned, "You hungry?'

"Kinda." I realized that I haven't eaten anything yet, ever since that cereal breakfast.

"I'll go swing by Taco Bell, wanna come?"

"Go ahead, I'll stay and wait here for Anthony and Billy." I said, smiling at her.

"I'll get you some food, what do you like?"

My stomach growled, "A burrito would be nice," I smiled, "a large burrito."

"Okay, be back in a few." Mari waved goodbye and went to the store which was a few blocks from here.

I looked up at the sky thinking of what I've done and why is this crazy adventure happening to us, feels like a too good to be true non-ianthony fanfic written by a Sci Fi and Adventure fan but I brushed it off. My bruises throbbed, I forgot that my clothes had been ripped to shreds, so that's why I've been shivering. I glanced down at my shirt and saw my nipples peeking through the torn holes: they're so hard that they can cut diamonds.

"I better get a change of clothes." I thought. I went back into the car and conveniently, Mari brought a bag of Smosh merch with her, I dug into the bag and chose a black shirt with a print of the Food Battle 2014 shirt, with the Rock Candy monster striking a pose against the dreaded Pink Frosted Sprinkled Donut. It's a little tight around the tummy but it'll do.

I need to lose weight.

A little flashback flooded in my head, the time we shot FB2014, I was a little hesitant to do it in our Smosh house since every year we would film at my Mom's house, so that episode deviated a little from the series and I was a little stressed when writing it since we had been doing this for 9 years, so it felt rushed and I really don't think that it promised the '9 times the action'.

I went back to the spot I stood earlier, thinking about a lot of stuff: How can we fix this? What did we do to the bad guy to deserve this? Why am I asking you this question? Why does Anthony have a picture of me in diapers?

"Ian?" A man-child voice came from behind me, I turned around, Billy was there, waving hello at me, his figure was only lit by the lamp posts.

"Billy?" I squinted my eyes, but there was no sight of my pal, "Where's Anthony?" I asked, my eyes searching the place behind Billy.

"He ate a lot of prunes and beans, currently unleashing hell in a port-a-potty near Taco Bell." Billy wrinkled his nose.

"Ohh," Billy walked closer to me. A little awkward moment.

"I told him I'd come here to say I'm sorry." He slightly sat on the hood of the car.

"No, I'm sorry, back there in the alleyway, I couldn't control my anger." I apologized, "You're somewhat below average intelligence."

"It's okay. I always anger people with my stupidity." Billy bowed his head.

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's my fault you and Anthony fought, I'm the one who should be sorry." The boy remarked, "I'm here to fix it, I just can't stand my two idols fighting."

I smiled, "Aww, that's nice of you." I pat his head, his propeller hat twirled and he smiled big enough for me to see his chipped tooth he got when he saved me.

"I always feel uneasy when I see people fighting." Billy behaved like a shyly.

"Nah, don't sweat it, we fight all the time." I smirked. I was a jerk.

"Let's hug it out?" I asked.

"Hell to the yeah." He nodded. I stretched my arms out and Billy did the same, we drew closer and hugged each other, Billy tightened his hug, a sign of affection, anything for a fan who saved me from being jailed.

"I'm sorry." I asked for reassurance.

"I'm sorry too." I heard his voice from behind my back, I pat his back and he did the same.

The hug lasted for a while.

Then a sharp pain stung my hip, something pricked my skin, it felt like a needle. I gasped and looked down: a tiny orange dart was lodged into my side, going through my shirt, the tranquilizer dart. I quickly pulled it out but it was too late, my hip began feeling numb and it started spreading all over my body. I trembled and pulled away from Billy, cold sweat flowing on my face. I glanced at Billy in confusion as my vision blurred, he was smiling…but his smile was different, it was not his usual childish smile, this one's creepy and...

Evil.

I collapsed to my knees, "B-B-Billy? Wh-wh—"

"Wh-wh-what?" Billy mocked, he was no longer speaking in his high pitched man child voice.

