I don't understand what's going on. First I wake up back in the Dauntless compound and no one but me has any ideas what's gone on in the last year and then it was Uriah coming back to life. And now Tori? This doesn't make any sense to me. I don't understand anything. I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind or something. This is real right? She's standing in front of me and there's explanation for it. So what the hell is going on?
"Tori," I say. My voice comes out like a squeak because now there's a giant lump in my throat and trying to speak past it is like trying to speak when you've lost your voice: nearly impossible. I lick my lips and try to swallow and I feel Tobias' hand squeeze my own and I look over at him.
"You okay?" he asks me.
I nod. I still haven't brought up Uriah having died with him, so I don't even know how to bring up Tori. I think that it's mostly because I don't have an explanation. "I'm good," I say taking a breath. I look back at Tori, holding up the design for the tattoo that I want. "I'd like this one, please."
She smiles at me and holds out an arm t lead me to the chair and I pull my hand from Tobias'. I kiss his cheek. "See you soon," I tell him before following Tori to her workspace.
I sit down on the chair and play with my fingers before speaking, partially because I have no idea where to start or what to say. She doesn't speak either, but with Tori, I had to ask the questions for her to answer them. I bite my lip.
"How…"
"I don't know," she tells me, wrapping the tattoo around my ankle. "I woke up her a couple days ago, bandages wrapped around my torso and that was it. No explanation of how I got here. I just figured I'd go with the flow. Whatever is happening, is happening for a reason."
I feel my shoulders slump. So Tori doesn't know either. The one person that I thought would know everything doesn't know. People were coming back to life with no logical explanation. This was insane. There's nothing we can do. Or nothing that I can think of.
"Uriah came back too," I tell her.
She looks surprised. "He died too?" she asks me. "How?"
I shake my head. "It's a long story," I tell her. "But your brother…"
"What about my brother?" she asks me.
"He's alive," I say. "He faked his death."
She stares at me, her eyes wide. "Then where is he?"
"That's also a long story," I say, glancing behind me over at Tobias who is already done with his tattoo. I didn't pay attention to what he wanted to get done as I had been too preoccupied with Tori, but I'll probably see it later. "And we don't really have a lot of time right now to go over it."
"You'll come back though?" Tori says as she takes the wrap off of my ankle. I nod. "Good because we have a lot to discuss. And when you come, you'll need to bring Uriah."
"Of course," I tell her. I'm sure that Uriah will want answers too.
"Does he know?" she asks me nodding her head at Tobias.
I shake my head. "No. He's been infected as well."
"Why is it just you?"
"I have a theory about that," I tell her. "I just need more time."
"If people start coming back from the dead, you're not going to have a lot of it, Tris," Tori tells me. "You need to figure it out."
"I'm working on it. Or I'm trying." I swing my legs over the side of the chair and look at her. "I'll pick a time and we'll meet. You, me, and Uriah. Also I'm going to bring Tobias. I can't keep secrets from him."
"Even if he doesn't know who you are?"
"He doesn't care about that," I say.
"He must really love you."
I smile, because even after everything that's happened over the last couple of days, and even with Tobias not knowing who I am…he loves me. At least a small part of him does, anyway, otherwise I'm sure he wouldn't be putting up with me like this. If I was in his position, not knowing anything, I don't know if I could trust him blindly. Trust was a hard thing for me. I look back at him again and take a breath before turning back to Tori. "I'll see you soon," I tell her.
She smiles at me. "Be safe, Tris."
I hop off of the chair and walk toward Tobias who is grinning at me. I look at him curiously. "What'd you get?" I ask.
He doesn't say anything, instead just holds out his left arm. I look down and am surprised to see the raven that has been tattooed on his wrist. I look up at him, my eyes wide. "Is this..?"
He reaches out and touches the birds on my collarbone. "It signifies you," he says, taking his hand and brushing some loose stands of hair behind my ear.
Tori was right. He must really love me. I shake my head at him, not being able to wipe the smile from my lips, before grabbing his shirt and standing up on my toes to kiss him softly. I wonder if he knows how much that small bird means to me. I pull away and he's got that half smile on his lips and he takes my hand as we leave.
We make it back down to his room without incident, and I am still surprised that Peter or Christina haven't tried to start something with us. I wonder if I'll ever be able to relax and not keep a look out around every corner we pass. Maybe eventually enough time will pass and I won't be scared to walk these dark halls by myself. We're about to go in when I remember that I haven't grabbed my bag yet. "Oh shit," I say.