"It w-was y-you?" My vision worsened.

"You've guessed it." He nodded, "What gave it away? Was it the dart or my evil smile?"

"W-why?" The drug started to take effect, my knees buckled then I knelt of the ground.

"Good question, Ian." He scratched his chin and started walking about, "Maybe because an asshole friend decided that it would be fun to humiliate his buddy in front of thousands of fans."

"W-What d-does it have to d-do with us?" I fought the drowsiness.

"It's because of that asshole, Anthony." He continued to walk.

"Wh-what does it ha-have to do with him?" I twitched as I slowly collapsed of the ground.

"I hate him, I hate him so bad." Billy said through gritted teeth. "—so much pain he caused."

"W-what t-the fuck are you talking about? Anthony hasn't done anything to you." I wheezed, "He had been helping you ever since we got here!"

"Oh, I forgot to tell you—" He whispered, "—Shh, I'm gonna let you in on my little secret." He ripped his hat from his head and threw it on the ground, snapping the propeller blade in half. He drew closer to me, staring me down...

"I AM YOU."

Those words rang through my brain, I was torn between believing him and not. I couldn't even think straight since the dart was spreading the drug through my system.

"W-wha—?" my words were piling on top of each other.

"Oh, come on, I never thought I was that dumb, all I wore was a stupid propeller hat for Pete's sake." The 'other me' whined. Suddenly I was able to connect the dots: Mari told me that the future us fought last VidCon 2015. This was the future Ian, disguised as Billy, acting all stupid and stuff to tear us apart.

"W-why did yo-you even save me f-from th-th—"

"The police?" He finished my broken words, "One, I don't want to be a black guy's bitch in prison, and Two, I need you to retrieve the glove for me."

I noticed that I was still wearing the glove, I moved my hand to reach for the pause button but my free hand became limp.

"Now, now, bad Ian." The evil me stepped on my hand reaching for the glove.

"AARRGHH! You bastard." I yelled, the grooves of his shoe dug into my fingers, he added more weight to his foot to the point that he almost flattened my hand. My other hand struggled to free my right, weakly smacking Evil Ian's shoe.

I kept on screaming, but he doesn't seem to care. I bit my shirt. The pain…the unbearable pain.

"S-stop, p-p-ple-ase!" I screamed.

Ian let out a cackle, putting even more pressure on my hand, "If you hurt yourself is it called, self-inflicted pain?" He twitched.

"P-please." I laid my back on the ground, facing upward at him. He bent over and forcefully yanked the glove from my left hand. He then removed his foot; I flinched and held my right hand with the other, swollen and purple, throbbing erratically.

"H-how d-did you—?" I asked.

"Find you?" He pulled out something from his back pocket, my blurred sights tried to focus at what he was holding: THE DUPLICATE GLOVE, "Remember back in the Donut Factory?" He waved the duplicate at my face, "I kept it with me ever since, I knew it'll come in handy."

"W-why do you e-even need o-ours?"

"Oh yeah, remember that one time our Teleporting Fat Guy friend blamed the Neighbor?" He crouched down at me, the light from the lamp posts illuminating evil Ian's menacing stare, "He was pointing at me and not The Neighbor, you probably never felt it but I quickly dealt with that fatass, and doing so ruined my glove."

"Wh-what did-d you do t-to him?!" My eyelids were heavy.

Evil Ian never replied, he just grinned instead.

"You'll never get away with this." I grasped on his pants, trying to stop him from getting too far but doing so wasn't helping. My feeble hands attempted to pull my entire limp body upward, but it was no use.

"Who will stop me? You?" Evil Ian laughed loudly, "—with Anthony not by your side? You're pretty much fucked. No one will help you now, I'll make you suffer the pain I endured." He took my hand off his pants and pushed me back on the ground where I laid and stared up the starless sky, my eyelids closed shut.

All I saw is darkness.