Tobias looks at me, worry on his face. "What's wrong?'
"I just forgot my bag is all," I tell him. "I don't have anything to sleep in."
He smiles at me and shrugs. "I've got a shirt you can borrow," he says opening the door.
I follow him into the room and nod. "Thanks," I tell him.
He shuts the door and unzip my jacket before moving to hang it up in one of the lockers. Tobias walks over to the dresser and pulls out a shirt before handing it to me. I bite my lower lip as I take it from him, I can feel my heart racing in my chest and I have no idea why. I don't know why I'm nervous. Maybe it's because he and I just had our first kiss earlier today. Well the first kiss that he remembers. I still have the memory of ours. I look out toward the doors leading outside and I feel a little nostalgic. I walk toward it, tossing the shirt onto the bed before opening the doors and stepping outside. I take a deep breath as I lean against the railing. I close my eyes and I can feel the way his arms felt wrapped around me. Not the way they felt this morning, but the way they felt then. I hear him follow me out and I open my eyes to look at him.
"Are you okay?" he asks me.
I offer him a half shrug; because I'm not. At least I'm not in the way that I would like to be…the way that I would be if things were back to normal. And I don't know who would blame me given the situation I'm in. "It's still strange," I tell him. "Being back here…like this."
"What was it like?" he asks, moving to stand next to me, his arms next to mine on the railing. "Your reality?"
"It was dangerous," I admit. "Things changed, people died, people chose the wrong side," I say thinking of myself in the case of Marcus and the decision I made that I thought were the right ones at the time. At the thought of him I wonder I I will see him here. I pray that we don't…I don't need the drama of Marcus Eaton added onto the bullshit that I'm already dealing with.
"Is that what happened to Tori and Uriah?"
I'm surprised at the question, so I look up at him. I didn't want to have this talk with him yet. I didn't have the answers and I don't like sounding like I don't know what I'm talking about. "What do you mean?'
The corner of his mouth twitches up. "Did they die?"
"Where is this coming from?"
"You know that I watch you right?" Tobias asks. I nod. "I see the way you look at them. "The way you looked at Tori earlier tonight, like you were surprised that she was even here. You looked at Uriah the same way today when he left the pit."
I swallow and turn away from him to look back out over the city. I don't know what to say. I chew on my lower lip to run my fingers through my hair nervously. His hand takes mine and he turns me around to face him. "Don't hide from me," he tells me. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Not even if I sound completely insane?"
He shakes his head. "No, not even then."
I sigh and nod before walking back into the room, his hand still in mind. I sit down on the bed and he sits across from me.
"In the life that I remember…people died. Uriah and Tori were some of them," I tell him.
"How did they die?"
"A group of us were trying to escape the city…to find whatever it was outside of the gates," I say. He looks confused. I shake my head. "I'll explain that later. But anyway, things happened and they died in the process." I didn't want to tell Tobias that he was the cause of Uriah's death because I had seen what it had done to him before.
"How are they here?"
"That's what I don't know," I say shaking my head. "What I remember is different from what everyone else remembers. And I partially believe that it has to have something to do with the memory serum, but other than that, I have no idea. I keep thinking that it's still a dream and I'll wake up with things back to normal, but part of me just wants to stay here."
Tobias smiles at me and brings a hand up to my cheek. "Even if we're not the same people as you remember?"
I nod and look up at him. "Yeah," I say. "I don't know why but you trust me. And I know that I can't do this without you."
He smiles at me. "You don't have to worry about that," he says before he pulls me in to kiss me again. I sigh against his lips and my hands move to his shirt to hold onto him. "Ever."
I look up at him and smile and he wraps his arms around me. I rest my head against his chest as he lays back down on the bed. This feeling of safety and peace, I haven't felt it in a while. The way his arms feel around me make me feel warm. I close my eyes as his lips brush against my head.
"We're going to meet with them tomorrow night," I say. "With Tori and Uriah, to see if we can figure things out."
I feel him nod. "Do you think any more people will be coming back?"
I shrug against him. "I'm not sure." If everyone starts to come back, I don't know how I would begin to explain it. "But if they do, we'll figure it out." I say before turning my head to look at him. "Together."
"Together." He tells me before kissing me again.
